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FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This (adjective) car is in a/an (adjective) condition. It was formerly owned by a/an (adjective) school teacher who always drove it (adverb). There is a/an (adjective) (noun) in the back seat and a chrome (noun) on the hood. It has a/an (adjective) paint job, (adjective) tires, and the back opens out into a/an (adjective) (noun). Will consider taking slightly used (noun) in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of (geographical location), a/an (adjective) French poodle with (adjective) hair and a/an (adjective) tail. It answers to the name of (name of person in room) and when last seen was carrying a/an (noun) in its mouth. A/An (adjective) reward is offered.

Millie said...
FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This pummeled with pillows car is in a wrinkly and crusty condition. It was formerly owned by a pejorative school teacher who always drove it jackrabbit-catchingly. There is an orange peel-covered professional armpit sniffer in the back seat and a chrome ugly plant on the hood. It has a flapping in the breeze paint job, filled with sugary goodness tires, and the back opens out into an acidic Grandma's knickers. Will consider taking slightly used eyelash mite in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of Rentown, USA, a numerological French poodle with blistered and oozing hair and an iris-sniffing tail. It answers to the name of Lola the Showgirl and when last seen was carrying a spoon bent with mind power in its mouth. A fey reward is offered.

Heffalump said...
FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This blatant car is in a grandmother approved condition. It was formerly owned by a fire-breathing school teacher who always drove it terrifyingly. There is a buttock clenching sequinned jacket in the back seat and a chrome glass eye on the hood. It has a fist shaking paint job, dizzying tires, and the back opens out into a klepto-inspired wooden shoe. Will consider taking slightly used tomahawk in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of Cawker City, Kansas, Home to the World's largest ball of twine, a fedora wearing French poodle with samba dancing through the night hair and a ewe-like tail. It answers to the name of Ernesto the bald troubador and when last seen was carrying a dancing bear in its mouth. A not as smart as a first grader reward is offered.

(Sorry about that, Heff! That's what happens when Millie leaves her house... she gets confused)

Beauty Advice

If your skin is (adjective) or (adjective), you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your (noun), massage it gently with a/an (noun) that has been soaked overnight in a/an (container) full of warm (liquid). Then mix together some (a food) and some (a food) until the mixture becomes (adjective). Pat this onto your (adjective) complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a/an (noun), and wash your face with (adjective) water. Do not omit this (adjective) step or your skin will become (adjective). Do this (adverb) every day and you will soon be as (adjective) as (name of person in room).

Heffalump said...
If your skin is meteoric or pain-inducing, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your woolly mammoth, massage it gently with a synchronized swimmer that has been soaked overnight in a vat full of warm SOY SAUCE!. Then mix together some armadillo steak and some strawberry shortcake until the mixture becomes classically original. Pat this onto your brilliant complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a rickshaw driver, and wash your face with smashing water. Do not omit this mind-boggling step or your skin will become effervescent. Do this shockingly every day and you will soon be as syncopated as Mary Poppins.

Millie said...
If your skin is frenetic or drooling, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your armpit drip, massage it gently with a tossed cookie that has been soaked overnight in a tool box full of warm smear juice. Then mix together some strained pears and some fish paste until the mixture becomes butt-clenchingly unpleasant. Pat this onto your floppy disk tossing complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using an angry earwig, and wash your face with perpendicular water. Do not omit this contrary step or your skin will become blue. Do this MRSA-thwartingly every day and you will soon be as monkey-seeking as Puff the Impaled Harpoonist.

Description of the Lovely Group that I am in

We are having a perfectly (adjective) time this evening in the (adjective) home of (name of person in room). The rooms are decorated (adverb) with many stylish (plural noun) that must have cost at least (number) dollars. The guests are all (adjective) conversationalists and are all (adverb) dressed. (Name of person in room) has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his (adjective) (noun) to (name of person in room), who mistook it for an early American (noun). The refreshments are (adjective) and the idea of serving (a liquid) on the rocks showed (adjective) imagination. Visiting here is always a/an (adjective) experience.

Heffalump said...
We are having a perfectly stupendous time this evening in the flexible home of Larry. The rooms are decorated painstakingly with many stylish sideburns that must have cost at least 27 dollars. The guests are all inspired-by-circus-freaks conversationalists and are all insultingly dressed. Curly has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his rainbow wig-wearing armpit to Mo, who mistook it for an early American carrot cake. The refreshments are muscle bound and the idea of serving motor oil on the rocks showed more sequined than Elvis' jumpsuit imagination. Visiting here is always an aromatic experience.

Millie said...
We are having a perfectly copied and posted all over town time this evening in the skipped over and crying in Primary home of Headlouse Hedwig. The rooms are decorated sippy cup-slurpingly with many stylish monkeys wearing dresses that must have cost at least 1328 dollars. The guests are all glowing red conversationalists and are all strangely dressed. Oliver Clothesoff has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his smacked and embarrassed new Wii game to Angel O'Themorning, who mistook it for an early American jangly and annoying bracelet. The refreshments are twitching and the idea of serving rat drip on the rocks showed incoherently mumbling imagination. Visiting here is always a saucy experience.

Dialogue Between Tourist and Souvenir Salesperson

Played by (boy in room) and (girl in room).

BOY: Hello there, Miss. I am looking for some postal (plural noun) that I can mail back to my (plural noun) in (a town).
GIRL: We have some very (adjective) cards. Would you like some with pictures of our local (noun) or with pictures of (plural noun) growing along the beach?
BOY: I would like five of those that show my (adjective) hotel.
GIRL: Alright. Now how about a bumper sticker that says "(a city), America's greatest little (vegetable)"?
BOY: No thanks. But I would like to see one of those (color) hats with the (noun) on top.
GIRL: Okay. Here. My, you look just like a (noun).
BOY: Good. I'll take it. Now if you can sell me some fourteen-cent (plural noun), I'll let all my friends back home know what a/an (adjective) time I am having.

Millie said...
Played by Madmartigan and Sorsha.

BOY: Hello there, Miss. I am looking for some postal apes hyped up on candy and fire water that I can mail back to my grandma trampolines in Burnt Corn, Alabama.
GIRL: We have some very misspelled cards. Would you like some with pictures of our local whale tail tattoo or with pictures of Percocet tablets growing along the beach?
BOY: I would like five of those that show my holier-than-thou hotel.
GIRL: Alright. Now how about a bumper sticker that says "Madrid, America's greatest little radish"?
BOY: No thanks. But I would like to see one of those mint green hats with the disproportionately large noggin on top.
GIRL: Okay. Here. My, you look just like fingernail ooze.
BOY: Good. I'll take it. Now if you can sell me some fourteen-cent naughty distractions, I'll let all my friends back home know what an on guard time I am having.

Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
Played by Tiger Woods and Kate Gosselin.

BOY: Hello there, Miss. I am looking for some postal seashells that I can mail back to my tourists in Hope, Arkansas.
GIRL: We have some very appetizing cards. Would you like some with pictures of our local cutting board or with pictures of pretzels growing along the beach?
BOY: I would like five of those that show my chocolate-coated hotel.
GIRL: Alright. Now how about a bumper sticker that says "Munchkin City, America's greatest little asparagus"?
BOY: No thanks. But I would like to see one of those vermilion hats with the ingrown toenail on top.
GIRL: Okay. Here. My, you look just like a wet bandaid.
BOY: Good. I'll take it. Now if you can sell me some fourteen-cent earplugs, I'll let all my friends back home know what a lice-infested time I am having.

Heffalump said...
Played by Pedro and Maxine.

BOY: Hello there, Miss. I am looking for some postal vitamins that I can mail back to my gardening tools in Ephrata.
GIRL: We have some very piercing cards. Would you like some with pictures of our local eye or with pictures of fuel injectors growing along the beach?
BOY: I would like five of those that show my enlightening hotel.
GIRL: Alright. Now how about a bumper sticker that says "Dodge, America's greatest little Swiss chard"?
BOY: No thanks. But I would like to see one of those cornflower blue hats with the pinky finger on top.
GIRL: Okay. Here. My, you look just like navel lint.
BOY: Good. I'll take it. Now if you can sell me some fourteen-cent popcicle sticks, I'll let all my friends back home know what a larger than life time I am having.

Klin said...
Played by Dr. Jekyll and Madonna.

BOY: Hello there, Miss. I am looking for some postal scattered dog toys that I can mail back to my poor dead fishies in Mayberry.
GIRL: We have some very life-like cards. Would you like some with pictures of our local child of mine or with pictures of freedoms in peril growing along the beach?
BOY: I would like five of those that show my blustery hotel.
GIRL: Alright. Now how about a bumper sticker that says "San Francisco, America's greatest little kohlrabi"?
BOY: No thanks. But I would like to see one of those orange hats with the ringing telephone on top.
GIRL: Okay. Here. My, you look just like a Wii.
BOY: Good. I'll take it. Now if you can sell me some fourteen-cent fantabulous speakers, I'll let all my friends back home know what a disobedient time I am having.

Easter

Happy Easter

Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the (plural noun) get (number) weeks off. The (adjective) teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the (noun). Others get outside and play (a game), while more ambitious students spend their time studying their (adjective) books so they will grow up to become (plural noun). Little kids also color (adjective) eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of (adjective) dye in a bowl full of (liquid). Then dip the (noun) in the bowl and rinse it off with (liquid). Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a/an (adjective) egg!"

Millie said...
Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the extremely naughty babies get 1137 weeks off. The slapped silly teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the too-curious 5-year-old. Others get outside and play Two Minutes in the Closet, while more ambitious students spend their time studying their red and crinkly books so they will grow up to become Santa pants. Little kids also color lard-frosted eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of repulsed by pregnant women dye in a bowl full of cow slobber. Then dip the Bismark donut in the bowl and rinse it off with rain water. Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a cricket-noise-making egg!"

Klin said...
Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the unfinished scrapbooks get 7 weeks off. The intensely annoying teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the intense field fire. Others get outside and play Kick-the-can, while more ambitious students spend their time studying their begging-to-eat-candy books so they will grow up to become 6 loads of bedding. Little kids also color broken-hearted eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of luckiest dye in a bowl full of non-coagulated blood. Then dip the new computer in the bowl and rinse it off with turpentine. Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a contemporary egg!"

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter said...
Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the bottles of nasal spray get 815 weeks off. The overworked teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the skeleton key. Others get outside and play Uno, while more ambitious students spend their time studying their underappreciated books so they will grow up to become M&Ms. Little kids also color grumpy eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of covered-in-snot dye in a bowl full of Dr. Pepper. Then dip the whoopie cushion in the bowl and rinse it off with ham glaze. Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a barf-inducing egg!"

Heffalump said...
Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the donkeys get 13 weeks off. The pimply-faced teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the bowling shirt. Others get outside and play Spin the Bottle, while more ambitious students spend their time studying their anatomically correct books so they will grow up to become neckties. Little kids also color bovine-inspired eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of polka dotted dye in a bowl full of chocolate milk. Then dip the unwanted zucchini in the bowl and rinse it off with blood plasma. Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a makes-you-want-to-samba egg!"