I'm trying something new this time... tell me if you like it.
Good morning, ladies and (plural noun), boys and (plural noun). My name is (person in room). I am your personal (noun) guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, (adjective) Hollywood, the glamour (noun) of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's (adjective) Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most (adjective) tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot (plural noun) and the (part of body) prints of the most famous movie (plural noun) ever to adorn the (adjective) screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a/an (verb) to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and (adjective). You will feast your (part of body, plural) on the million-dollar (plural noun) of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest (noun), (person in room), who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of (number) dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Millie said...
Good morning, ladies and Sam Puckett fans, boys and bulls in china closets. My name is Spencer. I am your personal creep in the public pool restroom guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dippier than usual Hollywood, the glamour cupcake filling sucker-outer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Stark Naked and Unaware Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most tomato-flavored tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot loud-voiced gossipy old women and the digit prints of the most famous movie weekly Hometown Buffet diners ever to adorn the frequently mocked screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a bash over the head with a lamp to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fit-throwing. You will feast your phalanges on the million-dollar funny mushrooms of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest unreachable itchy spot, Freddie, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 1238 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub metatarsals with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Rachael said... (Hey, Rach!)
Good morning, ladies and one size too small socks, boys and whiney kids. My name is Pais-ma-taiz. I am your personal Christmas wrapping paper leftovers guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, cold Hollywood, the glamour husband's deodorant wearer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Lonely Chinese Theater, Hollywood's smallest tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot blown fuses and the nasal cavity prints of the most famous movie puppies ever to adorn the hard screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a slide to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and pink. You will feast your nose hairs on the million-dollar lilacs of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Nancy blabber mouth, Bridger bug, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 20 trillion dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyelashes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good morning, ladies and sugar cookies, boys and overworked and disgruntled elves. My name is Buddy The Elf. I am your personal candy cane guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, twinkle-y Hollywood, the glamour Christmas Goose of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Pine-scented Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most excited as a kid on Christmas morning tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot shorted-out Christmas lights and the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly prints of the most famous movie frosted windowpanes ever to adorn the naughty screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a gift wrap to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and grumpy as Scrooge. You will feast your wandering eyes on the million-dollar Clark Griswald imitators of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest tattered copy of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", Chilly, the Elf who could not love, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 25 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub fingernails with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Klin said...
Good morning, ladies and Sassy's handmade chocolate truffles, boys and flashing Christmas lights. My name is Nadine Wimmer. I am your personal smelly gym bag guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, shiny & bright Hollywood, the glamour Santa hat of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Fully Stuffed Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most hung with care tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot ballet dancers and the hip joint prints of the most famous movie puppy kisses ever to adorn the crispy screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a shop to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and sugared. You will feast your cleavage on the million-dollar Christmas presents of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest moolah, Richard Piatt, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 900 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
FluffyChicky said...
Good morning, ladies and Martin Scorsese’s eyebrow shavings, boys and skanky fishnet stockings. My name is Bowler Hat Guy. I am your personal Aunt Wanda’s wooden hand that she carved herself guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, smutty Hollywood, the glamour white mouse with a brown patch over one eye and one brown leg of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Deranged Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most superlative tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot cases of pea soup and the intestinal tract prints of the most famous movie navy beans ever to adorn the disappointing screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a schlep to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and secretive. You will feast your breast implants on the million-dollar naughty nuns of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Ministry of Silly Walks, Prissy Kissy-Bottom-Smythe, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 7 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub ear canals filled with wax and dead flies and other nasty things with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Dave said...
Good morning, ladies and ROUSs, boys and masks. My name is Humperdink. I am your personal Pit of Despair guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dreadful Hollywood, the glamour miracle pill of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Filthy Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most swamped tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot holocaust cloaks and the left hand prints of the most famous movie swords ever to adorn the drunk screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a frame to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fiery. You will feast your legs on the million-dollar pirates of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest putrescence, Westly, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 100 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Showing posts with label Rachael. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rachael. Show all posts
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
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Look at yourself in the (noun). What does your (adjective) face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired (noun) to an ocean (verb ending in ING) cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a/an (adjective) luxury (noun). Whether it's the (adjective) spaciousness of our staterooms or the (adjective) elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a/an (noun). Our ships are skippered by Norwegian (plural noun), whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth (noun), were seafaring (plural noun). Europe's most (adjective) chefs prepare your culinary (plural noun). Our pastry chef creates (adjective) desserts that melt in your (noun). Our dashing waiters are at your (noun) before you can raise a/an (part of body). Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling (noun)?
Millie said...
Look at yourself in the uneasy cow hooked up to the milker for the first time. What does your afraid-of-catching-swine-flu face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired eyeball poke to an ocean stinging cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a verdant luxury dandelion puff. Whether it's the hippie lettuce-growing spaciousness of our staterooms or the giddy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Lucky Charms addict. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian brassieres, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth squeaky porch swing, were seafaring mothers-in-law. Europe's most twice-baked chefs prepare your culinary bored toll booth operators. Our pastry chef creates frequently-gossipped-about desserts that melt in your inappropriate dog costume. Our dashing waiters are at your milk chunk before you can raise a phalange. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling broccoli spear?
Jumping Monkey said...
Look at yourself in the keyboard. What does your fat face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Neverland to an ocean growling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a broken luxury flip-flop. Whether it's the excited spaciousness of our staterooms or the crazy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a hymnbook. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian necklaces, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth rocking chair, were seafaring toenails. Europe's most nasty chefs prepare your culinary balls. Our pastry chef creates hairy desserts that melt in your plasma. Our dashing waiters are at your football before you can raise a tongue. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling Alaska?
Klin said...
Look at yourself in the room. What does your purple face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired petunia to an ocean snoring cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a warm luxury Josh. Whether it's the tall spaciousness of our staterooms or the smelly elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a commercial. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian wedding dresses, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth 401K, were seafaring funny kitties. Europe's most cluttered chefs prepare your culinary tired feet. Our pastry chef creates dim-witted desserts that melt in your puppy. Our dashing waiters are at your melted crayon before you can raise a retina. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling peep toe shoe?
Sassy said...
Look at yourself in the cocoa. What does your squishy face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Bob to an ocean running cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a hairy luxury Jake. Whether it's the slimy spaciousness of our staterooms or the soft elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Macey's. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian DVDs, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth Rue 21, were seafaring floors. Europe's most green chefs prepare your culinary woods. Our pastry chef creates fat desserts that melt in your monster. Our dashing waiters are at your iPod before you can raise a toe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling cookie?
Suzanne said...
Look at yourself in the peanut butter. What does your yucky face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired ice cream to an ocean swimming cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a sticky luxury hamburger. Whether it's the delicious spaciousness of our staterooms or the tempting elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a popsicle. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian swimming lessons, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth cereal, were seafaring movies. Europe's most orange chefs prepare your culinary parks. Our pastry chef creates fresh desserts that melt in your strawberry. Our dashing waiters are at your yogurt before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling beef jerky?
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Look at yourself in the empty water bottle. What does your craptastic face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Super Wal-Mart to an ocean ovulating cruise. So do it! Sail in style on an overwhelmed luxury box of Hot Tamales. Whether it's the salty spaciousness of our staterooms or the infectious elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a dentist chair. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian Daughtry groupies, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth plasma TV, were seafaring dental picks. Europe's most multi-layered chefs prepare your culinary summer sandals. Our pastry chef creates cinnamon-y desserts that melt in your guacamole. Our dashing waiters are at your Hugh Jackman poster before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling retainer?
Rachael said...
Look at yourself in the gas tank. What does your bored face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Kleenex to an ocean spilling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a gangrene-infested luxury window washer. Whether it's the overgrown spaciousness of our staterooms or the upside down elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a broken washing machine. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian biting ants, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth pile of mildewing laundry, were seafaring late for school children. Europe's most purple chefs repare your culinary Overeaters Anonymous dropouts. Our pastry chef creates itchy desserts that melt in your perplexed housewife. Our dashing waiters are at your old stinky towel before you can raise an ingrown hair. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling sparkly pipe cleaner?
Millie said...
Look at yourself in the uneasy cow hooked up to the milker for the first time. What does your afraid-of-catching-swine-flu face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired eyeball poke to an ocean stinging cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a verdant luxury dandelion puff. Whether it's the hippie lettuce-growing spaciousness of our staterooms or the giddy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Lucky Charms addict. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian brassieres, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth squeaky porch swing, were seafaring mothers-in-law. Europe's most twice-baked chefs prepare your culinary bored toll booth operators. Our pastry chef creates frequently-gossipped-about desserts that melt in your inappropriate dog costume. Our dashing waiters are at your milk chunk before you can raise a phalange. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling broccoli spear?
Jumping Monkey said...
Look at yourself in the keyboard. What does your fat face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Neverland to an ocean growling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a broken luxury flip-flop. Whether it's the excited spaciousness of our staterooms or the crazy elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a hymnbook. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian necklaces, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth rocking chair, were seafaring toenails. Europe's most nasty chefs prepare your culinary balls. Our pastry chef creates hairy desserts that melt in your plasma. Our dashing waiters are at your football before you can raise a tongue. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling Alaska?
Klin said...
Look at yourself in the room. What does your purple face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired petunia to an ocean snoring cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a warm luxury Josh. Whether it's the tall spaciousness of our staterooms or the smelly elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a commercial. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian wedding dresses, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth 401K, were seafaring funny kitties. Europe's most cluttered chefs prepare your culinary tired feet. Our pastry chef creates dim-witted desserts that melt in your puppy. Our dashing waiters are at your melted crayon before you can raise a retina. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling peep toe shoe?
Sassy said...
Look at yourself in the cocoa. What does your squishy face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Bob to an ocean running cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a hairy luxury Jake. Whether it's the slimy spaciousness of our staterooms or the soft elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a Macey's. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian DVDs, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth Rue 21, were seafaring floors. Europe's most green chefs prepare your culinary woods. Our pastry chef creates fat desserts that melt in your monster. Our dashing waiters are at your iPod before you can raise a toe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling cookie?
Suzanne said...
Look at yourself in the peanut butter. What does your yucky face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired ice cream to an ocean swimming cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a sticky luxury hamburger. Whether it's the delicious spaciousness of our staterooms or the tempting elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a popsicle. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian swimming lessons, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth cereal, were seafaring movies. Europe's most orange chefs prepare your culinary parks. Our pastry chef creates fresh desserts that melt in your strawberry. Our dashing waiters are at your yogurt before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling beef jerky?
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Look at yourself in the empty water bottle. What does your craptastic face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Super Wal-Mart to an ocean ovulating cruise. So do it! Sail in style on an overwhelmed luxury box of Hot Tamales. Whether it's the salty spaciousness of our staterooms or the infectious elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a dentist chair. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian Daughtry groupies, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth plasma TV, were seafaring dental picks. Europe's most multi-layered chefs prepare your culinary summer sandals. Our pastry chef creates cinnamon-y desserts that melt in your guacamole. Our dashing waiters are at your Hugh Jackman poster before you can raise an earlobe. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling retainer?
Rachael said...
Look at yourself in the gas tank. What does your bored face tell you? Right! It's time to treat your tired Kleenex to an ocean spilling cruise. So do it! Sail in style on a gangrene-infested luxury window washer. Whether it's the overgrown spaciousness of our staterooms or the upside down elegance of our salons, everything is fit for a broken washing machine. Our ships are skippered by Norwegian biting ants, whose ancestors, dating back to the ninth pile of mildewing laundry, were seafaring late for school children. Europe's most purple chefs repare your culinary Overeaters Anonymous dropouts. Our pastry chef creates itchy desserts that melt in your perplexed housewife. Our dashing waiters are at your old stinky towel before you can raise an ingrown hair. Don't delay. Plan to sail today. Now look in the mirror. How about that smiling sparkly pipe cleaner?
Friday, September 12, 2008
Political Speech #1
Ladies and gentlemen, on this (adjective) occasion it is a privilege to address such a/an (adjective)-looking group of (plural noun). I can tell from your smiling (plural noun) that you will support my (adjective) program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a/an (noun) in every (noun) and two (plural noun) in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. (name of person in room). This man is nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). He has a/an (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.
Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this red occasion it is a privilege to address such a yellow-looking group of monkeys. I can tell from your smiling carrots that you will support my blue program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a toejam in every rubber baby buggy bumper and two waterfalls in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Harvey the Wonder Hamster. This man is nothing but a smelly twister. He has a chagrined character and is working Baby B in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the flashlights off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Pygmies in the public till. I promise you plump government, whiny taxes, and complicated schools.
Coconut Kate said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this leafy occasion it is a privilege to address such a sparkling-looking group of coolers. I can tell from your smiling clocks that you will support my round program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a squirrel in every paper and two leftovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Miss Fabulous. This woman is nothing but a translucent giraffe. She has a winding character and is working tunnel in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the slinkys off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their men in the public till. I promise you flowery government, green taxes, and oversized schools.
Suzanne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this scorching occasion it is a privilege to address such a hot-looking group of pencils. I can tell from your smiling pens that you will support my sizzling program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an apple in every pencil box and two books in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Santa Claus. This man is nothing but a lukewarm eraser. He has a tepid character and is working desk in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the bags off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their teachers in the public till. I promise you chilly government, cold taxes, and freezing schools.
Klin said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this sweaty occasion it is a privilege to address such a piled high-looking group of slimy toads. I can tell from your smiling cracked feet that you will support my fancy dancy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a dog in every baby and two sweltery days in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Tree Monkey. This man is nothing but a muddy purse. He has a floral character and is working internet in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the smelly lumber piles off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their folded blankets in the public till. I promise you fast government, slimy taxes, and caked schools.
Dalene said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this flamboyant occasion it is a privilege to address such a discomboobulated-looking group of trophy wives. I can tell from your smiling elastic waistbands that you will support my pernicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a flat iron in every encyclopedia and two remote control disco lights in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Wiley Coyote. This man is nothing but a fluffy speaker phone. He has a squishy character and is working widget in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the sponge baths off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their doorknob hangers in the public till. I promise you prepubescent government, flat taxes, and floopy schools.
Natalie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this brawling like hooligans occasion it is a privilege to address such an LDS tattoo-obsessed-looking group of naughty cockatoos. I can tell from your smiling completely inept football players that you will support my strung-out-on-stale-Twinkies program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a guy who yells "Yowza!" in every not-quite-big-enough girdle and two oatmeal scotchies in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. "Needs New Nylons" Newton. This man is nothing but a skin tag-sporting paranoid squirrel. He has a Pina Colada deodorant-enjoying character and is working Kip Dynamite impersonator in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the tubes of crinkly wrapping paper off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their town drunks in the public till. I promise you doesn't-wear-suits-to-the-office government, impressed-by-nudists taxes, and spiked punch-eschewing schools.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this reluctantly related occasion it is a privilege to address such a perpetually confused-looking group of America's Got Talent Hopefulls who got their dreams shattered on National Television. I can tell from your smiling delicious cupcakes with no calories that you will support my over-the-top program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a Harry Henderson's Hometown Haberdashery in every Giant Twinkie Man dressed as a Cowboy and two Sci-Fi convention goers who only speak to each other in Klingon in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Dora the Explorer. This man is nothing but a bewitched Homework Packet for a 2nd Grader filled with math worksheets a Kindergartener could do. He has a bothered character and is working blank-minded Mad Libs Monday participant who can't think of anything clever today in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the people who talk on their cell phones while driving off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their evil Legos that bite the bottoms of your feet as you cross the room in the middle of the night in the public till. I promise you bewildered government, fancy-schmancy taxes, and snobberish schools.
Wynne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this frightening occasion it is a privilege to address such a spiny-looking group of fairies. I can tell from your smiling crocodiles that you will support my delicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be chow mein in every toilet and two hostels in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Jasper the Cat. This man is nothing but an as-seen-on-TV Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. He has a glittery character and is working used kleenex in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Smurfs off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Arabic numerals in the public till. I promise you sludgilicious government, sulphurous taxes, and eardrum-shattering schools.
Rachael said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this wet occasion it is a privilege to address such a sticky-looking group of sticks. I can tell from your smiling earwigs that you will support my pungent program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an "I dream of Genie" autographed poster in every Tom Hanks sweater and two over obsessive Oprah lovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Unibrow Sal. This man is nothing but a grotesque "Missed a spot" Dot. He has a mini character and is working camera lens in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Book club fanatics off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their aimless internet surfers in the public till. I promise you flatulent government, scalloped taxes, and round, fudge-filled schools.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. (name of person in room). This man is nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). He has a/an (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.
Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this red occasion it is a privilege to address such a yellow-looking group of monkeys. I can tell from your smiling carrots that you will support my blue program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a toejam in every rubber baby buggy bumper and two waterfalls in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Harvey the Wonder Hamster. This man is nothing but a smelly twister. He has a chagrined character and is working Baby B in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the flashlights off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Pygmies in the public till. I promise you plump government, whiny taxes, and complicated schools.
Coconut Kate said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this leafy occasion it is a privilege to address such a sparkling-looking group of coolers. I can tell from your smiling clocks that you will support my round program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a squirrel in every paper and two leftovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Miss Fabulous. This woman is nothing but a translucent giraffe. She has a winding character and is working tunnel in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the slinkys off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their men in the public till. I promise you flowery government, green taxes, and oversized schools.
Suzanne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this scorching occasion it is a privilege to address such a hot-looking group of pencils. I can tell from your smiling pens that you will support my sizzling program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an apple in every pencil box and two books in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Santa Claus. This man is nothing but a lukewarm eraser. He has a tepid character and is working desk in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the bags off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their teachers in the public till. I promise you chilly government, cold taxes, and freezing schools.
Klin said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this sweaty occasion it is a privilege to address such a piled high-looking group of slimy toads. I can tell from your smiling cracked feet that you will support my fancy dancy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a dog in every baby and two sweltery days in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Tree Monkey. This man is nothing but a muddy purse. He has a floral character and is working internet in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the smelly lumber piles off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their folded blankets in the public till. I promise you fast government, slimy taxes, and caked schools.
Dalene said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this flamboyant occasion it is a privilege to address such a discomboobulated-looking group of trophy wives. I can tell from your smiling elastic waistbands that you will support my pernicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a flat iron in every encyclopedia and two remote control disco lights in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Wiley Coyote. This man is nothing but a fluffy speaker phone. He has a squishy character and is working widget in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the sponge baths off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their doorknob hangers in the public till. I promise you prepubescent government, flat taxes, and floopy schools.
Natalie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this brawling like hooligans occasion it is a privilege to address such an LDS tattoo-obsessed-looking group of naughty cockatoos. I can tell from your smiling completely inept football players that you will support my strung-out-on-stale-Twinkies program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a guy who yells "Yowza!" in every not-quite-big-enough girdle and two oatmeal scotchies in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. "Needs New Nylons" Newton. This man is nothing but a skin tag-sporting paranoid squirrel. He has a Pina Colada deodorant-enjoying character and is working Kip Dynamite impersonator in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the tubes of crinkly wrapping paper off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their town drunks in the public till. I promise you doesn't-wear-suits-to-the-office government, impressed-by-nudists taxes, and spiked punch-eschewing schools.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this reluctantly related occasion it is a privilege to address such a perpetually confused-looking group of America's Got Talent Hopefulls who got their dreams shattered on National Television. I can tell from your smiling delicious cupcakes with no calories that you will support my over-the-top program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a Harry Henderson's Hometown Haberdashery in every Giant Twinkie Man dressed as a Cowboy and two Sci-Fi convention goers who only speak to each other in Klingon in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Dora the Explorer. This man is nothing but a bewitched Homework Packet for a 2nd Grader filled with math worksheets a Kindergartener could do. He has a bothered character and is working blank-minded Mad Libs Monday participant who can't think of anything clever today in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the people who talk on their cell phones while driving off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their evil Legos that bite the bottoms of your feet as you cross the room in the middle of the night in the public till. I promise you bewildered government, fancy-schmancy taxes, and snobberish schools.
Wynne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this frightening occasion it is a privilege to address such a spiny-looking group of fairies. I can tell from your smiling crocodiles that you will support my delicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be chow mein in every toilet and two hostels in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Jasper the Cat. This man is nothing but an as-seen-on-TV Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. He has a glittery character and is working used kleenex in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Smurfs off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Arabic numerals in the public till. I promise you sludgilicious government, sulphurous taxes, and eardrum-shattering schools.
Rachael said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this wet occasion it is a privilege to address such a sticky-looking group of sticks. I can tell from your smiling earwigs that you will support my pungent program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an "I dream of Genie" autographed poster in every Tom Hanks sweater and two over obsessive Oprah lovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Unibrow Sal. This man is nothing but a grotesque "Missed a spot" Dot. He has a mini character and is working camera lens in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Book club fanatics off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their aimless internet surfers in the public till. I promise you flatulent government, scalloped taxes, and round, fudge-filled schools.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Vacation Dialogue
GIRL: Hello. My name is (girl's name).
BOY: Hi. My name is (male celebrity). I came here with my mother and father and my little (noun).
GIRL: I am here with my best girl (noun). We are staying at the (name of boy) Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great (noun) there. How is the food?
GIRL: (Adjective). But the room only costs (number) dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a/an (noun) for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go (verb ending in ING).
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised (female celebrity) I'd go (verb ending in ING) with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a/an (adjective) Dance at the Hotel (verb ending in ING) Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a/an (adjective) dress and your (kind of shoe, plural). I am going to wear my (plural noun).
Suzanne said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Alice.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward. I came here with my mother and father and my little vampire.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl blood. We are staying at the Jasper Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great red Ford truck there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hot. But the room only costs 1 googolplex dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an immortal for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Bella I'd go kissing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Pale Dance at the Hotel Fighting Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sparkly dress and your boots. I am going to wear my sports cars.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Grizelda Thurburger.
BOY: Hi. My name is Kermit the Frog. I came here with my mother and father and my little heaping pile of nachos.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl pathetic attention-hogging Disney Channel star. We are staying at the Tea-Toddling Tommy Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great only person in America who hasn't seen "The Dark Knight" yet there. How is the food?
GIRL: Vast. But the room only costs 144,000 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a charbroiled hot dog for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go anticipating.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Miss Piggy I'd go quantifying with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Mammoth Dance at the Hotel Rehabilitating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a thundering dress and your mud-covered galoshes. I am going to wear my teething toddlers.
Melonsquirtz said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Knobby Knockers Nancy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Phil Donahue. I came here with my mother and father and my little gerbil drool remover.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl putt putt foofer. We are staying at the never-not-nude Ned Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great trike-riding old biddy there. How is the food?
GIRL: Obsessed with bellybutton preening. But the room only costs 663 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drawers-staining content for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go rear-on-the-carpet dragging.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Kathy Griffin I'd go in-front-of-everyone pants ripping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Wishes for a Smaller Butt Dance at the Hotel "Old Yeller" Mocking Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a maggot farming dress and your sockie-slippers. I am going to wear my monkey trots.
Klin said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Kristy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward Cullen. I came here with my mother and father and my little mall.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl Macy's grocery store. We are staying at the James Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great not quite bright enough lamp there. How is the food?
GIRL: Slimy. But the room only costs 1 dollar a day.
BOY: I rented a blinding sunlight for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Angelina Jolie I'd go skating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Scaly Dance at the Hotel Boarding Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a slobbery dress and your stiletto pumps. I am going to wear my monkeys.
Jean Knee said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Jean Knee.
BOY: Hi. My name is Rene Russo. I came here with my mother and father and my little crusty boil.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl panty twisting lynch pin. We are staying at the Drew Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great carotid artery there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hawt. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drippy, leaking bladder for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go laughing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Michelle Kwan I'd go scootching with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Death Defying Dance at the Hotel Enbalming Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sugar teak sucking dress and your Mary Janes. I am going to wear my Mad Libs.
Rachael said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Betty Spaghetti.
BOY: Hi. My name is Matt Damon. I came here with my mother and father and my little cactus.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl nasty old gym shoe. We are staying at the Eddie Spaghetti Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great Cincinnati, Ohio there. How is the food?
GIRL: Gangly. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a cheap wedding ring for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go oozing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Anne Hathaway I'd go snoozing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Jail Striped Dance at the Hotel Slooping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a gritty dress and your stiletto heels. I am going to wear my ripe bananas.
Dalene said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Penelope.
BOY: Hi. My name is Brad Pitt. I came here with my mother and father and my little clam digger.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl drumstick. We are staying at the Peter Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great rust-bucket there. How is the food?
GIRL: Pent-up. But the room only costs 152 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a limp bandana for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go sleeping.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Madonna I'd go waving with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Perpendicular Dance at the Hotel Matriculating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear an unparalled dress and your Birkenstocks. I am going to wear my bastions of society.
BOY: Hi. My name is (male celebrity). I came here with my mother and father and my little (noun).
GIRL: I am here with my best girl (noun). We are staying at the (name of boy) Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great (noun) there. How is the food?
GIRL: (Adjective). But the room only costs (number) dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a/an (noun) for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go (verb ending in ING).
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised (female celebrity) I'd go (verb ending in ING) with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a/an (adjective) Dance at the Hotel (verb ending in ING) Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a/an (adjective) dress and your (kind of shoe, plural). I am going to wear my (plural noun).
Suzanne said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Alice.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward. I came here with my mother and father and my little vampire.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl blood. We are staying at the Jasper Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great red Ford truck there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hot. But the room only costs 1 googolplex dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an immortal for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Bella I'd go kissing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Pale Dance at the Hotel Fighting Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sparkly dress and your boots. I am going to wear my sports cars.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Grizelda Thurburger.
BOY: Hi. My name is Kermit the Frog. I came here with my mother and father and my little heaping pile of nachos.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl pathetic attention-hogging Disney Channel star. We are staying at the Tea-Toddling Tommy Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great only person in America who hasn't seen "The Dark Knight" yet there. How is the food?
GIRL: Vast. But the room only costs 144,000 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a charbroiled hot dog for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go anticipating.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Miss Piggy I'd go quantifying with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Mammoth Dance at the Hotel Rehabilitating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a thundering dress and your mud-covered galoshes. I am going to wear my teething toddlers.
Melonsquirtz said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Knobby Knockers Nancy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Phil Donahue. I came here with my mother and father and my little gerbil drool remover.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl putt putt foofer. We are staying at the never-not-nude Ned Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great trike-riding old biddy there. How is the food?
GIRL: Obsessed with bellybutton preening. But the room only costs 663 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drawers-staining content for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go rear-on-the-carpet dragging.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Kathy Griffin I'd go in-front-of-everyone pants ripping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Wishes for a Smaller Butt Dance at the Hotel "Old Yeller" Mocking Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a maggot farming dress and your sockie-slippers. I am going to wear my monkey trots.
Klin said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Kristy.
BOY: Hi. My name is Edward Cullen. I came here with my mother and father and my little mall.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl Macy's grocery store. We are staying at the James Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great not quite bright enough lamp there. How is the food?
GIRL: Slimy. But the room only costs 1 dollar a day.
BOY: I rented a blinding sunlight for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Angelina Jolie I'd go skating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Scaly Dance at the Hotel Boarding Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a slobbery dress and your stiletto pumps. I am going to wear my monkeys.
Jean Knee said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Jean Knee.
BOY: Hi. My name is Rene Russo. I came here with my mother and father and my little crusty boil.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl panty twisting lynch pin. We are staying at the Drew Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great carotid artery there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hawt. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a drippy, leaking bladder for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go laughing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Michelle Kwan I'd go scootching with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Death Defying Dance at the Hotel Enbalming Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sugar teak sucking dress and your Mary Janes. I am going to wear my Mad Libs.
Rachael said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Betty Spaghetti.
BOY: Hi. My name is Matt Damon. I came here with my mother and father and my little cactus.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl nasty old gym shoe. We are staying at the Eddie Spaghetti Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great Cincinnati, Ohio there. How is the food?
GIRL: Gangly. But the room only costs 14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a cheap wedding ring for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go oozing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Anne Hathaway I'd go snoozing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Jail Striped Dance at the Hotel Slooping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a gritty dress and your stiletto heels. I am going to wear my ripe bananas.
Dalene said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Penelope.
BOY: Hi. My name is Brad Pitt. I came here with my mother and father and my little clam digger.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl drumstick. We are staying at the Peter Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great rust-bucket there. How is the food?
GIRL: Pent-up. But the room only costs 152 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a limp bandana for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go sleeping.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Madonna I'd go waving with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Perpendicular Dance at the Hotel Matriculating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear an unparalled dress and your Birkenstocks. I am going to wear my bastions of society.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Pool Rools
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this (noun) or soak in our (adjective) spa, you must follow these (adjective) rules.
1. No nude (verb ending in ING) allowed. Men must wear (adjective) shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing (plural nouns) or (adjective) bikinis.
2. No (plural noun) under the age of (number) are allowed in the (noun) unless accompanied by a (noun).
3. (verb ending in ING) in the pool is only permitted in the (adjective) end and only when a life-(noun) is on duty.
4. People with (adjective) hair must wear bathing (plural noun).
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, (adverb) cover your arms, legs, and (part of the body) with a (adjective) lotion. You don't want to get a (noun) burn!
Have a (adjective) day!
Physcokity said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this blue cheese dressing or soak in our colder-than-your-mom-on-a-bad-day spa, you must follow these sassy rules.
1. No nude dazzling allowed. Men must wear more-flies-than-a-pile-of-horse-manure shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing sticks of butter or fifty-something bikinis.
2. No rubber duckies under the age of 50...million are allowed in the sexy lingerie unless accompanied by a lighthouse.
3. Zinging in the pool is only permitted in the Fergalicious end and only when a life-lei is on duty.
4. People with heavy hair must wear bathing beefcakes from Hades.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, exactly cover your arms, legs, and hairy armpit with a snot-nosed lotion. You don't want to get a snowball burn!
Have a hairier than a dang saskwatch day!
Tori said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this cat whisker or soak in our half-naked spa, you must follow these cottage cheesy rules.
1. No nude buzzing allowed. Men must wear pus-filled shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing houses or crispy bikinis.
2. No camels under the age of 121,464 are allowed in the race car unless accompanied by a cereal bowl.
3. Cleaning in the pool is only permitted in the checkered end and only when a life-eyebrow comb is on duty.
4. People with see-thru hair must wear bathing teeth.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, half-heartedly cover your arms, legs, and nostril with a rancid lotion. You don't want to get a bra strap burn!
Have a sticky day!
Elasticwaistband Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Anti-Monkey Butt Powder or soak in our obscenely obscene spa, you must follow these saggy rules.
1. No nude prancing allowed. Men must wear soggy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing olive pits named Brad Pitt or androgynous bikinis.
2. No dust bunny mafias under the age of 888 are allowed in the Beetlejuice sandwich unless accompanied by crustified undies.
3. Romancing in the pool is only permitted in the stupider-than-a-flock-of-low-IQ-sheep end and only when a life-Big Bill's blue ball is on duty.
4. People with perverted hair must wear dandruff-filled snowglobes.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, know-it-all-ingly cover your arms, legs, and fibber fibbin fibula with a sharty lotion. You don't want to get a giant potato eye with a monacle-burn!
Have a milquetoast day!
Suzanne said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this North or soak in our red spa, you must follow these orange rules.
1. No nude belching allowed. Men must wear yellow shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing cheeses or green bikinis.
2. No armpits under the age of 62 are allowed in the East unless accompanied by a South.
3. Farting in the pool is only permitted in the blue end and only when a life-West is on duty.
4. People with purple hair must wear bathing watermelons.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, willingly cover your arms, legs, and belly button with a brown lotion. You don't want to get an underground-burn!
Have a black day!
Jean Knee said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this mayonnaise jar or soak in our big spa, you must follow these little rules.
1. No nude pus-gushing allowed. Men must wear squishy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing owls or receding bikinis.
2. No basement windows under the age of 4 are allowed in the birdhouse unless accompanied by a melted candle stuck in ear.
3. Hip hopping in the pool is only permitted in the stiff, little end and only when a life-Hello Kitty is on duty.
4. People with bad-ashed hair must wear bathing lilting sailors.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, wildly cover your arms, legs, and uvula with a slimy lotion. You don't want to get an corn cob-burn!
Have a soft day!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this fizzled-out computer speaker or soak in our apathetic spa, you must follow these underestimated rules.
1. No nude sacrificing allowed. Men must wear well-done shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing feather pillows or whiny bikinis.
2. No telemarketers under the age of 815 are allowed in the stale diet coke unless accompanied by a peanut butter granola bar.
3. Placating in the pool is only permitted in the tired end and only when a life-Dora swimming suit is on duty.
4. People with hungry hair must wear bathing Trekkies.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, noisily cover your arms, legs, and uvula with an accentuated lotion. You don't want to get an dull sewing scissors-burn!
Have a morose day!
Rachael said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Carl's Jr. or soak in our slippery spa, you must follow these puke green rules.
1. No nude sideways-walking allowed. Men must wear sloppy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing rat tails or gangrene-infected bikinis.
2. No crying whining kids under the age of 2 are allowed in the blue-eyed baby unless accompanied by a kitchen sink.
3. Climbing in the pool is only permitted in the rat infested end and only when a life-ingrown hair is on duty.
4. People with crusty hair must wear bathing screen-pinched fingers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, quickly cover your arms, legs, and excessively tattooed arm with a 6" tall lotion. You don't want to get a funky-smelling toenail burn!
Have a hairy day!
Klin said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this long freakin' drive or soak in our "I can't move another muscle" tired spa, you must follow these chipped and broken rules.
1. No nude finally we begin moving allowed. Men must wear stacked four high and unstable shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing tired and worn out kids or slower than molasses wire transfers bikinis.
2. No sad about no internets parents under the age of 1279 are allowed in the freshly tarred road unless accompanied by a super toasty toad.
3. Soon to be sleeping in the pool is only permitted in the spooky and ooky end and only when a life-barren rooms of old house is on duty.
4. People with mysteriously kosher hair must wear bathing freaked out about moving pets.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, woosily cover your arms, legs, and middle knuckle on the left ring finger with a soaked with sweat lotion. You don't want to get a mega large moving truck-burn!
Have a brand-spankin' new day!
Natalie said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this bra-snapping teenager or soak in our grungy scrunchie-sporting spa, you must follow these scary and partially digested rules.
1. No nude waddling allowed. Men must wear likes-to-point-out-armpit-hair shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing snot bubbles or "not a cold sore"-having bikinis.
2. No raunchified toothbrushes under the age of 238471 are allowed in the sucky deaf people movie unless accompanied by a glass jar of wet cigarette butts.
3. Pantsing in the pool is only permitted in the Iocane powder-poisoned end and only when a life-bulging Dizzy Gillespie cheek is on duty.
4. People with camo undies-wearing hair must wear bathing blue-flamers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, emergency-potty-goingly cover your arms, legs, and epididymus with a brown and crunchy lotion. You don't want to get a kitten pot pie-burn!
Have a drop-kicked across the room day!
If you want to swim in this (noun) or soak in our (adjective) spa, you must follow these (adjective) rules.
1. No nude (verb ending in ING) allowed. Men must wear (adjective) shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing (plural nouns) or (adjective) bikinis.
2. No (plural noun) under the age of (number) are allowed in the (noun) unless accompanied by a (noun).
3. (verb ending in ING) in the pool is only permitted in the (adjective) end and only when a life-(noun) is on duty.
4. People with (adjective) hair must wear bathing (plural noun).
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, (adverb) cover your arms, legs, and (part of the body) with a (adjective) lotion. You don't want to get a (noun) burn!
Have a (adjective) day!
Physcokity said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this blue cheese dressing or soak in our colder-than-your-mom-on-a-bad-day spa, you must follow these sassy rules.
1. No nude dazzling allowed. Men must wear more-flies-than-a-pile-of-horse-manure shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing sticks of butter or fifty-something bikinis.
2. No rubber duckies under the age of 50...million are allowed in the sexy lingerie unless accompanied by a lighthouse.
3. Zinging in the pool is only permitted in the Fergalicious end and only when a life-lei is on duty.
4. People with heavy hair must wear bathing beefcakes from Hades.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, exactly cover your arms, legs, and hairy armpit with a snot-nosed lotion. You don't want to get a snowball burn!
Have a hairier than a dang saskwatch day!
Tori said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this cat whisker or soak in our half-naked spa, you must follow these cottage cheesy rules.
1. No nude buzzing allowed. Men must wear pus-filled shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing houses or crispy bikinis.
2. No camels under the age of 121,464 are allowed in the race car unless accompanied by a cereal bowl.
3. Cleaning in the pool is only permitted in the checkered end and only when a life-eyebrow comb is on duty.
4. People with see-thru hair must wear bathing teeth.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, half-heartedly cover your arms, legs, and nostril with a rancid lotion. You don't want to get a bra strap burn!
Have a sticky day!
Elasticwaistband Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Anti-Monkey Butt Powder or soak in our obscenely obscene spa, you must follow these saggy rules.
1. No nude prancing allowed. Men must wear soggy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing olive pits named Brad Pitt or androgynous bikinis.
2. No dust bunny mafias under the age of 888 are allowed in the Beetlejuice sandwich unless accompanied by crustified undies.
3. Romancing in the pool is only permitted in the stupider-than-a-flock-of-low-IQ-sheep end and only when a life-Big Bill's blue ball is on duty.
4. People with perverted hair must wear dandruff-filled snowglobes.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, know-it-all-ingly cover your arms, legs, and fibber fibbin fibula with a sharty lotion. You don't want to get a giant potato eye with a monacle-burn!
Have a milquetoast day!
Suzanne said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this North or soak in our red spa, you must follow these orange rules.
1. No nude belching allowed. Men must wear yellow shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing cheeses or green bikinis.
2. No armpits under the age of 62 are allowed in the East unless accompanied by a South.
3. Farting in the pool is only permitted in the blue end and only when a life-West is on duty.
4. People with purple hair must wear bathing watermelons.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, willingly cover your arms, legs, and belly button with a brown lotion. You don't want to get an underground-burn!
Have a black day!
Jean Knee said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this mayonnaise jar or soak in our big spa, you must follow these little rules.
1. No nude pus-gushing allowed. Men must wear squishy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing owls or receding bikinis.
2. No basement windows under the age of 4 are allowed in the birdhouse unless accompanied by a melted candle stuck in ear.
3. Hip hopping in the pool is only permitted in the stiff, little end and only when a life-Hello Kitty is on duty.
4. People with bad-ashed hair must wear bathing lilting sailors.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, wildly cover your arms, legs, and uvula with a slimy lotion. You don't want to get an corn cob-burn!
Have a soft day!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this fizzled-out computer speaker or soak in our apathetic spa, you must follow these underestimated rules.
1. No nude sacrificing allowed. Men must wear well-done shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing feather pillows or whiny bikinis.
2. No telemarketers under the age of 815 are allowed in the stale diet coke unless accompanied by a peanut butter granola bar.
3. Placating in the pool is only permitted in the tired end and only when a life-Dora swimming suit is on duty.
4. People with hungry hair must wear bathing Trekkies.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, noisily cover your arms, legs, and uvula with an accentuated lotion. You don't want to get an dull sewing scissors-burn!
Have a morose day!
Rachael said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this Carl's Jr. or soak in our slippery spa, you must follow these puke green rules.
1. No nude sideways-walking allowed. Men must wear sloppy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing rat tails or gangrene-infected bikinis.
2. No crying whining kids under the age of 2 are allowed in the blue-eyed baby unless accompanied by a kitchen sink.
3. Climbing in the pool is only permitted in the rat infested end and only when a life-ingrown hair is on duty.
4. People with crusty hair must wear bathing screen-pinched fingers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, quickly cover your arms, legs, and excessively tattooed arm with a 6" tall lotion. You don't want to get a funky-smelling toenail burn!
Have a hairy day!
Klin said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this long freakin' drive or soak in our "I can't move another muscle" tired spa, you must follow these chipped and broken rules.
1. No nude finally we begin moving allowed. Men must wear stacked four high and unstable shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing tired and worn out kids or slower than molasses wire transfers bikinis.
2. No sad about no internets parents under the age of 1279 are allowed in the freshly tarred road unless accompanied by a super toasty toad.
3. Soon to be sleeping in the pool is only permitted in the spooky and ooky end and only when a life-barren rooms of old house is on duty.
4. People with mysteriously kosher hair must wear bathing freaked out about moving pets.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, woosily cover your arms, legs, and middle knuckle on the left ring finger with a soaked with sweat lotion. You don't want to get a mega large moving truck-burn!
Have a brand-spankin' new day!
Natalie said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!
If you want to swim in this bra-snapping teenager or soak in our grungy scrunchie-sporting spa, you must follow these scary and partially digested rules.
1. No nude waddling allowed. Men must wear likes-to-point-out-armpit-hair shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing snot bubbles or "not a cold sore"-having bikinis.
2. No raunchified toothbrushes under the age of 238471 are allowed in the sucky deaf people movie unless accompanied by a glass jar of wet cigarette butts.
3. Pantsing in the pool is only permitted in the Iocane powder-poisoned end and only when a life-bulging Dizzy Gillespie cheek is on duty.
4. People with camo undies-wearing hair must wear bathing blue-flamers.
WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, emergency-potty-goingly cover your arms, legs, and epididymus with a brown and crunchy lotion. You don't want to get a kitten pot pie-burn!
Have a drop-kicked across the room day!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Letter Received By the Father of a Marriageable Daughter
Dear (name of man in room),
I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman in room) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).
Signed: (Name of man in room)
Mad Lib Monger said…
Dear Henry Hemorrhoid,
I am in love with your flatulent and embarrassed daughter Spoon-spanked Spigella and I would like to ask for her jingling vacuum bag in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect beer bottle sniffer. She is the only duck on a string I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ten-pounders. At present I am employed as an assistant wide load and I make an eye crunch-sporting salary of 238492 dollars a week. I have a split-level crocheted bikini picked out in Rentown, USA that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her Elvis-impersonating and to be an alive for the next ten minutes gummy bear.
Signed: Fishpaste Frank
Suzanne said…
Dear John McCain,
I am in love with your wiley daughter Hilary and I would like to ask for her Delaware in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Montana. She is the only Florida I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hanging chads. At present I am employed as an assistant Washington and I make a charismatic salary of 62 dollars a week. I have a split-level Texas picked out in Washington, DC that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her vocal and to be a pushy Utah.
Signed: Barack Obama
Rachael said…
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith,
I am in love with your raunchy daughter Pam and I would like to ask for her 50-year-old tin can in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect “liquid” from the bottom of the trashcan. She is the only toenail clipping I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my leftover sloppy joes. At present I am employed as an assistant banana that has been mashed into the carpet and I make an encrusted salary of 7 meeellion dollars a week. I have a split-level booger picked out in The Small of Burt Reynold’s Back that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her green with purple polka dots and to be a checkered ingrown hair.
Signed: Bert
Thorny Tree Lady said…
Dear Hoarace McGillicutty,
I am in love with your quaint daughter Lavicka and I would like to ask for her recipe box in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect glitter. She is the only orange popsicle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my jaters. At present I am employed as an assistant antique quilt and I make a magenta salary of 1,234 dollars a week. I have a split-level NoDoz tablet picked out in The Dark Side of the Moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her articulate and to be an allergy-ridden barfed-on bedsheet.
Signed: Ringo Starr
Coconut Kate said…
Dear Dana Carvey,
I am in love with your sticky daughter Gertrude and I would like to ask for her funnel in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect lawn. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my envelopes. At present I am employed as an assistant pocket and I make a blue salary of 87 dollars a week. I have a split-level muskrat picked out on top of that hill yonder that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slippery and to be a murky coconut bra.
Signed: Keanu Reeves
Compulsive Writer said…
Dear Jack Black,
I am in love with your plucky daughter Penelope and I would like to ask for her grubworm in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect twister. She is the only toe ring I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my nematodes. At present I am employed as an assistant flux capacitor and I make a pernicious salary of 2.567 dollars a week. I have a split-level wing-back chair picked out under a bed somewhere in midtown Manhattan that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pedantic and to be an predatory brick wall.
Signed: Stephie Colbert
Klin said…
Dear Nicholas Cage,
I am in love with your sexy daughter Renae and I would like to ask for her lazy old horse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hyperactive and very talkative girl. She is the only whispering wind I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my musical wind chimes. At present I am employed as an assistant serene afternoon and I make an adorable salary of 187 dollars a week. I have a split-level sparkling firecracker picked out in Jolley’s Ranch that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her steamy and to be a luscious thunderous storm.
Signed: Clark Gable
O. Honey said…
Dear Jason Bateman,
I am in love with your unappetizing daughter Complete Dipwad and I would like to ask for her fishlips in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect newly hatched pterodactyl. She is the only swarm of locusts I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Pretty Patties. At present I am employed as an assistant Dyno-bite and I make a laughs-like-a-dork salary of 238,473,592,341 dollars a week. I have a split-level insane Pee-Wee Herman fan picked out in a pineapple under the sea that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sequinned and to be a crud-covered constant fanner.
Signed: Luka on ER
I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman in room) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).
Signed: (Name of man in room)
Mad Lib Monger said…
Dear Henry Hemorrhoid,
I am in love with your flatulent and embarrassed daughter Spoon-spanked Spigella and I would like to ask for her jingling vacuum bag in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect beer bottle sniffer. She is the only duck on a string I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ten-pounders. At present I am employed as an assistant wide load and I make an eye crunch-sporting salary of 238492 dollars a week. I have a split-level crocheted bikini picked out in Rentown, USA that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her Elvis-impersonating and to be an alive for the next ten minutes gummy bear.
Signed: Fishpaste Frank
Suzanne said…
Dear John McCain,
I am in love with your wiley daughter Hilary and I would like to ask for her Delaware in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Montana. She is the only Florida I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hanging chads. At present I am employed as an assistant Washington and I make a charismatic salary of 62 dollars a week. I have a split-level Texas picked out in Washington, DC that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her vocal and to be a pushy Utah.
Signed: Barack Obama
Rachael said…
Dear John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith,
I am in love with your raunchy daughter Pam and I would like to ask for her 50-year-old tin can in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect “liquid” from the bottom of the trashcan. She is the only toenail clipping I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my leftover sloppy joes. At present I am employed as an assistant banana that has been mashed into the carpet and I make an encrusted salary of 7 meeellion dollars a week. I have a split-level booger picked out in The Small of Burt Reynold’s Back that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her green with purple polka dots and to be a checkered ingrown hair.
Signed: Bert
Thorny Tree Lady said…
Dear Hoarace McGillicutty,
I am in love with your quaint daughter Lavicka and I would like to ask for her recipe box in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect glitter. She is the only orange popsicle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my jaters. At present I am employed as an assistant antique quilt and I make a magenta salary of 1,234 dollars a week. I have a split-level NoDoz tablet picked out in The Dark Side of the Moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her articulate and to be an allergy-ridden barfed-on bedsheet.
Signed: Ringo Starr
Coconut Kate said…
Dear Dana Carvey,
I am in love with your sticky daughter Gertrude and I would like to ask for her funnel in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect lawn. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my envelopes. At present I am employed as an assistant pocket and I make a blue salary of 87 dollars a week. I have a split-level muskrat picked out on top of that hill yonder that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slippery and to be a murky coconut bra.
Signed: Keanu Reeves
Compulsive Writer said…
Dear Jack Black,
I am in love with your plucky daughter Penelope and I would like to ask for her grubworm in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect twister. She is the only toe ring I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my nematodes. At present I am employed as an assistant flux capacitor and I make a pernicious salary of 2.567 dollars a week. I have a split-level wing-back chair picked out under a bed somewhere in midtown Manhattan that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pedantic and to be an predatory brick wall.
Signed: Stephie Colbert
Klin said…
Dear Nicholas Cage,
I am in love with your sexy daughter Renae and I would like to ask for her lazy old horse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hyperactive and very talkative girl. She is the only whispering wind I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my musical wind chimes. At present I am employed as an assistant serene afternoon and I make an adorable salary of 187 dollars a week. I have a split-level sparkling firecracker picked out in Jolley’s Ranch that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her steamy and to be a luscious thunderous storm.
Signed: Clark Gable
O. Honey said…
Dear Jason Bateman,
I am in love with your unappetizing daughter Complete Dipwad and I would like to ask for her fishlips in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect newly hatched pterodactyl. She is the only swarm of locusts I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Pretty Patties. At present I am employed as an assistant Dyno-bite and I make a laughs-like-a-dork salary of 238,473,592,341 dollars a week. I have a split-level insane Pee-Wee Herman fan picked out in a pineapple under the sea that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sequinned and to be a crud-covered constant fanner.
Signed: Luka on ER
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Smoking Cigarettes
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes (type of disease). It is also bad for your (noun) and causes pains in the (part of the body). When mice and dogs were exposed to (adjective) cigarette smoke, they developed (person in room)’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal (plural noun) on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of (plural noun) advertising their (nasty adjective) product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and (plural noun) in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “(exclamation)!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only (plural noun) smoke.
Sketchy said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes toenail fungi. It is also bad for your human beatbox instruction blog and causes pains in the weird cracked callous on the back of my heel. When mice and dogs were exposed to unnavigatably cluttery cigarette smoke, they developed Nightstar the cat’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal nonworking ballpoint pens that just keep getting stuck back in the drawer just in case they write next time on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of stacks of video games that will never be replayed but must be kept, why? Just in case - advertising their “This basement is a mess!” product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and unfinished projects in the basement in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Why do we have all this crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only Costco size packs of toilet paper because you forgot you already had plenty and you got some just in case…twice… smoke.
Suzanne said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes measles. It is also bad for your polka dot and causes pains in the armpit. When mice and dogs were exposed to red cigarette smoke, they developed Santa Claus’ disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal bandaids on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of hiccups advertising their sticky product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and turtles in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Hallelujah!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only ladybugs smoke.
Rachael said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes foot in mouth disease. It is also bad for your melted crayon on the carpet and causes pains in the ingrown toenail. When mice and dogs were exposed to gangrene covered cigarette smoke, they developed Boogeyman’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal tonsils on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of old ladies who can’t see while driving cars advertising their moldy product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and geese in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Aye Carumba!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only all y’all’s moms smoke.
Jean Knee said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes gangrene. It is also bad for your biggest green booger and causes pains in the armpit. When mice and dogs were exposed to exceedingly funky smelling cigarette smoke, they developed Crazy Tom Cruise’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal garbanzo beans on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of fried chickens advertising their oozing product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and fermented apricots in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only tae kown do champions smoke.
ThornyTreeLady said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes Jumping Frenchman of Maine Disorder. It is also bad for your Pokemon “PsyudoWoodo” Doll and causes pains in the uvula. When mice and dogs were exposed to inconsequential cigarette smoke, they developed Nicholas Cage’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal Nikon cameras on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of Comic Con attendees advertising their uncongenial product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and Beach Boys tribute bands in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Holy Schnikies!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only powerless batteries smoke.
Powerhouse said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes cancer. It is also bad for your Pikachu and causes pains in the collar bone. When mice and dogs were exposed to stinky cigarette smoke, they developed my best friend Sam’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal pens on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of campfires advertising their gross product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and zombies in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Holy Crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only cute babies smoke.
Klin said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes psoriasis. It is also bad for your Country Time Lemonade and causes pains in the skin tag hangy down thingy. When mice and dogs were exposed to foamy cigarette smoke, they developed Klin’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal half-melted candles on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of worn-out flip flops advertising their mucusy product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and ridiculous movies in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “What the Peaches and Cream!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only smelly boy shoes smoke.
Elasticwaistbandlady said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes chronic crusty crotch rot. It is also bad for your Kelly Ripa voodoo doll and causes pains in the big fibbin fibber fibula. When mice and dogs were exposed to peeling like Chinese chef Pee-Ling cigarette smoke, they developed Engelbert Humperdinck And His Lips Of Wrath’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal expired tubes of lube on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of giant bazonga chimichangas advertising their greasier than Greasy Bob’s greasy back product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and Wrinkly Chuck’s nunchucks in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only Miss Haversham’s Spiderweb Cakes smoke.
Tori said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes herpes. It is also bad for your ice and causes pains in the armpit. When mice and dogs were exposed to hairy cigarette smoke, they developed Tori’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal cats on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of floors advertising their rotting product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and cactuses in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Holy Crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only speakers smoke.
Mindyluwho said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes elephantiasis. It is also bad for your red bonnet and causes pains in the pinkie toe. When mice and dogs were exposed to crunchy cigarette smoke, they developed Little Red Riding Hood’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal quilts on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of chalkboards advertising their festering product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and hairy bearded men in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Yikes!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only sheer curtains smoke.
Sketchy said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes toenail fungi. It is also bad for your human beatbox instruction blog and causes pains in the weird cracked callous on the back of my heel. When mice and dogs were exposed to unnavigatably cluttery cigarette smoke, they developed Nightstar the cat’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal nonworking ballpoint pens that just keep getting stuck back in the drawer just in case they write next time on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of stacks of video games that will never be replayed but must be kept, why? Just in case - advertising their “This basement is a mess!” product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and unfinished projects in the basement in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Why do we have all this crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only Costco size packs of toilet paper because you forgot you already had plenty and you got some just in case…twice… smoke.
Suzanne said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes measles. It is also bad for your polka dot and causes pains in the armpit. When mice and dogs were exposed to red cigarette smoke, they developed Santa Claus’ disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal bandaids on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of hiccups advertising their sticky product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and turtles in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Hallelujah!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only ladybugs smoke.
Rachael said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes foot in mouth disease. It is also bad for your melted crayon on the carpet and causes pains in the ingrown toenail. When mice and dogs were exposed to gangrene covered cigarette smoke, they developed Boogeyman’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal tonsils on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of old ladies who can’t see while driving cars advertising their moldy product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and geese in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Aye Carumba!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only all y’all’s moms smoke.
Jean Knee said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes gangrene. It is also bad for your biggest green booger and causes pains in the armpit. When mice and dogs were exposed to exceedingly funky smelling cigarette smoke, they developed Crazy Tom Cruise’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal garbanzo beans on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of fried chickens advertising their oozing product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and fermented apricots in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only tae kown do champions smoke.
ThornyTreeLady said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes Jumping Frenchman of Maine Disorder. It is also bad for your Pokemon “PsyudoWoodo” Doll and causes pains in the uvula. When mice and dogs were exposed to inconsequential cigarette smoke, they developed Nicholas Cage’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal Nikon cameras on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of Comic Con attendees advertising their uncongenial product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and Beach Boys tribute bands in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Holy Schnikies!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only powerless batteries smoke.
Powerhouse said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes cancer. It is also bad for your Pikachu and causes pains in the collar bone. When mice and dogs were exposed to stinky cigarette smoke, they developed my best friend Sam’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal pens on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of campfires advertising their gross product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and zombies in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Holy Crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only cute babies smoke.
Klin said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes psoriasis. It is also bad for your Country Time Lemonade and causes pains in the skin tag hangy down thingy. When mice and dogs were exposed to foamy cigarette smoke, they developed Klin’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal half-melted candles on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of worn-out flip flops advertising their mucusy product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and ridiculous movies in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “What the Peaches and Cream!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only smelly boy shoes smoke.
Elasticwaistbandlady said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes chronic crusty crotch rot. It is also bad for your Kelly Ripa voodoo doll and causes pains in the big fibbin fibber fibula. When mice and dogs were exposed to peeling like Chinese chef Pee-Ling cigarette smoke, they developed Engelbert Humperdinck And His Lips Of Wrath’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal expired tubes of lube on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of giant bazonga chimichangas advertising their greasier than Greasy Bob’s greasy back product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and Wrinkly Chuck’s nunchucks in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only Miss Haversham’s Spiderweb Cakes smoke.
Tori said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes herpes. It is also bad for your ice and causes pains in the armpit. When mice and dogs were exposed to hairy cigarette smoke, they developed Tori’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal cats on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of floors advertising their rotting product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and cactuses in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Holy Crap!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only speakers smoke.
Mindyluwho said…
Medical science has discovered that smoking cigarettes causes elephantiasis. It is also bad for your red bonnet and causes pains in the pinkie toe. When mice and dogs were exposed to crunchy cigarette smoke, they developed Little Red Riding Hood’s disease. Tobacco companies have put charcoal quilts on the ends of cigarettes, but they still spend millions of chalkboards advertising their festering product. If you smoke cigarettes, the tobacco will leave all kinds of tar and hairy bearded men in your lungs. This will make you cough and say, “Yikes!” Don’t smoke cigarettes. Remember, only sheer curtains smoke.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
How To Do That New Dance, The Monstrosity
(That's the name of the Mad Lib we did - lest there be any confusion.)
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot (adverb) to the side. Now stamp your right foot (number) times and put your hands on your partner's (plural noun). Next, you both (verb) slowly to the right and bend your (part of the body) backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you (verb) (adverb) to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your (plural noun) and slap your (plural noun) together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your (plural noun) together and shout, "(nonsense word)!" Now (verb) backward and repeat the whole thing (number) times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always (verb) the next one out.
Rachael said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot hysterically to the side. Now stamp your right foot four times and put your hands on your partner's telemarketers that aren’t “really” telemarketers. Next, you both run slowly to the right and bend your mole hair backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you squat mysteriously to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your food from the movie theater floor and slap your pieces of chewed up gum together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your baby vomit crusties together and shout, "Piddlypoo!" Now lounge backward and repeat the whole thing twenty times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always cry the next one out.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot secretly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 815 times and put your hands on your partner's baby monkeys. Next, you both hunt slowly to the right and bend your uvula backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you snore unwillingly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your empty KitKat wrappers and slap your dillusional Hillary Clinton supporters together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your imitation Indiana Jones whips together and shout, "Stinker-rinker!" Now giggle backward and repeat the whole thing 8,675,309 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always give-up the next one out.
Klin said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot secretly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 315,928 times and put your hands on your partner's baskets of towels to fold. Next, you both run out of time slowly to the right and bend your splitting cuticles backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you act so very excited wildly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your tons of garbage to dump and slap your walls to paint together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your houses to sell together and shout, "Ba-dump-ump!" Now get wet in the rain backward and repeat the whole thing seven times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always fold the next one out.
Elasticwaistband Lady said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot lustily to the side. Now stamp your right foot 8675309 times and put your hands on your partner's half-eaten vienna sausage sandwiches. Next, you both ankle-bite slowly to the right and bend your Angie's phalanges backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you leg-spread dorkily to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your wonder woman underoos and slap your pillows stuffed full of dryer lint together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your short hairs together and shout, "Shimmyshimmycocopops!" Now potion-drink backward and repeat the whole thing 25 or 6 to 4 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always Exorcist head-spin the next one out.
Suzanne said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot sneakily to the side. Now stamp your right foot 815 times and put your hands on your partner's boogers. Next, you both skip slowly to the right and bend your nasal passages backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you jump sparsely to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your skateboards and slap your whistles together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your cameras together and shout, "Gobbley goop!" Now leap backward and repeat the whole thing 8675309 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always roll the next one out.
Sharon said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot crookedly to the side. Now stamp your right foot twelve and a half times and put your hands on your partner's insurance papers. Next, you both frolic slowly to the right and bend your retina backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you paint anxiously to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your shelves and slap your water bottles together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your short hairs together and shout, "Fiddle-faddle!" Now dig backward and repeat the whole thing 80 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always pay the next one out.
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot (adverb) to the side. Now stamp your right foot (number) times and put your hands on your partner's (plural noun). Next, you both (verb) slowly to the right and bend your (part of the body) backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you (verb) (adverb) to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your (plural noun) and slap your (plural noun) together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your (plural noun) together and shout, "(nonsense word)!" Now (verb) backward and repeat the whole thing (number) times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always (verb) the next one out.
Rachael said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot hysterically to the side. Now stamp your right foot four times and put your hands on your partner's telemarketers that aren’t “really” telemarketers. Next, you both run slowly to the right and bend your mole hair backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you squat mysteriously to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your food from the movie theater floor and slap your pieces of chewed up gum together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your baby vomit crusties together and shout, "Piddlypoo!" Now lounge backward and repeat the whole thing twenty times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always cry the next one out.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot secretly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 815 times and put your hands on your partner's baby monkeys. Next, you both hunt slowly to the right and bend your uvula backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you snore unwillingly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your empty KitKat wrappers and slap your dillusional Hillary Clinton supporters together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your imitation Indiana Jones whips together and shout, "Stinker-rinker!" Now giggle backward and repeat the whole thing 8,675,309 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always give-up the next one out.
Klin said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot secretly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 315,928 times and put your hands on your partner's baskets of towels to fold. Next, you both run out of time slowly to the right and bend your splitting cuticles backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you act so very excited wildly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your tons of garbage to dump and slap your walls to paint together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your houses to sell together and shout, "Ba-dump-ump!" Now get wet in the rain backward and repeat the whole thing seven times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always fold the next one out.
Elasticwaistband Lady said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot lustily to the side. Now stamp your right foot 8675309 times and put your hands on your partner's half-eaten vienna sausage sandwiches. Next, you both ankle-bite slowly to the right and bend your Angie's phalanges backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you leg-spread dorkily to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your wonder woman underoos and slap your pillows stuffed full of dryer lint together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your short hairs together and shout, "Shimmyshimmycocopops!" Now potion-drink backward and repeat the whole thing 25 or 6 to 4 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always Exorcist head-spin the next one out.
Suzanne said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot sneakily to the side. Now stamp your right foot 815 times and put your hands on your partner's boogers. Next, you both skip slowly to the right and bend your nasal passages backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you jump sparsely to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your skateboards and slap your whistles together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your cameras together and shout, "Gobbley goop!" Now leap backward and repeat the whole thing 8675309 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always roll the next one out.
Sharon said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot crookedly to the side. Now stamp your right foot twelve and a half times and put your hands on your partner's insurance papers. Next, you both frolic slowly to the right and bend your retina backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you paint anxiously to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your shelves and slap your water bottles together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your short hairs together and shout, "Fiddle-faddle!" Now dig backward and repeat the whole thing 80 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always pay the next one out.
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