Dear (name of man),

I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).

Signed: (name of man)

Annie said...
Dear Michael,

I am in love with your malignant daughter Angela and I would like to ask for her Dwight in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Pam. She is the only Creed I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my paper products. At present I am employed as an assistant Dunder Mifflin and I make a projectile salary of 16 dollars a week. I have a split-level Jim picked out in Scranton that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her ordinary and to be a compulsary Phyllis.

Signed: Ryan the Temp

Mel Smell said...
Dear Filthy Phil,

I am in love with your loves to scare everyone daughter Double D Debbie and I would like to ask for her butt on the chine in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect giant posterior bulge. She is the only perverted snowman accessory I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky horse farts. At present I am employed as an assistant inappropriate cockatiel tattoo-er and I make a laughs like a vacuum salary of 5.7 dollars a week. I have a split-level hyena STD picked out in Djibuti, Africa that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her free of politeness and to be a polywarted monkey knocker restrictor.

Signed: Afro-armpit Arnold

thorny tree lady said...
Dear John,

I am in love with your green daughter Sherrie and I would like to ask for her giraffe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect phone. She is the only acorn I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flowers. At present I am employed as an assistant aardvark and I make a square salary of 89 dollars a week. I have a split-level DVD picked out in Fresno, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her angry and to be a thin apple.

Signed: Steve

elasticwaistbandlady said...
Dear Hubert,

I am in love with your stanky daughter Runaround Sue and I would like to ask for her alpaca farmer in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect whoopie cushion. She is the only used merkin I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hairy burritos. At present I am employed as an assistant No Tell Motel and I make a swaying to the music of The Circle Jerks salary of 411 dollars a week. I have a split-level petrified gall stone picked out in Timbuktu that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her finger-lickin and to be an amorous one-handled pogo stick.

Signed: Diamond Dave

glittersmama said...
Dear Peter,

I am in love with your wavy daughter Mary and I would like to ask for her drum in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect dog. She is the only light bulb I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my trucks. At present I am employed as an assistant mountain and I make a smoky salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level bump picked out in the Grand Canyon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her scratchy and to be an orange bucket.

Signed: Leroy

Johnna said...
Dear Harold the Hairless Hottentot,

I am in love with your superfluous daughter Augusta and I would like to ask for her eyedropper in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect spark plug. She is the only umbrella I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my sunflower seeds. At present I am employed as an assistant exam and I make an aromatic salary of 5 dollars a week. I have a split-level rake picked out in Topeka that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her bowlegged and to be a yellow constellation.

Signed: Bert

Kayelyn said...
Dear Bob,

I am in love with your hawt daughter Amy and I would like to ask for her purse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bed. She is the only clarinet I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my bags. At present I am employed as an assistant boy and I make a stinky salary of 277 dollars a week. I have a split-level Hostess cupcake picked out in Disneyland that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her orange and to be a yellow leaf.

Signed: Bryan Russell

Jean Knee said...
Dear Adam,

I am in love with your bendy daughter Eve and I would like to ask for her tongs in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect clock. She is the only beanbag I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my beans. At present I am employed as an assistant cage and I make a quiet salary of 3 dollars a week. I have a split-level dirtbag picked out in Vegas, baby! that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her broken hearted and to be a scary frog.

Signed: Bill

Tracy M said...
Dear David,

I am in love with your wiggly daughter Tracy and I would like to ask for her playground in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect tree. She is the only moon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my swings. At present I am employed as an assistant dinner and I make a candlelit salary of 11 dollars a week. I have a split-level twinkly lights picked out in Austria that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her beautiful and to be a hilly stray cat strut.

Signed: Hognose Snake Harry

Heffalump said...
Dear Wally,

I am in love with your muscular daughter Daisy and I would like to ask for her dog in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cat. She is the only chicken I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my baby chicks. At present I am employed as an assistant horse and I make a delightful salary of 7 dollars a week. I have a split-level gravy picked out in Luxembourg that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her insane and to be a death-defying gerbil.

Signed: Al

No Cool Story said...
Dear Pat,

I am in love with your banana-y daughter Chris and I would like to ask for her pterodactyl in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect corn dog. She is the only cheese I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my chocolate moles. At present I am employed as an assistant chocolate rain and I make a transformationary salary of 1345.42 dollars a week. I have a split-level kiss picked out in Boring, Oregon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pompous and to be a humongous tub of lard.

Signed: Manly Man

Physcokity said...
Dear Anthony,

I am in love with your rock hard daughter Bernice and I would like to ask for her toe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect shoulder. She is the only monster truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ears. At present I am employed as an assistant red ryder bb gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time, and I make a ice cold salary of a bazillion dollars a week. I have a split-level cathedral picked out on Broadway that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soft like a baby's bottom and to be a silky smooth butterfly.

Signed: Cliff

Melissa said...
Dear George,

I am in love with your flexible daughter Barbara and I would like to ask for her candle in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect trampoline. She is the only hanger I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my boxes. At present I am employed as an assistant street light and I make a round salary of 30 dollars a week. I have a split-level boogie board picked out on Oceanside, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her salty and to be a noisy beehive.

Signed: Harold

Tori said...
Dear Humberto,

I am in love with your skanky daughter Luka and I would like to ask for her calculator in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect raisin. She is the only spam I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my pebbles. At present I am employed as an assistant hoe and I make a ho salary of 69 dude!! dollars a week. I have a split-level basketball picked out on San Dimus that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slimy and to be a crusty stripper pole.

Signed: Guillermo

Wendy said...
Dear Herbert,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Miss Piggy and I would like to ask for her shoe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bike. She is the only nose I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my socks. At present I am employed as an assistant plate and I make a round salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level sand picked out on Waikiki that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy hard drive.

Signed: Lester

Suzanne said...
Dear Bill,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her mountain in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cheese. She is the only slinky black dress I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky cheeses. At present I am employed as an assistant umbrella and I make a forceful salary of 54 dollars a week. I have a split-level kung-fu fighting picked out on the moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her snotty and to be a happy race car.

Signed: Prince Charles

Tonya said...
Dear Tim,

I am in love with your beautiful daughter Tonya and I would like to ask for her chair in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect keyboard. She is the only water bottle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my clocks. At present I am employed as an assistant phone and I make a black salary of 8 dollars a week. I have a split-level medicine picked out in Myrtle Beach that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her stinky and to be a cold paperclip.

Signed: Phil

Sketchy said...
Dear MC Diggy-dog,

I am in love with your lower intestine-esque daughter Natashkalashka and I would like to ask for her poochy buns in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect smelly old locker room. She is the only little pink wagon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my raspberry barrettes. At present I am employed as an assistant cheeselips and I make an unfortunately pinkish salary of 27.075 dollars a week. I have a split-level 60-40 Ninja picked out in Kissamee, Florida that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her basically vile and to be a prepubescent inconvenient truth.

Signed: Norbert Norsquaskalie

Pezlady said...
Dear Freddy,

I am in love with your zippy daughter Bertha and I would like to ask for her armpit in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect pair of skanky jeans. She is the only baby slobber I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my smelly socks. At present I am employed as an assistant birthday card and I make a sensational salary of 427,986,513 dollars a week. I have a split-level poop picked out in Castleford, Idaho that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hairy and to be an insane vomit.

Signed: Newton

Methodical Wormer said...
Dear Judis,

I am in love with your fabricated daughter Millie and I would like to ask for her phone in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect back massager. She is the only glow stick I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Festivus poles. At present I am employed as an assistant whip and I make a skanky salary of 52 dollars a week. I have a split-level card picked out in Gobi Desert that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy chain.

Signed: Frasier

Compulsive Writer said...
Dear Scotty,

I am in love with your horny daughter Suzy and I would like to ask for her settee in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect TV. She is the only banshee I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my manatees. At present I am employed as an assistant birdie and I make a corny salary of sixty dollars a week. I have a split-level BVD picked out in Tennessee that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sexy and to be a squishy pear tree.

Signed: Stevie

Carronin said...
Dear Benny,

I am in love with your lacy daughter Penny and I would like to ask for her king size bed in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect underwear. She is the only local pawn shop I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my cookies. At present I am employed as an assistant fuzzy dice and I make a punchy salary of 6 dollars a week. I have a split-level mall picked out in Las Vegas, baby that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her brownish and to be a delicious Elvis impersonator.

Signed: Wayne Newton

b. said...
Dear Hoss,

I am in love with your tall daughter Chlamydia and I would like to ask for her boots in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hat. She is the only truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my horses. At present I am employed as an assistant saddle and I make a cold salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level elk picked out in Book Cliffs that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her excited and to be a stiff pair of chaps.

Signed: Chism! John Chism!

Amanda said...
Dear Jack,

I am in love with your lost daughter Kate and I would like to ask for her hatch in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect computer. She is the only button I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my others. At present I am employed as an assistant raft and I make a pregnant salary of 815 dollars a week. I have a split-level jungle picked out on the island that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a sweaty survivor.

Signed: Sawyer

Dawnyel said...
Dear Spongebob,

I am in love with your squishy daughter Fiona and I would like to ask for her binder in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect laundry basket. She is the only brick wall I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flip flops. At present I am employed as an assistant alley and I make a humongous salary of 7,000 dollars a week. I have a split-level nostril picked out on the Equator that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her fluffy and to be a scratchy toenail.

Signed: Geraldo

Rebecca said...
Dear Fabio,

I am in love with your hungry daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her pot in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cooling rack. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my back stairs. At present I am employed as an assistant cat and I make a slimy salary of 5 million dollars a week. I have a split-level fire picked out on the Nile River that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soothing and to be a scary elephant.

Signed: King Henry VIII

Fluffychicky said...
Dear Rodorigo,

I am in love with your tasty daughter Myrtle and I would like to ask for her computer virus in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect poodle. She is the only tutu I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Weird Al Yankovic Albums. At present I am employed as an assistant supervisor and I make a flirty salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level cow picked out in the North West Territories that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her nerdy and to be a springy banana rocking chair.

Signed: Joe Jr.

Playclothes

Captain von Trapp: Now, Fraulein. I want a truthful answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my children, by any chance, been climbing trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Playclothes.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the drapes that used to hang in my bedroom.
Captain: Drapes?
Maria: They still have plenty of wear left. The children have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my children have been roaming about Salzburg dressed up in nothing but some old drapes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a marvelous time!

No Cool Story said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want an unappetizing answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my burros, by any chance, been skating amigos today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sombreros.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the quesadillas that used to hang in my mama's house.
Captain: Quesadillas?
Maria: They still have plenty of acorn left. The burros have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my burros have been roaming about the kennel dressed up in nothing but some old quesadillas?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an unhealthy time!

Compulsive Writer said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a risqué answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my umbrellas, by any chance, been waltzing BVDs today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Suspenders.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the spiders that used to hang at the county fair.
Captain: Spiders?
Maria: They still have plenty of tire iron left. The umbrellas have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my umbrellas have been roaming about Lackawanna dressed up in nothing but some old spiders?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a spicy time!

Elizabeth-W said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a putrid answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my litter boxes, by any chance, been vomiting pooper scoopers today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Scarves.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the chastity belts that used to hang in Vancouver.
Captain: Chastity belts?
Maria: They still have plenty of flatulence left. The litter boxes have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my litter boxes have been roaming about Crap Hill dressed up in nothing but some old chastity belts?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a gaggy time!

Tori :) said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a furry answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my Presidents, by any chance, been huffing calculators today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Wristbands.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the tracks that used to hang in Texas.
Captain: Tracks?
Maria: They still have plenty of spaceship left. The Presidents have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my Presidents have been roaming about the bottom of the sea dressed up in nothing but some old tracks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a pokey time!

so grateful to be Mormon said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a cozy answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my doggies, by any chance, been romping trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Handkerchiefs.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the bushes that used to hang in my heart.
Captain: Bushes?
Maria: They still have plenty of fuzz left. The doggies have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my doggies have been roaming about the sanctuary dressed up in nothing but some old bushes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a cuddly time!

omar said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a hairy answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my bottles, by any chance, been jumping keyboards today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sweatpants.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the cheese sticks that used to hang in Venice.
Captain: Cheese sticks?
Maria: They still have plenty of gum left. The bottles have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my bottles have been roaming about West Virginia dressed up in nothing but some old cheese sticks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a cute time!

kayelyn said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a fast answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my dorks, by any chance, been hiding baskets today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Shirts.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the flip-flops that used to hang in the park.
Captain: Flip-flops?
Maria: They still have plenty of bag left. The dorks have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my dorks have been roaming about the room dressed up in nothing but some old flip-flops?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a scary time!

heffalump said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a blasphemous answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my sporks, by any chance, been plucking nosehairs today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Lederhosen.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the pot bellied pigs that used to hang in the Bermuda Triangle.
Captain: Pot bellied pigs?
Maria: They still have plenty of Granny left. The sporks have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my sporks have been roaming about a deserted island dressed up in nothing but some old pot bellied pigs?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a groovy time!

b. said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a blue answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my shoes, by any chance, been running books today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Bras.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the friends that used to hang at work.
Captain: Friends?
Maria: They still have plenty of chair left. The shoes have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my shoes have been roaming about Provo dressed up in nothing but some old friends?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a suh-weet time!

glittersmama said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a black answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my flowers, by any chance, been dancing pillows today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Skirts.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the statues that used to hang at the beach.
Captain: Statues?
Maria: They still have plenty of clock left. The flowers have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my flowers have been roaming about Louisiana dressed up in nothing but some old statues?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a wet time!

ThornyTreeLady said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a green answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my bananas, by any chance, been singing flowers today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Skivvies.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the Diet Cherry Cokes that used to hang in Fresno.
Captain: Diet Cherry Cokes?
Maria: They still have plenty of orange left. The bananas have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my bananas have been roaming about a castle dressed up in nothing but some old Diet Cherry Cokes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a angry time!

Crap Happy Mama said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a sweet answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my angels, by any chance, been skipping lollipops today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Denim jumpers.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the rainbows that used to hang in Xanadu.
Captain: Rainbows?
Maria: They still have plenty of Care Bear left. The angels have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my angels have been roaming about Our Lady of Sunshine and Rainbows Hospital dressed up in nothing but some old rainbows?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a smiling time!

Sketchy said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a yellow-bellied answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my substitute teachers, by any chance, been obnoxiously snort-laughing at trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sheep sweaters.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the broken-down minivans that used to hang in the sushi bar at a local grocery store.
Captain: Broken-down minivans?
Maria: They still have plenty of snazzy Michael Jackson-esque glove left. The substitute teachers have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my substitute teachers have been roaming about Toledo dressed up in nothing but some old broken-down minivans?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an anatomically correct time!

Dawnyel said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a flat answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my soups, by any chance, been lounging hamsters today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Toe-socks.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the stars that used to hang in my bedroom.
Captain: Stars?
Maria: They still have plenty of dice left. The soups have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my soups have been roaming about the zoo dressed up in nothing but some old stars?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an blindingly-white time!

Jean Knee said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a fast answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my dogs, by any chance, been jumping fences today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Shoes.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the tiddly-winks that used to hang in the yard.
Captain: Tiddly-winks?
Maria: They still have plenty of dog left. The dogs have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my dogs have been roaming about the "not here" dressed up in nothing but some old tiddly-winks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an sneaky time!

Pezlady said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a loony answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my doors, by any chance, been running shoes today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Panties.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the houses that used to hang in Buhl, Idaho.
Captain: Houses?
Maria: They still have plenty of skittles left. The doors have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my doors have been roaming about the hallway at church dressed up in nothing but some old houses?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a unique time!