Dear (name of man),

I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).

Signed: (name of man)

Annie said...
Dear Michael,

I am in love with your malignant daughter Angela and I would like to ask for her Dwight in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Pam. She is the only Creed I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my paper products. At present I am employed as an assistant Dunder Mifflin and I make a projectile salary of 16 dollars a week. I have a split-level Jim picked out in Scranton that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her ordinary and to be a compulsary Phyllis.

Signed: Ryan the Temp

Mel Smell said...
Dear Filthy Phil,

I am in love with your loves to scare everyone daughter Double D Debbie and I would like to ask for her butt on the chine in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect giant posterior bulge. She is the only perverted snowman accessory I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky horse farts. At present I am employed as an assistant inappropriate cockatiel tattoo-er and I make a laughs like a vacuum salary of 5.7 dollars a week. I have a split-level hyena STD picked out in Djibuti, Africa that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her free of politeness and to be a polywarted monkey knocker restrictor.

Signed: Afro-armpit Arnold

thorny tree lady said...
Dear John,

I am in love with your green daughter Sherrie and I would like to ask for her giraffe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect phone. She is the only acorn I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flowers. At present I am employed as an assistant aardvark and I make a square salary of 89 dollars a week. I have a split-level DVD picked out in Fresno, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her angry and to be a thin apple.

Signed: Steve

elasticwaistbandlady said...
Dear Hubert,

I am in love with your stanky daughter Runaround Sue and I would like to ask for her alpaca farmer in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect whoopie cushion. She is the only used merkin I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hairy burritos. At present I am employed as an assistant No Tell Motel and I make a swaying to the music of The Circle Jerks salary of 411 dollars a week. I have a split-level petrified gall stone picked out in Timbuktu that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her finger-lickin and to be an amorous one-handled pogo stick.

Signed: Diamond Dave

glittersmama said...
Dear Peter,

I am in love with your wavy daughter Mary and I would like to ask for her drum in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect dog. She is the only light bulb I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my trucks. At present I am employed as an assistant mountain and I make a smoky salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level bump picked out in the Grand Canyon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her scratchy and to be an orange bucket.

Signed: Leroy

Johnna said...
Dear Harold the Hairless Hottentot,

I am in love with your superfluous daughter Augusta and I would like to ask for her eyedropper in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect spark plug. She is the only umbrella I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my sunflower seeds. At present I am employed as an assistant exam and I make an aromatic salary of 5 dollars a week. I have a split-level rake picked out in Topeka that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her bowlegged and to be a yellow constellation.

Signed: Bert

Kayelyn said...
Dear Bob,

I am in love with your hawt daughter Amy and I would like to ask for her purse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bed. She is the only clarinet I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my bags. At present I am employed as an assistant boy and I make a stinky salary of 277 dollars a week. I have a split-level Hostess cupcake picked out in Disneyland that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her orange and to be a yellow leaf.

Signed: Bryan Russell

Jean Knee said...
Dear Adam,

I am in love with your bendy daughter Eve and I would like to ask for her tongs in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect clock. She is the only beanbag I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my beans. At present I am employed as an assistant cage and I make a quiet salary of 3 dollars a week. I have a split-level dirtbag picked out in Vegas, baby! that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her broken hearted and to be a scary frog.

Signed: Bill

Tracy M said...
Dear David,

I am in love with your wiggly daughter Tracy and I would like to ask for her playground in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect tree. She is the only moon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my swings. At present I am employed as an assistant dinner and I make a candlelit salary of 11 dollars a week. I have a split-level twinkly lights picked out in Austria that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her beautiful and to be a hilly stray cat strut.

Signed: Hognose Snake Harry

Heffalump said...
Dear Wally,

I am in love with your muscular daughter Daisy and I would like to ask for her dog in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cat. She is the only chicken I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my baby chicks. At present I am employed as an assistant horse and I make a delightful salary of 7 dollars a week. I have a split-level gravy picked out in Luxembourg that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her insane and to be a death-defying gerbil.

Signed: Al

No Cool Story said...
Dear Pat,

I am in love with your banana-y daughter Chris and I would like to ask for her pterodactyl in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect corn dog. She is the only cheese I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my chocolate moles. At present I am employed as an assistant chocolate rain and I make a transformationary salary of 1345.42 dollars a week. I have a split-level kiss picked out in Boring, Oregon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pompous and to be a humongous tub of lard.

Signed: Manly Man

Physcokity said...
Dear Anthony,

I am in love with your rock hard daughter Bernice and I would like to ask for her toe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect shoulder. She is the only monster truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ears. At present I am employed as an assistant red ryder bb gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time, and I make a ice cold salary of a bazillion dollars a week. I have a split-level cathedral picked out on Broadway that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soft like a baby's bottom and to be a silky smooth butterfly.

Signed: Cliff

Melissa said...
Dear George,

I am in love with your flexible daughter Barbara and I would like to ask for her candle in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect trampoline. She is the only hanger I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my boxes. At present I am employed as an assistant street light and I make a round salary of 30 dollars a week. I have a split-level boogie board picked out on Oceanside, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her salty and to be a noisy beehive.

Signed: Harold

Tori said...
Dear Humberto,

I am in love with your skanky daughter Luka and I would like to ask for her calculator in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect raisin. She is the only spam I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my pebbles. At present I am employed as an assistant hoe and I make a ho salary of 69 dude!! dollars a week. I have a split-level basketball picked out on San Dimus that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slimy and to be a crusty stripper pole.

Signed: Guillermo

Wendy said...
Dear Herbert,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Miss Piggy and I would like to ask for her shoe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bike. She is the only nose I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my socks. At present I am employed as an assistant plate and I make a round salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level sand picked out on Waikiki that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy hard drive.

Signed: Lester

Suzanne said...
Dear Bill,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her mountain in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cheese. She is the only slinky black dress I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky cheeses. At present I am employed as an assistant umbrella and I make a forceful salary of 54 dollars a week. I have a split-level kung-fu fighting picked out on the moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her snotty and to be a happy race car.

Signed: Prince Charles

Tonya said...
Dear Tim,

I am in love with your beautiful daughter Tonya and I would like to ask for her chair in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect keyboard. She is the only water bottle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my clocks. At present I am employed as an assistant phone and I make a black salary of 8 dollars a week. I have a split-level medicine picked out in Myrtle Beach that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her stinky and to be a cold paperclip.

Signed: Phil

Sketchy said...
Dear MC Diggy-dog,

I am in love with your lower intestine-esque daughter Natashkalashka and I would like to ask for her poochy buns in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect smelly old locker room. She is the only little pink wagon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my raspberry barrettes. At present I am employed as an assistant cheeselips and I make an unfortunately pinkish salary of 27.075 dollars a week. I have a split-level 60-40 Ninja picked out in Kissamee, Florida that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her basically vile and to be a prepubescent inconvenient truth.

Signed: Norbert Norsquaskalie

Pezlady said...
Dear Freddy,

I am in love with your zippy daughter Bertha and I would like to ask for her armpit in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect pair of skanky jeans. She is the only baby slobber I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my smelly socks. At present I am employed as an assistant birthday card and I make a sensational salary of 427,986,513 dollars a week. I have a split-level poop picked out in Castleford, Idaho that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hairy and to be an insane vomit.

Signed: Newton

Methodical Wormer said...
Dear Judis,

I am in love with your fabricated daughter Millie and I would like to ask for her phone in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect back massager. She is the only glow stick I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Festivus poles. At present I am employed as an assistant whip and I make a skanky salary of 52 dollars a week. I have a split-level card picked out in Gobi Desert that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy chain.

Signed: Frasier

Compulsive Writer said...
Dear Scotty,

I am in love with your horny daughter Suzy and I would like to ask for her settee in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect TV. She is the only banshee I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my manatees. At present I am employed as an assistant birdie and I make a corny salary of sixty dollars a week. I have a split-level BVD picked out in Tennessee that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sexy and to be a squishy pear tree.

Signed: Stevie

Carronin said...
Dear Benny,

I am in love with your lacy daughter Penny and I would like to ask for her king size bed in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect underwear. She is the only local pawn shop I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my cookies. At present I am employed as an assistant fuzzy dice and I make a punchy salary of 6 dollars a week. I have a split-level mall picked out in Las Vegas, baby that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her brownish and to be a delicious Elvis impersonator.

Signed: Wayne Newton

b. said...
Dear Hoss,

I am in love with your tall daughter Chlamydia and I would like to ask for her boots in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hat. She is the only truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my horses. At present I am employed as an assistant saddle and I make a cold salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level elk picked out in Book Cliffs that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her excited and to be a stiff pair of chaps.

Signed: Chism! John Chism!

Amanda said...
Dear Jack,

I am in love with your lost daughter Kate and I would like to ask for her hatch in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect computer. She is the only button I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my others. At present I am employed as an assistant raft and I make a pregnant salary of 815 dollars a week. I have a split-level jungle picked out on the island that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a sweaty survivor.

Signed: Sawyer

Dawnyel said...
Dear Spongebob,

I am in love with your squishy daughter Fiona and I would like to ask for her binder in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect laundry basket. She is the only brick wall I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flip flops. At present I am employed as an assistant alley and I make a humongous salary of 7,000 dollars a week. I have a split-level nostril picked out on the Equator that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her fluffy and to be a scratchy toenail.

Signed: Geraldo

Rebecca said...
Dear Fabio,

I am in love with your hungry daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her pot in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cooling rack. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my back stairs. At present I am employed as an assistant cat and I make a slimy salary of 5 million dollars a week. I have a split-level fire picked out on the Nile River that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soothing and to be a scary elephant.

Signed: King Henry VIII

Fluffychicky said...
Dear Rodorigo,

I am in love with your tasty daughter Myrtle and I would like to ask for her computer virus in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect poodle. She is the only tutu I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Weird Al Yankovic Albums. At present I am employed as an assistant supervisor and I make a flirty salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level cow picked out in the North West Territories that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her nerdy and to be a springy banana rocking chair.

Signed: Joe Jr.

I Don't Own a Car

"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero."

I believe in at least one -ism, so I hope he can forgive me. Here's his famous shower speech.

I do have a test today - that wasn't bull[doodoo]. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in the Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Here's how yours turned out.

No Cool Story said...
I do have buns today - that wasn't silly. It's on Hawtlander Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Hawtlander. I don't plan on being a Hawtlander. So who gives a plume if they're Socialists? They could be reactionary clowns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a lunar rover.

Not that I condone reactionism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not blazing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his noun. I quote Millie the Chicken: "I don't believe in the Unos, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the Nessie. I could be the Nessie. I'd still have to bum cucarachas off of people.

glittersmama said...
I do have a pencil today - that wasn't booga booga. It's on Haitian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Haitian. I don't plan on being Haitian. So who gives a shoe if they're Socialists? They could be slimy demons - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Pacer.

Not that I condone slimyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not strong. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his vapor. I quote Dwight Schrute: "I don't believe in Van Halen, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the monkey. I could be the monkey. I'd still have to bum laundry baskets off of people.

Melissa said...
I do have a tree today - that wasn't gobbledeegook. It's on Ewok Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not an Ewok. I don't plan on being an Ewok. So who gives a syrup if they're Socialists? They could be sticky bombs - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a hovercraft.

Not that I condone stickyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not shimmery. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his cell phone. I quote Dame Judi Dench: "I don't believe in U2, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the meerkat. I could be the meerkat. I'd still have to bum GPS navigational systems off of people.

Tracy M said...
I do have a baseball bat today - that wasn't zoinkies. It's on Marsupial Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Marsupial. I don't plan on being Marsupial. So who gives an outhouse dweller if they're Socialists? They could be glommy clowns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a tricycle.

Not that I condone glommyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not yellowing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his globe. I quote Scarlett O'Hara: "I don't believe in Whitesnake, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the kangaroo. I could be the kangaroo. I'd still have to bum curtains off of people.

Heffalump said...
I do have a leg warmer today - that wasn't voonderbar. It's on white trash Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not white trash. I don't plan on being white trash. So who gives a kite if they're Socialists? They could be verbose teenage girls - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a VW Beetle.

Not that I condone verbose-ism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not reckless. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his dog food. I quote Elvis: "I don't believe in Violent Femmes, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the dingo. I could be the dingo. I'd still have to bum babies off of people.

Kayelyn said...
I do have a word today - that wasn't gibberish. It's on Filipino Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Filipino. I don't plan on being Filipino. So who gives a boat if they're Socialists? They could be burnt un-cats - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a truck.

Not that I condone burntism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not black. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his laundry basket. I quote Madonna: "I don't believe in the Scorpions, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the weasel. I could be the weasel. I'd still have to bum slippers off of people.

Luisa Perkins said...
I do have a rock today - that wasn't bejeebers. It's on Basque Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Basque. I don't plan on being Basque. So, who gives a plywood if they're Socialists? They could be unctuous rats - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a recumbent bicycle.

Not that I condone unctuousism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not feathered. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his globe. I quote Marilyn Monroe: "I don't believe in Loverboy, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the hyena. I could be the hyena. I'd still have to bum potatoes off of people.

Physcokity said...
I do have a drawer today - that wasn't malarky. It's on Green-Ewok Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Green-Ewok. I don't plan on being Green-Ewok. So who gives a lei if they're Socialists? They could be superfluous buns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Kit from Knight Rider.

Not that I condone superfluousism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not gentle. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his hair. I quote Where's Waldo: "I don't believe in KISS, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the horse. I could be the horse. I'd still have to bum houses off of people.

nikko said...
I do have an enchilada today - that wasn't whippersnapper. It's on Australian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Australian. I don't plan on being Australian. So who gives a go kart if they're Socialists? They could be snippy nukes - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a minivan.

Not that I condone snippyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not pink. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his radio. I quote Bob Hope: "I don't believe in Tears for Fears, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the cheetah. I could be the cheetah. I'd still have to bum phones off of people.

Tori :) said...
I do have a box today - that wasn't fo' shizzle. It's on Samoan Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Samoan. I don't plan on being Samoan. So who gives a trunk if they're Socialists? They could be hairless meanies - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a paraglider.

Not that I condone hairlessism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not wrinkly. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his eyebrow. I quote Anthony Wiggle: "I don't believe in Def Leppard BABY!!!, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the duckbilled platypus. I could be the duckbilled platypus. I'd still have to bum photographs off of people.

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
I do have a Twisted Sister t-shirt today - that wasn't blah blah. It's on Diego disciple Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Diego disciple. I don't plan on being a Diego disciple. So who gives a creep in the locker room if they're Socialists? They could be slapped-silly fire sprinklers that go off even if there's no fire, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Tilt-a-Whirl.

Not that I condone slapped-sillyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not completely annoying. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his man with a wheel for one leg. I quote Albert Einstein: "I don't believe in Blondie, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the naked mole rat. I could be the naked mole rat. I'd still have to bum bad-smelling bus passengers off of people.

Methodical Wormer said...
I do have a doberman pincher today - that wasn't farfegnugen. It's on Hungarian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Hungarian. I don't plan on being Hungarian. So who gives a tampon if they're Socialists? They could be hugantic nappy hos, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a clown car.

Not that I condone hugantism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not vicious. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his rabbit. I quote Richard Simmons: "I don't believe in Smashing Pumpkins, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the R.O.U.S. I could be the R.O.U.S. I'd still have to bum tools off of people.

Mel Smell said...
I do have a name judger today - that wasn't wenalewale. It's on Djibutian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Djibutian. I don't plan on being Djibutian. So who gives a kitty roca ice cream if they're Socialists? They could be talks-with-half-their-mouth mushroom fart smellers, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a flying disco shoe.

Not that I condone talks-with-half-their-mouthism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not red and throbbing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his man with a wheel for a leg. I quote Bill Cosby: "I don't believe in Flock of Seagulls, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the intestinal e-coli. I could be the intestinal e-coli. I'd still have to bum butter cheeks off of people.

PJ said...
I do have a pumpkin today - that wasn't ralvadork. It's on Mongolian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Mongolian. I don't plan on being Mongolian. So who gives a bed if they're Socialists? They could be puffy lizards - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a bus.

Not that I condone puffyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not weird. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his toejam. I quote Oprah: "I don't believe in Blood, Sweat & Tears, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the pig. I could be the pig. I'd still have to bum taters off of people.

carronin said...
I do have a disco ball today - that wasn't honyonkers. It's on Asian American Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Asian American. I don't plan on being Asian American. So who gives a go-go boot if they're Socialists? They could be jiggy wit it gooey pooeys, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker.

Not that I condone jiggy-wit-it-ism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not big and tasty. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his rice krispies. I quote Barry White: "I don't believe in Fine Young Cannibals, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the baby bear. I could be the baby bear. I'd still have to bum the internets off of people.

Dawnyel said...
I do have bells today - that wasn't cruddy-poo-poo. It's on Neptunian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Neptunian. I don't plan on being Neptunian. So who gives a blanket if they're Socialists? They could be round boogers, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a unicycle.

Not that I condone roundism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not furry. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his handcuffs. I quote Tim McGraw: "I don't believe in Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the piggy. I could be the piggy. I'd still have to bum psychos off of people.

b. said...
I do have grass today - that wasn't buh-jiggity. It's on Swinger Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a swinger. I don't plan on being a swinger. So who gives a dirt if they're Socialists? They could be fat secretions, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Harley.

Not that I condone fatism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not naked. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his weed. I quote George W. Bush: "I don't believe in AC/DC, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the beaver. I could be the beaver. I'd still have to bum books off of people.

Amanda said...
I do have a thong today - that wasn't supercalifragilistic. It's on Pollock Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Pollock. I don't plan on being a Pollock. So who gives a bird feeder if they're Socialists? They could be frilly salivas, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Suburban.

Not that I condone frillyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not juicy. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his castle. I quote Ghandi: "I don't believe in AC/DC, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the giraffe. I could be the giraffe. I'd still have to bum cylinders off of people.

Playclothes

Captain von Trapp: Now, Fraulein. I want a truthful answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my children, by any chance, been climbing trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Playclothes.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the drapes that used to hang in my bedroom.
Captain: Drapes?
Maria: They still have plenty of wear left. The children have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my children have been roaming about Salzburg dressed up in nothing but some old drapes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a marvelous time!

No Cool Story said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want an unappetizing answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my burros, by any chance, been skating amigos today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sombreros.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the quesadillas that used to hang in my mama's house.
Captain: Quesadillas?
Maria: They still have plenty of acorn left. The burros have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my burros have been roaming about the kennel dressed up in nothing but some old quesadillas?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an unhealthy time!

Compulsive Writer said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a risqué answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my umbrellas, by any chance, been waltzing BVDs today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Suspenders.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the spiders that used to hang at the county fair.
Captain: Spiders?
Maria: They still have plenty of tire iron left. The umbrellas have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my umbrellas have been roaming about Lackawanna dressed up in nothing but some old spiders?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a spicy time!

Elizabeth-W said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a putrid answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my litter boxes, by any chance, been vomiting pooper scoopers today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Scarves.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the chastity belts that used to hang in Vancouver.
Captain: Chastity belts?
Maria: They still have plenty of flatulence left. The litter boxes have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my litter boxes have been roaming about Crap Hill dressed up in nothing but some old chastity belts?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a gaggy time!

Tori :) said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a furry answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my Presidents, by any chance, been huffing calculators today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Wristbands.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the tracks that used to hang in Texas.
Captain: Tracks?
Maria: They still have plenty of spaceship left. The Presidents have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my Presidents have been roaming about the bottom of the sea dressed up in nothing but some old tracks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a pokey time!

so grateful to be Mormon said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a cozy answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my doggies, by any chance, been romping trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Handkerchiefs.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the bushes that used to hang in my heart.
Captain: Bushes?
Maria: They still have plenty of fuzz left. The doggies have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my doggies have been roaming about the sanctuary dressed up in nothing but some old bushes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a cuddly time!

omar said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a hairy answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my bottles, by any chance, been jumping keyboards today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sweatpants.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the cheese sticks that used to hang in Venice.
Captain: Cheese sticks?
Maria: They still have plenty of gum left. The bottles have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my bottles have been roaming about West Virginia dressed up in nothing but some old cheese sticks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a cute time!

kayelyn said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a fast answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my dorks, by any chance, been hiding baskets today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Shirts.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the flip-flops that used to hang in the park.
Captain: Flip-flops?
Maria: They still have plenty of bag left. The dorks have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my dorks have been roaming about the room dressed up in nothing but some old flip-flops?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a scary time!

heffalump said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a blasphemous answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my sporks, by any chance, been plucking nosehairs today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Lederhosen.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the pot bellied pigs that used to hang in the Bermuda Triangle.
Captain: Pot bellied pigs?
Maria: They still have plenty of Granny left. The sporks have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my sporks have been roaming about a deserted island dressed up in nothing but some old pot bellied pigs?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a groovy time!

b. said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a blue answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my shoes, by any chance, been running books today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Bras.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the friends that used to hang at work.
Captain: Friends?
Maria: They still have plenty of chair left. The shoes have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my shoes have been roaming about Provo dressed up in nothing but some old friends?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a suh-weet time!

glittersmama said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a black answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my flowers, by any chance, been dancing pillows today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Skirts.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the statues that used to hang at the beach.
Captain: Statues?
Maria: They still have plenty of clock left. The flowers have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my flowers have been roaming about Louisiana dressed up in nothing but some old statues?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a wet time!

ThornyTreeLady said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a green answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my bananas, by any chance, been singing flowers today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Skivvies.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the Diet Cherry Cokes that used to hang in Fresno.
Captain: Diet Cherry Cokes?
Maria: They still have plenty of orange left. The bananas have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my bananas have been roaming about a castle dressed up in nothing but some old Diet Cherry Cokes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a angry time!

Crap Happy Mama said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a sweet answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my angels, by any chance, been skipping lollipops today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Denim jumpers.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the rainbows that used to hang in Xanadu.
Captain: Rainbows?
Maria: They still have plenty of Care Bear left. The angels have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my angels have been roaming about Our Lady of Sunshine and Rainbows Hospital dressed up in nothing but some old rainbows?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a smiling time!

Sketchy said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a yellow-bellied answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my substitute teachers, by any chance, been obnoxiously snort-laughing at trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sheep sweaters.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the broken-down minivans that used to hang in the sushi bar at a local grocery store.
Captain: Broken-down minivans?
Maria: They still have plenty of snazzy Michael Jackson-esque glove left. The substitute teachers have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my substitute teachers have been roaming about Toledo dressed up in nothing but some old broken-down minivans?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an anatomically correct time!

Dawnyel said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a flat answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my soups, by any chance, been lounging hamsters today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Toe-socks.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the stars that used to hang in my bedroom.
Captain: Stars?
Maria: They still have plenty of dice left. The soups have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my soups have been roaming about the zoo dressed up in nothing but some old stars?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an blindingly-white time!

Jean Knee said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a fast answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my dogs, by any chance, been jumping fences today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Shoes.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the tiddly-winks that used to hang in the yard.
Captain: Tiddly-winks?
Maria: They still have plenty of dog left. The dogs have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my dogs have been roaming about the "not here" dressed up in nothing but some old tiddly-winks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an sneaky time!

Pezlady said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a loony answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my doors, by any chance, been running shoes today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Panties.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the houses that used to hang in Buhl, Idaho.
Captain: Houses?
Maria: They still have plenty of skittles left. The doors have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my doors have been roaming about the hallway at church dressed up in nothing but some old houses?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a unique time!

So Long, Farewell

There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too,
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird
Is popping out to say "Cuckoo."
(Cuckoo, cuckoo)
Regretfully they tell us, but firmly they compel us
To say "Good night" to you.

Heffalump said...
There's a sad sort of pleading from the dog in the hall
And the biscuits in the steeple too,
And up in the Nickel Arcade an absurd little wolverine
Is popping out to say "Hullaballoo."
(Hullaballoo, Hullaballoo)
Stealthily they tell us, but stunningly they compel us
To say "Oh my stars and garters!" to you.

b. said...
There's a sad sort of charting from the stethoscope in the hall
And the patients in the steeple too,
And up in the hospital an absurd little cheetah
Is popping out to say "Gomboo."
(Gomboo, Gomboo)
Hastily they tell us, but stat they compel us
To say "Code Blue!" to you.

Melissa said...
There's a sad sort of spitting from the camera in the hall
And the cups in the steeple too,
And up in the jail an absurd little duckbilled platypus
Is popping out to say "Hullabaloo."
(Hullabaloo, Hullabaloo)
Stealthily they tell us, but extremely they compel us
To say "DUDE!" to you.

glittersmama said...
There's a sad sort of jumping from the rock in the hall
And the apples in the steeple too,
And up in Las Vegas an absurd little buffalo
Is popping out to say "Bamboo."
(Bamboo, Bamboo)
Quietly they tell us, but hungrily they compel us
To say "Stay!" to you.

compulsive writer said...
There's a sad sort of kissing from the cowpie in the hall
And the gasps in the steeple too,
And up in Lackawanna an absurd little gnat
Is popping out to say "Buckaroo."
(Buckaroo, Buckaroo)
Spastically they tell us, but organically they compel us
To say "Holy Hannah!" to you.

Kayelyn said...
There's a sad sort of snoozing from the watch in the hall
And the combs in the steeple too,
And up in the bedroom an absurd little rat
Is popping out to say "Bombaloo."
(Bombaloo, Bombaloo)
Grumpily they tell us, but shockingly they compel us
To say "OUCH!" to you.

ThornyTreeLady said...
There's a sad sort of picking from the apple in the hall
And the firemen in the steeple too,
And up in Denver an absurd little horse
Is popping out to say "Toodleoo."
(Toodleoo, Toodleoo)
Sheepishly they tell us, but sideways they compel us
To say "SWEET!!!" to you.

Tori :) said...
There's a sad sort of scratching from the phone in the hall
And the toenails in the steeple too,
And up in the men's room an absurd little meerkat
Is popping out to say "Poo-poo."
(Poo-poo, Poo-poo)
Suspiciously they tell us, but cheerfully they compel us
To say "WORD TO YOUR MUTHA!" to you.

tracy m said...
There's a sad sort of whining from the Bean in the hall
And the benches in the steeple too,
And up in the backyard an absurd little barn owl
Is popping out to say "Hulabalooo."
(Hulabalooo, Hulabalooo)
Mightily they tell us, but delicately they compel us
To say "Huzzah!" to you.

Carrot Jello said...
There's a sad sort of wheezing from the apple in the hall
And the boat in the steeple too,
And up in the garage an absurd little goat
Is popping out to say "Woo Woo."
(Woo Woo, Woo Woo)
Happily they tell us, but daintily they compel us
To say "Freaka Nachas!" to you.

Trena said...
There's a sad sort of dragging from the lake in the hall
And the slugs in the steeple too,
And up in Idaho Falls, ID an absurd little gopher
Is popping out to say "Bugaboo."
(Bugaboo, Bugaboo)
Longingly they tell us, but angrily they compel us
To say "Oh Good Grief!" to you.

No Cool Story said...
There's a sad sort of footballing from the camel in the hall
And the knives in the steeple too,
And up in the tree house an absurd little liger
Is popping out to say "Bugaloo."
(Bugaloo, Bugaloo)
Mechanically they tell us, but dumbfoundedly they compel us
To say "Ay guaraches!!" to you.

Suzanne said...
There's a sad sort of waxing from the buffalo in the hall
And the wives in the steeple too,
And up in the porta potty an absurd little skunk
Is popping out to say "Cuckoo."
(Cuckoo, cuckoo)
Sexily they tell us, but stealthily they compel us
To say "Wahoo!" to you.

nikko said...
There's a sad sort of bouncing from the Taco Bell in the hall
And the sandals in the steeple too,
And up in Paris an absurd little banana slug
Is popping out to say "Igloo."
(Igloo, Igloo)
Mightily they tell us, but clumsily they compel us
To say "Rats!" to you.

Sketchy said...
There's a sad sort of slyly insinuating from the reddish brown overalls in the hall
And the big fat hairy eyeballs in the steeple too,
And up in downtown Phoenix next to the dilapitated "music" shop an absurd little immature Great Dane
Is popping out to say "The Bugaloos."
(The Bugaloos, The Bugaloos)
Hotdiggityitaly they tell us, but angst riddenly they compel us
To say "Y'all Come Back Now, Hear!" to you.

Dawnyel said...
There's a sad sort of spitting from the bazooka in the hall
And the sodas in the steeple too,
And up in Neptune an absurd little beaver
Is popping out to say "Baloo."
(Baloo, Baloo)
Faithfully they tell us, but longingly they compel us
To say "Tough POOPIE!!" to you.

Rebecca said...
There's a sad sort of bouncing from the chemistry beaker in the hall
And the bread bag tags in the steeple too,
And up on top of the refrigerator an absurd little wallaby
Is popping out to say "Tootaloo."
(Tootaloo, Tootaloo)
Moodily they tell us, but liltingly they compel us
To say "WHAT'S THAT ALL OVER THE FLOOR?!?!?!" to you.

Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee

As much as we all love The Sound of Music, and as many mocking opportunities as it gives us, it's time to change things up.

I give you Miss "Hickey-From-Kenickie" Rizzo, making fun of poor sweet little Sandy in Grease. (Some people are so touchy.)

I don't drink (Eww!) or swear (Ewwwww!), I won't rat my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get ill from one cigarette!
Keep your filthy paws off my silky drawers!
Would you pull that crap with Annette?

Here's how yours turned out:

I don't sing (Eww!) or dance (Ewwwww!), I won't fly my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get fancy from one cigarette!
Keep your gross nostrils off my freakin' awesome jockstrap!
Would you pull that crap with Angelina?

Posted by b. | Sunday, August 12, 2007 11:38:00 PM


I don't love (Eww!) or shop (Ewwwww!), I won't swim my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get frizzy from one cigarette!
Keep your disgusting eyebrows off my sexy stiletto heels!
Would you pull that crap with Jennifer?

Posted by Corrie | Monday, August 13, 2007 12:07:00 AM


I don't twitch (Eww!) or stare (Ewwwww!), I won't sharpen my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get tasty from one cigarette!
Keep your putrified earlobes off my dainty stocking!
Would you pull that crap with Lindsay?

Posted by Heffalump | Monday, August 13, 2007 12:17:00 AM


I don't scare (Eww!) or fly (Ewwwww!), I won't pluck my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get bounteous from one cigarette!
Keep your slimy long-haired warts off my funkified ankle bracelet!
Would you pull that crap with Brittney?

Posted by Anne/kq | Monday, August 13, 2007 9:30:00 AM


I don't mall (Eww!) or brush (Ewwwww!), I won't lick my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get unavoidable from one cigarette!
Keep your foolish elbows off my luscious pants!
Would you pull that crap with Hillary?

Posted by No Cool Story | Monday, August 13, 2007 10:41:00 AM

I don't grill (Eww!) or gripe (Ewwwww!), I won't giggle my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get lavish from one cigarette!
Keep your puny nosehairs off my snarky jogging suit!
Would you pull that crap with Angelina?

Posted by An Ordinary Mom | Monday, August 13, 2007 10:51:00 AM

I don't hop (Eww!) or skip (Ewwwww!), I won't blog my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get bodacious from one cigarette!
Keep your gnarly chin hairs off my flighty parachute pants!
Would you pull that crap with Paula?

Posted by Methodical wormer | Monday, August 13, 2007 1:16:00 PM

I don't skip (Eww!) or hop-scotch (Ewwwww!), I won't flop my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get green from one cigarette!
Keep your mean noses off my scratchy bracelet!
Would you pull that crap with Oprah?

Posted by nikko | Monday, August 13, 2007 1:18:00 PM

I don't poop (Eww!) or vomit (Ewwwww!), I won't spit my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get exciting from one cigarette!
Keep your depressed butts off my wimpy jockstrap!
Would you pull that crap with Mia? (Hamm)

Posted by Tori :) | Monday, August 13, 2007 1:37:00 PM

I don't kiss (Eww!) or cut (Ewwwww!), I won't sew my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get silly from one cigarette!
Keep your stinky hands off my scrumptious scarf!
Would you pull that crap with Marilyn?

Posted by Suzanne | Monday, August 13, 2007 3:52:00 PM

I don't forget (Eww!), or run (Ewwwww!), I won't cook my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get massive with one cigarette!
Keep your disgusting feet off my adoring earmuffs!
Would you pull that crap with Brittney?

Posted by Emma Sometimes | Monday, August 13, 2007 4:41:00 PM

I don't ignore (Eww!) or stare (Ewwwww!), I won't sit my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get blank from one cigarette!
Keep your NOT cool cheeks off my wet pj's!
Would you pull that crap with Julia?

Posted by Kayelyn | Monday, August 13, 2007 8:35:00 PM

I don't circumnavigate (Eww!) or stink (Ewwwww!), I won't deviate my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get ginormous from one cigarette!
Keep your putrid cheeks off my splendid beret!
Would you pull that crap with Lady Macbeth?

Posted by compulsive writer | Monday, August 13, 2007 9:04:00 PM

I don't drive (Eww!) or sit (Ewwwww!), I won't talk my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get pinkish orange from one cigarette!
Keep your disgusting toenails off my tall flip flops!
Would you pull that crap with Hermione?

Posted by Melissa | Monday, August 13, 2007 11:22:00 PM

I don't swim (Eww!) or sleep (Ewwwww!), I won't run my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get curly from one cigarette!
Keep your stinky nostrils off my shiny jeans!
Would you pull that crap with Cher?

Posted by Kelli in the Mirror | Tuesday, August 14, 2007 6:33:00 AM

I don't slap (Eww!) or tickle (Ewwwww!), I won't poke my hair (EWWWWWWW!),
I get hormonal from one cigarette!
Keep your saggy earlobes off my heavenly shin guards!
Would you pull that crap with the Fruitcake Lady?

Posted by Annie | Tuesday, August 14, 2007 8:36:00 AM

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

I'm still in a Sound of Music mood. Thanks to all who played!

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee, her dress has got a tear.
She waltzes on her way to Mass and whistles on the stair.
And underneath her wimple, she has curlers in her hair!
I've even heard her singing in the Abbey!

Here's how yours turned out:

She climbs a Jen and scrapes her head, her death shroud has got a tear.
She covers on her way to Mass and shivers on the stair.
And underneath her wedding gown she has party goers in her hair!
I've even heard her stealing in the Abbey!
Posted by Annie

She climbs Iowa and scrapes her elbow, her slipper has got a tear.
She drinks on her way to Mass and poses on the stair.
And underneath her sock she has books in her hair!
I've even heard her snoring in the Abbey!
Posted by Kayelyn

She climbs a policeman and scrapes her arm, her pants have got a tear.
She laughs on her way to Mass and shudders on the stair.
And underneath her shoes she has blocks in her hair!
I've even heard her jumping in the Abbey!
Posted by Carrot Jello

She climbs the soap and breaks her elbow, her shorts have got a tear.
She jumps on her way to Mass and falls on the stair.
And underneath her skirt, she has couches in her hair!
I've even heard her kissing in the Abbey!
Posted by glittersmama

She climbs a diaper and scrapes her armpit, her scarf has got a tear.
She slides on her way to Mass and spins on the stair.
And underneath her headband, she has fungi in her hair!
I've even heard her blazing in the Abbey!
Posted by An Ordinary Mom

She climbs an egg and scrapes her finger, her skirt has got a tear.
She soars on her way to Mass and eats on the stair.
And underneath her scarf, she has trees in her hair!
I've even heard her swimming in the Abbey!
Posted by Corrie

She climbs a rusty old crutch and scrapes her split lip, her ratty Grateful Dead concert shirt has got a tear.
She gracefully leaps on her way to Mass and clumsily stumbles on the stair.
And underneath that crazy umbrella hat she got in the Bahamas, she has unruly children in her hair!
I've even heard her trainspotting in the Abbey!
Posted by Sketchy

She climbs a dog and scrapes her toe, her nursing bra has got a tear.
She vomits on her way to Mass and crouches on the stair.
And underneath her sunglasses, she has park benches in her hair!
I've even heard her sizzling in the Abbey!
Posted by nikko

She climbs a wrench and scrapes her ear lobe, her wing tip shoes have got a tear.
She glides on her way to Mass and slithers on the stair.
And underneath her bed pan, she has cough drops in her hair!
I've even heard her jumping in the Abbey!
Posted by Jean Knee

She climbs a pom-pom and scrapes her ankle, her mini-skirt has got a tear.
She dances on her way to Mass and leaps on the stair.
And underneath her wig, she has siblings in her hair!
I've even heard her surfing in the Abbey!
Posted by Tori :)

She climbs a unicorn and scrapes her elbow, her flip flops have got a tear.
She hollers on her way to Mass and eats on the stair.
And underneath her jeweled crown, she has galoshes in her hair!
I've even heard her snickering in the Abbey!
Posted by Suzanne

She climbs some yarn and scrapes her belly button, her Converse sneakers have got a tear.
She dances on her way to Mass and bounces on the stair.
And underneath her bandana, she has magazines in her hair!
I've even heard her eating in the Abbey!
Posted by Melissa

She climbs a foam finger and scrapes her face, her bermuda shorts have got a tear.
She bellows on her way to Mass and sings on the stair.
And underneath her Gator baseball hat, she has tailgaters in her hair!
I've even heard her rooting in the Abbey!
Posted by Carrie

She climbs a ring and scrapes her ankle, her girdle has got a tear.
She crunches on her way to Mass and bellows on the stair.
And underneath her basket of fruit, she has pimples in her hair!
I've even heard her burping in the Abbey!
Posted by Brillig

She climbs a fruitcake and scrapes her eyebrow, her legwarmer has got a tear.
She sashays on her way to Mass and pirouettes on the stair.
And underneath her lampshade, she has mousepads in her hair!
I've even heard her exasperating in the Abbey!
Posted by Luisa Perkins

She climbs Ann Arbor, Michigan and scrapes her ankle, her leg warmer has got a tear.
She types on her way to Mass and writes on the stair.
And underneath her beanie hat, she has rocks in her hair!
I've even heard her digging in the Abbey!
Posted by Trena

She climbs some duct tape and scrapes her pinky finger, her sweat band has got a tear.
She swings on her way to Mass and spits on the stair.
And underneath her bandana, she has piranhas in her hair!
I've even heard her washing in the Abbey!
Posted by Heffalump

She climbs a trash bag and scrapes her cuticle, her g-string has got a tear.
She flashes on her way to Mass and sparkles on the stair.
And underneath her earmuffs, she has toothbrushes in her hair!
I've even heard her beaming in the Abbey!
Posted by Anne/kq

She climbs a stapler and scrapes her gall bladder, her stirrup pants have got a tear.
She scoops on her way to Mass and shrinks on the stair.
And underneath her fedora, she has boogers in her hair!
I've even heard her blogging in the Abbey!
Posted by Methodical wormer

Fraulein Helga

The quote I chose was from Sound of Music - the scene where Maria has just said, "Poor little dears," then discovered the frog in her pocket. The housekeeper says, "You're very lucky. With Fraulein Helga, it was a snake."

Here's how your versions turned out:

"You're very fluffy. With Fraulein Daphne, it was a skateboard."
glittersmama | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 3:24:00 PM

"You're very angelic. With Fraulein Anne, it was chocolate."
Brillig | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 3:48:00 PM

"You're very limp. With Fraulein Gregorio, it was a strip."
No Cool Story | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 5:21:00 PM

"You're very hawt! With Fraulein Humberto, it was a brake."
Tori :) | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 5:27:00 PM

"You're very swollen. With Fraulein Marcia, it was a nose."
Tori :) | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 5:28:00 PM

"You're very forlorn. With Fraulein Andrew, it was lemonade."
Corrie | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 6:48:00 PM

"You're very sweaty. With Fraulein Wiiiiillllliiiiiaaammm!! it was armour."
b. | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 7:43:00 PM

"You're very angry. With Fraulein William, it was a kilt."
b. | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 7:44:00 PM

"You're very frustrated. With Fraulein Penelope, it was a fingerprint."
An Ordinary Mom | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 8:40:00 PM

"You're very fiesty. With Fraulein Rumplestiltskin, it was a hymnbook."
Elizabeth-W | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 8:51:00 PM

"You're very slutty. With Fraulein Jennifer, it was toast."
Luisa Perkins | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 8:53:00 PM

"You're very turgid. With Fraulein Felicity, it was a rhyme."
Luisa Perkins | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 8:54:00 PM

"You're very bucktoothed. With Fraulein Hanna, it was Montana."
b. | Tuesday, July 31, 2007 9:18:00 PM

"You're very snarky. With Fraulein Henry, it was a buffalo."
Carrie | Wednesday, August 01, 2007 12:54:00 AM

"You're very unbelievable. With Fraulein Orlando, it was a skateboard."
Luisa Perkins | Wednesday, August 01, 2007 5:23:00 AM

"You're very lively. With Fraulein Jen, it was a coffin."
Annie

I like the housekeeper's observations ("You're very sweaty"), and that Fraulein became a guy a few times, and it's funny to imagine the children slipping things like skateboards and hymnbooks and Montana into the new governesses' pockets and the new governesses being horrified when they pull them out... Oh no! TOAST!!

Shall we play it again sometime? This was a trial run. I have more ideas. :)