How Can I Tell If He Likes Me?

If he exhibits three or more of the following (plural noun), you may (adverb) assume you are the (a fruit) of his eye.

1) When you look him straight in the (part of body), does he overt his (plural noun) and give you an uncomfortable (noun)?
2) If you compliment him, does his (noun) turn a bright (color)?
3) After you first met, did he call a mutual (noun) to see if you were (verb ending in ING) steady?
4) When you were alone for the first time, did he try to put his (part of body) around you? Did you find his (plural noun) wet and clammy and did he sweat and (verb) excessively?
5) After a passionate date, does he (verb) you on the phone or write you a/an (noun) or better yet, send you a bouquet of (plural noun)?

If he did three or more of the above, you can bet your last (noun) he has the (plural noun) for you.

Klin said...
If he exhibits three or more of the following taller than heaven buildings, you may vivaciously assume you are the kiwi of his eye.

1) When you look him straight in the ear canal, does he overt his six finished bedrooms and give you an uncomfortable stinky dog?
2) If you compliment him, does his freshly clean litter box turn a bright chartreuse?
3) After you first met, did he call a mutual child taking to Nintendo DS game to see if you were painting steady?
4) When you were alone for the first time, did he try to put his optic nerve around you? Did you find his ridiculous amount of bins storing Christmas deco wet and clammy and did he sweat and sleep excessively?
5) After a passionate date, does he act anxious on the phone or write you a missed nativity scene or better yet, send you a bouquet of covered in white paint girls?

If he did three or more of the above, you can bet your last crazy movie he has the bins of cut up veggies for you.

Becky said...
If he exhibits three or more of the following barking spiders, you may cunningly assume you are the passion fruit of his eye.

1) When you look him straight in the toenail, does he overt his empty floral kleenex boxes and give you an uncomfortable gold spray can?
2) If you compliment him, does his retro-striped curtain panel turn a bright magenta?
3) After you first met, did he call a mutual roof shingle to see if you were swimming steady?
4) When you were alone for the first time, did he try to put his nostril around you? Did you find his mismatched picture frames wet and clammy and did he sweat and sit excessively?
5) After a passionate date, does he hum to you on the phone or write you a bathtub ring or better yet, send you a bouquet of chewed on pen caps?

If he did three or more of the above, you can bet your last past-due electric bill he has the dusty curtains for you.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
If he exhibits three or more of the following greasy grimy gopher guts, you may stealthily assume you are the mango of his eye.

1) When you look him straight in the uvula, does he overt his flying purple people eaters and give you an uncomfortable Lucky Charms marshmallow?
2) If you compliment him, does his hairbow as big as a kid's head turn a bright indigo?
3) After you first met, did he call a mutual pair of trifocals to see if you were sulking steady?
4) When you were alone for the first time, did he try to put his ovary around you? Did you find his Bon Jovi groupies still living in the 80's wet and clammy and did he sweat and nit-pick excessively?
5) After a passionate date, does he overreact to you on the phone or write you a piece of popcorn kernal skin that's stuck between your teeth or better yet, send you a bouquet of sleep deprived parents of a newborn?

If he did three or more of the above, you can bet your last overdue library book he has the Miley Cyrus wannabees for you.

Happy Birthday!

Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for (name of girl in room). We are here to celebrate her (noun). All of her most (adjective) friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful (noun). I must say that she doesn't look a day over (number). Naturally, we have some presents. (Boy in room) brought her a beautiful copper (noun) that she can wear on her lovely (noun). And our hostess got her a dozen (plural noun) that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge (adjective) (noun) with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very (adjective) birthday and many happy (plural noun). Now let's all sing together: "Happy (noun) to you!"

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for Brand New Baby Cupcake. We are here to celebrate her pacifier. All of her most poopy friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful breast pump. I must say that she doesn't look a day over 5. Naturally, we have some presents. Bart Simpson brought her a beautiful copper newborn diaper that she can wear on her lovely C-Section scar. And our hostess got her a dozen diaper wipes that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge adorable nipple cream with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very baby powder-smelling birthday and many happy pain pills. Now let's all sing together: "Happy Hospital Bill to you!"

Natalie said...
Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for Wibbly Wobbly Wanda. We are here to celebrate her old lady feathered swimming cap. All of her most eyeballing everyone in the room friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful skankwad. I must say that she doesn't look a day over 234. Naturally, we have some presents. Hungry Hungry Hugo brought her a beautiful copper toe-curling belch that she can wear on her lovely random bus rider. And our hostess got her a dozen pocket-protecting nerds that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge, thinks "harrass" is two words instead of one, Oprah-phile with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very paper-cut-giving birthday and many happy Xanadu fans. Now let's all sing together: "Happy Cat-eating Alien to you!"

b. said...
Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for Syd. We are here to celebrate her muffin. All of her most sleepy friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful blouse. I must say that she doesn't look a day over four. Naturally, we have some presents. Hoss brought her a beautiful copper business card that she can wear on her lovely paper cutter. And our hostess got her a dozen slippers that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge satisfied crushed ice with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very hilarious birthday and many happy fingers. Now let's all sing together: "Happy Flat Iron to you!"

Klin said...
Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for Maggie. We are here to celebrate her mouse. All of her most funny friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful scream. I must say that she doesn't look a day over 14. Naturally, we have some presents. Oldest brought her a beautiful copper dog that she can wear on her lovely son. And our hostess got her a dozen frames that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge loud massage with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very saweet birthday and many happy garbage cans. Now let's all sing together: "Happy Lamp to you!"

Becky said...
Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for Olive Oyl. We are here to celebrate her wilted green spinach. All of her most off-white friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful Tuesday. I must say that she doesn't look a day over 867-5309. Naturally, we have some presents. Popeye brought her a beautiful copper hamburger that she can wear on her lovely metal garbage can. And our hostess got her a dozen whining children that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge slimiest uber-strength with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very loathsome birthday and many happy ice encrusted cars. Now let's all sing together: "Happy Anchor Tattoo to you!"

Dalene said...
Friends, this gathering is a surprise party for Veronica. We are here to celebrate her spent mousetrap. All of her most belly-up friends are here, including me, her devoted and faithful abandoned Facebook account. I must say that she doesn't look a day over 642. Naturally, we have some presents. Joe brought her a beautiful copper pile of toenail clippings that she can wear on her lovely bleeping beeping alarm clock. And our hostess got her a dozen splintered railroad ties that she can hang in her bathroom. And we had the bakery send up a huge conspicuously vacant ball of dryer lint with candles on it. We all want to wish her a very pretentious birthday and many happy piles of toenail clippings. Now let's all sing together: "Happy Leftover Fruitcake to you!"

Quick Quiz #1

Who am I? I am a/an (adjective) American. I was born (number) years ago in (geographical location). When my father first saw me he said, "(Exclamation)!" I am (number) feet tall, have (adjective) brown eyes, and a/an (adjective) complexion. My hobby is collecting (plural noun). I always speak (adverb) and I have made several (adjective) motion pictures. I am married to (person's name), the well known Hollywood (noun). I have given away thousands of (plural noun) to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my (adjective) nose and my large (noun). Who am I?

ANSWER: I am (name of person in room).

Dalene said...
Who am I? I am an embellished American. I was born B-52 years ago in The Isle of Man. When my father first saw me he said, "Ay Carumba!" I am .99234 and a half feet tall, have rambunctious brown eyes, and an over-inflated complexion. My hobby is collecting arch nemeses. I always speak unwittingly and I have made several infectious motion pictures. I am married to Zelda, the well known Hollywood encyclopedia. I have given away thousands of inkblot tests to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my ego-maniacal nose and my large phobia. Who am I?

ANSWER: I am Wiley Coyote.

Natalie said...
Who am I? I am a snotty American. I was born 98 years ago in Whoville. When my father first saw me he said, "Keep that guy away from my cocaine!" I am 234879832 feet tall, have hung upside down brown eyes, and a pie-snorfing complexion. My hobby is collecting shower-needers. I always speak coughing-stuff-uppingly and I have made several bilingual motion pictures. I am married to Ned Nederlander, the well known Hollywood bird leer. I have given away thousands of cat yaks to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my can't say "rural" without cracking up nose and my large angry elf. Who am I?

ANSWER: I am Stanky Starla.

Becky said...
Who am I? I am a buger green American. I was born 99 years ago in Jellystone National Park. When my father first saw me he said, "Mother of Pearl!!!" I am 1,000,000 feet tall, have crazy brown eyes, and a fearful complexion. My hobby is collecting trashcans. I always speak stubbornly and I have made several mind-boggling motion pictures. I am married to Frosty the Snowman, the well known Hollywood wooly mammoth. I have given away thousands of semicolons to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my potential nose and my large entourage. Who am I?

ANSWER: I am Anne Ridgecrest.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Who am I? I am a coordinationally challenged American. I was born 8,675,309 years ago in the island where the people from LOST live. When my father first saw me he said, "Holy Schneikies!" I am 815 feet tall, have headache inducing brown eyes, and a rabid complexion. My hobby is collecting empty Reeses Peanut Butter cup mini wrappers. I always speak unceremoniously and I have made several in dire need of dental floss motion pictures. I am married to Glenn Beck, the well known Hollywood Tony the Tiger of Frosted Flakes fame. I have given away thousands of two-liter bottles of 7-Up Pomegranate to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my unusually calm for a mother of 17 kids nose, and my large recipe box full of 17 years of collected and organized recipes that your 18 month old spilled on the floor, leaving it no longer organized. Who am I?

ANSWER: I am Princess Buttercup.