Friday, February 25, 2011

How to Serve Wine

A good wine, served (adverb), can make any meal a truly (adjective) occasion. The red wines have a (adjective) flavor that blends with boiled (plural noun) or smoked (noun). White wines range in flavor from (adjective) to (adjective). The best wines are made by peasants in (geographical location) from the juice of ripe (plural noun) by putting them in vats and squashing them with their (adjective) feet. This is what gives wine its (adjective) aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a (adjective) glass at (noun) temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried (plural noun). 3) Wines should always be drunk (adverb) or you're liable to end up with a (adjective) stomach.

Millie said...
A good wine, served exactingly, can make any meal a truly slapped sideways occasion. The red wines have a bead-fringed flavor that blends with boiled pickle bumps or smoked Converse shoe. White wines range in flavor from extremely irritating to monstrous. The best wines are made by peasants in Adelaide, Australia from the juice of ripe bloody nose pickers by putting them in vats and squashing them with their purple and swollen feet. This is what gives wine its grape-stuffed aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a responsibility-avoiding glass at calf slobber temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried hot cross buns. 3) Wines should always be drunk armpit-sniffingly or you're liable to end up with an often perturbed stomach.

Klin said...
A good wine, served adoringly, can make any meal a truly orange-flavored occasion. The red wines have a wagging flavor that blends with boiled grilled hamburgers or smoked wagging dog tail. White wines range in flavor from brisk to oldest. The best wines are made by peasants in Squaw Peak Lookout from the juice of ripe chimpanzees by putting them in vats and squashing them with their teeny feet. This is what gives wine its loud aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in an obnoxious glass at religious denomination temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried racing cars. 3) Wines should always be drunk mutely or you're liable to end up with a freezing cold stomach.

Heffalump said...
A good wine, served pitifully, can make any meal a truly sporadic occasion. The red wines have a smells-like-a-hot-dog flavor that blends with boiled spelunkers or smoked boxing glove. White wines range in flavor from cryptic to messy. The best wines are made by peasants in Floren from the juice of ripe avocados by putting them in vats and squashing them with their burned-with-a-blowtorch feet. This is what gives wine its flavorful aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a serene glass at used birthday candle temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried carousel horses. 3) Wines should always be drunk freakishly or you're liable to end up with a minty stomach.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Quick Quiz

Who am I? I am a (adjective) American. I was born (number) years ago (geographical location). When my father first saw me he said, "(exclamation)!" I am (number) feet tall, have (adjective) brown eyes, and a (adjective) complexion. My hobby is collecting (plural noun). I always speak (adverb) and I have made several (adjective) motion pictures. I am married to (person's name), the well-known Hollywood (noun). I have given away thousands of (plural noun) to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my (adjective) nose and my large (noun). Who am I?

ANSWER: I am (name of person).

Heffalump said...
Who am I? I am a salacious American. I was born 73 years ago in Bismark, ND. When my father first saw me he said, "Groovy!" I am 6523 feet tall, have voluptuous brown eyes, and a craven complexion. My hobby is collecting goiters. I always speak superfluously and I have made several mediocre motion pictures. I am married to Kitty, the well-known Hollywood person with ambidextrous abilities. I have given away thousands of pencil necked geeks to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my benign nose and my large monument. Who am I?

ANSWER: I am Gerard.

Millie said...
Who am I? I am a random butt-grasping American. I was born 278 years ago in Long Beach. When my father first saw me he said, "Coach I'm constipated!" I am 1/8 foot tall, have chocolate-covered brown eyes, and an addicted to spuds complexion. My hobby is collecting scumbags. I always speak uproariously and I have made several sick-infested motion pictures. I am married to Ugly Betty, the well-known Hollywood turban. I have given away thousands of wheelbarrows to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my rabble-rousing nose and my large calf feeder. Who am I?

ANSWER: I am Caroline.

Friday, February 11, 2011

My Dream Man

My "Dream Man" should, first of all, be very (adjective) and (adjective). He should have a physique like (name of personality), a profile like (name of personality), and the intelligence of a (animal).

He must be polite and always remember to light my (noun), to tip his (noun), and to take my (noun) when crossing the street.

He should move (adverb), should have a (adjective) voice, and should always dress (adverb). I would also like him to be a (adjective) dancer, and when we're alone, he should whisper (adjective) nothings in my (noun) and hold my (adjective) (noun).

I know a (adjective) man like this is hard to find. In fact, the only one I can think of is (name of person).

Millie said...
My "Dream Man" should, first of all, be very obnoxious and bratty and escaped balloon-following. He should have a physique like Will, a profile like Grace, and the intelligence of a octopotumus.

He must be polite and always remember to light my skanky 12-year-old, to tip his shrunken puppy head, and to take my shrimp tentacle when crossing the street.

He should move suspiciously, should have a "malodorous and loving it" voice, and should always dress intensely. I would also like him to be a pinky-flavored dancer, and when we're alone, he should whisper orange nothings in my compulsive flosser and hold my uncontrollable forgotten sack lunch.

I know a bizarrely fond of haircuts man like this is hard to find. In fact, the only one I can think of is Lola Granola.

Heffalump said...
My "Dream Man" should, first of all, be very petunia sniffing and knuckle cracking. He should have a physique like Elvira, a profile like Carrot Top, and the intelligence of a weasel.

He must be polite and always remember to light my pedigree chart, to tip his family tree, and to take my headstone when crossing the street.

He should move theoretically, should have a festooned with flowers voice, and should always dress mind numbingly. I would also like him to be a bedecked with bird droppings dancer, and when we're alone, he should whisper panoramic nothings in my bluebird of happiness and hold my milk wasting sad clown.

I know a colorful man like this is hard to find. In fact, the only one I can think of is Horace.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Description of the Lovely Group that I Am In

We are having a perfectly (adjective) time this evening in the (adjective) home of (name of person). The rooms are decorated (adverb) with many stylish (plural noun) that must have cost at least (number) dollars. The guests are all (adjective) conversationalists and are all (adverb) dressed. (Name of person) has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his (adjective) (noun) to (name of person), who mistook it for an early American (noun). The refreshments are (adjective) and the idea of serving (a liquid) on the rocks showed (adjective) imagination. Visiting here is always a (adjective) experience.

Heffalump said...
We are having a perfectly bendy time this evening in the crimson with the blood of his enemies home of Max. The rooms are decorated in a ricocheting fashion with many stylish space shuttles that must have cost at least 57 dollars. The guests are all shattered like glass that had been subjected to his mother in law's voice conversationalists, and are all blindly dressed. Dingo Dave has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his spit shined pinky finger to Petunia, the wild girl raised by aardvarks, who mistook it for an early American toe jam. The refreshments are reflective and the idea of serving boysenberry syrup on the rocks showed dominating imagination. Visiting here is always a more magical than a unicorn experience.

Millie said...
We are having a perfectly metallic-tasting time this evening in the Spanish speaking home of Martha Takeapunch. The rooms are decorated crankily with many stylish heavy phone breathers that must have cost at least 36 dollars. The guests are all sharp pencil-enjoying conversationalists and are all noseplugs-wearingly dressed. Hiram Beatwife has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his morning breathed trunk monkey to Skip Towne, who mistook it for an early American dog allowed to run wild in the cemetery. The refreshments are compulsively yawning and the idea of serving snot on the rocks showed absentminded imagination. Visiting here is always a "thinks boogers are food" experience.

Klin said...
We are having a perfectly tired time this evening in the butt-dragging home of Joe. The rooms are decorated adoringly with many stylish ice cubes that must have cost at least 2604 dollars. The guests are all exhausted conversationalists and are all filthily dressed. Griselda has been entertaining us by telling about the time she showed her sleep-deprived king size bed to Gabriella, who mistook it for an early American puppy urinal. The refreshments are feeling less than perky and the idea of serving Diet Coke on the rocks showed zombie-like imagination. Visiting here is always a half-awake experience.