Dear Parent,
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter of the alphabet) in English, a/an (letter of the alphabet) in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (part of body) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun) conference" is necessary to discuss (same person)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (part of body). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. (last name of another person in room)
Head (occupation)
Millie said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Scuzzlebutt's report card for the icicle-growing eighth grade. He has received an "I" in English, a "W" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Wayward Sheep. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing diphthong in Anty Pepsi Bottle Education because his broken knuckle hair prevented the taking of the final tooth grunge. This square and brown class can be made up in our summer huge Cannery can. The school believes a "parent-hungry five-year-old who won't come to the kitchen but prefers to whine instead conference" is necessary to discuss Scuzzlebutt's inexplicably barking behavior. He continues to draw writhing around the Christmas tree pictures on the bathroom Red Bull and talks squawkingly behind the teacher's upper lip fuzz. Please call the principal's crunchy washcloth left to drip dry on the tub rail for a perfunctory appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Pencilsniffer
Head Drool Wiper
Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Santa's report card for the jolly eighth grade. He has received an "H" in English, an "O" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Chimneys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing present in Ornament Education because his broken tire ring waist prevented the taking of the final stocking. This rosy class can be made up in our summer star. The school believes a "parent-cookie conference" is necessary to discuss Santa's red behavior. He continues to draw cold pictures on the bathroom eggnog and talks happily behind the teacher's flabby thighs. Please call the principal's fat pants for a fat appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Claus
Head Deliverer of Happiness
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Dancing With the Stars Season 9 Champ, Donny Osmond's, report card for the shrivelled-up eighth grade. He has received an "S" in English, an "M" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Candy Canes. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Santa's Workshop in Fine-Toothed Comb Education because his broken pinky toe prevented the taking of the final frayed toothbrush. This hard as a rock class can be made up in our summer broken Wii console with pennies in it. The school believes a "parent-ice cold water bottle conference" is necessary to discuss Donny's sparkly as Edward behavior. He continues to draw odiferous pictures on the bathroom Advent calendar and talks painstakingly behind the teacher's kneecap. Please call the principal's Katie Couric impersonator for a heartburn-inducing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Rockafeller
Head Cartoon Colorist
Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Lazy Lion's report card for the shiny & bright eighth grade. He has received an "A" in English, a "Z" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Piles of Shoveled Snow. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing snowflake in Snowball Education because his broken skin between the toes prevented the taking of the final snow shovel. This cozy fire like class can be made up in our summer snow plow. The school believes a "parent-snow coat conference" is necessary to discuss Lazy's entitled behavior. He continues to draw icy pictures on the bathroom snow boots and talks crumbily behind the teacher's broken nail. Please call the principal's snow for a freezing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Maggilicutty
Head Meteorologist
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Jerry Sizzler's report card for the slimy eighth grade. He has received a "Q" in English, a "T" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Ten Lords a-Leaping. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Little Orphan Annie in 8-track of “MacArthur Park” as recorded by the late Richard Harris Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final bootleg copy of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. This smelly class can be made up in our summer raging case of dandruff. The school believes a "parent-spastic flatulence conference" is necessary to discuss Jerry's spastic behavior. He continues to draw snide pictures on the bathroom HMS Pinafore performed entirely in Ig-Pay Atin-Lay, and talks saucily behind the teacher's unibrow. Please call the principal's reindeer droppings for a superfluous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. McCheapPants
Head IRS Auditor
Dave said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Admiral Ackbar's report card for the Jedi-like eighth grade. He has received an "F" in English, a "U" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Power Converters. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing lightsaber in Blaster Education because his broken Midi-chlorians prevented the taking of the final protocol droid. This emotionless class can be made up in our summer Jedi mind trick. The school believes a "parent-nerf-herder conference" is necessary to discuss Admiral Ackbar's droid-free behavior. He continues to draw "Empire" covered pictures on the bathroom Death Star and talks fuzzily behind the teacher's hand. Please call the principal's bounty hunter for a roguish appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Skywalker
Head Sith Lord
Showing posts with label Suzanne. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Suzanne. Show all posts
Friday, December 11, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Mount Rushmore
The Mount Rushmore Memorial was dedicated by President Calvin Coolidge on August 10, 1927.
In the (adjective) Hills of South Dakota, a/an (noun) named Gutzon Borglum (verb, past tense) a/an (noun) to resemble the (part of the body, plural) of four U.S. presidents. Using (plural noun) and (plural noun), the sculptors would chip away tons of (plural noun) until the (part of the body, plural) of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the (relative) of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the (noun); Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of (noun); and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for (verb ending in ING) up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than (number) tourists from all over the (noun) (verb) Mount Rushmore each year.
Millie said...
In the Moth-Attracting Hills of South Dakota, a popsicle stain named Gutzon Borglum wrapper-crinkled a bendy straw to resemble the toe chubs of four U.S. presidents. Using turkey trots and unexplainable car crumbs, the sculptors would chip away tons of collapsible pocket wheelbarrows until the thyroid glands of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the Stepuncle of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the out-of-control zucchini plant; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Multi-bump Wart; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for barraging up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 2438761 tourists from all over the persimmon eyeball Mount Rushmore each year.
Klin said...
In the Mosquito Rich Hills of South Dakota, a squeaky ball named Gutzon Borglum laughed a pic-a-nic basket to resemble the septums of four U.S. presidents. Using spilled forks and folded towels, the sculptors would chip away tons of playing dogs until the toenails of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the daughter's dog's 3rd cousin once removed of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the lasagna; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Great Movie; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for whining up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 5 tourists from all over the lost TV remote are funny at Mount Rushmore each year.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
In the Gacky Hills of South Dakota, a bag of Bing cherries named Gutzon Borglum skreetched an on-screen keyboard to resemble the nostrils of four U.S. presidents. Using scratched DVDs and ungrateful gift recipients, the sculptors would chip away tons of tricycles until the pinky toes of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandmother of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the gold doubloon; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Salted Soft Pretzel; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for partying up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 815 tourists from all over the blow-up plastic pool with a hole in it sniff Mount Rushmore each year.
Suzanne said... (How fun to see you!!)
In the Hot Hills of South Dakota, a sandbox named Gutzon Borglum ran a wading pool to resemble the knees of four U.S. presidents. Using tomatoes and peppers, the sculptors would chip away tons of zucchini until the elbows of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandpa of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the popsicle; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Sunscreen; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for swimming up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 662 tourists from all over the sunglasses sing Mount Rushmore each year.
FluffyChicky said...
In the Flamboyant Hills of South Dakota, a rotten banana named Gutzon Borglum shrieked a previously used q-tip to resemble the breast implants of four U.S. presidents. Using skinny dippers who don’t believe in shaving or underarm deodorant, and Beatniks, the sculptors would chip away tons of Hell’s Grannies until the deviated septums of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the great-grandmother’s maiden aunt with upper lip fuzz of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the Little Bunny Foo-Foo; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Chartered Accountant; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for discreetly farting up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 0.8937 tourists from all over the politically incorrect to consume, yet very tasty, veal shank, mutter Mount Rushmore each year.
In the (adjective) Hills of South Dakota, a/an (noun) named Gutzon Borglum (verb, past tense) a/an (noun) to resemble the (part of the body, plural) of four U.S. presidents. Using (plural noun) and (plural noun), the sculptors would chip away tons of (plural noun) until the (part of the body, plural) of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the (relative) of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the (noun); Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of (noun); and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for (verb ending in ING) up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than (number) tourists from all over the (noun) (verb) Mount Rushmore each year.
Millie said...
In the Moth-Attracting Hills of South Dakota, a popsicle stain named Gutzon Borglum wrapper-crinkled a bendy straw to resemble the toe chubs of four U.S. presidents. Using turkey trots and unexplainable car crumbs, the sculptors would chip away tons of collapsible pocket wheelbarrows until the thyroid glands of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the Stepuncle of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the out-of-control zucchini plant; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Multi-bump Wart; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for barraging up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 2438761 tourists from all over the persimmon eyeball Mount Rushmore each year.
Klin said...
In the Mosquito Rich Hills of South Dakota, a squeaky ball named Gutzon Borglum laughed a pic-a-nic basket to resemble the septums of four U.S. presidents. Using spilled forks and folded towels, the sculptors would chip away tons of playing dogs until the toenails of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the daughter's dog's 3rd cousin once removed of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the lasagna; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Great Movie; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for whining up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 5 tourists from all over the lost TV remote are funny at Mount Rushmore each year.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
In the Gacky Hills of South Dakota, a bag of Bing cherries named Gutzon Borglum skreetched an on-screen keyboard to resemble the nostrils of four U.S. presidents. Using scratched DVDs and ungrateful gift recipients, the sculptors would chip away tons of tricycles until the pinky toes of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandmother of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the gold doubloon; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Salted Soft Pretzel; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for partying up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 815 tourists from all over the blow-up plastic pool with a hole in it sniff Mount Rushmore each year.
Suzanne said... (How fun to see you!!)
In the Hot Hills of South Dakota, a sandbox named Gutzon Borglum ran a wading pool to resemble the knees of four U.S. presidents. Using tomatoes and peppers, the sculptors would chip away tons of zucchini until the elbows of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandpa of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the popsicle; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Sunscreen; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for swimming up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 662 tourists from all over the sunglasses sing Mount Rushmore each year.
FluffyChicky said...
In the Flamboyant Hills of South Dakota, a rotten banana named Gutzon Borglum shrieked a previously used q-tip to resemble the breast implants of four U.S. presidents. Using skinny dippers who don’t believe in shaving or underarm deodorant, and Beatniks, the sculptors would chip away tons of Hell’s Grannies until the deviated septums of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the great-grandmother’s maiden aunt with upper lip fuzz of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the Little Bunny Foo-Foo; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Chartered Accountant; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for discreetly farting up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 0.8937 tourists from all over the politically incorrect to consume, yet very tasty, veal shank, mutter Mount Rushmore each year.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Vacation Want Ads
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to (a city)? I will drive your (noun). I am a person of (adjective) character and a graduate of (a school). I have been (verb ending in ING) for twelve years.
MOTHER (name of girl) offers you (adjective) accommodations in her (adjective) home. Only $10 per (something alive) for (noun) and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are (verb ending in ING) around the country, who is looking after your (adjective) house? Burglars could steal your (plural noun). Who will feed your pet (animal, plural)? We will (adverb) take care of everything. Call (noun) Sitters Unlimited.
Suzanne said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Salt Lake? I will drive your red. I am a person of hot character and a graduate of Utah State University. I have been running for twelve years.
MOTHER Madonna offers you wet accommodations in her sticky home. Only $10 per weed for white and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are sleeping around the country, who is looking after your humid house? Burglars could steal your buses. Who will feed your pet kitties? We will knowingly take care of everything. Call Blue Sitters Unlimited.
FluffyChicky said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Armpit-Fartopolis? I will drive your shoe. I am a person of lip-smacking character and a graduate of Bride of Frankenstein School of Hair Design. I have been slapping for twelve years.
MOTHER Gargantuan Gertrude offers you cheap accommodations in her putrid home. Only $10 per creeping crud for megaphone and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are canoodling around the country, who is looking after your hairy house? Burglars could steal your air guitars. Who will feed your pet gremlins? We will heavily take care of everything. Call Grunties Sitters Unlimited.
Sassy said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to New York? I will drive your Jake. I am a person of hairy character and a graduate of Dixon Middle School. I have been running for twelve years.
MOTHER Kenzie offers you sunburned accommodations in her fluffy home. Only $10 per ant for booger and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are pooping around the country, who is looking after your green house? Burglars could steal your carpets. Who will feed your pet cats? We will greenly take care of everything. Call Billy-Bob-Joe Sitters Unlimited.
Oldest said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Timbuktoo? I will drive your Home Depot. I am a person of sunburned character and a graduate of Cosmetology school. I have been jumping for twelve years.
MOTHER Leigh offers you smiley accommodations in her spectacular home. Only $10 per grass for cows blood and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are driving around the country, who is looking after your pathetic house? Burglars could steal your pipes. Who will feed your pet Ligers? We will surprisingly take care of everything. Call Sewer Pipe Sitters Unlimited.
Frog said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to San Francisco? I will drive your pain. I am a person of sweet character and a graduate of Aesthetics. I have been flying for twelve years.
MOTHER Lisa offers you bright accommodations in her soft home. Only $10 per ladybug for car and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are swimming around the country, who is looking after your small house? Burglars could steal your beds. Who will feed your pet kitties? We will lovingly take care of everything. Call Apartment Sitters Unlimited.
Klin said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Atlantis? I will drive your nail gun. I am a person of hawt character and a graduate of School of Clowns in the Making. I have been fun-sucking for twelve years.
MOTHER Tabitha offers you fragile accommodations in her busy home. Only $10 per snake for video game and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are spoiling around the country, who is looking after your messy house? Burglars could steal your poops. Who will feed your pet lizards? We will freakishly take care of everything. Call Candle Sitters Unlimited.
Millie said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Drool Bib, Florida? I will drive your armpit whisker. I am a person of squat character and a graduate of Aunt Trudy's Home for Unwed Teens. I have been swaying for twelve years.
MOTHER Ursula offers you ruffly accommodations in her piquant home. Only $10 per Jenny Meyer's Jell-o for escaped evil bunny eating everyone's garden plants and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are skinny-dipping around the country, who is looking after your Studebaker-obsessed house? Burglars could steal your toaster cozies. Who will feed your pet shrimp? We will vehemently take care of everything. Call Teepee Doorbell Sitters Unlimited.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Shangri La? I will drive your pencil. I am a person of slimy character and a graduate of BYU. I have been coughing for twelve years.
MOTHER Whining Winnefred offers you putrid accommodations in her angry home. Only $10 per gila monster for mosquito bite and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are ralphing around the country, who is looking after your frictionless house? Burglars could steal your Advil Caplets. Who will feed your pet undomesticated equines? We will cunningly take care of everything. Call Crazed LOST Fan Sitters Unlimited.
MOTHER (name of girl) offers you (adjective) accommodations in her (adjective) home. Only $10 per (something alive) for (noun) and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are (verb ending in ING) around the country, who is looking after your (adjective) house? Burglars could steal your (plural noun). Who will feed your pet (animal, plural)? We will (adverb) take care of everything. Call (noun) Sitters Unlimited.
Suzanne said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Salt Lake? I will drive your red. I am a person of hot character and a graduate of Utah State University. I have been running for twelve years.
MOTHER Madonna offers you wet accommodations in her sticky home. Only $10 per weed for white and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are sleeping around the country, who is looking after your humid house? Burglars could steal your buses. Who will feed your pet kitties? We will knowingly take care of everything. Call Blue Sitters Unlimited.
FluffyChicky said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Armpit-Fartopolis? I will drive your shoe. I am a person of lip-smacking character and a graduate of Bride of Frankenstein School of Hair Design. I have been slapping for twelve years.
MOTHER Gargantuan Gertrude offers you cheap accommodations in her putrid home. Only $10 per creeping crud for megaphone and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are canoodling around the country, who is looking after your hairy house? Burglars could steal your air guitars. Who will feed your pet gremlins? We will heavily take care of everything. Call Grunties Sitters Unlimited.
Sassy said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to New York? I will drive your Jake. I am a person of hairy character and a graduate of Dixon Middle School. I have been running for twelve years.
MOTHER Kenzie offers you sunburned accommodations in her fluffy home. Only $10 per ant for booger and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are pooping around the country, who is looking after your green house? Burglars could steal your carpets. Who will feed your pet cats? We will greenly take care of everything. Call Billy-Bob-Joe Sitters Unlimited.
Oldest said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Timbuktoo? I will drive your Home Depot. I am a person of sunburned character and a graduate of Cosmetology school. I have been jumping for twelve years.
MOTHER Leigh offers you smiley accommodations in her spectacular home. Only $10 per grass for cows blood and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are driving around the country, who is looking after your pathetic house? Burglars could steal your pipes. Who will feed your pet Ligers? We will surprisingly take care of everything. Call Sewer Pipe Sitters Unlimited.
Frog said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to San Francisco? I will drive your pain. I am a person of sweet character and a graduate of Aesthetics. I have been flying for twelve years.
MOTHER Lisa offers you bright accommodations in her soft home. Only $10 per ladybug for car and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are swimming around the country, who is looking after your small house? Burglars could steal your beds. Who will feed your pet kitties? We will lovingly take care of everything. Call Apartment Sitters Unlimited.
Klin said:
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Atlantis? I will drive your nail gun. I am a person of hawt character and a graduate of School of Clowns in the Making. I have been fun-sucking for twelve years.
MOTHER Tabitha offers you fragile accommodations in her busy home. Only $10 per snake for video game and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are spoiling around the country, who is looking after your messy house? Burglars could steal your poops. Who will feed your pet lizards? We will freakishly take care of everything. Call Candle Sitters Unlimited.
Millie said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Drool Bib, Florida? I will drive your armpit whisker. I am a person of squat character and a graduate of Aunt Trudy's Home for Unwed Teens. I have been swaying for twelve years.
MOTHER Ursula offers you ruffly accommodations in her piquant home. Only $10 per Jenny Meyer's Jell-o for escaped evil bunny eating everyone's garden plants and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are skinny-dipping around the country, who is looking after your Studebaker-obsessed house? Burglars could steal your toaster cozies. Who will feed your pet shrimp? We will vehemently take care of everything. Call Teepee Doorbell Sitters Unlimited.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
DRIVER AVAILABLE. Are you planning a trip to Shangri La? I will drive your pencil. I am a person of slimy character and a graduate of BYU. I have been coughing for twelve years.
MOTHER Whining Winnefred offers you putrid accommodations in her angry home. Only $10 per gila monster for mosquito bite and breakfast.
DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER? While you are ralphing around the country, who is looking after your frictionless house? Burglars could steal your Advil Caplets. Who will feed your pet undomesticated equines? We will cunningly take care of everything. Call Crazed LOST Fan Sitters Unlimited.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Advertisement
Look at yourself in the (noun). What does your (adjective) face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired (noun) to an ocean (verb ending in ING) cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a/an (adjective) luxury (noun). Whether it's the (adjective) spaciousness of our staterooms or the (adjective) elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a/an (noun). Our ships are skippered by Norwegian (plural noun), whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth (noun), were seafaring (plural noun). Europe's most (adjective) chefs prepare your culinary (plural noun). Our pastry chef creates (adjective) desserts that melt in your (noun). Our dashing waiters are at your (noun) before you can raise a/an (part of body). Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling (noun)?
Millie said...
Look at yourself in the uneasy cow hooked up to the milker for the first time. What does your afraid-of-catching-swine-flu face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired eyeball poke to an ocean stinging cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a verdant luxury dandelion puff. Whether it's the hippie lettuce-growing spaciousness of our staterooms or the giddy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Lucky Charms addict. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian brassieres, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth squeaky porch swing, were seafaring mothers-in-law. Europe's most twice-baked chefs prepare your culinary bored toll booth operators. Our pastry chef creates frequently-gossipped-about desserts that melt in your inappropriate dog costume. Our dashing waiters are at your milk chunk before you can raise a phalange. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling broccoli spear?
Jumping Monkey said...
Look at yourself in the keyboard. What does your fat face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Neverland to an ocean growling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a broken luxury flip-flop. Whether it's the excited spaciousness of our staterooms or the crazy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a hymnbook. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian necklaces, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth rocking chair, were seafaring toenails. Europe's most nasty chefs prepare your culinary balls. Our pastry chef creates hairy desserts that melt in your plasma. Our dashing waiters are at your football before you can raise a tongue. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling Alaska?
Klin said...
Look at yourself in the room. What does your purple face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired petunia to an ocean snoring cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a warm luxury Josh. Whether it's the tall spaciousness of our staterooms or the smelly elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a commercial. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian wedding dresses, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth 401K, were seafaring funny kitties. Europe's most cluttered chefs prepare your culinary tired feet. Our pastry chef creates dim-witted desserts that melt in your puppy. Our dashing waiters are at your melted crayon before you can raise a retina. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling peep toe shoe?
Sassy said...
Look at yourself in the cocoa. What does your squishy face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Bob to an ocean running cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a hairy luxury Jake. Whether it's the slimy spaciousness of our staterooms or the soft elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Macey's. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian DVDs, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth Rue 21, were seafaring floors. Europe's most green chefs prepare your culinary woods. Our pastry chef creates fat desserts that melt in your monster. Our dashing waiters are at your iPod before you can raise a toe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling cookie?
Suzanne said...
Look at yourself in the peanut butter. What does your yucky face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired ice cream to an ocean swimming cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a sticky luxury hamburger. Whether it's the delicious spaciousness of our staterooms or the tempting elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a popsicle. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian swimming lessons, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth cereal, were seafaring movies. Europe's most orange chefs prepare your culinary parks. Our pastry chef creates fresh desserts that melt in your strawberry. Our dashing waiters are at your yogurt before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling beef jerky?
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Look at yourself in the empty water bottle. What does your craptastic face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Super Wal-Mart to an ocean ovulating cruise. So do it! Sail in style on an overwhelmed luxury box of Hot Tamales. Whether it's the salty spaciousness of our staterooms or the infectious elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a dentist chair. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian Daughtry groupies, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth plasma TV, were seafaring dental picks. Europe's most multi-layered chefs prepare your culinary summer sandals. Our pastry chef creates cinnamon-y desserts that melt in your guacamole. Our dashing waiters are at your Hugh Jackman poster before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling retainer?
Rachael said...
Look at yourself in the gas tank. What does your bored face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Kleenex to an ocean spilling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a gangrene-infested luxury window washer. Whether it's the overgrown spaciousness of our staterooms or the upside down elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a broken washing machine. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian biting ants, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth pile of mildewing laundry, were seafaring late for school children. Europe's most purple chefs repare your culinary Overeaters Anonymous dropouts. Our pastry chef creates itchy desserts that melt in your perplexed housewife. Our dashing waiters are at your old stinky towel before you can raise an ingrown hair. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling sparkly pipe cleaner?
Millie said...
Look at yourself in the uneasy cow hooked up to the milker for the first time. What does your afraid-of-catching-swine-flu face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired eyeball poke to an ocean stinging cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a verdant luxury dandelion puff. Whether it's the hippie lettuce-growing spaciousness of our staterooms or the giddy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Lucky Charms addict. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian brassieres, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth squeaky porch swing, were seafaring mothers-in-law. Europe's most twice-baked chefs prepare your culinary bored toll booth operators. Our pastry chef creates frequently-gossipped-about desserts that melt in your inappropriate dog costume. Our dashing waiters are at your milk chunk before you can raise a phalange. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling broccoli spear?
Jumping Monkey said...
Look at yourself in the keyboard. What does your fat face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Neverland to an ocean growling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a broken luxury flip-flop. Whether it's the excited spaciousness of our staterooms or the crazy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a hymnbook. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian necklaces, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth rocking chair, were seafaring toenails. Europe's most nasty chefs prepare your culinary balls. Our pastry chef creates hairy desserts that melt in your plasma. Our dashing waiters are at your football before you can raise a tongue. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling Alaska?
Klin said...
Look at yourself in the room. What does your purple face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired petunia to an ocean snoring cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a warm luxury Josh. Whether it's the tall spaciousness of our staterooms or the smelly elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a commercial. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian wedding dresses, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth 401K, were seafaring funny kitties. Europe's most cluttered chefs prepare your culinary tired feet. Our pastry chef creates dim-witted desserts that melt in your puppy. Our dashing waiters are at your melted crayon before you can raise a retina. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling peep toe shoe?
Sassy said...
Look at yourself in the cocoa. What does your squishy face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Bob to an ocean running cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a hairy luxury Jake. Whether it's the slimy spaciousness of our staterooms or the soft elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Macey's. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian DVDs, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth Rue 21, were seafaring floors. Europe's most green chefs prepare your culinary woods. Our pastry chef creates fat desserts that melt in your monster. Our dashing waiters are at your iPod before you can raise a toe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling cookie?
Suzanne said...
Look at yourself in the peanut butter. What does your yucky face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired ice cream to an ocean swimming cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a sticky luxury hamburger. Whether it's the delicious spaciousness of our staterooms or the tempting elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a popsicle. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian swimming lessons, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth cereal, were seafaring movies. Europe's most orange chefs prepare your culinary parks. Our pastry chef creates fresh desserts that melt in your strawberry. Our dashing waiters are at your yogurt before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling beef jerky?
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Look at yourself in the empty water bottle. What does your craptastic face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Super Wal-Mart to an ocean ovulating cruise. So do it! Sail in style on an overwhelmed luxury box of Hot Tamales. Whether it's the salty spaciousness of our staterooms or the infectious elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a dentist chair. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian Daughtry groupies, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth plasma TV, were seafaring dental picks. Europe's most multi-layered chefs prepare your culinary summer sandals. Our pastry chef creates cinnamon-y desserts that melt in your guacamole. Our dashing waiters are at your Hugh Jackman poster before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling retainer?
Rachael said...
Look at yourself in the gas tank. What does your bored face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Kleenex to an ocean spilling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a gangrene-infested luxury window washer. Whether it's the overgrown spaciousness of our staterooms or the upside down elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a broken washing machine. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian biting ants, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth pile of mildewing laundry, were seafaring late for school children. Europe's most purple chefs repare your culinary Overeaters Anonymous dropouts. Our pastry chef creates itchy desserts that melt in your perplexed housewife. Our dashing waiters are at your old stinky towel before you can raise an ingrown hair. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling sparkly pipe cleaner?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Ireland #1
For St. Patrick's Day next week
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of (place). In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark (plural noun) who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with (adjective) Vikings and with Celts who were (plural noun) from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the (noun) crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American (plural noun).
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish (plural noun) are Smiling," "Did Your (noun) Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's (noun)."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, (place), and buy Irish linen (plural noun), and see the beautiful (plural noun) and lakes.
Klin said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Disneyland. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark amazing birthday parties who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with incredibly wonderful Vikings and with Celts who were a gazillion hamburgers from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the good friend crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American tons of chips.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Salads, Salads, and More Salads are Smiling," "Did Your 18 year old Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Upcoming Engagement."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Public Restroom 101, and buy Irish linen beautiful LDS sisters, and see the beautiful blog posts to write and lakes.
Mr. J said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Fat Boy's Pork Palace. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark oxen who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with horrific Vikings and with Celts who were cacti from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the 1965 Ford Mustang convertible crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American media.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Deer are Smiling," "Did Your Mickey Mantle Rookie Card Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Apple Pie."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Versailles, and buy Irish linen Roman soldiers, and see the beautiful Japanese geishas and lakes.
Suzanne said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of here. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark tulips who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with awesome Vikings and with Celts who were crocus from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the sun crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American lilies.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Daffodils are Smiling," "Did Your Cloud Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Sky."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, there, and buy Irish linen daisies, and see the beautiful iris and lakes.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of The LOST island. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark bags of delicious burnt popcorn who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with smarmy Vikings and with Celts who were empty containers of useless Mylicon drops from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the Duane Johnson starring as "The Rock Obama" crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American haunting 2 inch long paper wasps.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish One-eyed, One-horned, Flying Purple People Eaters are Smiling," "Did Your Young Womanhood Recognition Medallion Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's @#^&! Flat Tire."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Temple Square, and buy Irish linen empty-headed fans of "The Bachelor", and see the beautiful fart bags and lakes.
Millie said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Tight Shorts, Tahiti. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark split ends who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with guilty by association Vikings and with Celts who were light-up buttons from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the chatty husband crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American cranky nappers.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish People Who Spit When They Talk are Smiling," "Did Your Reluctant 'Get On Your Boots' Listener Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Mozzarella Cheese Stick."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Rentown USA, and buy Irish linen bologna-obsessed deli employees, and see the beautiful bratists and lakes.
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of (place). In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark (plural noun) who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with (adjective) Vikings and with Celts who were (plural noun) from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the (noun) crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American (plural noun).
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish (plural noun) are Smiling," "Did Your (noun) Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's (noun)."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, (place), and buy Irish linen (plural noun), and see the beautiful (plural noun) and lakes.
Klin said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Disneyland. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark amazing birthday parties who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with incredibly wonderful Vikings and with Celts who were a gazillion hamburgers from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the good friend crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American tons of chips.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Salads, Salads, and More Salads are Smiling," "Did Your 18 year old Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Upcoming Engagement."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Public Restroom 101, and buy Irish linen beautiful LDS sisters, and see the beautiful blog posts to write and lakes.
Mr. J said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Fat Boy's Pork Palace. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark oxen who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with horrific Vikings and with Celts who were cacti from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the 1965 Ford Mustang convertible crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American media.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Deer are Smiling," "Did Your Mickey Mantle Rookie Card Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Apple Pie."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Versailles, and buy Irish linen Roman soldiers, and see the beautiful Japanese geishas and lakes.
Suzanne said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of here. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark tulips who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with awesome Vikings and with Celts who were crocus from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the sun crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American lilies.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Daffodils are Smiling," "Did Your Cloud Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Sky."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, there, and buy Irish linen daisies, and see the beautiful iris and lakes.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of The LOST island. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark bags of delicious burnt popcorn who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with smarmy Vikings and with Celts who were empty containers of useless Mylicon drops from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the Duane Johnson starring as "The Rock Obama" crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American haunting 2 inch long paper wasps.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish One-eyed, One-horned, Flying Purple People Eaters are Smiling," "Did Your Young Womanhood Recognition Medallion Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's @#^&! Flat Tire."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Temple Square, and buy Irish linen empty-headed fans of "The Bachelor", and see the beautiful fart bags and lakes.
Millie said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Tight Shorts, Tahiti. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark split ends who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with guilty by association Vikings and with Celts who were light-up buttons from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the chatty husband crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American cranky nappers.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish People Who Spit When They Talk are Smiling," "Did Your Reluctant 'Get On Your Boots' Listener Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Mozzarella Cheese Stick."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Rentown USA, and buy Irish linen bologna-obsessed deli employees, and see the beautiful bratists and lakes.
Friday, February 20, 2009
George Washington
George Washington, the Father of our (noun), was a very (adjective) man. When George was a/an (adjective) boy, he took his (noun) and chopped down his father's favorite cherry (noun). "(Exclamation)!" said his father. "Who has (verb, past tense) my (noun)?" Then he saw George holding a sharp (noun) in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little (noun)." His father smiled and patted little George on the (noun). "You are a very honest (noun)," he said, "and someday you may become the first (occupation) of the United States."
Suzanne said...
George Washington, the Father of our candy, was a very pink man. When George was a red boy, he took his heart and chopped down his father's favorite cherry chocolate. "Wahoo!" said his father. "Who ran my kiss?" Then he saw George holding a sharp hug in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little flower." His father smiled and patted little George on the candlelight. "You are very honest lingerie," he said, "and someday you may become the first Cupid of the United States."
Thorny Tree Lady said...
George Washington, the Father of our Valentine's Day card, was a very putrid man. When George was an underachieving boy, he took his Caps Lock key and chopped down his father's favorite cherry hot air balloon. "Holy Schnikeies!" said his father. "Who has flatulated my Snuggie?" Then he saw George holding a sharp ShamWOW towel in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little moldy laundry." His father smiled and patted little George on the David Cassidy poster. "You are a very honest nasty-Millie-hating-comment-leaving loser," he said, "and someday you may become the first grave digger of the United States."
Dalene said...
George Washington, the Father of our homework stalling fourth grader, was a very lazy-butt man. When George was a narcoleptic boy, he took his rusted pencil sharpener and chopped down his father's favorite cherry dunce cap. "Holy Hannah Hermaphrodite!" said his father. "Who has flunked my whiney-mouthed jr. high student?" Then he saw George holding a sharp slacker dude in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little parent-teacher conference." His father smiled and patted little George on the truant officer. "You are a very honest report card," he said, "and someday you may become the first tired third-grade teacher of the United States."
Millie said...
George Washington, the Father of our home neutering kit, was a very cranky man. When George was an immobile boy, he took his nevernude and chopped down his father's favorite cherry mirror-loving parakeet. "For crying out loud!" said his father. "Who has skulked my opthomalogist?" Then he saw George holding a sharp shrimp in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little scissors-happy hairdresser." His father smiled and patted little George on the dust mite biscuit. "You are a very honest shredder," he said, "and someday you may become the first elevator mechanic of the United States."
Suzanne said...
George Washington, the Father of our candy, was a very pink man. When George was a red boy, he took his heart and chopped down his father's favorite cherry chocolate. "Wahoo!" said his father. "Who ran my kiss?" Then he saw George holding a sharp hug in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little flower." His father smiled and patted little George on the candlelight. "You are very honest lingerie," he said, "and someday you may become the first Cupid of the United States."
Thorny Tree Lady said...
George Washington, the Father of our Valentine's Day card, was a very putrid man. When George was an underachieving boy, he took his Caps Lock key and chopped down his father's favorite cherry hot air balloon. "Holy Schnikeies!" said his father. "Who has flatulated my Snuggie?" Then he saw George holding a sharp ShamWOW towel in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little moldy laundry." His father smiled and patted little George on the David Cassidy poster. "You are a very honest nasty-Millie-hating-comment-leaving loser," he said, "and someday you may become the first grave digger of the United States."
Dalene said...
George Washington, the Father of our homework stalling fourth grader, was a very lazy-butt man. When George was a narcoleptic boy, he took his rusted pencil sharpener and chopped down his father's favorite cherry dunce cap. "Holy Hannah Hermaphrodite!" said his father. "Who has flunked my whiney-mouthed jr. high student?" Then he saw George holding a sharp slacker dude in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little parent-teacher conference." His father smiled and patted little George on the truant officer. "You are a very honest report card," he said, "and someday you may become the first tired third-grade teacher of the United States."
Millie said...
George Washington, the Father of our home neutering kit, was a very cranky man. When George was an immobile boy, he took his nevernude and chopped down his father's favorite cherry mirror-loving parakeet. "For crying out loud!" said his father. "Who has skulked my opthomalogist?" Then he saw George holding a sharp shrimp in his hand. "Father," said George. I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little scissors-happy hairdresser." His father smiled and patted little George on the dust mite biscuit. "You are a very honest shredder," he said, "and someday you may become the first elevator mechanic of the United States."
Friday, January 9, 2009
Beauty Advice #1
If your skin is (adjective) or (adjective), you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your (noun), massage it gently with a/an (noun) that has been soaked overnight in a/an (container) full of warm (liquid). Then mix together some (a food) and some (a food) until the mixture becomes (adjective). Pat this onto your (adjective) complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a/an (noun), and wash your face with (adjective) water. Do not omit this (adjective) step or your skin will become (adjective). Do this (adverb) every day and you will soon be as (adjective) as (name of person in room).
Klin said...
If your skin is exhausted or busy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your sled, massage it gently with snow that has been soaked overnight in a 2 quart pitcher full of warm grandma's famous fruit slush. Then mix together some veggie pizza and some Chex Muddy Buddies until the mixture becomes loud. Pat this onto your enjoying complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using Edward, and wash your face with abundant water. Do not omit this excited step or your skin will become bored. Do this forlornly every day and you will soon be as going-by-too-fast as Emmett.
Natalie said...
If your skin is slot machine-frequenting or covered with burlap, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your random people slapper, massage it gently with a mustache waxer that has been soaked overnight in a Mini Crockpot full of warm guacamole. Then mix together some egg flower soup and some hamster chow until the mixture becomes really bratty. Pat this onto your muzzle-needing complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a mean child, and wash your face with Pez dispensing water. Do not omit this rude step or your skin will become emotionally unavailable. Do this hypnotically every day and you will soon be as vitriolic as Baby LaTacos.
Suzanne said...
If your skin is crispy or mushy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your radio, massage it gently with a TV that has been soaked overnight in a cookie jar full of warm expired egg nog. Then mix together some cereal and some toast until the mixture becomes stinky. Pat this onto your aromatic complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a computer, and wash your face with lush water. Do not omit this sparse step or your skin will become chilly. Do this slyly every day and you will soon be as steaming as Dancing hula lady.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
If your skin is lime green or excruciating, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your half-eaten snowman's nose, massage it gently with a stinky dish towel that has been soaked overnight in a toothpaste tube full of warm Dr Pepper. Then mix together some tater tot casserole and some chicken cordon bleu until the mixture becomes spotted. Pat this onto your orange complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a stolen car, and wash your face with shrunken water. Do not omit this mushy step or your skin will become downhearted. Do this passionately every day and you will soon be as oval as Oprah.
Klin said...
If your skin is exhausted or busy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your sled, massage it gently with snow that has been soaked overnight in a 2 quart pitcher full of warm grandma's famous fruit slush. Then mix together some veggie pizza and some Chex Muddy Buddies until the mixture becomes loud. Pat this onto your enjoying complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using Edward, and wash your face with abundant water. Do not omit this excited step or your skin will become bored. Do this forlornly every day and you will soon be as going-by-too-fast as Emmett.
Natalie said...
If your skin is slot machine-frequenting or covered with burlap, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your random people slapper, massage it gently with a mustache waxer that has been soaked overnight in a Mini Crockpot full of warm guacamole. Then mix together some egg flower soup and some hamster chow until the mixture becomes really bratty. Pat this onto your muzzle-needing complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a mean child, and wash your face with Pez dispensing water. Do not omit this rude step or your skin will become emotionally unavailable. Do this hypnotically every day and you will soon be as vitriolic as Baby LaTacos.
Suzanne said...
If your skin is crispy or mushy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your radio, massage it gently with a TV that has been soaked overnight in a cookie jar full of warm expired egg nog. Then mix together some cereal and some toast until the mixture becomes stinky. Pat this onto your aromatic complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a computer, and wash your face with lush water. Do not omit this sparse step or your skin will become chilly. Do this slyly every day and you will soon be as steaming as Dancing hula lady.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
If your skin is lime green or excruciating, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your half-eaten snowman's nose, massage it gently with a stinky dish towel that has been soaked overnight in a toothpaste tube full of warm Dr Pepper. Then mix together some tater tot casserole and some chicken cordon bleu until the mixture becomes spotted. Pat this onto your orange complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a stolen car, and wash your face with shrunken water. Do not omit this mushy step or your skin will become downhearted. Do this passionately every day and you will soon be as oval as Oprah.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Description of the Lovely Group that I am in #1
We are having a perfectly (adjective) time this evening in the (adjective) home of (name of person in room). The rooms are decorated (adverb) with many stylish (plural noun) that must have cost at least (number) dollars. The guests are all (adjective) conversationalists and are all (adverb) dressed. (Name of person in room) has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his (adjective) (noun) to (name of person in room), who mistook it for an early American (noun). The refreshments are (adjective) and the idea of serving (a liquid) on the rocks showed (adjective) imagination. Visiting here is always a/an (adjective) experience.
Klin said...
We are having a perfectly rip roaring windy time this evening in the super shiny and new home of Tree Monkey. The rooms are decorated particularly with many stylish very loud snores that must have cost at least 2,389 dollars. The guests are all stinky smelly vomitous conversationalists and are all ostentatiously dressed. Oldest has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his fergaliscious smelly boys room to Aunt Becca, who mistook it for an early American yucky sick and vomiting little girl. The refreshments are mint chocolate and the idea of serving melted all-over the place ice cream on the rocks showed fudgy chocolate delicious imagination. Visiting here is always a fatigued beyond all experience.
Natalie said...
We are having a perfectly licked up one side and down the other time this evening in the Sprout-watching home of Tonsil Hockey Tonya. The rooms are decorated condescendingly with many stylish uneven stacks of pancakes that must have cost at least 2387428374 dollars. The guests are all bath-needing conversationalists and are all curtain-hidingly dressed. Drippy Drooping Drew has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his tiptoeing through the tulips petrified lip crumb to Fish-slapped Fiona, who mistook it for an early American hundred dollar bill. The refreshments are red and itchy and the idea of serving calf slurp on the rocks showed spleen-obsessed imagination. Visiting here is always a white bread experience.
Suzanne said...
We are having a perfectly red time this evening in the green home of Santa. The rooms are decorated quietly with many stylish Christmas lights that must have cost at least 2 dollars. The guests are all gold conversationalists and are all forcefully dressed. Mrs. Claus has been entertaining us by telling about the time she showed her blue reindeer to The Grinch, who mistook it for an early American Christmas tree. The refreshments are white and the idea of serving egg nog on the rocks showed silver imagination. Visiting here is always a metallic experience.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
We are having a perfectly nogalicious time this evening in the cheese-erific home of PaPa Elf. The rooms are decorated sickeningly with many stylish leftover fruitcakes that must have cost at least 12 dollars. The guests are all fudgetastic conversationalists and are all pointedly dressed. Jovie has been entertaining us by telling about the time she showed her holly-fied wheel of Gouda to Miles Finch, who mistook it for early American mistletoe. The refreshments are underperforming and the idea of serving molten gold on the rocks showed non-jovial imagination. Visiting here is always a Christmas Punch-drunk experience.
Klin said...
We are having a perfectly rip roaring windy time this evening in the super shiny and new home of Tree Monkey. The rooms are decorated particularly with many stylish very loud snores that must have cost at least 2,389 dollars. The guests are all stinky smelly vomitous conversationalists and are all ostentatiously dressed. Oldest has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his fergaliscious smelly boys room to Aunt Becca, who mistook it for an early American yucky sick and vomiting little girl. The refreshments are mint chocolate and the idea of serving melted all-over the place ice cream on the rocks showed fudgy chocolate delicious imagination. Visiting here is always a fatigued beyond all experience.
Natalie said...
We are having a perfectly licked up one side and down the other time this evening in the Sprout-watching home of Tonsil Hockey Tonya. The rooms are decorated condescendingly with many stylish uneven stacks of pancakes that must have cost at least 2387428374 dollars. The guests are all bath-needing conversationalists and are all curtain-hidingly dressed. Drippy Drooping Drew has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his tiptoeing through the tulips petrified lip crumb to Fish-slapped Fiona, who mistook it for an early American hundred dollar bill. The refreshments are red and itchy and the idea of serving calf slurp on the rocks showed spleen-obsessed imagination. Visiting here is always a white bread experience.
Suzanne said...
We are having a perfectly red time this evening in the green home of Santa. The rooms are decorated quietly with many stylish Christmas lights that must have cost at least 2 dollars. The guests are all gold conversationalists and are all forcefully dressed. Mrs. Claus has been entertaining us by telling about the time she showed her blue reindeer to The Grinch, who mistook it for an early American Christmas tree. The refreshments are white and the idea of serving egg nog on the rocks showed silver imagination. Visiting here is always a metallic experience.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
We are having a perfectly nogalicious time this evening in the cheese-erific home of PaPa Elf. The rooms are decorated sickeningly with many stylish leftover fruitcakes that must have cost at least 12 dollars. The guests are all fudgetastic conversationalists and are all pointedly dressed. Jovie has been entertaining us by telling about the time she showed her holly-fied wheel of Gouda to Miles Finch, who mistook it for early American mistletoe. The refreshments are underperforming and the idea of serving molten gold on the rocks showed non-jovial imagination. Visiting here is always a Christmas Punch-drunk experience.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Relatives
Ending sooner this week... sorry.
This is a/an (adjective) explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably (adjective). Parents consist of one mother and one (noun). Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your (noun)," or "Stop picking your (noun)!" Brothers and sisters are called (plural noun) and they are often a pain in the (part of the body). Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' (plural noun). They will buy you (a food) when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your (noun). Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or (a holiday) to eat a big (a bird). Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
This is a bowlegged explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably emasculated. Parents consist of one mother and one Claritin addict. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your crunchy leaf on the sidewalk," or "Stop picking your snoopy janitor!" Brothers and sisters are called speculums and they are often a pain in the finger. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' giggling psychopaths. They will buy you tomato aspic when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your piece of jelly toast. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or St. Swithin's Day to eat a big macaw. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Wynne said...
This is a cheesy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably segregated. Parents consist of one mother and one burnt toast. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your dust bunny," or "Stop picking your wishful thinking!" Brothers and sisters are called toenail clippings and they are often a pain in the flappy underarm fat. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' octupi. They will buy you anchovies when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cellulite. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Pioneer Day to eat a big penguin. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Suzanne said...
This is a yummy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably delicious. Parents consist of one mother and one plate. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your fork," or "Stop picking your knife!" Brothers and sisters are called potatoes and they are often a pain in the belly. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' cranberries. They will buy you stuffing when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cup. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Christmas to eat a big Big Bird. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
This is a/an (adjective) explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably (adjective). Parents consist of one mother and one (noun). Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your (noun)," or "Stop picking your (noun)!" Brothers and sisters are called (plural noun) and they are often a pain in the (part of the body). Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' (plural noun). They will buy you (a food) when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your (noun). Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or (a holiday) to eat a big (a bird). Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
This is a bowlegged explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably emasculated. Parents consist of one mother and one Claritin addict. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your crunchy leaf on the sidewalk," or "Stop picking your snoopy janitor!" Brothers and sisters are called speculums and they are often a pain in the finger. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' giggling psychopaths. They will buy you tomato aspic when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your piece of jelly toast. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or St. Swithin's Day to eat a big macaw. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Wynne said...
This is a cheesy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably segregated. Parents consist of one mother and one burnt toast. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your dust bunny," or "Stop picking your wishful thinking!" Brothers and sisters are called toenail clippings and they are often a pain in the flappy underarm fat. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' octupi. They will buy you anchovies when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cellulite. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Pioneer Day to eat a big penguin. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Suzanne said...
This is a yummy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably delicious. Parents consist of one mother and one plate. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your fork," or "Stop picking your knife!" Brothers and sisters are called potatoes and they are often a pain in the belly. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' cranberries. They will buy you stuffing when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cup. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Christmas to eat a big Big Bird. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Samson and Delilah
(A tragic dialogue)
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those (adjective) exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my (plural noun) in shape. After all, I'm the strongest (noun) in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look (adjective). Look at the way your hair hangs down over your (noun).
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a/an (noun).
Delilah: (Derogatory exclamation)! You promised to take me to a/an (adjective) party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll (verb) my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this (noun) and I'll give you a/an (adjective) haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your (noun) is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: (Adjective).
Natalie said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hamster ball chasing exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my mouthy children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest barrel-suspenders combo in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look pill gobbling. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your piece of cheese stuck to the sink.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a ratchet.
Delilah: Don't tell me my business, boy! You promised to take me to a spazzing out party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll denounce my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this kitty nostril and I'll give you an addicted to Facebook haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your yap-yap is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Bemused.
Suzanne said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those sticky exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my queasy stomachs in shape. After all, I'm the strongest Snickers in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look sweet. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Milky Way.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
Delilah: Oh crud, I think I'm going to throw up! You promised to take me to a sour party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll barf my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Dum Dum and I'll give you a chocolatey haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your Blow Pop is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Gooey.
Mel Smell said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those full of gut froth exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my adult public fit throwers in shape. After all, I'm the strongest secret bra pocket content in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look like you respond well to pancakes. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your creep that likes to blow up skirts with his leaf blower.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a whiff of seafood restaurant dumpster.
Delilah: PU, is that smell coming from your goiter?! You promised to take me to a smells like foot stew party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll make stupid noises with my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this armpit tattoo and I'll give you a fears-farting-loudly-in-quiet-overpopulated-rooms haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your proctologist frequenter is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Like I have an itchy hiney crevice.
Dalene said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those whiney-mouthed exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my incumbent politicians in shape. After all, I'm the strongest banana peel in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look button-bustin'. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your stray cat.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a sneaky, dirty rotten, pig-stealing stray cat that lives next door.
Delilah: Jane, you ignorant slut! You promised to take me to a squishy party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snort my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this leftover halloween candy and I'll give you an insipid haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your ghost of Christmas past is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Melodramatic.
Klin said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those not-hawt looking exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my pouty-"I didn't get my own way" children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest almost full flash drive in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look purplicious. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Howie Mandel.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a stupid-box aka TV.
Delilah: Please shut your screamy face! You promised to take me to a super-silky-soft party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll chug my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this speed-demon driver and I'll give you a grumpy-self-absorbed haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your soaking tub is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Walking-off-in-a-huff.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hungry like the wolf exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my 4 kids sick off too much Halloween candy in shape. After all, I'm the strongest hanging chad in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look fake as Donald Trump's hair. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your fingernail highly in need of a manicure.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a 20 week ultrasound picture.
Delilah: You warthog-faced buffoon! You promised to take me to a completely underestimated party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snogg my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Pringles can and I'll give you a sappier than Kate and Leo in Titanic haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your realtor who won't return your calls is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Angry.
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those (adjective) exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my (plural noun) in shape. After all, I'm the strongest (noun) in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look (adjective). Look at the way your hair hangs down over your (noun).
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a/an (noun).
Delilah: (Derogatory exclamation)! You promised to take me to a/an (adjective) party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll (verb) my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this (noun) and I'll give you a/an (adjective) haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your (noun) is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: (Adjective).
Natalie said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hamster ball chasing exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my mouthy children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest barrel-suspenders combo in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look pill gobbling. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your piece of cheese stuck to the sink.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a ratchet.
Delilah: Don't tell me my business, boy! You promised to take me to a spazzing out party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll denounce my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this kitty nostril and I'll give you an addicted to Facebook haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your yap-yap is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Bemused.
Suzanne said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those sticky exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my queasy stomachs in shape. After all, I'm the strongest Snickers in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look sweet. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Milky Way.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
Delilah: Oh crud, I think I'm going to throw up! You promised to take me to a sour party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll barf my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Dum Dum and I'll give you a chocolatey haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your Blow Pop is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Gooey.
Mel Smell said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those full of gut froth exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my adult public fit throwers in shape. After all, I'm the strongest secret bra pocket content in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look like you respond well to pancakes. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your creep that likes to blow up skirts with his leaf blower.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a whiff of seafood restaurant dumpster.
Delilah: PU, is that smell coming from your goiter?! You promised to take me to a smells like foot stew party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll make stupid noises with my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this armpit tattoo and I'll give you a fears-farting-loudly-in-quiet-overpopulated-rooms haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your proctologist frequenter is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Like I have an itchy hiney crevice.
Dalene said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those whiney-mouthed exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my incumbent politicians in shape. After all, I'm the strongest banana peel in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look button-bustin'. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your stray cat.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a sneaky, dirty rotten, pig-stealing stray cat that lives next door.
Delilah: Jane, you ignorant slut! You promised to take me to a squishy party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snort my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this leftover halloween candy and I'll give you an insipid haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your ghost of Christmas past is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Melodramatic.
Klin said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those not-hawt looking exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my pouty-"I didn't get my own way" children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest almost full flash drive in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look purplicious. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Howie Mandel.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a stupid-box aka TV.
Delilah: Please shut your screamy face! You promised to take me to a super-silky-soft party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll chug my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this speed-demon driver and I'll give you a grumpy-self-absorbed haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your soaking tub is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Walking-off-in-a-huff.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hungry like the wolf exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my 4 kids sick off too much Halloween candy in shape. After all, I'm the strongest hanging chad in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look fake as Donald Trump's hair. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your fingernail highly in need of a manicure.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a 20 week ultrasound picture.
Delilah: You warthog-faced buffoon! You promised to take me to a completely underestimated party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snogg my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Pringles can and I'll give you a sappier than Kate and Leo in Titanic haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your realtor who won't return your calls is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Angry.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Our School
The school theme continues...
(Name of school) is one of America's (adjective, superlative) institutions of (adjective) learning.
The student body is composed of (number) males and (number) (plural noun). The (same plural noun) make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the (adjective) school cafeteria which features boiled (plural noun) and (noun) sandwiches, with all the (liquid) they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, (a famous person), is raising money to build a new (noun) laboratory and a new football (noun). Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very (adjective).
Suzanne said...
The School of Hard Knocks is one of America's stinkiest institutions of red learning.
The student body is composed of 5 males and 2 clouds. The clouds make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the yellow school cafeteria which features boiled mountains and grass sandwiches, with all the water they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, John McCain, is raising money to build a new house laboratory and a new football bush. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very blue.
Klin said...
Juliet's Beauty School is one of America's scariest institutions of ripped learning.
The student body is composed of 58 males and 129 decorations. The decorations make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the hard school cafeteria which features boiled sea shells and candle sandwiches, with all the thick, sticky molasses they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Julia Roberts, is raising money to build a new pumpkin laboratory and a new football hole. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very turquoise.
Dalene said...
Sarah Palin School for Russian Studies is one of America's most frigidest institutions of eloquent learning.
The student body is composed of 700 billion males and 3.625 vice presidential candidates. The vice presidential candidates make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the experienced school cafeteria which features boiled political pundits and national debt sandwiches, with all the Pepto Bismol they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Henry M. Paulson, is raising money to build a new golden parachute laboratory and a new football bottomed-out 401-K. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very effervescent.
See you next week!
(Name of school) is one of America's (adjective, superlative) institutions of (adjective) learning.
The student body is composed of (number) males and (number) (plural noun). The (same plural noun) make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the (adjective) school cafeteria which features boiled (plural noun) and (noun) sandwiches, with all the (liquid) they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, (a famous person), is raising money to build a new (noun) laboratory and a new football (noun). Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very (adjective).
Suzanne said...
The School of Hard Knocks is one of America's stinkiest institutions of red learning.
The student body is composed of 5 males and 2 clouds. The clouds make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the yellow school cafeteria which features boiled mountains and grass sandwiches, with all the water they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, John McCain, is raising money to build a new house laboratory and a new football bush. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very blue.
Klin said...
Juliet's Beauty School is one of America's scariest institutions of ripped learning.
The student body is composed of 58 males and 129 decorations. The decorations make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the hard school cafeteria which features boiled sea shells and candle sandwiches, with all the thick, sticky molasses they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Julia Roberts, is raising money to build a new pumpkin laboratory and a new football hole. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very turquoise.
Dalene said...
Sarah Palin School for Russian Studies is one of America's most frigidest institutions of eloquent learning.
The student body is composed of 700 billion males and 3.625 vice presidential candidates. The vice presidential candidates make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the experienced school cafeteria which features boiled political pundits and national debt sandwiches, with all the Pepto Bismol they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Henry M. Paulson, is raising money to build a new golden parachute laboratory and a new football bottomed-out 401-K. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very effervescent.
See you next week!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Political Speech #1
Ladies and gentlemen, on this (adjective) occasion it is a privilege to address such a/an (adjective)-looking group of (plural noun). I can tell from your smiling (plural noun) that you will support my (adjective) program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a/an (noun) in every (noun) and two (plural noun) in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. (name of person in room). This man is nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). He has a/an (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.
Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this red occasion it is a privilege to address such a yellow-looking group of monkeys. I can tell from your smiling carrots that you will support my blue program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a toejam in every rubber baby buggy bumper and two waterfalls in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Harvey the Wonder Hamster. This man is nothing but a smelly twister. He has a chagrined character and is working Baby B in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the flashlights off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Pygmies in the public till. I promise you plump government, whiny taxes, and complicated schools.
Coconut Kate said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this leafy occasion it is a privilege to address such a sparkling-looking group of coolers. I can tell from your smiling clocks that you will support my round program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a squirrel in every paper and two leftovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Miss Fabulous. This woman is nothing but a translucent giraffe. She has a winding character and is working tunnel in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the slinkys off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their men in the public till. I promise you flowery government, green taxes, and oversized schools.
Suzanne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this scorching occasion it is a privilege to address such a hot-looking group of pencils. I can tell from your smiling pens that you will support my sizzling program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an apple in every pencil box and two books in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Santa Claus. This man is nothing but a lukewarm eraser. He has a tepid character and is working desk in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the bags off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their teachers in the public till. I promise you chilly government, cold taxes, and freezing schools.
Klin said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this sweaty occasion it is a privilege to address such a piled high-looking group of slimy toads. I can tell from your smiling cracked feet that you will support my fancy dancy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a dog in every baby and two sweltery days in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Tree Monkey. This man is nothing but a muddy purse. He has a floral character and is working internet in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the smelly lumber piles off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their folded blankets in the public till. I promise you fast government, slimy taxes, and caked schools.
Dalene said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this flamboyant occasion it is a privilege to address such a discomboobulated-looking group of trophy wives. I can tell from your smiling elastic waistbands that you will support my pernicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a flat iron in every encyclopedia and two remote control disco lights in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Wiley Coyote. This man is nothing but a fluffy speaker phone. He has a squishy character and is working widget in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the sponge baths off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their doorknob hangers in the public till. I promise you prepubescent government, flat taxes, and floopy schools.
Natalie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this brawling like hooligans occasion it is a privilege to address such an LDS tattoo-obsessed-looking group of naughty cockatoos. I can tell from your smiling completely inept football players that you will support my strung-out-on-stale-Twinkies program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a guy who yells "Yowza!" in every not-quite-big-enough girdle and two oatmeal scotchies in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. "Needs New Nylons" Newton. This man is nothing but a skin tag-sporting paranoid squirrel. He has a Pina Colada deodorant-enjoying character and is working Kip Dynamite impersonator in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the tubes of crinkly wrapping paper off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their town drunks in the public till. I promise you doesn't-wear-suits-to-the-office government, impressed-by-nudists taxes, and spiked punch-eschewing schools.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this reluctantly related occasion it is a privilege to address such a perpetually confused-looking group of America's Got Talent Hopefulls who got their dreams shattered on National Television. I can tell from your smiling delicious cupcakes with no calories that you will support my over-the-top program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a Harry Henderson's Hometown Haberdashery in every Giant Twinkie Man dressed as a Cowboy and two Sci-Fi convention goers who only speak to each other in Klingon in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Dora the Explorer. This man is nothing but a bewitched Homework Packet for a 2nd Grader filled with math worksheets a Kindergartener could do. He has a bothered character and is working blank-minded Mad Libs Monday participant who can't think of anything clever today in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the people who talk on their cell phones while driving off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their evil Legos that bite the bottoms of your feet as you cross the room in the middle of the night in the public till. I promise you bewildered government, fancy-schmancy taxes, and snobberish schools.
Wynne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this frightening occasion it is a privilege to address such a spiny-looking group of fairies. I can tell from your smiling crocodiles that you will support my delicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be chow mein in every toilet and two hostels in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Jasper the Cat. This man is nothing but an as-seen-on-TV Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. He has a glittery character and is working used kleenex in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Smurfs off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Arabic numerals in the public till. I promise you sludgilicious government, sulphurous taxes, and eardrum-shattering schools.
Rachael said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this wet occasion it is a privilege to address such a sticky-looking group of sticks. I can tell from your smiling earwigs that you will support my pungent program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an "I dream of Genie" autographed poster in every Tom Hanks sweater and two over obsessive Oprah lovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Unibrow Sal. This man is nothing but a grotesque "Missed a spot" Dot. He has a mini character and is working camera lens in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Book club fanatics off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their aimless internet surfers in the public till. I promise you flatulent government, scalloped taxes, and round, fudge-filled schools.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. (name of person in room). This man is nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). He has a/an (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.
Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this red occasion it is a privilege to address such a yellow-looking group of monkeys. I can tell from your smiling carrots that you will support my blue program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a toejam in every rubber baby buggy bumper and two waterfalls in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Harvey the Wonder Hamster. This man is nothing but a smelly twister. He has a chagrined character and is working Baby B in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the flashlights off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Pygmies in the public till. I promise you plump government, whiny taxes, and complicated schools.
Coconut Kate said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this leafy occasion it is a privilege to address such a sparkling-looking group of coolers. I can tell from your smiling clocks that you will support my round program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a squirrel in every paper and two leftovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Miss Fabulous. This woman is nothing but a translucent giraffe. She has a winding character and is working tunnel in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the slinkys off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their men in the public till. I promise you flowery government, green taxes, and oversized schools.
Suzanne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this scorching occasion it is a privilege to address such a hot-looking group of pencils. I can tell from your smiling pens that you will support my sizzling program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an apple in every pencil box and two books in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Santa Claus. This man is nothing but a lukewarm eraser. He has a tepid character and is working desk in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the bags off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their teachers in the public till. I promise you chilly government, cold taxes, and freezing schools.
Klin said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this sweaty occasion it is a privilege to address such a piled high-looking group of slimy toads. I can tell from your smiling cracked feet that you will support my fancy dancy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a dog in every baby and two sweltery days in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Tree Monkey. This man is nothing but a muddy purse. He has a floral character and is working internet in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the smelly lumber piles off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their folded blankets in the public till. I promise you fast government, slimy taxes, and caked schools.
Dalene said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this flamboyant occasion it is a privilege to address such a discomboobulated-looking group of trophy wives. I can tell from your smiling elastic waistbands that you will support my pernicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a flat iron in every encyclopedia and two remote control disco lights in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Wiley Coyote. This man is nothing but a fluffy speaker phone. He has a squishy character and is working widget in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the sponge baths off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their doorknob hangers in the public till. I promise you prepubescent government, flat taxes, and floopy schools.
Natalie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this brawling like hooligans occasion it is a privilege to address such an LDS tattoo-obsessed-looking group of naughty cockatoos. I can tell from your smiling completely inept football players that you will support my strung-out-on-stale-Twinkies program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a guy who yells "Yowza!" in every not-quite-big-enough girdle and two oatmeal scotchies in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. "Needs New Nylons" Newton. This man is nothing but a skin tag-sporting paranoid squirrel. He has a Pina Colada deodorant-enjoying character and is working Kip Dynamite impersonator in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the tubes of crinkly wrapping paper off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their town drunks in the public till. I promise you doesn't-wear-suits-to-the-office government, impressed-by-nudists taxes, and spiked punch-eschewing schools.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this reluctantly related occasion it is a privilege to address such a perpetually confused-looking group of America's Got Talent Hopefulls who got their dreams shattered on National Television. I can tell from your smiling delicious cupcakes with no calories that you will support my over-the-top program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a Harry Henderson's Hometown Haberdashery in every Giant Twinkie Man dressed as a Cowboy and two Sci-Fi convention goers who only speak to each other in Klingon in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Dora the Explorer. This man is nothing but a bewitched Homework Packet for a 2nd Grader filled with math worksheets a Kindergartener could do. He has a bothered character and is working blank-minded Mad Libs Monday participant who can't think of anything clever today in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the people who talk on their cell phones while driving off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their evil Legos that bite the bottoms of your feet as you cross the room in the middle of the night in the public till. I promise you bewildered government, fancy-schmancy taxes, and snobberish schools.
Wynne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this frightening occasion it is a privilege to address such a spiny-looking group of fairies. I can tell from your smiling crocodiles that you will support my delicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be chow mein in every toilet and two hostels in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Jasper the Cat. This man is nothing but an as-seen-on-TV Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. He has a glittery character and is working used kleenex in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Smurfs off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Arabic numerals in the public till. I promise you sludgilicious government, sulphurous taxes, and eardrum-shattering schools.
Rachael said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this wet occasion it is a privilege to address such a sticky-looking group of sticks. I can tell from your smiling earwigs that you will support my pungent program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an "I dream of Genie" autographed poster in every Tom Hanks sweater and two over obsessive Oprah lovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Unibrow Sal. This man is nothing but a grotesque "Missed a spot" Dot. He has a mini character and is working camera lens in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Book club fanatics off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their aimless internet surfers in the public till. I promise you flatulent government, scalloped taxes, and round, fudge-filled schools.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Dramatic Scene Entitled "The Happy Moment"
In honor of Thorny Tree Lady's great news
WOMAN: Darling, I have something (adjective) to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the (noun) again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little (noun).
MAN: (Loud exclamation)! Sweetheart, that's (adjective) news. Here, sit down on this (noun). You must take the weight off your (plural noun).
WOMAN: He said I was in (adjective) health. He measured my (noun) and took a sample of my (a liquid).
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a/an (noun).
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a/an (noun). Then we can name it after your (noun).
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in (a number) months I'll be a/an (noun).
Thorny Tree Lady said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something delicious to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the standing fan again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little rainy day.
MAN: Sha-ZAAAAMMMM! Sweetheart, that's serpentine news. Here, sit down on this questioning 4-year-old. You must take the weight off your washed-up rock stars trying to revive their careers by participating on reality programs on obscure cable channels.
WOMAN: He said I was in articulate health. He measured my aggavating hangnail and took a sample of my baby formula.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a houseguest who's overstayed her welcome.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a 15 month old baby who's amazed at her own reflection in the mirror. Then we can name it after your mini-Cooper that drives through the neighborhood 10 miles over the speed limit.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 8,675,309 months I'll be an unsupportive bra with no elastic.
Klin said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something ratted-hair to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the melt-in-your-mouth-meatloaf again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little Ginormous-hundred-acre wood.
MAN: SI-LENCE! Sweetheart, that's ginormous news. Here, sit down on this ratted-hair-that-looks-like-a-football-helmet. You must take the weight off your super-smelly-cleats.
WOMAN: He said I was in creamy health. He measured my pouring rain and took a sample of my melted ice cream.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a very loud stereo.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a vacuum. Then we can name it after your muddy puddle.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1279 months I'll be a screaming kid in the car wash.
Suzanne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something red to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the head again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little shoulder.
MAN: Holy Heck! Sweetheart, that's yellow news. Here, sit down on this knee. You must take the weight off your fancy cheeses.
WOMAN: He said I was in blue health. He measured my toes and took a sample of my Koolaid.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an eye.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be an ear. Then we can name it after your mouth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 34 months I'll be a nose.
Tori:) said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something spiky to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the arm hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little toaster.
MAN: CRAP!!!! Sweetheart, that's spunky news. Here, sit down on this magnet. You must take the weight off your dandruff flakes.
WOMAN: He said I was in spazzy health. He measured my $2 bill and took a sample of my Diet Dr. Pepper.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an apron.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a swing set. Then we can name it after your contact lens.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 9 months I'll be a snake skin.
Natalie said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something completely irritating to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the earlobe hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little freak of nature.
MAN: Why can't you hold still a minute! Sweetheart, that's black cherry-scented news. Here, sit down on this fan blade. You must take the weight off your scalp dents.
WOMAN: He said I was in crying because I can't sleep on the floor health. He measured my Hannah Montana protester and took a sample of my drool.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or chocolate milk residue.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a buttock dimple. Then we can name it after your cow about to give birth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 129847 months I'll be a snot bubble.
Wynne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something clumpy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the armadillo again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little garbage truck.
MAN: By the power of Grayskull! Sweetheart, that's marvelous news. Here, sit down on this toe jam. You must take the weight off your worms.
WOMAN: He said I was in fish-like health. He measured my fire station and took a sample of my pickle juice.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a split end.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be Gay Pride. Then we can name it after your Zion.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1/4 months I'll be a Macarena.
Dalene said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something greasy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the monkey wrench again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little carbuncle.
MAN: Oy vey! Sweetheart, that's cheesy news. Here, sit down on this dust bunny. You must take the weight off your pick-up sticks.
WOMAN: He said I was in sketchy health. He measured my snood and took a sample of my molten lava.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a hanging chad.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a Sprite bottle. Then we can name it after your rain gutter.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 3.652 months I'll be a sea urchin.
WOMAN: Darling, I have something (adjective) to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the (noun) again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little (noun).
MAN: (Loud exclamation)! Sweetheart, that's (adjective) news. Here, sit down on this (noun). You must take the weight off your (plural noun).
WOMAN: He said I was in (adjective) health. He measured my (noun) and took a sample of my (a liquid).
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a/an (noun).
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a/an (noun). Then we can name it after your (noun).
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in (a number) months I'll be a/an (noun).
Thorny Tree Lady said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something delicious to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the standing fan again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little rainy day.
MAN: Sha-ZAAAAMMMM! Sweetheart, that's serpentine news. Here, sit down on this questioning 4-year-old. You must take the weight off your washed-up rock stars trying to revive their careers by participating on reality programs on obscure cable channels.
WOMAN: He said I was in articulate health. He measured my aggavating hangnail and took a sample of my baby formula.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a houseguest who's overstayed her welcome.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a 15 month old baby who's amazed at her own reflection in the mirror. Then we can name it after your mini-Cooper that drives through the neighborhood 10 miles over the speed limit.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 8,675,309 months I'll be an unsupportive bra with no elastic.
Klin said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something ratted-hair to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the melt-in-your-mouth-meatloaf again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little Ginormous-hundred-acre wood.
MAN: SI-LENCE! Sweetheart, that's ginormous news. Here, sit down on this ratted-hair-that-looks-like-a-football-helmet. You must take the weight off your super-smelly-cleats.
WOMAN: He said I was in creamy health. He measured my pouring rain and took a sample of my melted ice cream.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a very loud stereo.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a vacuum. Then we can name it after your muddy puddle.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1279 months I'll be a screaming kid in the car wash.
Suzanne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something red to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the head again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little shoulder.
MAN: Holy Heck! Sweetheart, that's yellow news. Here, sit down on this knee. You must take the weight off your fancy cheeses.
WOMAN: He said I was in blue health. He measured my toes and took a sample of my Koolaid.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an eye.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be an ear. Then we can name it after your mouth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 34 months I'll be a nose.
Tori:) said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something spiky to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the arm hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little toaster.
MAN: CRAP!!!! Sweetheart, that's spunky news. Here, sit down on this magnet. You must take the weight off your dandruff flakes.
WOMAN: He said I was in spazzy health. He measured my $2 bill and took a sample of my Diet Dr. Pepper.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an apron.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a swing set. Then we can name it after your contact lens.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 9 months I'll be a snake skin.
Natalie said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something completely irritating to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the earlobe hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little freak of nature.
MAN: Why can't you hold still a minute! Sweetheart, that's black cherry-scented news. Here, sit down on this fan blade. You must take the weight off your scalp dents.
WOMAN: He said I was in crying because I can't sleep on the floor health. He measured my Hannah Montana protester and took a sample of my drool.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or chocolate milk residue.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a buttock dimple. Then we can name it after your cow about to give birth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 129847 months I'll be a snot bubble.
Wynne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something clumpy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the armadillo again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little garbage truck.
MAN: By the power of Grayskull! Sweetheart, that's marvelous news. Here, sit down on this toe jam. You must take the weight off your worms.
WOMAN: He said I was in fish-like health. He measured my fire station and took a sample of my pickle juice.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a split end.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be Gay Pride. Then we can name it after your Zion.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1/4 months I'll be a Macarena.
Dalene said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something greasy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the monkey wrench again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little carbuncle.
MAN: Oy vey! Sweetheart, that's cheesy news. Here, sit down on this dust bunny. You must take the weight off your pick-up sticks.
WOMAN: He said I was in sketchy health. He measured my snood and took a sample of my molten lava.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a hanging chad.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a Sprite bottle. Then we can name it after your rain gutter.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 3.652 months I'll be a sea urchin.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Pickup Lines
A nod to our trip to the beach :)
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away (adverb)!
~ Can I buy you a/an (noun) or do you just want the money?
~ Your (part of the body) must be real tired, because you've been (verb ending in ING) through my (noun) all night long.
~ Your father must have been a/an (occupation), because he stole the (noun) from the (plural noun) and put them in your (part of the body, plural).
~ Is it (adjective) in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a/an (noun)? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those (plural noun) and me with no (plural noun)!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my (part of the body) when I (verb, past tense) for you.
~ I may not be the most (adjective) guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Tori said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away awesomely!
~ Can I buy you a Mo's clam chowder or do you just want the money?
~ Your kneecap must be real tired, because you've been wishing through my seaweed all night long.
~ Your father must have been a perverted beach patroler in charge of inviting innocent women to Happy Hour, because he stole the safety goggles from the really big rocks in the middle of the ocean and put them in your armpits.
~ Is it salty in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a picnic? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those Aubrey's waffles and me with no flowers!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my shoulder blade when I vacationed for you.
~ I may not be the most sandy guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Wynne said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away snakily!
~ Can I buy you cottage cheese or do you just want the money?
~ Your epiglottis must be real tired, because you've been roasting through my airport all night long.
~ Your father must have been a bag boy, because he stole the fungus from the fungi and put them in your cheeks.
~ Is it sweet in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have tooth enamel? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those mice and me with no fragrances!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my nostril when I was bitten for you.
~ I may not be the most sparkly guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away expeditiously!
~ Can I buy you a mismarked measuring tape or do you just want the money?
~ Your uvula must be real tired, because you've been placating through my Michael Phelps all night long.
~ Your father must have been a Head Hunter, because he stole the angry letter from the IRS from the quarters and put them in your pancreas.
~ Is it acrimonious in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a convertible top full of holes? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those gold medals and me with no tubes of Aspercreme!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my pinky toe when I ate for you.
~ I may not be the most purple guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Heffalump said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away righteously!
~ Can I buy you a gorilla or do you just want the money?
~ Your kneecap must be real tired, because you've been swinging through my broccoli all night long.
~ Your father must have been a golf caddy, because he stole the sock monkey from the seagulls and put them in your funny bones.
~ Is it tubular in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a pandemic flu? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those sisters and me with no tsunamis!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my adenoid when I dreamed for you.
~ I may not be the most masochistic guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Suzanne said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away excitedly!
~ Can I buy you an Arch Cape or do you just want the money?
~ Your feet must be real tired, because you've been grinning through my Cannon Beach all night long.
~ Your father must have been a shopper, because he stole the Seaside from the waves and put them in your flowers.
~ Is it cold in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a Multnomah Falls? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those giggles and me with no bloggers!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my arm when I loved for you.
~ I may not be the most giddy guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Klin said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away excitedly!
~ Can I buy you a breath taking waterfall or do you just want the money?
~ Your armpit must be real tired, because you've been laughing through my sleepless night all night long.
~ Your father must have been a party planner, because he stole the private beach from the Super Happy Girls and put them in your aching from laughter belly.
~ Is it "wouldn't have missed it for the world" fabulous in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have fantastic food? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those seriously jealous onlookers and me with no deluxe accommodations!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my manicured toenails when I enjoyed for you.
~ I may not be the most genuine guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Dalene said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away adoringly!
~ Can I buy you a spectrometer or do you just want the money?
~ Your clavicle must be real tired, because you've been sparking through my chickpea all night long.
~ Your father must have been a crocodile wrangler, because he stole the asteroid belt from the specimens and put them in your funny bones.
~ Is it extremely sticky in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have an intake manifold? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those cubicles and me with no globules!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my big toe when I redecorated for you.
~ I may not be the most exoskeletal guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
(For more really horrible pick-up lines - some are listed here - try here.)
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away (adverb)!
~ Can I buy you a/an (noun) or do you just want the money?
~ Your (part of the body) must be real tired, because you've been (verb ending in ING) through my (noun) all night long.
~ Your father must have been a/an (occupation), because he stole the (noun) from the (plural noun) and put them in your (part of the body, plural).
~ Is it (adjective) in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a/an (noun)? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those (plural noun) and me with no (plural noun)!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my (part of the body) when I (verb, past tense) for you.
~ I may not be the most (adjective) guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Tori said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away awesomely!
~ Can I buy you a Mo's clam chowder or do you just want the money?
~ Your kneecap must be real tired, because you've been wishing through my seaweed all night long.
~ Your father must have been a perverted beach patroler in charge of inviting innocent women to Happy Hour, because he stole the safety goggles from the really big rocks in the middle of the ocean and put them in your armpits.
~ Is it salty in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a picnic? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those Aubrey's waffles and me with no flowers!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my shoulder blade when I vacationed for you.
~ I may not be the most sandy guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Wynne said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away snakily!
~ Can I buy you cottage cheese or do you just want the money?
~ Your epiglottis must be real tired, because you've been roasting through my airport all night long.
~ Your father must have been a bag boy, because he stole the fungus from the fungi and put them in your cheeks.
~ Is it sweet in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have tooth enamel? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those mice and me with no fragrances!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my nostril when I was bitten for you.
~ I may not be the most sparkly guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away expeditiously!
~ Can I buy you a mismarked measuring tape or do you just want the money?
~ Your uvula must be real tired, because you've been placating through my Michael Phelps all night long.
~ Your father must have been a Head Hunter, because he stole the angry letter from the IRS from the quarters and put them in your pancreas.
~ Is it acrimonious in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a convertible top full of holes? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those gold medals and me with no tubes of Aspercreme!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my pinky toe when I ate for you.
~ I may not be the most purple guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Heffalump said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away righteously!
~ Can I buy you a gorilla or do you just want the money?
~ Your kneecap must be real tired, because you've been swinging through my broccoli all night long.
~ Your father must have been a golf caddy, because he stole the sock monkey from the seagulls and put them in your funny bones.
~ Is it tubular in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a pandemic flu? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those sisters and me with no tsunamis!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my adenoid when I dreamed for you.
~ I may not be the most masochistic guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Suzanne said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away excitedly!
~ Can I buy you an Arch Cape or do you just want the money?
~ Your feet must be real tired, because you've been grinning through my Cannon Beach all night long.
~ Your father must have been a shopper, because he stole the Seaside from the waves and put them in your flowers.
~ Is it cold in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have a Multnomah Falls? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those giggles and me with no bloggers!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my arm when I loved for you.
~ I may not be the most giddy guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Klin said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away excitedly!
~ Can I buy you a breath taking waterfall or do you just want the money?
~ Your armpit must be real tired, because you've been laughing through my sleepless night all night long.
~ Your father must have been a party planner, because he stole the private beach from the Super Happy Girls and put them in your aching from laughter belly.
~ Is it "wouldn't have missed it for the world" fabulous in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have fantastic food? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those seriously jealous onlookers and me with no deluxe accommodations!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my manicured toenails when I enjoyed for you.
~ I may not be the most genuine guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
Dalene said...
Ever heard these lines before? If so, run away adoringly!
~ Can I buy you a spectrometer or do you just want the money?
~ Your clavicle must be real tired, because you've been sparking through my chickpea all night long.
~ Your father must have been a crocodile wrangler, because he stole the asteroid belt from the specimens and put them in your funny bones.
~ Is it extremely sticky in here, or is it just you?
~ Do you have an intake manifold? No? How about a date?
~ Look at all of those cubicles and me with no globules!
~ Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I skinned my big toe when I redecorated for you.
~ I may not be the most exoskeletal guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you!
(For more really horrible pick-up lines - some are listed here - try here.)
Friday, August 1, 2008
Vacation Dialogue
GIRL: Hello. My name is (girl's name).
BOY: Hi. My name is (male celebrity). I came here with my mother and father and my little (noun).
GIRL: I am here with my best girl (noun). We are staying at the (name of boy) Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great (noun) there. How is the food?
GIRL: (Adjective). But the room only costs (number) dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a/an (noun) for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go (verb ending in ING).
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised (female celebrity) I'd go (verb ending in ING) with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a/an (adjective) Dance at the Hotel (verb ending in ING) Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a/an (adjective) dress and your (kind of shoe, plural). I am going to wear my (plural noun).
Suzanne said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Alice.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward. I came here with my mother and father and my little vampire.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl blood. We are staying at the Jasper Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great red Ford truck there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hot. But the room only costs 1 googolplex dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an immortal for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Bella I'd go kissing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Pale Dance at the Hotel Fighting Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sparkly dress and your boots. I am going to wear my sports cars.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Grizelda Thurburger.
BOY: Hi. My name is Kermit the Frog. I came here with my mother and father and my little heaping pile of nachos.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl pathetic attention-hogging Disney Channel star. We are staying at the Tea-Toddling Tommy Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great only person in America who hasn't seen "The Dark Knight" yet there. How is the food?
GIRL: Vast. But the room only costs 144,000 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a charbroiled hot dog for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go anticipating.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Miss Piggy I'd go quantifying with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Mammoth Dance at the Hotel Rehabilitating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a thundering dress and your mud-covered galoshes. I am going to wear my teething toddlers.
Melonsquirtz said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Knobby Knockers Nancy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Phil Donahue. I came here with my mother and father and my little gerbil drool remover.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl putt putt foofer. We are staying at the never-not-nude Ned Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great trike-riding old biddy there. How is the food?
GIRL: Obsessed with bellybutton preening. But the room only costs 663 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drawers-staining content for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go rear-on-the-carpet dragging.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Kathy Griffin I'd go in-front-of-everyone pants ripping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Wishes for a Smaller Butt Dance at the Hotel "Old Yeller" Mocking Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a maggot farming dress and your sockie-slippers. I am going to wear my monkey trots.
Klin said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Kristy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward Cullen. I came here with my mother and father and my little mall.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl Macy's grocery store. We are staying at the James Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great not quite bright enough lamp there. How is the food?
GIRL: Slimy. But the room only costs 1 dollar a day.
BOY: I rented a blinding sunlight for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Angelina Jolie I'd go skating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Scaly Dance at the Hotel Boarding Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a slobbery dress and your stiletto pumps. I am going to wear my monkeys.
Jean Knee said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Jean Knee.
BOY: Hi. My name is Rene Russo. I came here with my mother and father and my little crusty boil.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl panty twisting lynch pin. We are staying at the Drew Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great carotid artery there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hawt. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drippy, leaking bladder for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go laughing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Michelle Kwan I'd go scootching with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Death Defying Dance at the Hotel Enbalming Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sugar teak sucking dress and your Mary Janes. I am going to wear my Mad Libs.
Rachael said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Betty Spaghetti.
BOY: Hi. My name is Matt Damon. I came here with my mother and father and my little cactus.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl nasty old gym shoe. We are staying at the Eddie Spaghetti Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great Cincinnati, Ohio there. How is the food?
GIRL: Gangly. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a cheap wedding ring for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go oozing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Anne Hathaway I'd go snoozing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Jail Striped Dance at the Hotel Slooping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a gritty dress and your stiletto heels. I am going to wear my ripe bananas.
Dalene said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Penelope.
BOY: Hi. My name is Brad Pitt. I came here with my mother and father and my little clam digger.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl drumstick. We are staying at the Peter Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great rust-bucket there. How is the food?
GIRL: Pent-up. But the room only costs 152 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a limp bandana for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go sleeping.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Madonna I'd go waving with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Perpendicular Dance at the Hotel Matriculating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear an unparalled dress and your Birkenstocks. I am going to wear my bastions of society.
BOY: Hi. My name is (male celebrity). I came here with my mother and father and my little (noun).
GIRL: I am here with my best girl (noun). We are staying at the (name of boy) Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great (noun) there. How is the food?
GIRL: (Adjective). But the room only costs (number) dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a/an (noun) for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go (verb ending in ING).
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised (female celebrity) I'd go (verb ending in ING) with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a/an (adjective) Dance at the Hotel (verb ending in ING) Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a/an (adjective) dress and your (kind of shoe, plural). I am going to wear my (plural noun).
Suzanne said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Alice.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward. I came here with my mother and father and my little vampire.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl blood. We are staying at the Jasper Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great red Ford truck there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hot. But the room only costs 1 googolplex dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an immortal for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Bella I'd go kissing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Pale Dance at the Hotel Fighting Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sparkly dress and your boots. I am going to wear my sports cars.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Grizelda Thurburger.
BOY: Hi. My name is Kermit the Frog. I came here with my mother and father and my little heaping pile of nachos.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl pathetic attention-hogging Disney Channel star. We are staying at the Tea-Toddling Tommy Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great only person in America who hasn't seen "The Dark Knight" yet there. How is the food?
GIRL: Vast. But the room only costs 144,000 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a charbroiled hot dog for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go anticipating.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Miss Piggy I'd go quantifying with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Mammoth Dance at the Hotel Rehabilitating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a thundering dress and your mud-covered galoshes. I am going to wear my teething toddlers.
Melonsquirtz said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Knobby Knockers Nancy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Phil Donahue. I came here with my mother and father and my little gerbil drool remover.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl putt putt foofer. We are staying at the never-not-nude Ned Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great trike-riding old biddy there. How is the food?
GIRL: Obsessed with bellybutton preening. But the room only costs 663 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drawers-staining content for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go rear-on-the-carpet dragging.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Kathy Griffin I'd go in-front-of-everyone pants ripping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Wishes for a Smaller Butt Dance at the Hotel "Old Yeller" Mocking Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a maggot farming dress and your sockie-slippers. I am going to wear my monkey trots.
Klin said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Kristy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward Cullen. I came here with my mother and father and my little mall.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl Macy's grocery store. We are staying at the James Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great not quite bright enough lamp there. How is the food?
GIRL: Slimy. But the room only costs 1 dollar a day.
BOY: I rented a blinding sunlight for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Angelina Jolie I'd go skating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Scaly Dance at the Hotel Boarding Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a slobbery dress and your stiletto pumps. I am going to wear my monkeys.
Jean Knee said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Jean Knee.
BOY: Hi. My name is Rene Russo. I came here with my mother and father and my little crusty boil.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl panty twisting lynch pin. We are staying at the Drew Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great carotid artery there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hawt. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drippy, leaking bladder for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go laughing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Michelle Kwan I'd go scootching with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Death Defying Dance at the Hotel Enbalming Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sugar teak sucking dress and your Mary Janes. I am going to wear my Mad Libs.
Rachael said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Betty Spaghetti.
BOY: Hi. My name is Matt Damon. I came here with my mother and father and my little cactus.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl nasty old gym shoe. We are staying at the Eddie Spaghetti Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great Cincinnati, Ohio there. How is the food?
GIRL: Gangly. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a cheap wedding ring for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go oozing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Anne Hathaway I'd go snoozing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Jail Striped Dance at the Hotel Slooping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a gritty dress and your stiletto heels. I am going to wear my ripe bananas.
Dalene said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Penelope.
BOY: Hi. My name is Brad Pitt. I came here with my mother and father and my little clam digger.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl drumstick. We are staying at the Peter Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great rust-bucket there. How is the food?
GIRL: Pent-up. But the room only costs 152 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a limp bandana for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go sleeping.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Madonna I'd go waving with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Perpendicular Dance at the Hotel Matriculating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear an unparalled dress and your Birkenstocks. I am going to wear my bastions of society.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Pool Rools
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this (noun) or soak in our (adjective) spa, you must follow these (adjective) rules.
1. No nude (verb ending in ING) allowed. Men must wear (adjective) shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing (plural nouns) or (adjective) bikinis.
2. No (plural noun) under the age of (number) are allowed in the (noun) unless accompanied by a (noun).
3. (verb ending in ING) in the pool is only permitted in the (adjective) end and only when a life-(noun) is on duty.
4. People with (adjective) hair must wear bathing (plural noun).
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, (adverb) cover your arms, legs, and (part of the body) with a (adjective) lotion. You don't want to get a (noun) burn!
Have a (adjective) day!
Physcokity said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this blue cheese dressing or soak in our colder-than-your-mom-on-a-bad-day spa, you must follow these sassy rules.
1. No nude dazzling allowed. Men must wear more-flies-than-a-pile-of-horse-manure shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing sticks of butter or fifty-something bikinis.
2. No rubber duckies under the age of 50...million are allowed in the sexy lingerie unless accompanied by a lighthouse.
3. Zinging in the pool is only permitted in the Fergalicious end and only when a life-lei is on duty.
4. People with heavy hair must wear bathing beefcakes from Hades.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, exactly cover your arms, legs, and hairy armpit with a snot-nosed lotion. You don't want to get a snowball burn!
Have a hairier than a dang saskwatch day!
Tori said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this cat whisker or soak in our half-naked spa, you must follow these cottage cheesy rules.
1. No nude buzzing allowed. Men must wear pus-filled shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing houses or crispy bikinis.
2. No camels under the age of 121,464 are allowed in the race car unless accompanied by a cereal bowl.
3. Cleaning in the pool is only permitted in the checkered end and only when a life-eyebrow comb is on duty.
4. People with see-thru hair must wear bathing teeth.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, half-heartedly cover your arms, legs, and nostril with a rancid lotion. You don't want to get a bra strap burn!
Have a sticky day!
Elasticwaistband Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Anti-Monkey Butt Powder or soak in our obscenely obscene spa, you must follow these saggy rules.
1. No nude prancing allowed. Men must wear soggy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing olive pits named Brad Pitt or androgynous bikinis.
2. No dust bunny mafias under the age of 888 are allowed in the Beetlejuice sandwich unless accompanied by crustified undies.
3. Romancing in the pool is only permitted in the stupider-than-a-flock-of-low-IQ-sheep end and only when a life-Big Bill's blue ball is on duty.
4. People with perverted hair must wear dandruff-filled snowglobes.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, know-it-all-ingly cover your arms, legs, and fibber fibbin fibula with a sharty lotion. You don't want to get a giant potato eye with a monacle-burn!
Have a milquetoast day!
Suzanne said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this North or soak in our red spa, you must follow these orange rules.
1. No nude belching allowed. Men must wear yellow shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing cheeses or green bikinis.
2. No armpits under the age of 62 are allowed in the East unless accompanied by a South.
3. Farting in the pool is only permitted in the blue end and only when a life-West is on duty.
4. People with purple hair must wear bathing watermelons.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, willingly cover your arms, legs, and belly button with a brown lotion. You don't want to get an underground-burn!
Have a black day!
Jean Knee said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this mayonnaise jar or soak in our big spa, you must follow these little rules.
1. No nude pus-gushing allowed. Men must wear squishy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing owls or receding bikinis.
2. No basement windows under the age of 4 are allowed in the birdhouse unless accompanied by a melted candle stuck in ear.
3. Hip hopping in the pool is only permitted in the stiff, little end and only when a life-Hello Kitty is on duty.
4. People with bad-ashed hair must wear bathing lilting sailors.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, wildly cover your arms, legs, and uvula with a slimy lotion. You don't want to get an corn cob-burn!
Have a soft day!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this fizzled-out computer speaker or soak in our apathetic spa, you must follow these underestimated rules.
1. No nude sacrificing allowed. Men must wear well-done shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing feather pillows or whiny bikinis.
2. No telemarketers under the age of 815 are allowed in the stale diet coke unless accompanied by a peanut butter granola bar.
3. Placating in the pool is only permitted in the tired end and only when a life-Dora swimming suit is on duty.
4. People with hungry hair must wear bathing Trekkies.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, noisily cover your arms, legs, and uvula with an accentuated lotion. You don't want to get an dull sewing scissors-burn!
Have a morose day!
Rachael said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Carl's Jr. or soak in our slippery spa, you must follow these puke green rules.
1. No nude sideways-walking allowed. Men must wear sloppy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing rat tails or gangrene-infected bikinis.
2. No crying whining kids under the age of 2 are allowed in the blue-eyed baby unless accompanied by a kitchen sink.
3. Climbing in the pool is only permitted in the rat infested end and only when a life-ingrown hair is on duty.
4. People with crusty hair must wear bathing screen-pinched fingers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, quickly cover your arms, legs, and excessively tattooed arm with a 6" tall lotion. You don't want to get a funky-smelling toenail burn!
Have a hairy day!
Klin said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this long freakin' drive or soak in our "I can't move another muscle" tired spa, you must follow these chipped and broken rules.
1. No nude finally we begin moving allowed. Men must wear stacked four high and unstable shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing tired and worn out kids or slower than molasses wire transfers bikinis.
2. No sad about no internets parents under the age of 1279 are allowed in the freshly tarred road unless accompanied by a super toasty toad.
3. Soon to be sleeping in the pool is only permitted in the spooky and ooky end and only when a life-barren rooms of old house is on duty.
4. People with mysteriously kosher hair must wear bathing freaked out about moving pets.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, woosily cover your arms, legs, and middle knuckle on the left ring finger with a soaked with sweat lotion. You don't want to get a mega large moving truck-burn!
Have a brand-spankin' new day!
Natalie said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this bra-snapping teenager or soak in our grungy scrunchie-sporting spa, you must follow these scary and partially digested rules.
1. No nude waddling allowed. Men must wear likes-to-point-out-armpit-hair shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing snot bubbles or "not a cold sore"-having bikinis.
2. No raunchified toothbrushes under the age of 238471 are allowed in the sucky deaf people movie unless accompanied by a glass jar of wet cigarette butts.
3. Pantsing in the pool is only permitted in the Iocane powder-poisoned end and only when a life-bulging Dizzy Gillespie cheek is on duty.
4. People with camo undies-wearing hair must wear bathing blue-flamers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, emergency-potty-goingly cover your arms, legs, and epididymus with a brown and crunchy lotion. You don't want to get a kitten pot pie-burn!
Have a drop-kicked across the room day!
If you want to swim in this (noun) or soak in our (adjective) spa, you must follow these (adjective) rules.
1. No nude (verb ending in ING) allowed. Men must wear (adjective) shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing (plural nouns) or (adjective) bikinis.
2. No (plural noun) under the age of (number) are allowed in the (noun) unless accompanied by a (noun).
3. (verb ending in ING) in the pool is only permitted in the (adjective) end and only when a life-(noun) is on duty.
4. People with (adjective) hair must wear bathing (plural noun).
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, (adverb) cover your arms, legs, and (part of the body) with a (adjective) lotion. You don't want to get a (noun) burn!
Have a (adjective) day!
Physcokity said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this blue cheese dressing or soak in our colder-than-your-mom-on-a-bad-day spa, you must follow these sassy rules.
1. No nude dazzling allowed. Men must wear more-flies-than-a-pile-of-horse-manure shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing sticks of butter or fifty-something bikinis.
2. No rubber duckies under the age of 50...million are allowed in the sexy lingerie unless accompanied by a lighthouse.
3. Zinging in the pool is only permitted in the Fergalicious end and only when a life-lei is on duty.
4. People with heavy hair must wear bathing beefcakes from Hades.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, exactly cover your arms, legs, and hairy armpit with a snot-nosed lotion. You don't want to get a snowball burn!
Have a hairier than a dang saskwatch day!
Tori said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this cat whisker or soak in our half-naked spa, you must follow these cottage cheesy rules.
1. No nude buzzing allowed. Men must wear pus-filled shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing houses or crispy bikinis.
2. No camels under the age of 121,464 are allowed in the race car unless accompanied by a cereal bowl.
3. Cleaning in the pool is only permitted in the checkered end and only when a life-eyebrow comb is on duty.
4. People with see-thru hair must wear bathing teeth.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, half-heartedly cover your arms, legs, and nostril with a rancid lotion. You don't want to get a bra strap burn!
Have a sticky day!
Elasticwaistband Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Anti-Monkey Butt Powder or soak in our obscenely obscene spa, you must follow these saggy rules.
1. No nude prancing allowed. Men must wear soggy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing olive pits named Brad Pitt or androgynous bikinis.
2. No dust bunny mafias under the age of 888 are allowed in the Beetlejuice sandwich unless accompanied by crustified undies.
3. Romancing in the pool is only permitted in the stupider-than-a-flock-of-low-IQ-sheep end and only when a life-Big Bill's blue ball is on duty.
4. People with perverted hair must wear dandruff-filled snowglobes.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, know-it-all-ingly cover your arms, legs, and fibber fibbin fibula with a sharty lotion. You don't want to get a giant potato eye with a monacle-burn!
Have a milquetoast day!
Suzanne said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this North or soak in our red spa, you must follow these orange rules.
1. No nude belching allowed. Men must wear yellow shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing cheeses or green bikinis.
2. No armpits under the age of 62 are allowed in the East unless accompanied by a South.
3. Farting in the pool is only permitted in the blue end and only when a life-West is on duty.
4. People with purple hair must wear bathing watermelons.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, willingly cover your arms, legs, and belly button with a brown lotion. You don't want to get an underground-burn!
Have a black day!
Jean Knee said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this mayonnaise jar or soak in our big spa, you must follow these little rules.
1. No nude pus-gushing allowed. Men must wear squishy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing owls or receding bikinis.
2. No basement windows under the age of 4 are allowed in the birdhouse unless accompanied by a melted candle stuck in ear.
3. Hip hopping in the pool is only permitted in the stiff, little end and only when a life-Hello Kitty is on duty.
4. People with bad-ashed hair must wear bathing lilting sailors.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, wildly cover your arms, legs, and uvula with a slimy lotion. You don't want to get an corn cob-burn!
Have a soft day!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this fizzled-out computer speaker or soak in our apathetic spa, you must follow these underestimated rules.
1. No nude sacrificing allowed. Men must wear well-done shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing feather pillows or whiny bikinis.
2. No telemarketers under the age of 815 are allowed in the stale diet coke unless accompanied by a peanut butter granola bar.
3. Placating in the pool is only permitted in the tired end and only when a life-Dora swimming suit is on duty.
4. People with hungry hair must wear bathing Trekkies.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, noisily cover your arms, legs, and uvula with an accentuated lotion. You don't want to get an dull sewing scissors-burn!
Have a morose day!
Rachael said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Carl's Jr. or soak in our slippery spa, you must follow these puke green rules.
1. No nude sideways-walking allowed. Men must wear sloppy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing rat tails or gangrene-infected bikinis.
2. No crying whining kids under the age of 2 are allowed in the blue-eyed baby unless accompanied by a kitchen sink.
3. Climbing in the pool is only permitted in the rat infested end and only when a life-ingrown hair is on duty.
4. People with crusty hair must wear bathing screen-pinched fingers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, quickly cover your arms, legs, and excessively tattooed arm with a 6" tall lotion. You don't want to get a funky-smelling toenail burn!
Have a hairy day!
Klin said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this long freakin' drive or soak in our "I can't move another muscle" tired spa, you must follow these chipped and broken rules.
1. No nude finally we begin moving allowed. Men must wear stacked four high and unstable shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing tired and worn out kids or slower than molasses wire transfers bikinis.
2. No sad about no internets parents under the age of 1279 are allowed in the freshly tarred road unless accompanied by a super toasty toad.
3. Soon to be sleeping in the pool is only permitted in the spooky and ooky end and only when a life-barren rooms of old house is on duty.
4. People with mysteriously kosher hair must wear bathing freaked out about moving pets.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, woosily cover your arms, legs, and middle knuckle on the left ring finger with a soaked with sweat lotion. You don't want to get a mega large moving truck-burn!
Have a brand-spankin' new day!
Natalie said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this bra-snapping teenager or soak in our grungy scrunchie-sporting spa, you must follow these scary and partially digested rules.
1. No nude waddling allowed. Men must wear likes-to-point-out-armpit-hair shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing snot bubbles or "not a cold sore"-having bikinis.
2. No raunchified toothbrushes under the age of 238471 are allowed in the sucky deaf people movie unless accompanied by a glass jar of wet cigarette butts.
3. Pantsing in the pool is only permitted in the Iocane powder-poisoned end and only when a life-bulging Dizzy Gillespie cheek is on duty.
4. People with camo undies-wearing hair must wear bathing blue-flamers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, emergency-potty-goingly cover your arms, legs, and epididymus with a brown and crunchy lotion. You don't want to get a kitten pot pie-burn!
Have a drop-kicked across the room day!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Bringing Home the Good... Or Is It Bad? ... News
Dear Parent,
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter) in English, a/an (letter) in Mathematics, and an A in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (body part) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun)" conference is necessary to discuss (same person in room)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (body part). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr./Ms. (another person in room)
Head (occupation)
Dalene said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Alan's report card for the perturbed eighth grade. He has received a Q in English, an A in Mathematics, and an A in Social Neuroses. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing hotbed in Flatbed Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final flatbread. This incubated class can be made up in our summer compost. The school believes a "parent-joint compound" conference is necessary to discuss Alan's overdone behavior. He continues to draw annoyingly displayed pictures on the bathroom Dutch oven and talks adoringly behind the teacher's pinkie toe. Please call the principal's dust bunny for a preposterous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Annie
Head Parade Pooper-Scooper
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Kate Austin's report card for the salty eighth grade. She has received an S in English, an M in Mathematics, and an A in Social Ineffective Optical Mice. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing phalange in Python Education because her broken uvula prevented the taking of the final jasmine flower. This black class can be made up in our summer scratchy bra that doesn't fit right. The school believes a "parent-photo printer" conference is necessary to discuss Kate's inebriated behavior. She continues to draw labeled pictures on the bathroom Austin Powers impersonator and talks amazingly behind the teacher's hangnail. Please call the principal's David Hasselhoff for an underwhelmed appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Jack Shepheard
Head Porta-Potty Cleaner
Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Chappell's report card for the smelly moldy laundry eighth grade. He has received a Q in English, a W in Mathematics, and an A in Social Driving Me Crazy Whining Girls. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing rolled up rug in Super Happy Husband Education because his broken smooth soft elbow prevented the taking of the final out of tune guitar. This comfy warm flannel class can be made up in our summer stuffed full storage shed. The school believes a "parent-lost and broken camera" conference is necessary to discuss Chappell's sinkful of dirty behavior. He continues to draw jam-packed full pictures on the bathroom his royal highness Sir Pounce-a-Lot and talks joyfully behind the teacher's big toe toenail. Please call the principal's very empty panty for a smells like a wet dog appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Nicole
Head Gynecologist
Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Bonnie's report card for the hot eighth grade. She has received a Q in English, an A in Mathematics, and an A in Social Monkeys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Grumpy in Sleepy Education because her broken armpit prevented the taking of the final Bashful. This sticky class can be made up in our summer Doc. The school believes a "parent-Sneezy" conference is necessary to discuss Bonnie's smelly behavior. She continues to draw sweaty pictures on the bathroom Happy and talks gingerly behind the teacher's toenail. Please call the principal's Dopey for a humid appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Clyde
Head Garbage Man
Wynne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Siegfried's report card for the chunky eighth grade. He has received an M in English, an X in Mathematics, and an A in Social Mice. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing football in Living Room Education because his broken belly button prevented the taking of the final mother. This dilapidated class can be made up in our summer gunnysack. The school believes a "parent-pit viper" conference is necessary to discuss Siegfried's glossy behavior. He continues to draw tangy pictures on the bathroom rock and talks gloopily behind the teacher's gall bladder. Please call the principal's police officer for a gelatinous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Roy
Head Bus Driver
I liked that they're teaching "Social Neuroses" in the eighth grade and the "parent-pit viper" conference.
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter) in English, a/an (letter) in Mathematics, and an A in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (body part) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun)" conference is necessary to discuss (same person in room)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (body part). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr./Ms. (another person in room)
Head (occupation)
Dalene said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Alan's report card for the perturbed eighth grade. He has received a Q in English, an A in Mathematics, and an A in Social Neuroses. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing hotbed in Flatbed Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final flatbread. This incubated class can be made up in our summer compost. The school believes a "parent-joint compound" conference is necessary to discuss Alan's overdone behavior. He continues to draw annoyingly displayed pictures on the bathroom Dutch oven and talks adoringly behind the teacher's pinkie toe. Please call the principal's dust bunny for a preposterous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Annie
Head Parade Pooper-Scooper
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Kate Austin's report card for the salty eighth grade. She has received an S in English, an M in Mathematics, and an A in Social Ineffective Optical Mice. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing phalange in Python Education because her broken uvula prevented the taking of the final jasmine flower. This black class can be made up in our summer scratchy bra that doesn't fit right. The school believes a "parent-photo printer" conference is necessary to discuss Kate's inebriated behavior. She continues to draw labeled pictures on the bathroom Austin Powers impersonator and talks amazingly behind the teacher's hangnail. Please call the principal's David Hasselhoff for an underwhelmed appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Jack Shepheard
Head Porta-Potty Cleaner
Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Chappell's report card for the smelly moldy laundry eighth grade. He has received a Q in English, a W in Mathematics, and an A in Social Driving Me Crazy Whining Girls. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing rolled up rug in Super Happy Husband Education because his broken smooth soft elbow prevented the taking of the final out of tune guitar. This comfy warm flannel class can be made up in our summer stuffed full storage shed. The school believes a "parent-lost and broken camera" conference is necessary to discuss Chappell's sinkful of dirty behavior. He continues to draw jam-packed full pictures on the bathroom his royal highness Sir Pounce-a-Lot and talks joyfully behind the teacher's big toe toenail. Please call the principal's very empty panty for a smells like a wet dog appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Nicole
Head Gynecologist
Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Bonnie's report card for the hot eighth grade. She has received a Q in English, an A in Mathematics, and an A in Social Monkeys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Grumpy in Sleepy Education because her broken armpit prevented the taking of the final Bashful. This sticky class can be made up in our summer Doc. The school believes a "parent-Sneezy" conference is necessary to discuss Bonnie's smelly behavior. She continues to draw sweaty pictures on the bathroom Happy and talks gingerly behind the teacher's toenail. Please call the principal's Dopey for a humid appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Clyde
Head Garbage Man
Wynne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Siegfried's report card for the chunky eighth grade. He has received an M in English, an X in Mathematics, and an A in Social Mice. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing football in Living Room Education because his broken belly button prevented the taking of the final mother. This dilapidated class can be made up in our summer gunnysack. The school believes a "parent-pit viper" conference is necessary to discuss Siegfried's glossy behavior. He continues to draw tangy pictures on the bathroom rock and talks gloopily behind the teacher's gall bladder. Please call the principal's police officer for a gelatinous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Mr. Roy
Head Bus Driver
I liked that they're teaching "Social Neuroses" in the eighth grade and the "parent-pit viper" conference.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Letter Received By the Father of a Marriageable Daughter
Dear (name of man in room),
I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman in room) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).
Signed: (Name of man in room)
Mad Lib Monger said…
Dear Henry Hemorrhoid,
I am in love with your flatulent and embarrassed daughter Spoon-spanked Spigella and I would like to ask for her jingling vacuum bag in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect beer bottle sniffer. She is the only duck on a string I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ten-pounders. At present I am employed as an assistant wide load and I make an eye crunch-sporting salary of 238492 dollars a week. I have a split-level crocheted bikini picked out in Rentown, USA that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her Elvis-impersonating and to be an alive for the next ten minutes gummy bear.
Signed: Fishpaste Frank
Suzanne said…
Dear John McCain,
I am in love with your wiley daughter Hilary and I would like to ask for her Delaware in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Montana. She is the only Florida I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hanging chads. At present I am employed as an assistant Washington and I make a charismatic salary of 62 dollars a week. I have a split-level Texas picked out in Washington, DC that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her vocal and to be a pushy Utah.
Signed: Barack Obama
Rachael said…
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith,
I am in love with your raunchy daughter Pam and I would like to ask for her 50-year-old tin can in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect “liquid” from the bottom of the trashcan. She is the only toenail clipping I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my leftover sloppy joes. At present I am employed as an assistant banana that has been mashed into the carpet and I make an encrusted salary of 7 meeellion dollars a week. I have a split-level booger picked out in The Small of Burt Reynold’s Back that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her green with purple polka dots and to be a checkered ingrown hair.
Signed: Bert
Thorny Tree Lady said…
Dear Hoarace McGillicutty,
I am in love with your quaint daughter Lavicka and I would like to ask for her recipe box in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect glitter. She is the only orange popsicle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my jaters. At present I am employed as an assistant antique quilt and I make a magenta salary of 1,234 dollars a week. I have a split-level NoDoz tablet picked out in The Dark Side of the Moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her articulate and to be an allergy-ridden barfed-on bedsheet.
Signed: Ringo Starr
Coconut Kate said…
Dear Dana Carvey,
I am in love with your sticky daughter Gertrude and I would like to ask for her funnel in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect lawn. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my envelopes. At present I am employed as an assistant pocket and I make a blue salary of 87 dollars a week. I have a split-level muskrat picked out on top of that hill yonder that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slippery and to be a murky coconut bra.
Signed: Keanu Reeves
Compulsive Writer said…
Dear Jack Black,
I am in love with your plucky daughter Penelope and I would like to ask for her grubworm in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect twister. She is the only toe ring I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my nematodes. At present I am employed as an assistant flux capacitor and I make a pernicious salary of 2.567 dollars a week. I have a split-level wing-back chair picked out under a bed somewhere in midtown Manhattan that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pedantic and to be an predatory brick wall.
Signed: Stephie Colbert
Klin said…
Dear Nicholas Cage,
I am in love with your sexy daughter Renae and I would like to ask for her lazy old horse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hyperactive and very talkative girl. She is the only whispering wind I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my musical wind chimes. At present I am employed as an assistant serene afternoon and I make an adorable salary of 187 dollars a week. I have a split-level sparkling firecracker picked out in Jolley’s Ranch that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her steamy and to be a luscious thunderous storm.
Signed: Clark Gable
O. Honey said…
Dear Jason Bateman,
I am in love with your unappetizing daughter Complete Dipwad and I would like to ask for her fishlips in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect newly hatched pterodactyl. She is the only swarm of locusts I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Pretty Patties. At present I am employed as an assistant Dyno-bite and I make a laughs-like-a-dork salary of 238,473,592,341 dollars a week. I have a split-level insane Pee-Wee Herman fan picked out in a pineapple under the sea that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sequinned and to be a crud-covered constant fanner.
Signed: Luka on ER
I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman in room) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).
Signed: (Name of man in room)
Mad Lib Monger said…
Dear Henry Hemorrhoid,
I am in love with your flatulent and embarrassed daughter Spoon-spanked Spigella and I would like to ask for her jingling vacuum bag in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect beer bottle sniffer. She is the only duck on a string I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ten-pounders. At present I am employed as an assistant wide load and I make an eye crunch-sporting salary of 238492 dollars a week. I have a split-level crocheted bikini picked out in Rentown, USA that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her Elvis-impersonating and to be an alive for the next ten minutes gummy bear.
Signed: Fishpaste Frank
Suzanne said…
Dear John McCain,
I am in love with your wiley daughter Hilary and I would like to ask for her Delaware in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Montana. She is the only Florida I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hanging chads. At present I am employed as an assistant Washington and I make a charismatic salary of 62 dollars a week. I have a split-level Texas picked out in Washington, DC that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her vocal and to be a pushy Utah.
Signed: Barack Obama
Rachael said…
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith,
I am in love with your raunchy daughter Pam and I would like to ask for her 50-year-old tin can in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect “liquid” from the bottom of the trashcan. She is the only toenail clipping I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my leftover sloppy joes. At present I am employed as an assistant banana that has been mashed into the carpet and I make an encrusted salary of 7 meeellion dollars a week. I have a split-level booger picked out in The Small of Burt Reynold’s Back that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her green with purple polka dots and to be a checkered ingrown hair.
Signed: Bert
Thorny Tree Lady said…
Dear Hoarace McGillicutty,
I am in love with your quaint daughter Lavicka and I would like to ask for her recipe box in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect glitter. She is the only orange popsicle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my jaters. At present I am employed as an assistant antique quilt and I make a magenta salary of 1,234 dollars a week. I have a split-level NoDoz tablet picked out in The Dark Side of the Moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her articulate and to be an allergy-ridden barfed-on bedsheet.
Signed: Ringo Starr
Coconut Kate said…
Dear Dana Carvey,
I am in love with your sticky daughter Gertrude and I would like to ask for her funnel in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect lawn. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my envelopes. At present I am employed as an assistant pocket and I make a blue salary of 87 dollars a week. I have a split-level muskrat picked out on top of that hill yonder that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slippery and to be a murky coconut bra.
Signed: Keanu Reeves
Compulsive Writer said…
Dear Jack Black,
I am in love with your plucky daughter Penelope and I would like to ask for her grubworm in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect twister. She is the only toe ring I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my nematodes. At present I am employed as an assistant flux capacitor and I make a pernicious salary of 2.567 dollars a week. I have a split-level wing-back chair picked out under a bed somewhere in midtown Manhattan that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pedantic and to be an predatory brick wall.
Signed: Stephie Colbert
Klin said…
Dear Nicholas Cage,
I am in love with your sexy daughter Renae and I would like to ask for her lazy old horse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hyperactive and very talkative girl. She is the only whispering wind I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my musical wind chimes. At present I am employed as an assistant serene afternoon and I make an adorable salary of 187 dollars a week. I have a split-level sparkling firecracker picked out in Jolley’s Ranch that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her steamy and to be a luscious thunderous storm.
Signed: Clark Gable
O. Honey said…
Dear Jason Bateman,
I am in love with your unappetizing daughter Complete Dipwad and I would like to ask for her fishlips in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect newly hatched pterodactyl. She is the only swarm of locusts I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Pretty Patties. At present I am employed as an assistant Dyno-bite and I make a laughs-like-a-dork salary of 238,473,592,341 dollars a week. I have a split-level insane Pee-Wee Herman fan picked out in a pineapple under the sea that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sequinned and to be a crud-covered constant fanner.
Signed: Luka on ER
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