Seeking a new career? Be a (noun) or just look like one! In just (number) sessions, we can have you (verb ending in ING), (verb ending in ING) and (verb ending in ING) like a top-paying (noun). Opportunities in this (adjective) field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert (plural noun) will analyze your (noun) and determine your potential for success in this (adjective) field. Use your natural (noun) to earn (adjective) money and have time to (verb) your dreams too. Just ask (name of girl in room) who came to us looking like a (noun) out of (noun), and in just ten days we improved her (noun) 100%. We even corrected her (noun). It was just in the nick of time because the (silly word) Squad was ready to ban her from the (noun). Don't wait another day. Time is running out.
Fluffychicky said...
Seeking a new career? Be a scabby elbow or just look like one! In just 27 sessions, we can have you wafting, spanking and gouging like a top-paying gouty left leg. Opportunities in this flatulent field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert studmuffins will analyze your "special" brownies and determine your potential for success in this giddy as a schoolboy field. Use your natural Madmartigan to earn hen-pecked money and have time to masticate your dreams too. Just ask Helga, who came to us looking like a partially dissected fetal pig out of John Cleese's mustache trimmings, and in just ten days we improved her sewer system 100%. We even corrected her slightly used Q-tip. It was just in the nick of time because the Flibbertigibbet Squad was ready to ban her from the sociopathic yoga instructor. Don't wait another day. Time is running out.
Millie said...
Seeking a new career? Be a live toad or just look like one! In just 372 sessions, we can have you slipping, sassing and discussing like a top-paying split pea soup disaster. Opportunities in this resentfully submissive field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert jumbo shrimp will analyze your eye muscle spasm and determine your potential for success in this red and chapped field. Use your natural fit-throwing clinic patient to earn brain-destroying money and have time to expostulate your dreams too. Just ask Slapped Silly Sally, who came to us looking like a toy poodle out of Benadryl addict, and in just ten days we improved her shopping bag snob 100%. We even corrected her poisonous mushroom. It was just in the nick of time because the Gobby-Gobby Squad was ready to ban her from the toe. Don't wait another day. Time is running out.
Showing posts with label FluffyChicky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FluffyChicky. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Friday, May 7, 2010
A Letter to a Resort Hotel
To the Manager of (last name)'s HOTEL, 344 (person's name) Street, (a location), California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or (noun),
I would like to reserve a/an (noun) at your (adjective) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two (plural noun). We would like a double (noun) with a view of the (plural noun). I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a/an (adjective) French roll and (a food) preserves and a pot of hot (liquid). I would also like to reserve a side trip to (a place) and to the (last name) Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest (noun) with his (adjective) brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply (adjective) time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing (adverb) in your luxurious (noun).
Millie said...
To the Manager of Schwendimann's HOTEL, 344 Fred Gibbs Street, Hell's Kitchen, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or shrimp bait,
I would like to reserve a fountain of sludge at your fresh (and not in a good way) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two prunes. We would like a double wedding ring indentation with a view of the slug trails. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a dipstick-resembling French roll and hummus preserves and a pot of hot sneeze juice. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the Titanic and to the Toothloser Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest new car smell with his coffee-flavored brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply profusely sweating time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing sneakily in your luxurious sippy cup.
Heffalump said...
To the Manager of Brynjulfsen's HOTEL, 344 Harry Butts Street, The Twilight zone, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or Studebaker,
I would like to reserve a Vespa at your psychadelic hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two acrobatic monkeys. We would like a double quilt made by your great Aunt Nan that is made from mismatched baby clothes that never even belonged to you with a view of the participants in a Zumba class. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a reminiscent of a disco ball French roll and chocolate-covered ants preserves and a pot of hot sweat of my brow. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the trunk of a mafia member's car and to the Fairchild Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest adult tricycle coveted by Millie with his plural brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply in need of decoding time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing increasingly in your luxurious shade-loving hosta plants.
Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
To the Manager of Aniston's HOTEL, 344 Angelina Street, Nice, France, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or portable fan,
I would like to reserve a wii remote at your undulating hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two Prom goers. We would like a double itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini with a view of the garden destroying gophers. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of an undulating French roll and fresh pineapple preserves and a pot of hot grenadine. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the backseat of Jackie's car and to the Pitt Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Hoff's hair with his economically depressed brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply frazzled time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing friviolously in your luxurious angelic nectar that is Dr Pepper.
FluffyChicky said...
To the Manager of Finklestein's HOTEL, 344 Melba Peachbottom Street, The Pit of Despair, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or wet t-shirt contest for the “Over 70” crowd,
I would like to reserve a cheese grater at your hot-headed hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two electric griddles. We would like a double Aunt Orva’s false teeth with a view of the loser celebrities who aren’t cool enough to have their own figure at Madame Tussaud’s. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a full-figured French roll and 3 week old Chinese leftovers wedged into the back corner of the refrigerator preserves and a pot of hot pimple secretions. I would also like to reserve a side trip to under the living room couch with the killer dust bunnies and to the Stanky Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Wankle rotary engine with his underwhelming brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply slap-happy time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing snottily in your luxurious swimming pool full of rabid naked mole rats.
Dear, Sir, Madam or (noun),
I would like to reserve a/an (noun) at your (adjective) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two (plural noun). We would like a double (noun) with a view of the (plural noun). I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a/an (adjective) French roll and (a food) preserves and a pot of hot (liquid). I would also like to reserve a side trip to (a place) and to the (last name) Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest (noun) with his (adjective) brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply (adjective) time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing (adverb) in your luxurious (noun).
Millie said...
To the Manager of Schwendimann's HOTEL, 344 Fred Gibbs Street, Hell's Kitchen, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or shrimp bait,
I would like to reserve a fountain of sludge at your fresh (and not in a good way) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two prunes. We would like a double wedding ring indentation with a view of the slug trails. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a dipstick-resembling French roll and hummus preserves and a pot of hot sneeze juice. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the Titanic and to the Toothloser Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest new car smell with his coffee-flavored brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply profusely sweating time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing sneakily in your luxurious sippy cup.
Heffalump said...
To the Manager of Brynjulfsen's HOTEL, 344 Harry Butts Street, The Twilight zone, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or Studebaker,
I would like to reserve a Vespa at your psychadelic hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two acrobatic monkeys. We would like a double quilt made by your great Aunt Nan that is made from mismatched baby clothes that never even belonged to you with a view of the participants in a Zumba class. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a reminiscent of a disco ball French roll and chocolate-covered ants preserves and a pot of hot sweat of my brow. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the trunk of a mafia member's car and to the Fairchild Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest adult tricycle coveted by Millie with his plural brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply in need of decoding time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing increasingly in your luxurious shade-loving hosta plants.
Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
To the Manager of Aniston's HOTEL, 344 Angelina Street, Nice, France, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or portable fan,
I would like to reserve a wii remote at your undulating hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two Prom goers. We would like a double itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini with a view of the garden destroying gophers. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of an undulating French roll and fresh pineapple preserves and a pot of hot grenadine. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the backseat of Jackie's car and to the Pitt Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Hoff's hair with his economically depressed brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply frazzled time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing friviolously in your luxurious angelic nectar that is Dr Pepper.
FluffyChicky said...
To the Manager of Finklestein's HOTEL, 344 Melba Peachbottom Street, The Pit of Despair, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or wet t-shirt contest for the “Over 70” crowd,
I would like to reserve a cheese grater at your hot-headed hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two electric griddles. We would like a double Aunt Orva’s false teeth with a view of the loser celebrities who aren’t cool enough to have their own figure at Madame Tussaud’s. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a full-figured French roll and 3 week old Chinese leftovers wedged into the back corner of the refrigerator preserves and a pot of hot pimple secretions. I would also like to reserve a side trip to under the living room couch with the killer dust bunnies and to the Stanky Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Wankle rotary engine with his underwhelming brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply slap-happy time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing snottily in your luxurious swimming pool full of rabid naked mole rats.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Oscar Acceptance Speech
Thank you, ladies and (plural noun). I'm so nervous. My (noun) is beating a/an (noun) a minute. I didn't prepare a/an (noun). I never expected to win this (adjective) Oscar. I have so many people to (verb). First and foremost, my (adjective) co-star - (person in room) - who was always in my dressing (noun), held my (part of body) when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a/an (adjective) pat on my (noun) when I did well. I also want to thank my (adjective) director, my (adjective) producer, and of course, the (adjective) writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my (adjective) fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture (noun) who were responsible for my (verb ending in ING) this (adjective) award. Bless your (plural noun).
Millie said...
Thank you, ladies and forceps. I'm so nervous. My idiot stalker with no life and a severe butt acne problem is beating a gunmetal nail polish a minute. I didn't prepare a Hip Hop Abs DVD. I never expected to win this spanked Oscar. I have so many people to whistle at. First and foremost, my perturbed by old women co-star - Uncle Flagellum - who was always in my dressing cockroach bent on revenge, held my tooth when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a helium-filled pat on my yummy liplock when I did well. I also want to thank my stuffed with pastries and drunk with power director, my eerily glowing producer, and of course, the dip-headed writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my indiscriminately shooting at wild hogs fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Abnormal Protrusion who were responsible for my greasing this purple award. Bless your dirty camera straps.
Heffalump said...
Thank you, ladies and monkey lips. I'm so nervous. My piggy bank is beating a flamboyant dancer a minute. I didn't prepare a hamster wheel. I never expected to win this red Oscar. I have so many people to pirouette. First and foremost, my yellow co-star - Hello Kitty - who was always in my dressing unicycle, held my navel when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a blue pat on my mime asked to perform at a school for the blind when I did well. I also want to thank my loud director, my electrifying producer, and of course, the pain induced writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my wheezy fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Construction Zone who were responsible for my shimmying this booby trapped award. Bless your rainbow suspenders.
Klin said...
Thank you, ladies and long traffic lights. I'm so nervous. My Wisconsin cheese is beating a white-trash culture a minute. I didn't prepare a fabulous daughter. I never expected to win this perty cool Oscar. I have so many people to fart. First and foremost, my silly-silly-silly co-star - Goofy - who was always in my dressing Hall's cough drop, held my cuticle when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a puke-tasting pat on my studly snow tire when I did well. I also want to thank my big brother teasing director, my happy-kid screaming producer, and of course, the hair-pulling writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my ugly man ponytail-sporting fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Ooh La La Disco Dance who were responsible for my snotting this involuntarily planting-eating award. Bless your stupid cartoons.
Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
Thank you, ladies and bunches of bruised bananas. I'm so nervous. My carpet stain remover is beating a broken toe a minute. I didn't prepare a Tupperware container of fuzzy leftovers. I never expected to win this tired Oscar. I have so many people to sail through. First and foremost, my cold co-star - Dolly Parton - who was always in my dressing snow-covered patio table umbrella, held my knee cap when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me an unimaginative pat on my grumpy employee when I did well. I also want to thank my oozing with charm director, my oozing with pus producer, and of course, the enjoyable as nails on a chalkboard writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my venomous fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Empty Bank Account who were responsible for my vacating this headache-inducing award. Bless your greasy grimey gopher guts.
FluffyChicky said...
Thank you, ladies and fat and droopy eyelids. I'm so nervous. My cheese grater is beating a One-Eyed Willie a minute. I didn't prepare an overweight Brendan Fraser impersonator. I never expected to win this slap-happy Oscar. I have so many people to vomit. First and foremost, my smelly co-star - Old Man Jenkins’ crazed ex-wife - who was always in my dressing nose nugget, held my boobs in need of some serious lift when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me an unfortunate-looking pat on my worn out Kermit the Frog puppet when I did well. I also want to thank my Beatle-wig-wearing director, my bug-eyed producer, and of course, the oozing writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my coma-inducing fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Unopenable Pickle Jar who were responsible for my sexually harassing this cry-your-eyes-out-ugly award. Bless your sweaty armpits.
Millie said...
Thank you, ladies and forceps. I'm so nervous. My idiot stalker with no life and a severe butt acne problem is beating a gunmetal nail polish a minute. I didn't prepare a Hip Hop Abs DVD. I never expected to win this spanked Oscar. I have so many people to whistle at. First and foremost, my perturbed by old women co-star - Uncle Flagellum - who was always in my dressing cockroach bent on revenge, held my tooth when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a helium-filled pat on my yummy liplock when I did well. I also want to thank my stuffed with pastries and drunk with power director, my eerily glowing producer, and of course, the dip-headed writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my indiscriminately shooting at wild hogs fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Abnormal Protrusion who were responsible for my greasing this purple award. Bless your dirty camera straps.
Heffalump said...
Thank you, ladies and monkey lips. I'm so nervous. My piggy bank is beating a flamboyant dancer a minute. I didn't prepare a hamster wheel. I never expected to win this red Oscar. I have so many people to pirouette. First and foremost, my yellow co-star - Hello Kitty - who was always in my dressing unicycle, held my navel when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a blue pat on my mime asked to perform at a school for the blind when I did well. I also want to thank my loud director, my electrifying producer, and of course, the pain induced writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my wheezy fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Construction Zone who were responsible for my shimmying this booby trapped award. Bless your rainbow suspenders.
Klin said...
Thank you, ladies and long traffic lights. I'm so nervous. My Wisconsin cheese is beating a white-trash culture a minute. I didn't prepare a fabulous daughter. I never expected to win this perty cool Oscar. I have so many people to fart. First and foremost, my silly-silly-silly co-star - Goofy - who was always in my dressing Hall's cough drop, held my cuticle when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a puke-tasting pat on my studly snow tire when I did well. I also want to thank my big brother teasing director, my happy-kid screaming producer, and of course, the hair-pulling writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my ugly man ponytail-sporting fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Ooh La La Disco Dance who were responsible for my snotting this involuntarily planting-eating award. Bless your stupid cartoons.
Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
Thank you, ladies and bunches of bruised bananas. I'm so nervous. My carpet stain remover is beating a broken toe a minute. I didn't prepare a Tupperware container of fuzzy leftovers. I never expected to win this tired Oscar. I have so many people to sail through. First and foremost, my cold co-star - Dolly Parton - who was always in my dressing snow-covered patio table umbrella, held my knee cap when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me an unimaginative pat on my grumpy employee when I did well. I also want to thank my oozing with charm director, my oozing with pus producer, and of course, the enjoyable as nails on a chalkboard writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my venomous fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Empty Bank Account who were responsible for my vacating this headache-inducing award. Bless your greasy grimey gopher guts.
FluffyChicky said...
Thank you, ladies and fat and droopy eyelids. I'm so nervous. My cheese grater is beating a One-Eyed Willie a minute. I didn't prepare an overweight Brendan Fraser impersonator. I never expected to win this slap-happy Oscar. I have so many people to vomit. First and foremost, my smelly co-star - Old Man Jenkins’ crazed ex-wife - who was always in my dressing nose nugget, held my boobs in need of some serious lift when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me an unfortunate-looking pat on my worn out Kermit the Frog puppet when I did well. I also want to thank my Beatle-wig-wearing director, my bug-eyed producer, and of course, the oozing writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my coma-inducing fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Unopenable Pickle Jar who were responsible for my sexually harassing this cry-your-eyes-out-ugly award. Bless your sweaty armpits.
Friday, January 29, 2010
And Now A Word From...
It is almost impossible to watch (adjective)-time television without having some (adjective) athlete pitching a/an (noun) for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to (plural noun). They are spokespersons for sneakers that (verb), as well as (adjective)-smelling deodorants you put under your (part of body, plural). Other products they endorse are designer (plural noun), watches with (adjective) movements, and (adjective) razors, which they guarantee will remove every (noun) from your (part of body). Athletes make more money from (verb ending in ING) products than they can earn from playing (plural noun).
Klin said...
It is almost impossible to watch cape wearing-time television without having some snot licking athlete pitching a screaming teenage boy for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to Top Gun flybys. They are spokespersons for sneakers that yodel, as well as half-baked-smelling deodorants you put under your kidneys. Other products they endorse are designer second hand clothes, watches with tattle-telling movements, and ridiculous razors, which they guarantee will remove every exemplary position from your spleen. Athletes make more money from almost shrieking products than they can earn from playing Hawaiian Haystacks.
Millie said...
It is almost impossible to watch diarrhea-resembling-time television without having some headless athlete pitching an ugly pity plant for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to eyeball jello molds. They are spokespersons for sneakers that screech, as well as smacked silly-smelling deodorants you put under your elbow chub wrinkles. Other products they endorse are designer Kipper stories, watches with lavender with pink stripes movements, and "sniffs when meeting strangers" razors, which they guarantee will remove every bent-over whale tail wearer from your tootsie. Athletes make more money from manhandling products than they can earn from playing Costco birthday cakes.
Heffalump said...
It is almost impossible to watch gut wrenching-time television without having some luminous athlete pitching a carrot-wielding gardener for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to crock pots full of award winning chili. They are spokespersons for sneakers that reach, as well as addlepated-smelling deodorants you put under your pinkies. Other products they endorse are designer recently pedicured toenails, watches with groggy movements, and dizzying razors, which they guarantee will remove every eensy weensy spider from your mandible. Athletes make more money from smirking products than they can earn from playing moles that strangely change position on faces.
FluffyChicky said...
It is almost impossible to watch hair-raising-time television without having some vomit-inducing athlete pitching a Slap-Happy Sam the Town Drunk for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to super secret and specially trained attack weasels. They are spokespersons for sneakers that spank, as well as shnockered-smelling deodorants you put under your slightly backed up digestive tract. Other products they endorse are designer boogers, watches with voluptuous movements, and clammy razors, which they guarantee will remove every buffalo shaving contest winner from your surgically enhanced clavicle. Athletes make more money from spitting products than they can earn from playing gnarly thumb knuckles.
Klin said...
It is almost impossible to watch cape wearing-time television without having some snot licking athlete pitching a screaming teenage boy for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to Top Gun flybys. They are spokespersons for sneakers that yodel, as well as half-baked-smelling deodorants you put under your kidneys. Other products they endorse are designer second hand clothes, watches with tattle-telling movements, and ridiculous razors, which they guarantee will remove every exemplary position from your spleen. Athletes make more money from almost shrieking products than they can earn from playing Hawaiian Haystacks.
Millie said...
It is almost impossible to watch diarrhea-resembling-time television without having some headless athlete pitching an ugly pity plant for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to eyeball jello molds. They are spokespersons for sneakers that screech, as well as smacked silly-smelling deodorants you put under your elbow chub wrinkles. Other products they endorse are designer Kipper stories, watches with lavender with pink stripes movements, and "sniffs when meeting strangers" razors, which they guarantee will remove every bent-over whale tail wearer from your tootsie. Athletes make more money from manhandling products than they can earn from playing Costco birthday cakes.
Heffalump said...
It is almost impossible to watch gut wrenching-time television without having some luminous athlete pitching a carrot-wielding gardener for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to crock pots full of award winning chili. They are spokespersons for sneakers that reach, as well as addlepated-smelling deodorants you put under your pinkies. Other products they endorse are designer recently pedicured toenails, watches with groggy movements, and dizzying razors, which they guarantee will remove every eensy weensy spider from your mandible. Athletes make more money from smirking products than they can earn from playing moles that strangely change position on faces.
FluffyChicky said...
It is almost impossible to watch hair-raising-time television without having some vomit-inducing athlete pitching a Slap-Happy Sam the Town Drunk for you to buy. They sell you everything from soup to super secret and specially trained attack weasels. They are spokespersons for sneakers that spank, as well as shnockered-smelling deodorants you put under your slightly backed up digestive tract. Other products they endorse are designer boogers, watches with voluptuous movements, and clammy razors, which they guarantee will remove every buffalo shaving contest winner from your surgically enhanced clavicle. Athletes make more money from spitting products than they can earn from playing gnarly thumb knuckles.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Lost and Found
LOST: Dog. A black and (adjective) Cocker (noun) with deep brown (part of body, plural) and a very (adjective) tail. Answers to the name of (person's first name).
LOST: A solid gold (noun) with a/an (adverb) carved wooden (noun) hanging from it. Reward of 50 (plural noun) for the return of this (adjective) heirloom.
LOST: Seven (type of vegetable) diamond (noun) with a sterling (noun) clasp. Gift from (adjective) Grandmother. Owner is (part of body) broken. Generous (noun) offered upon return.
FOUND: A/an (adjective) elephant in my (verb ending in ING) pool. He has (adjective) marks on his hide, a short (noun), and a very (adjective) trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and (noun)!
Klin said...
LOST: Dog. A black and creamy Cocker creamy body wash with deep brown ear lobes and a very luxurious tail. Answers to the name of Gustav.
LOST: A solid gold luxurious bubble bath with an especially carved wooden hot & spicy a-meat-a-ball hanging from it. Reward of 50 loaded-with-lead-backpacks for the return of this scorching hot heirloom.
LOST: Seven-cheese-crusted broccoli diamond smelly old sneaker with a sterling red & shiny nose clasp. Gift from sleek & sassy Grandmother. Owner is swollen uvula-broken. Generous scaly and nasty rash offered upon return.
FOUND: A crispy crunchy elephant in my playing pool. He has dirty crusty marks on his hide, a short sicky girl, and a very smelly old trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and annoying boy!
Millie said...
LOST: Dog. A black and sock-chewing Cocker twaddle-twaddle with deep brown pancreases and a very dripping with goo tail. Answers to the name of Willow.
LOST: A solid gold wee wee wigwam with a boot-squeakingly carved wooden runaway train (never coming back) hanging from it. Reward of 50 antis for the return of this evilly chuckling heirloom.
LOST: Seven-kohlrabi diamond itchy trigger finger with a sterling delightful old woman who smells like cookies clasp. Gift from charmeuse Grandmother. Owner is elbow chub-broken. Generous peep show offered upon return.
FOUND: A slapped hard on Fridays elephant in my panty-raiding pool. He has leer-heavy marks on his hide, a short ruffle butt onesie, and a very pejorative trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and circumstantial evidence!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter said...
LOST: Dog. A black and sloppy Cocker Wii Mii with deep brown incisors and a very mushy tail. Answers to the name of Nervous Nellie.
LOST: A solid gold surprise announcement with a gingerly carved wooden cable guy hanging from it. Reward of 50 cow patties for the return of this sagging heirloom.
LOST: Seven-okra diamond dirty underwear with a sterling 44 oz Diet Coke clasp. Gift from befuddled Grandmother. Owner is patella-broken. Generous President Obama's Inauguration Commemorative Plate offered upon return.
FOUND: A verbose elephant in my defriending pool. He has egomaniacal marks on his hide, short David Hasslehoff's hair, and a very putrid trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and Gong Show reject!
Dave said...
LOST: Dog. A black and sharp Cocker sword with deep brown ear hairs and a very homely tail. Answers to the name of Paul.
LOST: A solid gold therapist with a floatingly carved wooden pen hanging from it. Reward of 50 anemones for the return of this enigmatic heirloom.
LOST: Seven-rutabaga diamond album cover with a sterling taco cat clasp. Gift from psychedelic Grandmother. Owner is thumb knuckle-broken. Generous fish offered upon return.
FOUND: A palindromic elephant in my mocking pool. He has tasty marks on his hide, a short program, and a very tricky trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and boss!
FluffyChicky says...
LOST: Dog. A black and green Cocker man boobs with deep brown buttocks and a very blindingly ugly tail. Answers to the name of Mervin.
LOST: A solid gold jilted Viking princess with a skankily carved wooden Rex Harrison wannabe hanging from it. Reward of 50 large albino Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor for the return of this flabby heirloom.
LOST: Seven-overly ripe radish diamond Marty Feldman’s crazy eyes with a sterling chum filled bathtub clasp. Gift from in-your-face Grandmother. Owner is pus-filled hangnail-broken. Generous hemorrhoid ointment offered upon return.
FOUND: An odorous elephant in my plucking pool. He has foppish marks on his hide, a short discarded prosthetic arm, and a very patronizing trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and previously occupied coffin!
LOST: A solid gold (noun) with a/an (adverb) carved wooden (noun) hanging from it. Reward of 50 (plural noun) for the return of this (adjective) heirloom.
LOST: Seven (type of vegetable) diamond (noun) with a sterling (noun) clasp. Gift from (adjective) Grandmother. Owner is (part of body) broken. Generous (noun) offered upon return.
FOUND: A/an (adjective) elephant in my (verb ending in ING) pool. He has (adjective) marks on his hide, a short (noun), and a very (adjective) trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and (noun)!
Klin said...
LOST: Dog. A black and creamy Cocker creamy body wash with deep brown ear lobes and a very luxurious tail. Answers to the name of Gustav.
LOST: A solid gold luxurious bubble bath with an especially carved wooden hot & spicy a-meat-a-ball hanging from it. Reward of 50 loaded-with-lead-backpacks for the return of this scorching hot heirloom.
LOST: Seven-cheese-crusted broccoli diamond smelly old sneaker with a sterling red & shiny nose clasp. Gift from sleek & sassy Grandmother. Owner is swollen uvula-broken. Generous scaly and nasty rash offered upon return.
FOUND: A crispy crunchy elephant in my playing pool. He has dirty crusty marks on his hide, a short sicky girl, and a very smelly old trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and annoying boy!
Millie said...
LOST: Dog. A black and sock-chewing Cocker twaddle-twaddle with deep brown pancreases and a very dripping with goo tail. Answers to the name of Willow.
LOST: A solid gold wee wee wigwam with a boot-squeakingly carved wooden runaway train (never coming back) hanging from it. Reward of 50 antis for the return of this evilly chuckling heirloom.
LOST: Seven-kohlrabi diamond itchy trigger finger with a sterling delightful old woman who smells like cookies clasp. Gift from charmeuse Grandmother. Owner is elbow chub-broken. Generous peep show offered upon return.
FOUND: A slapped hard on Fridays elephant in my panty-raiding pool. He has leer-heavy marks on his hide, a short ruffle butt onesie, and a very pejorative trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and circumstantial evidence!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter said...
LOST: Dog. A black and sloppy Cocker Wii Mii with deep brown incisors and a very mushy tail. Answers to the name of Nervous Nellie.
LOST: A solid gold surprise announcement with a gingerly carved wooden cable guy hanging from it. Reward of 50 cow patties for the return of this sagging heirloom.
LOST: Seven-okra diamond dirty underwear with a sterling 44 oz Diet Coke clasp. Gift from befuddled Grandmother. Owner is patella-broken. Generous President Obama's Inauguration Commemorative Plate offered upon return.
FOUND: A verbose elephant in my defriending pool. He has egomaniacal marks on his hide, short David Hasslehoff's hair, and a very putrid trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and Gong Show reject!
Dave said...
LOST: Dog. A black and sharp Cocker sword with deep brown ear hairs and a very homely tail. Answers to the name of Paul.
LOST: A solid gold therapist with a floatingly carved wooden pen hanging from it. Reward of 50 anemones for the return of this enigmatic heirloom.
LOST: Seven-rutabaga diamond album cover with a sterling taco cat clasp. Gift from psychedelic Grandmother. Owner is thumb knuckle-broken. Generous fish offered upon return.
FOUND: A palindromic elephant in my mocking pool. He has tasty marks on his hide, a short program, and a very tricky trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and boss!
FluffyChicky says...
LOST: Dog. A black and green Cocker man boobs with deep brown buttocks and a very blindingly ugly tail. Answers to the name of Mervin.
LOST: A solid gold jilted Viking princess with a skankily carved wooden Rex Harrison wannabe hanging from it. Reward of 50 large albino Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor for the return of this flabby heirloom.
LOST: Seven-overly ripe radish diamond Marty Feldman’s crazy eyes with a sterling chum filled bathtub clasp. Gift from in-your-face Grandmother. Owner is pus-filled hangnail-broken. Generous hemorrhoid ointment offered upon return.
FOUND: An odorous elephant in my plucking pool. He has foppish marks on his hide, a short discarded prosthetic arm, and a very patronizing trunk. Please come and get him. He's eating me out of house and previously occupied coffin!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas Poem 2009
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the (noun)
Not a creature was stirring, not even a/an (noun).
The (plural noun) were tucked, all snug in their (plural noun),
While visions of (adjective) plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the (noun) there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my (noun) to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little (adjective) belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of (plural noun).
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the (plural noun), then turned with a jerk,
And laying his (noun) aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the (noun) he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he (verb, past tense) out of sight,
(Adjective) Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Millie said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the fat bubble
Not a creature was stirring, not even an Applebee's appetizer.
The South Pole elves were tucked, all snug in their sparkly opaque tights,
While visions of sporked until unrecognizable plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the son's girlfriend's mother there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my twig to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little printer cartridge huffing belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of indecent manicures.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the low-quality chocolates, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his weird traffic look giver aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the trunk monkey he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he spanked out of sight,
"Putrescent Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Heffalump said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pushy shopper
Not a creature was stirring, not even a twinkle light.
The singing chipmunks were tucked, all snug in their appetizers,
While visions of sensational plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the caroler who sings off key there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my tofurky to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little pine scented belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of snowflakes.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the badly wrapped gifts, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his wassail aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the animatronic reindeer he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he borrowed out of sight,
"Glowing Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Thorny Tree Lady said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Honeybaked Ham
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Crayola Crayon Maker.
The snarfblats were tucked, all snug in their birthday candles,
While visions of lazy plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the gravy boat there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chocolate covered pretzel rod to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little, organized to the point of OCD belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of depressed Broncos fans.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the ballet shoes, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his clementine orange aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the ball point pen he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he freaked out of sight,
"Walking on your hands Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Dave said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lemon mango scented hand sanitizer
Not a creature was stirring, not even a half empty can of Sierra Mist.
The two photos of devilishly cute boys were tucked, all snug in their iPod earbuds,
While visions of tacky plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the slightly brown avocado there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little mechanical belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of sweet peppers.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the non-working heater vents, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his trashcan aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the overly flatulent cubicle neighbor he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he charged out of sight,
"Shamefully huge Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
FluffyChicky said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Barry White
Not a creature was stirring, not even Willie the Operatic Whale.
The busty old women were tucked, all snug in their pitifully underweight Sumo wrestler wannabes,
While visions of cry-your-eyes-out-ugly plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the headcheese sandwich there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from Queen Elizabeth’s slightly moist hanky to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little flamboyant belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of Orville Redenbacher impersonators.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the flabby upper arms, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his push-up bra that works a little too well aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the wilted poinsettia he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he passed out of sight,
"Gassy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Klin said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the presents 'round the tree
Not a creature was stirring, not even pumpkin spiced egg nog.
The excited children anxiously waiting were tucked, all snug in their favorite seasonal movies,
While visions of deliciously creamy plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the jolly round fella there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams of a white Christmas to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little hung with care belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of Christmas cards yet to be mailed.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the Christmas lights, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his family Christmas party aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the Christmas Day he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he had been out of sight,
"Pleasantly surprised Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Not a creature was stirring, not even a/an (noun).
The (plural noun) were tucked, all snug in their (plural noun),
While visions of (adjective) plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the (noun) there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my (noun) to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little (adjective) belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of (plural noun).
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the (plural noun), then turned with a jerk,
And laying his (noun) aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the (noun) he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he (verb, past tense) out of sight,
(Adjective) Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Millie said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the fat bubble
Not a creature was stirring, not even an Applebee's appetizer.
The South Pole elves were tucked, all snug in their sparkly opaque tights,
While visions of sporked until unrecognizable plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the son's girlfriend's mother there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my twig to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little printer cartridge huffing belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of indecent manicures.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the low-quality chocolates, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his weird traffic look giver aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the trunk monkey he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he spanked out of sight,
"Putrescent Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Heffalump said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pushy shopper
Not a creature was stirring, not even a twinkle light.
The singing chipmunks were tucked, all snug in their appetizers,
While visions of sensational plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the caroler who sings off key there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my tofurky to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little pine scented belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of snowflakes.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the badly wrapped gifts, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his wassail aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the animatronic reindeer he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he borrowed out of sight,
"Glowing Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Thorny Tree Lady said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Honeybaked Ham
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Crayola Crayon Maker.
The snarfblats were tucked, all snug in their birthday candles,
While visions of lazy plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the gravy boat there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chocolate covered pretzel rod to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little, organized to the point of OCD belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of depressed Broncos fans.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the ballet shoes, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his clementine orange aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the ball point pen he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he freaked out of sight,
"Walking on your hands Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Dave said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lemon mango scented hand sanitizer
Not a creature was stirring, not even a half empty can of Sierra Mist.
The two photos of devilishly cute boys were tucked, all snug in their iPod earbuds,
While visions of tacky plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the slightly brown avocado there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little mechanical belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of sweet peppers.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the non-working heater vents, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his trashcan aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the overly flatulent cubicle neighbor he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he charged out of sight,
"Shamefully huge Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
FluffyChicky said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Barry White
Not a creature was stirring, not even Willie the Operatic Whale.
The busty old women were tucked, all snug in their pitifully underweight Sumo wrestler wannabes,
While visions of cry-your-eyes-out-ugly plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the headcheese sandwich there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from Queen Elizabeth’s slightly moist hanky to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little flamboyant belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of Orville Redenbacher impersonators.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the flabby upper arms, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his push-up bra that works a little too well aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the wilted poinsettia he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he passed out of sight,
"Gassy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Klin said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the presents 'round the tree
Not a creature was stirring, not even pumpkin spiced egg nog.
The excited children anxiously waiting were tucked, all snug in their favorite seasonal movies,
While visions of deliciously creamy plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the jolly round fella there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams of a white Christmas to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little hung with care belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of Christmas cards yet to be mailed.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the Christmas lights, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his family Christmas party aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the Christmas Day he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he had been out of sight,
"Pleasantly surprised Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Thursday, December 17, 2009
A Tour of Hollywood
I'm trying something new this time... tell me if you like it.
Good morning, ladies and (plural noun), boys and (plural noun). My name is (person in room). I am your personal (noun) guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, (adjective) Hollywood, the glamour (noun) of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's (adjective) Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most (adjective) tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot (plural noun) and the (part of body) prints of the most famous movie (plural noun) ever to adorn the (adjective) screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a/an (verb) to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and (adjective). You will feast your (part of body, plural) on the million-dollar (plural noun) of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest (noun), (person in room), who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of (number) dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Millie said...
Good morning, ladies and Sam Puckett fans, boys and bulls in china closets. My name is Spencer. I am your personal creep in the public pool restroom guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dippier than usual Hollywood, the glamour cupcake filling sucker-outer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Stark Naked and Unaware Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most tomato-flavored tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot loud-voiced gossipy old women and the digit prints of the most famous movie weekly Hometown Buffet diners ever to adorn the frequently mocked screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a bash over the head with a lamp to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fit-throwing. You will feast your phalanges on the million-dollar funny mushrooms of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest unreachable itchy spot, Freddie, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 1238 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub metatarsals with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Rachael said... (Hey, Rach!)
Good morning, ladies and one size too small socks, boys and whiney kids. My name is Pais-ma-taiz. I am your personal Christmas wrapping paper leftovers guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, cold Hollywood, the glamour husband's deodorant wearer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Lonely Chinese Theater, Hollywood's smallest tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot blown fuses and the nasal cavity prints of the most famous movie puppies ever to adorn the hard screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a slide to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and pink. You will feast your nose hairs on the million-dollar lilacs of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Nancy blabber mouth, Bridger bug, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 20 trillion dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyelashes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good morning, ladies and sugar cookies, boys and overworked and disgruntled elves. My name is Buddy The Elf. I am your personal candy cane guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, twinkle-y Hollywood, the glamour Christmas Goose of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Pine-scented Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most excited as a kid on Christmas morning tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot shorted-out Christmas lights and the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly prints of the most famous movie frosted windowpanes ever to adorn the naughty screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a gift wrap to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and grumpy as Scrooge. You will feast your wandering eyes on the million-dollar Clark Griswald imitators of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest tattered copy of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", Chilly, the Elf who could not love, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 25 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub fingernails with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Klin said...
Good morning, ladies and Sassy's handmade chocolate truffles, boys and flashing Christmas lights. My name is Nadine Wimmer. I am your personal smelly gym bag guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, shiny & bright Hollywood, the glamour Santa hat of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Fully Stuffed Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most hung with care tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot ballet dancers and the hip joint prints of the most famous movie puppy kisses ever to adorn the crispy screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a shop to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and sugared. You will feast your cleavage on the million-dollar Christmas presents of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest moolah, Richard Piatt, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 900 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
FluffyChicky said...
Good morning, ladies and Martin Scorsese’s eyebrow shavings, boys and skanky fishnet stockings. My name is Bowler Hat Guy. I am your personal Aunt Wanda’s wooden hand that she carved herself guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, smutty Hollywood, the glamour white mouse with a brown patch over one eye and one brown leg of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Deranged Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most superlative tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot cases of pea soup and the intestinal tract prints of the most famous movie navy beans ever to adorn the disappointing screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a schlep to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and secretive. You will feast your breast implants on the million-dollar naughty nuns of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Ministry of Silly Walks, Prissy Kissy-Bottom-Smythe, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 7 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub ear canals filled with wax and dead flies and other nasty things with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Dave said...
Good morning, ladies and ROUSs, boys and masks. My name is Humperdink. I am your personal Pit of Despair guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dreadful Hollywood, the glamour miracle pill of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Filthy Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most swamped tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot holocaust cloaks and the left hand prints of the most famous movie swords ever to adorn the drunk screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a frame to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fiery. You will feast your legs on the million-dollar pirates of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest putrescence, Westly, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 100 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Good morning, ladies and (plural noun), boys and (plural noun). My name is (person in room). I am your personal (noun) guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, (adjective) Hollywood, the glamour (noun) of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's (adjective) Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most (adjective) tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot (plural noun) and the (part of body) prints of the most famous movie (plural noun) ever to adorn the (adjective) screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a/an (verb) to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and (adjective). You will feast your (part of body, plural) on the million-dollar (plural noun) of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest (noun), (person in room), who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of (number) dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Millie said...
Good morning, ladies and Sam Puckett fans, boys and bulls in china closets. My name is Spencer. I am your personal creep in the public pool restroom guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dippier than usual Hollywood, the glamour cupcake filling sucker-outer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Stark Naked and Unaware Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most tomato-flavored tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot loud-voiced gossipy old women and the digit prints of the most famous movie weekly Hometown Buffet diners ever to adorn the frequently mocked screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a bash over the head with a lamp to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fit-throwing. You will feast your phalanges on the million-dollar funny mushrooms of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest unreachable itchy spot, Freddie, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 1238 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub metatarsals with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Rachael said... (Hey, Rach!)
Good morning, ladies and one size too small socks, boys and whiney kids. My name is Pais-ma-taiz. I am your personal Christmas wrapping paper leftovers guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, cold Hollywood, the glamour husband's deodorant wearer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Lonely Chinese Theater, Hollywood's smallest tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot blown fuses and the nasal cavity prints of the most famous movie puppies ever to adorn the hard screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a slide to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and pink. You will feast your nose hairs on the million-dollar lilacs of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Nancy blabber mouth, Bridger bug, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 20 trillion dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyelashes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good morning, ladies and sugar cookies, boys and overworked and disgruntled elves. My name is Buddy The Elf. I am your personal candy cane guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, twinkle-y Hollywood, the glamour Christmas Goose of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Pine-scented Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most excited as a kid on Christmas morning tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot shorted-out Christmas lights and the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly prints of the most famous movie frosted windowpanes ever to adorn the naughty screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a gift wrap to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and grumpy as Scrooge. You will feast your wandering eyes on the million-dollar Clark Griswald imitators of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest tattered copy of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", Chilly, the Elf who could not love, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 25 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub fingernails with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Klin said...
Good morning, ladies and Sassy's handmade chocolate truffles, boys and flashing Christmas lights. My name is Nadine Wimmer. I am your personal smelly gym bag guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, shiny & bright Hollywood, the glamour Santa hat of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Fully Stuffed Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most hung with care tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot ballet dancers and the hip joint prints of the most famous movie puppy kisses ever to adorn the crispy screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a shop to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and sugared. You will feast your cleavage on the million-dollar Christmas presents of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest moolah, Richard Piatt, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 900 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
FluffyChicky said...
Good morning, ladies and Martin Scorsese’s eyebrow shavings, boys and skanky fishnet stockings. My name is Bowler Hat Guy. I am your personal Aunt Wanda’s wooden hand that she carved herself guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, smutty Hollywood, the glamour white mouse with a brown patch over one eye and one brown leg of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Deranged Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most superlative tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot cases of pea soup and the intestinal tract prints of the most famous movie navy beans ever to adorn the disappointing screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a schlep to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and secretive. You will feast your breast implants on the million-dollar naughty nuns of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Ministry of Silly Walks, Prissy Kissy-Bottom-Smythe, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 7 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub ear canals filled with wax and dead flies and other nasty things with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Dave said...
Good morning, ladies and ROUSs, boys and masks. My name is Humperdink. I am your personal Pit of Despair guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dreadful Hollywood, the glamour miracle pill of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Filthy Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most swamped tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot holocaust cloaks and the left hand prints of the most famous movie swords ever to adorn the drunk screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a frame to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fiery. You will feast your legs on the million-dollar pirates of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest putrescence, Westly, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 100 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Bringing Home the Good - Or Is It Bad? - News
Dear Parent,
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter of the alphabet) in English, a/an (letter of the alphabet) in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (part of body) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun) conference" is necessary to discuss (same person)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (part of body). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. (last name of another person in room)
Head (occupation)
Millie said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Scuzzlebutt's report card for the icicle-growing eighth grade. He has received an "I" in English, a "W" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Wayward Sheep. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing diphthong in Anty Pepsi Bottle Education because his broken knuckle hair prevented the taking of the final tooth grunge. This square and brown class can be made up in our summer huge Cannery can. The school believes a "parent-hungry five-year-old who won't come to the kitchen but prefers to whine instead conference" is necessary to discuss Scuzzlebutt's inexplicably barking behavior. He continues to draw writhing around the Christmas tree pictures on the bathroom Red Bull and talks squawkingly behind the teacher's upper lip fuzz. Please call the principal's crunchy washcloth left to drip dry on the tub rail for a perfunctory appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Pencilsniffer
Head Drool Wiper
Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Santa's report card for the jolly eighth grade. He has received an "H" in English, an "O" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Chimneys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing present in Ornament Education because his broken tire ring waist prevented the taking of the final stocking. This rosy class can be made up in our summer star. The school believes a "parent-cookie conference" is necessary to discuss Santa's red behavior. He continues to draw cold pictures on the bathroom eggnog and talks happily behind the teacher's flabby thighs. Please call the principal's fat pants for a fat appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Claus
Head Deliverer of Happiness
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Dancing With the Stars Season 9 Champ, Donny Osmond's, report card for the shrivelled-up eighth grade. He has received an "S" in English, an "M" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Candy Canes. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Santa's Workshop in Fine-Toothed Comb Education because his broken pinky toe prevented the taking of the final frayed toothbrush. This hard as a rock class can be made up in our summer broken Wii console with pennies in it. The school believes a "parent-ice cold water bottle conference" is necessary to discuss Donny's sparkly as Edward behavior. He continues to draw odiferous pictures on the bathroom Advent calendar and talks painstakingly behind the teacher's kneecap. Please call the principal's Katie Couric impersonator for a heartburn-inducing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Rockafeller
Head Cartoon Colorist
Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Lazy Lion's report card for the shiny & bright eighth grade. He has received an "A" in English, a "Z" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Piles of Shoveled Snow. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing snowflake in Snowball Education because his broken skin between the toes prevented the taking of the final snow shovel. This cozy fire like class can be made up in our summer snow plow. The school believes a "parent-snow coat conference" is necessary to discuss Lazy's entitled behavior. He continues to draw icy pictures on the bathroom snow boots and talks crumbily behind the teacher's broken nail. Please call the principal's snow for a freezing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Maggilicutty
Head Meteorologist
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Jerry Sizzler's report card for the slimy eighth grade. He has received a "Q" in English, a "T" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Ten Lords a-Leaping. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Little Orphan Annie in 8-track of “MacArthur Park” as recorded by the late Richard Harris Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final bootleg copy of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. This smelly class can be made up in our summer raging case of dandruff. The school believes a "parent-spastic flatulence conference" is necessary to discuss Jerry's spastic behavior. He continues to draw snide pictures on the bathroom HMS Pinafore performed entirely in Ig-Pay Atin-Lay, and talks saucily behind the teacher's unibrow. Please call the principal's reindeer droppings for a superfluous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. McCheapPants
Head IRS Auditor
Dave said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Admiral Ackbar's report card for the Jedi-like eighth grade. He has received an "F" in English, a "U" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Power Converters. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing lightsaber in Blaster Education because his broken Midi-chlorians prevented the taking of the final protocol droid. This emotionless class can be made up in our summer Jedi mind trick. The school believes a "parent-nerf-herder conference" is necessary to discuss Admiral Ackbar's droid-free behavior. He continues to draw "Empire" covered pictures on the bathroom Death Star and talks fuzzily behind the teacher's hand. Please call the principal's bounty hunter for a roguish appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Skywalker
Head Sith Lord
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter of the alphabet) in English, a/an (letter of the alphabet) in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (part of body) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun) conference" is necessary to discuss (same person)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (part of body). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. (last name of another person in room)
Head (occupation)
Millie said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Scuzzlebutt's report card for the icicle-growing eighth grade. He has received an "I" in English, a "W" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Wayward Sheep. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing diphthong in Anty Pepsi Bottle Education because his broken knuckle hair prevented the taking of the final tooth grunge. This square and brown class can be made up in our summer huge Cannery can. The school believes a "parent-hungry five-year-old who won't come to the kitchen but prefers to whine instead conference" is necessary to discuss Scuzzlebutt's inexplicably barking behavior. He continues to draw writhing around the Christmas tree pictures on the bathroom Red Bull and talks squawkingly behind the teacher's upper lip fuzz. Please call the principal's crunchy washcloth left to drip dry on the tub rail for a perfunctory appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Pencilsniffer
Head Drool Wiper
Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Santa's report card for the jolly eighth grade. He has received an "H" in English, an "O" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Chimneys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing present in Ornament Education because his broken tire ring waist prevented the taking of the final stocking. This rosy class can be made up in our summer star. The school believes a "parent-cookie conference" is necessary to discuss Santa's red behavior. He continues to draw cold pictures on the bathroom eggnog and talks happily behind the teacher's flabby thighs. Please call the principal's fat pants for a fat appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Claus
Head Deliverer of Happiness
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Dancing With the Stars Season 9 Champ, Donny Osmond's, report card for the shrivelled-up eighth grade. He has received an "S" in English, an "M" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Candy Canes. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Santa's Workshop in Fine-Toothed Comb Education because his broken pinky toe prevented the taking of the final frayed toothbrush. This hard as a rock class can be made up in our summer broken Wii console with pennies in it. The school believes a "parent-ice cold water bottle conference" is necessary to discuss Donny's sparkly as Edward behavior. He continues to draw odiferous pictures on the bathroom Advent calendar and talks painstakingly behind the teacher's kneecap. Please call the principal's Katie Couric impersonator for a heartburn-inducing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Rockafeller
Head Cartoon Colorist
Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Lazy Lion's report card for the shiny & bright eighth grade. He has received an "A" in English, a "Z" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Piles of Shoveled Snow. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing snowflake in Snowball Education because his broken skin between the toes prevented the taking of the final snow shovel. This cozy fire like class can be made up in our summer snow plow. The school believes a "parent-snow coat conference" is necessary to discuss Lazy's entitled behavior. He continues to draw icy pictures on the bathroom snow boots and talks crumbily behind the teacher's broken nail. Please call the principal's snow for a freezing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Maggilicutty
Head Meteorologist
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Jerry Sizzler's report card for the slimy eighth grade. He has received a "Q" in English, a "T" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Ten Lords a-Leaping. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Little Orphan Annie in 8-track of “MacArthur Park” as recorded by the late Richard Harris Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final bootleg copy of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. This smelly class can be made up in our summer raging case of dandruff. The school believes a "parent-spastic flatulence conference" is necessary to discuss Jerry's spastic behavior. He continues to draw snide pictures on the bathroom HMS Pinafore performed entirely in Ig-Pay Atin-Lay, and talks saucily behind the teacher's unibrow. Please call the principal's reindeer droppings for a superfluous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. McCheapPants
Head IRS Auditor
Dave said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Admiral Ackbar's report card for the Jedi-like eighth grade. He has received an "F" in English, a "U" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Power Converters. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing lightsaber in Blaster Education because his broken Midi-chlorians prevented the taking of the final protocol droid. This emotionless class can be made up in our summer Jedi mind trick. The school believes a "parent-nerf-herder conference" is necessary to discuss Admiral Ackbar's droid-free behavior. He continues to draw "Empire" covered pictures on the bathroom Death Star and talks fuzzily behind the teacher's hand. Please call the principal's bounty hunter for a roguish appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Skywalker
Head Sith Lord
Friday, November 20, 2009
Relatives
This is a/an (adjective) explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably (adjective). Parents consist of one mother and one (noun). Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your (noun)," or "Stop picking your (noun)!" Brothers and sisters are called (plural noun) and they are often a pain in the (part of the body). Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' (plural noun). They will buy you (a food) when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your (noun). Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or (a holiday) to eat a big (a bird). Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Millie said...
This is a visibly disturbed explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably Shrinky Dink-wearing. Parents consist of one mother and one roast guinea pig on a stick. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your voided bus ticket for behaving naughtily on a Greyhound bus," or "Stop picking your psychedelic mushroom candle!" Brothers and sisters are called two fat little boys fighting under a blanket and they are often a pain in the chin waddle. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' medical history geeks. They will buy you shoo fly pie when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your petard. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or St. Swithin's Day to eat a big yellow-bellied sap sucker. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
This is an intellectually superior explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably deceptively comfortable. Parents consist of one mother and one bottle of nail polish remover. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your obsessed fan of Joel McHale," or "Stop picking your mind numbing hum from a computer!" Brothers and sisters are called cave dwellers and they are often a pain in the infected pus-filled ingrown toenail. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' prematurely displayed Christmas decorations. They will buy you escargot when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your mosquito bite. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or National Dark Chocolate Day (October 28th) to eat a big cockatoo. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
FluffyChicky said...
This is a Teen-spirit-smelly explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably wholeheartedly vapid. Parents consist of one mother and one William Daniels’ walking stick from the movie “1776". Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your explosive diarrhea," or "Stop picking your dandruff prevention shampoo!" Brothers and sisters are called National Talk Like a Pirate Day enthusiasts and they are often a pain in the cankle. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' rejected National Talk Like a Pirate Day enthusiasts because they couldn’t properly pronounce the word “Arrrgg!”. They will buy you wiener schnitzel when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your Bishop Higgins. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Virgen de los Angeles Day to eat a big southern royal albatross. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Friday, November 6, 2009
A Fan Letter
Leonardo DiCaprio's birthday is November 11, and what finer gift can we offer him than a Mad Lib in his honor? You're welcome, Leonardo.
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my (plural noun) and I were sitting around talking about movie (plural noun) and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a (noun), dared me to ask you for an autographed (noun). I suppose you get zillions of (adjective) requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing (noun) of the school and Jenny will thumb her (part of body) at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your (noun). I promise you, cross my (part of body) and hope to (verb), I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your (noun) will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my (plural noun) in the morning.
Your ever faithful (noun),
(Name of girl in room)
Millie said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my overpaid security employees who never catch anyone shoplifting and I were sitting around talking about movie Tipperary bonbons and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a pair of shorts, dared me to ask you for an autographed Rice Krispie. I suppose you get zillions of raunchy and festering requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing resentful understudy of the school and Jenny will thumb her tear duct at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your blue whale. I promise you, cross my kneecap hair and hope to dribble, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your Normal Norman will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my naughty cockatoos in the morning.
Your ever faithful tub,
Shirley Shivwits
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my mushy over-ripe bananas and I were sitting around talking about movie whining toddlers coming down from a post-Halloween sugar high and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up an apple spice candle, dared me to ask you for an autographed yellow ribbon tied to an old oak tree. I suppose you get zillions of all-encompassing requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing multiplication tables cheat sheet of the school and Jenny will thumb her uvula at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your bottle of Clorox. I promise you, cross my funny bone and hope to freak-out, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your warm & sunny spot in the window will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my chin whiskers in the morning.
Your ever faithful pomegranate,
Octomom
Dave said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my chipmunks and I were sitting around talking about movie thumbnails and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up an apple core, dared me to ask you for an autographed stock photo of a dog eating blueberries. I suppose you get zillions of odiferous requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing time machine of the school and Jenny will thumb her armpit at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your black belt. I promise you, cross my unibrow and hope to disengage, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your raccoon will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my pretentious Marxists in the morning.
Your ever faithful index out of range error,
Aunt Florence
Mel Smell said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my odd English muffin toppings and I were sitting around talking about movie infected ear squirts and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a creep in the stadium bathroom, dared me to ask you for an autographed rhino leaving. I suppose you get zillions of embarrassment enjoying requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing peek-a-boo hospital gown of the school and Jenny will thumb her knuckle flab at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your corner-of-the-lip creature. I promise you, cross my sideburn and hope to point and mock, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your kitty breast implant will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my fat-man suspenders in the morning.
Your ever faithful drooling street sleeper,
Dip-wad Daisy
Klin said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my crochet hooks and I were sitting around talking about movie slobber slimy tennis balls and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a creamy potato soup, dared me to ask you for an autographed chunky beef chili. I suppose you get zillions of obnoxious requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing blue and green leg warmer of the school and Jenny will thumb her snot production tubes at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your incredibly long pink scarf. I promise you, cross my flatulence airing pipes and hope to snicker, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your scary and freaky stalker will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my two crock pots of soup in the morning.
Your ever faithful other ringing phone,
Miss Lippy
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my scantily clad nuns and I were sitting around talking about movie hyperactive kids who have had just a little too much Halloween candy and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up Eric Idle, dared me to ask you for an autographed Uncle Orville’s glass eye. I suppose you get zillions of beefy requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing calendar from 1957 featuring Groucho Marx in “questionable” clothing of the school and Jenny will thumb her upper arm flab at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your skunk. I promise you, cross my toes covered in unnaturally large corns and hope to fart, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your hydraulic crane in need of lubrication will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my super-secret band of specially trained attack ninja squirrels in the morning.
Your ever faithful Bleeding Gums Murphy,
Melba Peachbottom
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my (plural noun) and I were sitting around talking about movie (plural noun) and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a (noun), dared me to ask you for an autographed (noun). I suppose you get zillions of (adjective) requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing (noun) of the school and Jenny will thumb her (part of body) at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your (noun). I promise you, cross my (part of body) and hope to (verb), I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your (noun) will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my (plural noun) in the morning.
Your ever faithful (noun),
(Name of girl in room)
Millie said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my overpaid security employees who never catch anyone shoplifting and I were sitting around talking about movie Tipperary bonbons and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a pair of shorts, dared me to ask you for an autographed Rice Krispie. I suppose you get zillions of raunchy and festering requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing resentful understudy of the school and Jenny will thumb her tear duct at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your blue whale. I promise you, cross my kneecap hair and hope to dribble, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your Normal Norman will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my naughty cockatoos in the morning.
Your ever faithful tub,
Shirley Shivwits
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my mushy over-ripe bananas and I were sitting around talking about movie whining toddlers coming down from a post-Halloween sugar high and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up an apple spice candle, dared me to ask you for an autographed yellow ribbon tied to an old oak tree. I suppose you get zillions of all-encompassing requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing multiplication tables cheat sheet of the school and Jenny will thumb her uvula at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your bottle of Clorox. I promise you, cross my funny bone and hope to freak-out, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your warm & sunny spot in the window will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my chin whiskers in the morning.
Your ever faithful pomegranate,
Octomom
Dave said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my chipmunks and I were sitting around talking about movie thumbnails and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up an apple core, dared me to ask you for an autographed stock photo of a dog eating blueberries. I suppose you get zillions of odiferous requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing time machine of the school and Jenny will thumb her armpit at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your black belt. I promise you, cross my unibrow and hope to disengage, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your raccoon will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my pretentious Marxists in the morning.
Your ever faithful index out of range error,
Aunt Florence
Mel Smell said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my odd English muffin toppings and I were sitting around talking about movie infected ear squirts and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a creep in the stadium bathroom, dared me to ask you for an autographed rhino leaving. I suppose you get zillions of embarrassment enjoying requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing peek-a-boo hospital gown of the school and Jenny will thumb her knuckle flab at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your corner-of-the-lip creature. I promise you, cross my sideburn and hope to point and mock, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your kitty breast implant will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my fat-man suspenders in the morning.
Your ever faithful drooling street sleeper,
Dip-wad Daisy
Klin said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my crochet hooks and I were sitting around talking about movie slobber slimy tennis balls and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a creamy potato soup, dared me to ask you for an autographed chunky beef chili. I suppose you get zillions of obnoxious requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing blue and green leg warmer of the school and Jenny will thumb her snot production tubes at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your incredibly long pink scarf. I promise you, cross my flatulence airing pipes and hope to snicker, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your scary and freaky stalker will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my two crock pots of soup in the morning.
Your ever faithful other ringing phone,
Miss Lippy
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Leonardo,
A group of my scantily clad nuns and I were sitting around talking about movie hyperactive kids who have had just a little too much Halloween candy and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up Eric Idle, dared me to ask you for an autographed Uncle Orville’s glass eye. I suppose you get zillions of beefy requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing calendar from 1957 featuring Groucho Marx in “questionable” clothing of the school and Jenny will thumb her upper arm flab at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your skunk. I promise you, cross my toes covered in unnaturally large corns and hope to fart, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your hydraulic crane in need of lubrication will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my super-secret band of specially trained attack ninja squirrels in the morning.
Your ever faithful Bleeding Gums Murphy,
Melba Peachbottom
Friday, October 16, 2009
Romantic Movie Blockbusters
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the (adjective) War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, (adjective)-willed woman. She uses her feminine (plural noun) to win back her (noun), but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only (noun) she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a/an (noun)."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for (plural noun) from war-torn (place). Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her (noun) escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "(Verb) it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two (noun) League students. They go through the trials and (plural nouns) experienced by all young (plural noun). Unfortunately, the ending will bring (plural noun) to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're (adjective)."
Heffalump said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Red and Green War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, Christmasy-willed woman. She uses her feminine reindeer to win back her Santa, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only Christmas tree glowing with lights she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for snowmen from the war-torn North Pole. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her plate of cookies escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Fly it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Christmas Stocking League students. They go through the trials and candy canes experienced by all young gifts. Unfortunately, the ending will bring elves to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're soot-covered."
Millie said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Wet and Mud-covered War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, leaf-fluttering-willed woman. She uses her feminine angry nuns on the rampage to win back her meat cleaver, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only flagrant foul she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an eyeballer."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for plum splats from war-torn Leavitt's Furniture Store. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her pushbroom escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Mangle it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Grandma-smeller League students. They go through the trials and chives experienced by all young drool drips. Unfortunately, the ending will bring abdominal muscles to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're cranky and skanky."
Klin said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Swine Flu Sick Like War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, bank robbing rich-willed woman. She uses her feminine faraway friends to win back her gallon of gasoline, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only mile of road she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a packed luggage."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for Nauvoo must see sites from war-torn Davenport, Iowa. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her Nobody escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Pack it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Bubsmoe League students. They go through the trials and yummy travel snacks experienced by all young snoring kids. Unfortunately, the ending will bring lonely kitty cats to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're too excited to speak."
Fluffychicky said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the June Cleaver-ish War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, playfully plucky-willed woman. She uses her feminine fearless vampire killers to win back Rip Torn’s crusty looking mug shot, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only tasty buffalo jerky she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an Old Man Jenkins – Winner of the Caribou County Longest Nose Hair Contest."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for rusty sporks from war-torn Her Royal Highness’s private privy. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and The Ministry of Silly Walks escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Schlep it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Captain Underpants the Waistband Warrior and his lesser known brother – Bobby Braless League students. They go through the trials and slap-happy nuns who love their rulers more than is “natural” experienced by all young die-hard roller derby fans. Unfortunately, the ending will bring members of “The Society of Hannibal Lecter Impersonators (except for that whole eating other people thing, because that is just sick and wrong)” to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're feet-stinky."
Thorny Tree Lady said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Southern Fried War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, completely immersed-willed woman. She uses her feminine pieces of pizza to win back her sweet nectar of life that is Dr Pepper, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only cold sore she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an origami swan."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for hot rollers from war-torn Alternate Universe Al Gore lives in where he is King of teh Internets and melting ice caps. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her ear infection escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Bake it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Prematurely Moldy Jack-o-lantern League students. They go through the trials and Hershey's Kisses experienced by all young screams of delight. Unfortunately, the ending will bring postal workers to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're uncanny."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for (plural noun) from war-torn (place). Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her (noun) escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "(Verb) it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two (noun) League students. They go through the trials and (plural nouns) experienced by all young (plural noun). Unfortunately, the ending will bring (plural noun) to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're (adjective)."
Heffalump said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Red and Green War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, Christmasy-willed woman. She uses her feminine reindeer to win back her Santa, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only Christmas tree glowing with lights she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for snowmen from the war-torn North Pole. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her plate of cookies escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Fly it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Christmas Stocking League students. They go through the trials and candy canes experienced by all young gifts. Unfortunately, the ending will bring elves to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're soot-covered."
Millie said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Wet and Mud-covered War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, leaf-fluttering-willed woman. She uses her feminine angry nuns on the rampage to win back her meat cleaver, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only flagrant foul she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an eyeballer."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for plum splats from war-torn Leavitt's Furniture Store. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her pushbroom escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Mangle it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Grandma-smeller League students. They go through the trials and chives experienced by all young drool drips. Unfortunately, the ending will bring abdominal muscles to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're cranky and skanky."
Klin said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Swine Flu Sick Like War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, bank robbing rich-willed woman. She uses her feminine faraway friends to win back her gallon of gasoline, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only mile of road she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a packed luggage."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for Nauvoo must see sites from war-torn Davenport, Iowa. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her Nobody escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Pack it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Bubsmoe League students. They go through the trials and yummy travel snacks experienced by all young snoring kids. Unfortunately, the ending will bring lonely kitty cats to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're too excited to speak."
Fluffychicky said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the June Cleaver-ish War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, playfully plucky-willed woman. She uses her feminine fearless vampire killers to win back Rip Torn’s crusty looking mug shot, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only tasty buffalo jerky she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an Old Man Jenkins – Winner of the Caribou County Longest Nose Hair Contest."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for rusty sporks from war-torn Her Royal Highness’s private privy. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and The Ministry of Silly Walks escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Schlep it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Captain Underpants the Waistband Warrior and his lesser known brother – Bobby Braless League students. They go through the trials and slap-happy nuns who love their rulers more than is “natural” experienced by all young die-hard roller derby fans. Unfortunately, the ending will bring members of “The Society of Hannibal Lecter Impersonators (except for that whole eating other people thing, because that is just sick and wrong)” to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're feet-stinky."
Thorny Tree Lady said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Southern Fried War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, completely immersed-willed woman. She uses her feminine pieces of pizza to win back her sweet nectar of life that is Dr Pepper, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only cold sore she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an origami swan."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for hot rollers from war-torn Alternate Universe Al Gore lives in where he is King of teh Internets and melting ice caps. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her ear infection escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Bake it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Prematurely Moldy Jack-o-lantern League students. They go through the trials and Hershey's Kisses experienced by all young screams of delight. Unfortunately, the ending will bring postal workers to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're uncanny."
Friday, September 25, 2009
Great School Excuses
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse (name of person in room) from missing (adjective) class yesterday. When (person in room) awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was (adjective). He/She also complained of (part of body) aches and having a sore (noun), and I took him/her to the family (noun). The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the (number)-hour flu and suggested he/she take two (plural noun) with a glass of (type of liquid) and go to bed (adverb).
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse (name of person in room) for being late for your (adjective) science class. It's my fault. I feel (adjective). (same person) was up until the (adjective) hours of the morning completing his/her (adjective) project. Just as he/she was going out the (adjective) door, I noticed that his/her only pair of (plural noun) had a/an (noun) in them. It took me an hour to find my (plural noun) so I could see to (verb) the needle, enabling me to sew his/her (plural noun) back together.
Millie said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Paul of the Jungle from missing squirty class yesterday. When Paul awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was gorilla-suit-wearing. He also complained of toe knuckle aches and having a sore drip, and I took him to the family crusty towel. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 128723-hour flu and suggested he take two tent dwellers with a glass of cow slurp and go to bed gesticulatingly.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Stan Sitwell for being late for your awkward and unfortunate-looking science class. It's my fault. I feel like I drank from the fire hose. Stan was up until the unidentifiable hours of the morning completing his sharp project. Just as he was going out the stuck to itself with Krazy Glue door, I noticed that his only pair of gasps of surprise had an infected butt piercing in them. It took me an hour to find my eyelash crusties so I could see to explode the needle, enabling me to sew his Queen Elizabeth worshippers back together.
Heffalump said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Ryan from missing glistening class yesterday. When Ryan awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was unpleasantly aromatic. He also complained of arm flab aches and having a sore crescent moon, and I took him to the family cow. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 7.769-hour flu and suggested he take two Solid Gold dancers with a glass of grapefruit juice and go to bed unflinchingly.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Sharpay for being late for your hair growing science class. It's my fault. I feel covered in disco lights. Sharpay was up until the edgy hours of the morning completing her quivering like a bowl of jello in an earthquake project. Just as she was going out the raw in the middle door, I noticed that her only pair of baked potatoes had a castle moat in them. It took me an hour to find my cheese varieties so I could see to boogie the needle, enabling me to sew her planets back together.
Klin said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Sassy from missing hell-bound class yesterday. When Sassy awakened yesterday, I could see that her nose was daughtry looking. She also complained of sore throat aches and having a sore pea shooter, and I took her to the family little squirter. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 24-hour flu and suggested she take two Benjamins with a glass of doggy pee pees and go to bed aboriginally.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Tree Monkey for being late for your exuberant science class. It's my fault. I feel abashed. Tree Monkey was up until the sickeningly handsome hours of the morning completing his icicle stabbing-head pounding project. Just as he was going out the deliciously adorable door, I noticed that his only pair of cheetah spots had a chubby cheeked boy in them. It took me an hour to find my so many different noises I can't think so I could see to profusely bleed on the needle, enabling me to sew his new backpacks back together.
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Melba Peachbottom, Homecoming Queen 1937, from missing hair-raising class yesterday. When Melba awakened yesterday, I could see that her nose was Teen Spirit smelly. She also complained of hairy-as-a-gorilla man boobs aches and having a sore crusty old sea captain with a broken peg leg, and I took her to the family shopping cart with one squeaky wheel. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 849274092958743.1728312-hour flu and suggested she take two Elphaba impersonators who don’t need green makeup because they were just born that way with a glass of regurgitated diet coke and go to bed unhappily.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Dick Dickerson, who is wearing his favorite light puce dickey, for being late for your pig-headed science class. It's my fault. I feel bitter. Dick was up until the fat as a hippo with a glandular problem hours of the morning completing his squeezable project. Just as he was going out the decomposed door, I noticed that his only pair of electric girdles had Spongebob Squarepants boxer shorts in them. It took me an hour to find my senior citizens that hog all the good benches in the chapel so I could see to fart the needle, enabling me to sew his members of the People With Nasty Hobbit Feet Society back together.
Please excuse (name of person in room) from missing (adjective) class yesterday. When (person in room) awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was (adjective). He/She also complained of (part of body) aches and having a sore (noun), and I took him/her to the family (noun). The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the (number)-hour flu and suggested he/she take two (plural noun) with a glass of (type of liquid) and go to bed (adverb).
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse (name of person in room) for being late for your (adjective) science class. It's my fault. I feel (adjective). (same person) was up until the (adjective) hours of the morning completing his/her (adjective) project. Just as he/she was going out the (adjective) door, I noticed that his/her only pair of (plural noun) had a/an (noun) in them. It took me an hour to find my (plural noun) so I could see to (verb) the needle, enabling me to sew his/her (plural noun) back together.
Millie said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Paul of the Jungle from missing squirty class yesterday. When Paul awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was gorilla-suit-wearing. He also complained of toe knuckle aches and having a sore drip, and I took him to the family crusty towel. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 128723-hour flu and suggested he take two tent dwellers with a glass of cow slurp and go to bed gesticulatingly.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Stan Sitwell for being late for your awkward and unfortunate-looking science class. It's my fault. I feel like I drank from the fire hose. Stan was up until the unidentifiable hours of the morning completing his sharp project. Just as he was going out the stuck to itself with Krazy Glue door, I noticed that his only pair of gasps of surprise had an infected butt piercing in them. It took me an hour to find my eyelash crusties so I could see to explode the needle, enabling me to sew his Queen Elizabeth worshippers back together.
Heffalump said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Ryan from missing glistening class yesterday. When Ryan awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was unpleasantly aromatic. He also complained of arm flab aches and having a sore crescent moon, and I took him to the family cow. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 7.769-hour flu and suggested he take two Solid Gold dancers with a glass of grapefruit juice and go to bed unflinchingly.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Sharpay for being late for your hair growing science class. It's my fault. I feel covered in disco lights. Sharpay was up until the edgy hours of the morning completing her quivering like a bowl of jello in an earthquake project. Just as she was going out the raw in the middle door, I noticed that her only pair of baked potatoes had a castle moat in them. It took me an hour to find my cheese varieties so I could see to boogie the needle, enabling me to sew her planets back together.
Klin said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Sassy from missing hell-bound class yesterday. When Sassy awakened yesterday, I could see that her nose was daughtry looking. She also complained of sore throat aches and having a sore pea shooter, and I took her to the family little squirter. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 24-hour flu and suggested she take two Benjamins with a glass of doggy pee pees and go to bed aboriginally.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Tree Monkey for being late for your exuberant science class. It's my fault. I feel abashed. Tree Monkey was up until the sickeningly handsome hours of the morning completing his icicle stabbing-head pounding project. Just as he was going out the deliciously adorable door, I noticed that his only pair of cheetah spots had a chubby cheeked boy in them. It took me an hour to find my so many different noises I can't think so I could see to profusely bleed on the needle, enabling me to sew his new backpacks back together.
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Melba Peachbottom, Homecoming Queen 1937, from missing hair-raising class yesterday. When Melba awakened yesterday, I could see that her nose was Teen Spirit smelly. She also complained of hairy-as-a-gorilla man boobs aches and having a sore crusty old sea captain with a broken peg leg, and I took her to the family shopping cart with one squeaky wheel. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 849274092958743.1728312-hour flu and suggested she take two Elphaba impersonators who don’t need green makeup because they were just born that way with a glass of regurgitated diet coke and go to bed unhappily.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Dick Dickerson, who is wearing his favorite light puce dickey, for being late for your pig-headed science class. It's my fault. I feel bitter. Dick was up until the fat as a hippo with a glandular problem hours of the morning completing his squeezable project. Just as he was going out the decomposed door, I noticed that his only pair of electric girdles had Spongebob Squarepants boxer shorts in them. It took me an hour to find my senior citizens that hog all the good benches in the chapel so I could see to fart the needle, enabling me to sew his members of the People With Nasty Hobbit Feet Society back together.
Friday, September 18, 2009
The Observatory
Our class went on a field trip to a/an (adjective) observatory. It was located on top of a/an (noun), and it looked like a giant (noun) with a slit down its (noun). We went inside and looked through a/an (noun) and were able to see (plural noun) in the sky that were millions of (plural noun) away. The men and women who (verb) in the observatory are called (plural noun), and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting (plural noun). An eclipse occurs when a/an (noun) comes between the earth and the (noun) and everything gets (adjective). Next week, we plan to (verb) the Museum of Modern (noun).
Millie said...
Our class went on a field trip to a dump truck-totalling observatory. It was located on top of an inexperienced pole dancer who doesn't know what the pole is for, and it looked like a giant embezzler with a slit down its hairy love handle. We went inside and looked through an idiot blog stalker and were able to see pasty white thighs in the sky that were millions of cockfights away. The men and women who drool in the observatory are called bunny slippers, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting chocolate-covered potato chips. An eclipse occurs when a cleavage peeker comes between the earth and Jim Swarthout's Doberman and everything gets smacked and embarrassed. Next week, we plan to browbeat the Museum of Modern remodeled garage.
Klin said...
Our class went on a field trip to a loud-mouthed observatory. It was located on top of a chunky monkey, and it looked like a giant Costa Vida heaven with a slit down its charity yard sale. We went inside and looked through more homework than I needed and were able to see how-did-I-get-all-these-cats thoughts in the sky that were millions of doggie poo-poos away. The men and women who yawn frequently in the observatory are called ultra heavy eyelids, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting stupid politics. An eclipse occurs when a snot-nosed kid comes between the earth and the ultimate dirty car and everything gets delicioso. Next week, we plan to light the Museum of Modern thunder and lightning bolt.
Heffalump said...
Our class went on a field trip to a stunningly beautiful in a sparkly way observatory. It was located on top of Kermit the Frog, and it looked like a giant Seven Foot Tall Talking Carrot with a slit down its Carol Burnett. We went inside and looked through Julie Andrews and were able to see Muppets in the sky that were millions of Puppets away. The men and women who Stagger like someone drunk on life in the observatory are called Dancing Vegetables, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting Singing Monsters. An eclipse occurs when Miss Piggy comes between the earth and John Denver and everything gets drool worthy. Next week, we plan to Sing in the Rain at the Museum of Modern Muppet Show Reunion.
FluffyChicky said...
Our class went on a field trip to a glow-in-the-dark observatory. It was located on top of that strange girl from 7th grade home room who had upper lip fuzz, a slight under-bite, eyebrows to rival Groucho Marx, and the unfortunate first name of Hortensia, and it looked like a giant expired cream of mushroom soup with a slit down its Queen Elizabeth’s polka dot patterned knickers. We went inside and looked through an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time, and were able to see ingrown toenails in the sky that were millions of albino Albanian women away. The men and women who obfuscate in the observatory are called armadillos, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting previously licked Jell-O pudding pops. An eclipse occurs when Mrs. Potato Head comes between the earth and “dress like a drag queen” Thurday and everything gets flamboyant. Next week, we plan to prostrate the Museum of Modern Big Bad Bart the Bucking Buffalo.
Millie said...
Our class went on a field trip to a dump truck-totalling observatory. It was located on top of an inexperienced pole dancer who doesn't know what the pole is for, and it looked like a giant embezzler with a slit down its hairy love handle. We went inside and looked through an idiot blog stalker and were able to see pasty white thighs in the sky that were millions of cockfights away. The men and women who drool in the observatory are called bunny slippers, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting chocolate-covered potato chips. An eclipse occurs when a cleavage peeker comes between the earth and Jim Swarthout's Doberman and everything gets smacked and embarrassed. Next week, we plan to browbeat the Museum of Modern remodeled garage.
Klin said...
Our class went on a field trip to a loud-mouthed observatory. It was located on top of a chunky monkey, and it looked like a giant Costa Vida heaven with a slit down its charity yard sale. We went inside and looked through more homework than I needed and were able to see how-did-I-get-all-these-cats thoughts in the sky that were millions of doggie poo-poos away. The men and women who yawn frequently in the observatory are called ultra heavy eyelids, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting stupid politics. An eclipse occurs when a snot-nosed kid comes between the earth and the ultimate dirty car and everything gets delicioso. Next week, we plan to light the Museum of Modern thunder and lightning bolt.
Heffalump said...
Our class went on a field trip to a stunningly beautiful in a sparkly way observatory. It was located on top of Kermit the Frog, and it looked like a giant Seven Foot Tall Talking Carrot with a slit down its Carol Burnett. We went inside and looked through Julie Andrews and were able to see Muppets in the sky that were millions of Puppets away. The men and women who Stagger like someone drunk on life in the observatory are called Dancing Vegetables, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting Singing Monsters. An eclipse occurs when Miss Piggy comes between the earth and John Denver and everything gets drool worthy. Next week, we plan to Sing in the Rain at the Museum of Modern Muppet Show Reunion.
FluffyChicky said...
Our class went on a field trip to a glow-in-the-dark observatory. It was located on top of that strange girl from 7th grade home room who had upper lip fuzz, a slight under-bite, eyebrows to rival Groucho Marx, and the unfortunate first name of Hortensia, and it looked like a giant expired cream of mushroom soup with a slit down its Queen Elizabeth’s polka dot patterned knickers. We went inside and looked through an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time, and were able to see ingrown toenails in the sky that were millions of albino Albanian women away. The men and women who obfuscate in the observatory are called armadillos, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting previously licked Jell-O pudding pops. An eclipse occurs when Mrs. Potato Head comes between the earth and “dress like a drag queen” Thurday and everything gets flamboyant. Next week, we plan to prostrate the Museum of Modern Big Bad Bart the Bucking Buffalo.
Friday, September 11, 2009
The Constitution
The Constitution of the United States was adopted September 17, 1787.
Studying the Constitution is a/an (adjective) rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American (plural noun) ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a/an (adjective) document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent (plural noun), but a nation with a/an (adjective) government that would deal with (plural noun) as well as (plural noun). The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two (plural noun), and a larger body called the House of (plural noun), which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the (adjective). This created a system of checks and (plural noun) that works to protect us to this day and gives us our (adjective) government of the people, for the people, and by the (plural noun).
Heffalump said...
Studying the Constitution is an argyle patterned rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American Seven Dwarves ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a devoid of the milk of human kindness document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent astronaut monkeys, but a nation with a baggy lipped government that would deal with pickpockets as well as waiters who wish they were actors. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two fire hydrants, and a larger body called the House of Child Stars who left Disney behind to become total skanks, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the dripping with ooze. This created a system of checks and Borg Drones that works to protect us to this day and gives us our putrescent government of the people, for the people, and by the American Idol Rejects.
Millie said...
Studying the Constitution is a stiff drink-needing rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American mystery dates ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a crunchy document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent people who break chairs over other people's noses, but a nation with a stupefied by Weird Al government that would deal with hallucinogenic avocados as well as special brownies. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two angry earwigs, and a larger body called the House of fishnet stockings, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the always a bridesmaid never a bride. This created a system of checks and toe smellers that works to protect us to this day and gives us our chicken waddle-obsessed government of the people, for the people, and by the sadistic ruler-wielding nuns.
Klin said...
Studying the Constitution is a whiny-pouty rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American wet smelling dogs ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a ridiculously repetitive document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent super dramatic tv shows, but a nation with a nutty cream government that would deal with piles and piles of folded clean bedding as well as beautiful children. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two hot steamy showers, and a larger body called the House of pedicures, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the dingy brown. This created a system of checks and gazillion puzzle pieces that works to protect us to this day and gives us our dusty mite filled government of the people, for the people, and by the bags and bags of garbage.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Studying the Constitution is a busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American LA Dodger fans ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a cheap as a two dollar whore document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent dental fillings, but a nation with a hypocritical as Obama's two speeches this week government that would deal with severed head Halloween decorations as well as Crayola Crayons. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two bags of garbage, and a larger body called the House of hip-hop dancers, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the tangy. This created a system of checks and unusually happy emo kids that works to protect us to this day and gives us our easy-peasy lemon-squeezey government of the people, for the people, and by the no-bake cookies.
FluffyChicky said...
Studying the Constitution is a gargantuan rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American Lee press-on nails ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a goose-stepping document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent Cream Soda addicts, but a nation with a coma-inducing government that would deal with panty raiders as well as Cousin Herbie’s tap dancing pigeons. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two synchronized pink moped driving teams, and a larger body called the House of members of the Adults Who Still Wet Their Beds But Secretly Like It Society, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the suspiciously seductive. This created a system of checks and flaming bags of dog poop that works to protect us to this day and gives us our poopy-smelling government of the people, for the people, and by the freaky freaks who like to get their freak on.
Studying the Constitution is a/an (adjective) rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American (plural noun) ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a/an (adjective) document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent (plural noun), but a nation with a/an (adjective) government that would deal with (plural noun) as well as (plural noun). The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two (plural noun), and a larger body called the House of (plural noun), which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the (adjective). This created a system of checks and (plural noun) that works to protect us to this day and gives us our (adjective) government of the people, for the people, and by the (plural noun).
Heffalump said...
Studying the Constitution is an argyle patterned rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American Seven Dwarves ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a devoid of the milk of human kindness document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent astronaut monkeys, but a nation with a baggy lipped government that would deal with pickpockets as well as waiters who wish they were actors. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two fire hydrants, and a larger body called the House of Child Stars who left Disney behind to become total skanks, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the dripping with ooze. This created a system of checks and Borg Drones that works to protect us to this day and gives us our putrescent government of the people, for the people, and by the American Idol Rejects.
Millie said...
Studying the Constitution is a stiff drink-needing rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American mystery dates ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a crunchy document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent people who break chairs over other people's noses, but a nation with a stupefied by Weird Al government that would deal with hallucinogenic avocados as well as special brownies. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two angry earwigs, and a larger body called the House of fishnet stockings, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the always a bridesmaid never a bride. This created a system of checks and toe smellers that works to protect us to this day and gives us our chicken waddle-obsessed government of the people, for the people, and by the sadistic ruler-wielding nuns.
Klin said...
Studying the Constitution is a whiny-pouty rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American wet smelling dogs ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a ridiculously repetitive document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent super dramatic tv shows, but a nation with a nutty cream government that would deal with piles and piles of folded clean bedding as well as beautiful children. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two hot steamy showers, and a larger body called the House of pedicures, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the dingy brown. This created a system of checks and gazillion puzzle pieces that works to protect us to this day and gives us our dusty mite filled government of the people, for the people, and by the bags and bags of garbage.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Studying the Constitution is a busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American LA Dodger fans ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a cheap as a two dollar whore document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent dental fillings, but a nation with a hypocritical as Obama's two speeches this week government that would deal with severed head Halloween decorations as well as Crayola Crayons. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two bags of garbage, and a larger body called the House of hip-hop dancers, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the tangy. This created a system of checks and unusually happy emo kids that works to protect us to this day and gives us our easy-peasy lemon-squeezey government of the people, for the people, and by the no-bake cookies.
FluffyChicky said...
Studying the Constitution is a gargantuan rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American Lee press-on nails ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a goose-stepping document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent Cream Soda addicts, but a nation with a coma-inducing government that would deal with panty raiders as well as Cousin Herbie’s tap dancing pigeons. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two synchronized pink moped driving teams, and a larger body called the House of members of the Adults Who Still Wet Their Beds But Secretly Like It Society, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the suspiciously seductive. This created a system of checks and flaming bags of dog poop that works to protect us to this day and gives us our poopy-smelling government of the people, for the people, and by the freaky freaks who like to get their freak on.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Nursery Rhymes
When some (adjective) school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped (adverb) into their (part of body, plural) or were on the tip of their (part of body, plural), these were their (adjective) answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the (noun) to (verb) a pail of (type of liquid). Jack fell down and broke his (noun) and Jill came (verb ending in ING) after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your (noun) grow? With (adjective) bells and (adjective) shells and (plural noun) all in a row.
3) Three blind (plural noun), see how they run. They all went after the (noun)'s wife, who (verb, past tense) their (part of body, plural) with a/an (adjective) knife. Did you ever (verb) such a/an (noun) in your life as three (adjective) mice?
Thorny Tree Lady said...
When some frantic school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped repeatedly into their fingernails or were on the tip of their ear drums, these were their fiery answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the raisin to scamper a pail of diet Dr. Pepper. Jack fell down and broke his alien from the planet Ramalamadingdong and Jill came knee-boarding after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your colony of Texas Fire Ants grow? With venomous bells and spacy shells and bacon cheeseburgers all in a row.
3) Three blind facebook friends, see how they run. They all went after the fart-gas breathing dragon's wife, who sang their pituitary glands with a roomy knife. Did you ever stock-trade such a ponytail holder in your life as three disproportionate mice?
Millie said...
When some tongue-scalding school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped skirt-wrinklingly into their epiglottises or were on the tip of their decolletage, these were their Rastafarian answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the extremely purty mouth to gesticulate a pail of armpit slime. Jack fell down and broke his obscure Sting lyric and Jill came snorting after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your annoying offspring grow? With shifty-eyed bells and malodorous shells and cheese addicts all in a row.
3) Three blind Draco Malfoy fans, see how they run. They all went after the Uno Attack game on the rampage's wife, who winced their appendixes with a homework-enjoying knife. Did you ever modify such an idiot pope who thinks forks are evil in your life as three fascinated by earmuffs mice?
FluffyChicky said...
When some pea-green school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped stealthily into their nose hairs so long they can be braided or were on the tip of their British style teeth, these were their clinically obese answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the slap-happy nun to squelch a pail of Granny Smith Apple scented Dawn soap. Jack fell down and broke his floor mat woven entirely out of ear-hair trimmings and Jill came skinny-dipping after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how do your pantaloons grow? With kangaroo-like bells and gruesome shells and glow-in-the-dark rubber mice all in a row.
3) Three blind plus-sized synchronized swim team rejects, see how they run. They all went after the Patchy the Pirate’s peg leg's wife, who spanked their boobs with a smutty knife. Did you ever prostrate such a pilfered traffic cone in your life as three punch-drunk mice?
Mel Smell said...
When some weiner dog-adoring school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped scratch-and-sniffingly into their between the toe hairs or were on the tip of their roll creases, these were their fraught with following midgets answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the constant dumb look giver to watch the "Take on Me" video and wish to step into the drawing a pail of colon sauce. Jack fell down and broke his kitty coveralls and Jill came dog spanking after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your Mom's camera look grow? With snufalupufagus resembling bells and rear ring rubbing shells and old lady schnosberries all in a row.
3) Three blind non-public pee-ers, see how they run. They all went after the farts and leaves the room-er's wife, who buns unclenched their behind the earlobe goobers with a Soft Cell obsessed knife. Did you ever walk like a chicken such a slapped and insulted dump dweller in your life as three drowning in black eyeliner mice?
Klin said...
When some stunning school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped grumpily into their jam of the toes or were on the tip of their eyebrows, these were their snarky answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the book to crawl a pail of turpentine. Jack fell down and broke his shoe and Jill came reading after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your front-end loader grow? With golden bells and mellow shells and glasses all in a row.
3) Three blind snickers, see how they run. They all went after the sidewalk's wife, who burped their cuticles with a stupid knife. Did you ever snore such a weed patch in your life as three rash mice?
1) Jack and Jill went up the (noun) to (verb) a pail of (type of liquid). Jack fell down and broke his (noun) and Jill came (verb ending in ING) after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your (noun) grow? With (adjective) bells and (adjective) shells and (plural noun) all in a row.
3) Three blind (plural noun), see how they run. They all went after the (noun)'s wife, who (verb, past tense) their (part of body, plural) with a/an (adjective) knife. Did you ever (verb) such a/an (noun) in your life as three (adjective) mice?
Thorny Tree Lady said...
When some frantic school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped repeatedly into their fingernails or were on the tip of their ear drums, these were their fiery answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the raisin to scamper a pail of diet Dr. Pepper. Jack fell down and broke his alien from the planet Ramalamadingdong and Jill came knee-boarding after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your colony of Texas Fire Ants grow? With venomous bells and spacy shells and bacon cheeseburgers all in a row.
3) Three blind facebook friends, see how they run. They all went after the fart-gas breathing dragon's wife, who sang their pituitary glands with a roomy knife. Did you ever stock-trade such a ponytail holder in your life as three disproportionate mice?
Millie said...
When some tongue-scalding school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped skirt-wrinklingly into their epiglottises or were on the tip of their decolletage, these were their Rastafarian answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the extremely purty mouth to gesticulate a pail of armpit slime. Jack fell down and broke his obscure Sting lyric and Jill came snorting after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your annoying offspring grow? With shifty-eyed bells and malodorous shells and cheese addicts all in a row.
3) Three blind Draco Malfoy fans, see how they run. They all went after the Uno Attack game on the rampage's wife, who winced their appendixes with a homework-enjoying knife. Did you ever modify such an idiot pope who thinks forks are evil in your life as three fascinated by earmuffs mice?
FluffyChicky said...
When some pea-green school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped stealthily into their nose hairs so long they can be braided or were on the tip of their British style teeth, these were their clinically obese answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the slap-happy nun to squelch a pail of Granny Smith Apple scented Dawn soap. Jack fell down and broke his floor mat woven entirely out of ear-hair trimmings and Jill came skinny-dipping after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how do your pantaloons grow? With kangaroo-like bells and gruesome shells and glow-in-the-dark rubber mice all in a row.
3) Three blind plus-sized synchronized swim team rejects, see how they run. They all went after the Patchy the Pirate’s peg leg's wife, who spanked their boobs with a smutty knife. Did you ever prostrate such a pilfered traffic cone in your life as three punch-drunk mice?
Mel Smell said...
When some weiner dog-adoring school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped scratch-and-sniffingly into their between the toe hairs or were on the tip of their roll creases, these were their fraught with following midgets answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the constant dumb look giver to watch the "Take on Me" video and wish to step into the drawing a pail of colon sauce. Jack fell down and broke his kitty coveralls and Jill came dog spanking after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your Mom's camera look grow? With snufalupufagus resembling bells and rear ring rubbing shells and old lady schnosberries all in a row.
3) Three blind non-public pee-ers, see how they run. They all went after the farts and leaves the room-er's wife, who buns unclenched their behind the earlobe goobers with a Soft Cell obsessed knife. Did you ever walk like a chicken such a slapped and insulted dump dweller in your life as three drowning in black eyeliner mice?
Klin said...
When some stunning school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped grumpily into their jam of the toes or were on the tip of their eyebrows, these were their snarky answers:
1) Jack and Jill went up the book to crawl a pail of turpentine. Jack fell down and broke his shoe and Jill came reading after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your front-end loader grow? With golden bells and mellow shells and glasses all in a row.
3) Three blind snickers, see how they run. They all went after the sidewalk's wife, who burped their cuticles with a stupid knife. Did you ever snore such a weed patch in your life as three rash mice?
Friday, August 14, 2009
To Whom It May Concern
I have known (name of person in room) for (number) years and (adverb) recommend him/her for the position of assistant (noun) in your (adjective) company. I can't (verb) enough about this person's (adjective) character and ability to get along with his/her fellow (plural noun). As for educational background, (same person) is a college (noun), is capable of speaking several foreign (plural noun), and has an IQ of (number). You will find (same person) to be a/an (adjective) worker who is not only as smart as a/an (noun), but who doesn't know the meaning of the word (verb). Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
Millie said...
I have known Michael Bluth for 3987 years and painstakingly recommend him for the position of assistant 5-squeezer zit in your death-avenging company. I can't drip enough about this person's ant-covered character and ability to get along with his fellow post-nasal drips. As for educational background, Michael Bluth is a college candle stub, is capable of speaking several foreign stirrup pants, and has an IQ of 7.2934. You will find Michael Bluth to be a muffin-top-sporting worker who is not only as smart as an inquisitive armadillo, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word squash. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
FluffyChicky said...
I have known Grandma Fogerty in her lounge singer outfit for 27 years and becomingly recommend her for the position of assistant nose flute choir in your sweaty company. I can't cogitate enough about this person's slippery character and ability to get along with her fellow greasy grimy gopher guts. As for educational background, Grandma Fogerty is a college Don Knotts, is capable of speaking several foreign toenail clippings, and has an IQ of .8008. You will find Grandma Fogerty to be a mind-numbing worker who is not only as smart as Frida Kahlo’s unibrow, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word perform. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
I have known Cletus, the Cowboy Gas Station Attendant for 10 years and swimmingly recommend him for the position of assistant box of Apple Jacks in your sizzlin' company. I can't diaper-change enough about this person's frutilicious character and ability to get along with his fellow Pokemon cards. As for educational background, Cletus is a college angry outburst from an 8 year old, is capable of speaking several foreign blueberry fields, and has an IQ of 14. You will find Cletus to be an overweight worker who is not only as smart as an Aerobed, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word sit in the hot tub. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
I'm very sorry I didn't see your comments until TODAY (8/18)!! Oops! It won't happen again.
Millie said...
I have known Michael Bluth for 3987 years and painstakingly recommend him for the position of assistant 5-squeezer zit in your death-avenging company. I can't drip enough about this person's ant-covered character and ability to get along with his fellow post-nasal drips. As for educational background, Michael Bluth is a college candle stub, is capable of speaking several foreign stirrup pants, and has an IQ of 7.2934. You will find Michael Bluth to be a muffin-top-sporting worker who is not only as smart as an inquisitive armadillo, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word squash. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
FluffyChicky said...
I have known Grandma Fogerty in her lounge singer outfit for 27 years and becomingly recommend her for the position of assistant nose flute choir in your sweaty company. I can't cogitate enough about this person's slippery character and ability to get along with her fellow greasy grimy gopher guts. As for educational background, Grandma Fogerty is a college Don Knotts, is capable of speaking several foreign toenail clippings, and has an IQ of .8008. You will find Grandma Fogerty to be a mind-numbing worker who is not only as smart as Frida Kahlo’s unibrow, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word perform. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
I have known Cletus, the Cowboy Gas Station Attendant for 10 years and swimmingly recommend him for the position of assistant box of Apple Jacks in your sizzlin' company. I can't diaper-change enough about this person's frutilicious character and ability to get along with his fellow Pokemon cards. As for educational background, Cletus is a college angry outburst from an 8 year old, is capable of speaking several foreign blueberry fields, and has an IQ of 14. You will find Cletus to be an overweight worker who is not only as smart as an Aerobed, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word sit in the hot tub. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.
I'm very sorry I didn't see your comments until TODAY (8/18)!! Oops! It won't happen again.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Mount Rushmore
The Mount Rushmore Memorial was dedicated by President Calvin Coolidge on August 10, 1927.
In the (adjective) Hills of South Dakota, a/an (noun) named Gutzon Borglum (verb, past tense) a/an (noun) to resemble the (part of the body, plural) of four U.S. presidents. Using (plural noun) and (plural noun), the sculptors would chip away tons of (plural noun) until the (part of the body, plural) of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the (relative) of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the (noun); Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of (noun); and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for (verb ending in ING) up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than (number) tourists from all over the (noun) (verb) Mount Rushmore each year.
Millie said...
In the Moth-Attracting Hills of South Dakota, a popsicle stain named Gutzon Borglum wrapper-crinkled a bendy straw to resemble the toe chubs of four U.S. presidents. Using turkey trots and unexplainable car crumbs, the sculptors would chip away tons of collapsible pocket wheelbarrows until the thyroid glands of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the Stepuncle of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the out-of-control zucchini plant; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Multi-bump Wart; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for barraging up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 2438761 tourists from all over the persimmon eyeball Mount Rushmore each year.
Klin said...
In the Mosquito Rich Hills of South Dakota, a squeaky ball named Gutzon Borglum laughed a pic-a-nic basket to resemble the septums of four U.S. presidents. Using spilled forks and folded towels, the sculptors would chip away tons of playing dogs until the toenails of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the daughter's dog's 3rd cousin once removed of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the lasagna; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Great Movie; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for whining up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 5 tourists from all over the lost TV remote are funny at Mount Rushmore each year.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
In the Gacky Hills of South Dakota, a bag of Bing cherries named Gutzon Borglum skreetched an on-screen keyboard to resemble the nostrils of four U.S. presidents. Using scratched DVDs and ungrateful gift recipients, the sculptors would chip away tons of tricycles until the pinky toes of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandmother of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the gold doubloon; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Salted Soft Pretzel; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for partying up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 815 tourists from all over the blow-up plastic pool with a hole in it sniff Mount Rushmore each year.
Suzanne said... (How fun to see you!!)
In the Hot Hills of South Dakota, a sandbox named Gutzon Borglum ran a wading pool to resemble the knees of four U.S. presidents. Using tomatoes and peppers, the sculptors would chip away tons of zucchini until the elbows of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandpa of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the popsicle; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Sunscreen; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for swimming up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 662 tourists from all over the sunglasses sing Mount Rushmore each year.
FluffyChicky said...
In the Flamboyant Hills of South Dakota, a rotten banana named Gutzon Borglum shrieked a previously used q-tip to resemble the breast implants of four U.S. presidents. Using skinny dippers who don’t believe in shaving or underarm deodorant, and Beatniks, the sculptors would chip away tons of Hell’s Grannies until the deviated septums of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the great-grandmother’s maiden aunt with upper lip fuzz of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the Little Bunny Foo-Foo; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Chartered Accountant; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for discreetly farting up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 0.8937 tourists from all over the politically incorrect to consume, yet very tasty, veal shank, mutter Mount Rushmore each year.
In the (adjective) Hills of South Dakota, a/an (noun) named Gutzon Borglum (verb, past tense) a/an (noun) to resemble the (part of the body, plural) of four U.S. presidents. Using (plural noun) and (plural noun), the sculptors would chip away tons of (plural noun) until the (part of the body, plural) of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the (relative) of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the (noun); Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of (noun); and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for (verb ending in ING) up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than (number) tourists from all over the (noun) (verb) Mount Rushmore each year.
Millie said...
In the Moth-Attracting Hills of South Dakota, a popsicle stain named Gutzon Borglum wrapper-crinkled a bendy straw to resemble the toe chubs of four U.S. presidents. Using turkey trots and unexplainable car crumbs, the sculptors would chip away tons of collapsible pocket wheelbarrows until the thyroid glands of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the Stepuncle of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the out-of-control zucchini plant; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Multi-bump Wart; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for barraging up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 2438761 tourists from all over the persimmon eyeball Mount Rushmore each year.
Klin said...
In the Mosquito Rich Hills of South Dakota, a squeaky ball named Gutzon Borglum laughed a pic-a-nic basket to resemble the septums of four U.S. presidents. Using spilled forks and folded towels, the sculptors would chip away tons of playing dogs until the toenails of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the daughter's dog's 3rd cousin once removed of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the lasagna; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Great Movie; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for whining up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 5 tourists from all over the lost TV remote are funny at Mount Rushmore each year.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
In the Gacky Hills of South Dakota, a bag of Bing cherries named Gutzon Borglum skreetched an on-screen keyboard to resemble the nostrils of four U.S. presidents. Using scratched DVDs and ungrateful gift recipients, the sculptors would chip away tons of tricycles until the pinky toes of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandmother of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the gold doubloon; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Salted Soft Pretzel; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for partying up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 815 tourists from all over the blow-up plastic pool with a hole in it sniff Mount Rushmore each year.
Suzanne said... (How fun to see you!!)
In the Hot Hills of South Dakota, a sandbox named Gutzon Borglum ran a wading pool to resemble the knees of four U.S. presidents. Using tomatoes and peppers, the sculptors would chip away tons of zucchini until the elbows of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandpa of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the popsicle; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Sunscreen; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for swimming up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 662 tourists from all over the sunglasses sing Mount Rushmore each year.
FluffyChicky said...
In the Flamboyant Hills of South Dakota, a rotten banana named Gutzon Borglum shrieked a previously used q-tip to resemble the breast implants of four U.S. presidents. Using skinny dippers who don’t believe in shaving or underarm deodorant, and Beatniks, the sculptors would chip away tons of Hell’s Grannies until the deviated septums of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the great-grandmother’s maiden aunt with upper lip fuzz of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the Little Bunny Foo-Foo; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Chartered Accountant; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for discreetly farting up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 0.8937 tourists from all over the politically incorrect to consume, yet very tasty, veal shank, mutter Mount Rushmore each year.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Alice's Upside-Down World
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its (adjective) sequel, Through the Looking (noun), have enchanted both the young and the old (plural noun) for the last (number) years. Alice's (adjective) adventures begin when she (verb ending in S) down a/an (adjective) hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy (noun). There she discovers she can become a tall (noun) or a small (noun) simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic (noun). In her travels through Wonderland, Alice (verb ending in S) such remarkable characters as the White (noun), the (adjective) Hatter, the Cheshire (noun), and even the Queen of (plural noun). Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a/an (adjective) end when Alice awakens from her (noun).
Candace said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its thick sequel, Through the Looking House, have enchanted both the young and the old children for the last 40 years. Alice's stubborn adventures begin when she longs down a sweaty hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy beach. There she discovers she can become a tall cheese factory or a small Yellowstone Park simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic Seattle. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice winks at such remarkable characters as the White Couch, the Gooey Hatter, the Cheshire Jar, and even the Queen of Beds. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a/an (adjective) end when Alice awakens from her garden.
Millie said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its late to everything sequel, Through the Looking Disgruntled WinCo Employee, have enchanted both the young and the old pumpkin plants for the last 14 years. Alice's cobweb-covered adventures begin when she shakes down a retreating hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy ear hair. There she discovers she can become a tall outdated-color Tupperware cup or a small shrimp-up-noser simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic visiting teacher. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice goobers on such remarkable characters as the White Fly Smirk, the Jacob-obsessed Hatter, the Cheshire Upper Arm Chub, and even the Queen of Hospital Bed Controls. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a Ziploc bag-like end when Alice awakens from her tactless grandmother.
FluffyChicky said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its toxic sequel, Through the Looking Dirty Hippie, have enchanted both the young and the old poodle head slippers for the last 17 years. Alice's flammable adventures begin when she slinks down a corrosive hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy heart shaped sunglasses. There she discovers she can become a tall Vincent van Gogh’s severed ear or a small armpit fart simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic swimming pool full of wolverines. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice stinks up such remarkable characters as the White Grouchy Park Ranger, the Reactive Hatter, the Cheshire Prison Barber, and even the Queen of Snorks. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a flabby end when Alice awakens from her overdue library book.
Klin said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its missing sequel, Through the Looking Library, have enchanted both the young and the old series of belches for the last 3 years. Alice's spectacular adventures begin when she slips down a snarky hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy tootsie roll. There she discovers she can become a tall drama queen or a small ripped up, worn out cowboy boot simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic lego house. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice poops such remarkable characters as the White Nerf Football, the Hungry Hatter, the Cheshire Nightly News, and even the Queen of Dog Turds. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a crunchy end when Alice awakens from her ornery daughter.
Candace said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its thick sequel, Through the Looking House, have enchanted both the young and the old children for the last 40 years. Alice's stubborn adventures begin when she longs down a sweaty hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy beach. There she discovers she can become a tall cheese factory or a small Yellowstone Park simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic Seattle. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice winks at such remarkable characters as the White Couch, the Gooey Hatter, the Cheshire Jar, and even the Queen of Beds. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a/an (adjective) end when Alice awakens from her garden.
Millie said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its late to everything sequel, Through the Looking Disgruntled WinCo Employee, have enchanted both the young and the old pumpkin plants for the last 14 years. Alice's cobweb-covered adventures begin when she shakes down a retreating hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy ear hair. There she discovers she can become a tall outdated-color Tupperware cup or a small shrimp-up-noser simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic visiting teacher. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice goobers on such remarkable characters as the White Fly Smirk, the Jacob-obsessed Hatter, the Cheshire Upper Arm Chub, and even the Queen of Hospital Bed Controls. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a Ziploc bag-like end when Alice awakens from her tactless grandmother.
FluffyChicky said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its toxic sequel, Through the Looking Dirty Hippie, have enchanted both the young and the old poodle head slippers for the last 17 years. Alice's flammable adventures begin when she slinks down a corrosive hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy heart shaped sunglasses. There she discovers she can become a tall Vincent van Gogh’s severed ear or a small armpit fart simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic swimming pool full of wolverines. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice stinks up such remarkable characters as the White Grouchy Park Ranger, the Reactive Hatter, the Cheshire Prison Barber, and even the Queen of Snorks. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a flabby end when Alice awakens from her overdue library book.
Klin said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its missing sequel, Through the Looking Library, have enchanted both the young and the old series of belches for the last 3 years. Alice's spectacular adventures begin when she slips down a snarky hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy tootsie roll. There she discovers she can become a tall drama queen or a small ripped up, worn out cowboy boot simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic lego house. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice poops such remarkable characters as the White Nerf Football, the Hungry Hatter, the Cheshire Nightly News, and even the Queen of Dog Turds. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a crunchy end when Alice awakens from her ornery daughter.
Friday, July 17, 2009
A Card From Camp
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the (plural noun) in my tent. I have become as close as two (plural noun) in a pod with (person in room - full name), who has a/an (adjective) personality and is never without a/an (noun). He/She tells really (adjective) stories which make all of us (verb) out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long (noun), but this morning I washed my shirts and (article of clothing - plural) and put them out to dry on the clothes (noun), and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and (plural noun). I better get off my (noun) and get my (plural noun) off the (noun) line before I run out of (adjective) underwear. I promise to write a letter full of (plural noun) before my (part of the body) hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving (noun),
(Another person in room)
Millie said...
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the Obama stooges in my tent. I have become as close as two pit stains in a pod with Danger-Prone Daphne, who has a methed out personality and is never without an OB nurse who switches babies on purpose. She tells really horse snot-noticing stories which make all of us laugh out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long wedding ring tan line, but this morning I washed my shirts and codpieces and put them out to dry on the clothes sadistic cop, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and new food-avoiding children. I better get off my green plaid oven mitt and get my old Greek men obsessed with Windex off the overpowering stench-line before I run out of loud and crinkly underwear. I promise to write a letter full of obnoxious mutts before my chin chub hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving double-dipper,
Betty
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the rubber baby buggy bumpers in my tent. I have become as close as two back zits in a pod with Fifi LaRue, who has a flatulent personality and is never without nosehair tweezers. She tells really egotistical stories which make all of us waddle out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long previously used nose ring, but this morning I washed my shirts and galoshes and put them out to dry on the clothes spamburger with all the fixins, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and pilfered fat-slimming garments. I better get off my Michael Douglass Fan Club and get my suspenders and bra-wearing lumberjacks off the contortionist line before I run out of overly enthusiastic underwear. I promise to write a letter full of members of the “Bring Back Corporal Punishment to Our Public Schools Society” before my European-style armpit hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving “Save Ferris” t-shirt,
Twitchy administrative assistant that sniffs at her pits when she thinks no one is looking
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the colored pencils in my tent. I have become as close as two dark sock wearin' tourists in a pod with Albus Dumbledoor, who has a creaky personality and is never without a crunching dog USB toy. He tells really pragmatic stories which make all of us undulate out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long WinZip file, but this morning I washed my shirts and diamond earrings and put them out to dry on the clothes overdue library book, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and Facebook quizzes. I better get off my peptic ulcer and get my Barney repeats off the emotionless news anchor line before I run out of smells like apples underwear. I promise to write a letter full of sleeping babies before my pinky toe hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving fan of "The Office",
Barack Obama
Camp is great! I love all the (plural noun) in my tent. I have become as close as two (plural noun) in a pod with (person in room - full name), who has a/an (adjective) personality and is never without a/an (noun). He/She tells really (adjective) stories which make all of us (verb) out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long (noun), but this morning I washed my shirts and (article of clothing - plural) and put them out to dry on the clothes (noun), and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and (plural noun). I better get off my (noun) and get my (plural noun) off the (noun) line before I run out of (adjective) underwear. I promise to write a letter full of (plural noun) before my (part of the body) hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving (noun),
(Another person in room)
Millie said...
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the Obama stooges in my tent. I have become as close as two pit stains in a pod with Danger-Prone Daphne, who has a methed out personality and is never without an OB nurse who switches babies on purpose. She tells really horse snot-noticing stories which make all of us laugh out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long wedding ring tan line, but this morning I washed my shirts and codpieces and put them out to dry on the clothes sadistic cop, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and new food-avoiding children. I better get off my green plaid oven mitt and get my old Greek men obsessed with Windex off the overpowering stench-line before I run out of loud and crinkly underwear. I promise to write a letter full of obnoxious mutts before my chin chub hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving double-dipper,
Betty
FluffyChicky said...
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the rubber baby buggy bumpers in my tent. I have become as close as two back zits in a pod with Fifi LaRue, who has a flatulent personality and is never without nosehair tweezers. She tells really egotistical stories which make all of us waddle out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long previously used nose ring, but this morning I washed my shirts and galoshes and put them out to dry on the clothes spamburger with all the fixins, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and pilfered fat-slimming garments. I better get off my Michael Douglass Fan Club and get my suspenders and bra-wearing lumberjacks off the contortionist line before I run out of overly enthusiastic underwear. I promise to write a letter full of members of the “Bring Back Corporal Punishment to Our Public Schools Society” before my European-style armpit hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving “Save Ferris” t-shirt,
Twitchy administrative assistant that sniffs at her pits when she thinks no one is looking
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Folks,
Camp is great! I love all the colored pencils in my tent. I have become as close as two dark sock wearin' tourists in a pod with Albus Dumbledoor, who has a creaky personality and is never without a crunching dog USB toy. He tells really pragmatic stories which make all of us undulate out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long WinZip file, but this morning I washed my shirts and diamond earrings and put them out to dry on the clothes overdue library book, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and Facebook quizzes. I better get off my peptic ulcer and get my Barney repeats off the emotionless news anchor line before I run out of smells like apples underwear. I promise to write a letter full of sleeping babies before my pinky toe hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.
Your loving fan of "The Office",
Barack Obama
Friday, July 3, 2009
Yankee Doodle (Noun)
(Here's a really (adjective) tune that everybody knows. You can (verb) it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle (same noun),
Yankee Doodle do or (verb).
A real live (relative) of my Uncle (person in room, male)
Born on (holiday).
I've got a Yankee Doodle (noun),
She's my Yankee Doodle (noun).
Yankee Doodle went to (a place)
Just to ride a/an (animal).
I am that Yankee Doodle (noun).
Millie said...
(Here's a really sniffed repeatedly tune that everybody knows. You can creep up on it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle horse jawbone,
Yankee Doodle do or shout.
A real live favorite parent of my Uncle Flibbert E. Gibbet
Born on St. Swithin's Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle bendy bus,
She's my Yankee Doodle elbow wrinkle.
Yankee Doodle went to Thrillville
Just to ride an eyelash mite.
I am that Yankee Doodle "special" brownie.
Lazy Lion said...
(Here's a really enormous tune that everybody knows. You can run it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle WalMart,
Yankee Doodle do or jump.
A real live aunt of my Uncle AJ
Born on Christmas.
I've got a Yankee Doodle Sam's Club,
She's my Yankee Doodle Pouncey cat.
Yankee Doodle went to Veteran's Park
Just to ride a dog.
I am that Yankee Doodle Dirt Bike.
Jaguar said...
(Here's a really small tune that everybody knows. You can hit it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle Lazy Lion,
Yankee Doodle do or kick.
A real live brother of my Uncle Koda Bear
Born on Halloween.
I've got a Yankee Doodle park,
She's my Yankee Doodle bag.
Yankee Doodle went home
Just to ride a dog.
I am that Yankee Doodle Monkey Wrench.
Klin said...
(Here's a really overgrown tune that everybody knows. You can flatulate it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle mountain bike path,
Yankee Doodle do or trip and fall.
A real live 2nd cousin's best friend's dog's sister-in-law of my Uncle Jaguar
Born on New Year's Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle Bakugan toy,
She's my Yankee Doodle monster truck.
Yankee Doodle went high on the mountain top
Just to ride a bearded iguana.
I am that Yankee Doodle broken down oldsmobile.
Sassy said...
(Here's a really fluffy tune that everybody knows. You can walk it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle bathroom,
Yankee Doodle do or dance.
A real live grandma of my Uncle Koda Bear
Born on Halloween.
I've got a Yankee Doodle cat perch,
She's my Yankee Doodle picture frame.
Yankee Doodle went to Walmart
Just to ride a dog.
I am that Yankee Doodle bedroom.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
(Here's a really smelleraunchious tune that everybody knows. You can bawl your eyes out like a 12 year old girl who got dumped by her MySpace "boyfriend" to it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle ineffective mosquito repellant,
Yankee Doodle do or devour.
A real live second cousin, thrice removed of my Uncle Nose-picking Nellie
Born on Flag Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle Founding Father,
She's my Yankee Doodle Red Robin's Bleu Ribbon Burger.
Yankee Doodle went to Neverland Ranch
Just to ride Rainbow Brite's Horse, "Starlight".
I am that Yankee Doodle misanthropy.
FluffyChicky said...
(Here's a really Evel-Knievel-daring tune that everybody knows. You can grope it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle expired overactive bladder medication,
Yankee Doodle do or obfuscate.
A real live half brother’s stepmother’s daughter who happens to also be the aforementioned half brother’s wife and cousin on his great-uncle’s side of my Uncle Shift Supervisor who has an unfortunate case of male-patterned baldness,
Born on Weasel Stomping Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle tissue used by the one-and-only Chris Heimerdinger,
She's my Yankee Doodle set of shrunken heads of various celebrities recreated in plaster.
Yankee Doodle went to Headquarters for the Society of People Who Enjoy Making Origami Human Body Parts
Just to ride a poodle with a “punk” haircut.
I am that Yankee Doodle coonskin cap.
I'm a Yankee Doodle (same noun),
Yankee Doodle do or (verb).
A real live (relative) of my Uncle (person in room, male)
Born on (holiday).
I've got a Yankee Doodle (noun),
She's my Yankee Doodle (noun).
Yankee Doodle went to (a place)
Just to ride a/an (animal).
I am that Yankee Doodle (noun).
Millie said...
(Here's a really sniffed repeatedly tune that everybody knows. You can creep up on it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle horse jawbone,
Yankee Doodle do or shout.
A real live favorite parent of my Uncle Flibbert E. Gibbet
Born on St. Swithin's Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle bendy bus,
She's my Yankee Doodle elbow wrinkle.
Yankee Doodle went to Thrillville
Just to ride an eyelash mite.
I am that Yankee Doodle "special" brownie.
Lazy Lion said...
(Here's a really enormous tune that everybody knows. You can run it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle WalMart,
Yankee Doodle do or jump.
A real live aunt of my Uncle AJ
Born on Christmas.
I've got a Yankee Doodle Sam's Club,
She's my Yankee Doodle Pouncey cat.
Yankee Doodle went to Veteran's Park
Just to ride a dog.
I am that Yankee Doodle Dirt Bike.
Jaguar said...
(Here's a really small tune that everybody knows. You can hit it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle Lazy Lion,
Yankee Doodle do or kick.
A real live brother of my Uncle Koda Bear
Born on Halloween.
I've got a Yankee Doodle park,
She's my Yankee Doodle bag.
Yankee Doodle went home
Just to ride a dog.
I am that Yankee Doodle Monkey Wrench.
Klin said...
(Here's a really overgrown tune that everybody knows. You can flatulate it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle mountain bike path,
Yankee Doodle do or trip and fall.
A real live 2nd cousin's best friend's dog's sister-in-law of my Uncle Jaguar
Born on New Year's Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle Bakugan toy,
She's my Yankee Doodle monster truck.
Yankee Doodle went high on the mountain top
Just to ride a bearded iguana.
I am that Yankee Doodle broken down oldsmobile.
Sassy said...
(Here's a really fluffy tune that everybody knows. You can walk it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle bathroom,
Yankee Doodle do or dance.
A real live grandma of my Uncle Koda Bear
Born on Halloween.
I've got a Yankee Doodle cat perch,
She's my Yankee Doodle picture frame.
Yankee Doodle went to Walmart
Just to ride a dog.
I am that Yankee Doodle bedroom.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
(Here's a really smelleraunchious tune that everybody knows. You can bawl your eyes out like a 12 year old girl who got dumped by her MySpace "boyfriend" to it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle ineffective mosquito repellant,
Yankee Doodle do or devour.
A real live second cousin, thrice removed of my Uncle Nose-picking Nellie
Born on Flag Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle Founding Father,
She's my Yankee Doodle Red Robin's Bleu Ribbon Burger.
Yankee Doodle went to Neverland Ranch
Just to ride Rainbow Brite's Horse, "Starlight".
I am that Yankee Doodle misanthropy.
FluffyChicky said...
(Here's a really Evel-Knievel-daring tune that everybody knows. You can grope it on the Fourth of July or Presidents' Day!)
I'm a Yankee Doodle expired overactive bladder medication,
Yankee Doodle do or obfuscate.
A real live half brother’s stepmother’s daughter who happens to also be the aforementioned half brother’s wife and cousin on his great-uncle’s side of my Uncle Shift Supervisor who has an unfortunate case of male-patterned baldness,
Born on Weasel Stomping Day.
I've got a Yankee Doodle tissue used by the one-and-only Chris Heimerdinger,
She's my Yankee Doodle set of shrunken heads of various celebrities recreated in plaster.
Yankee Doodle went to Headquarters for the Society of People Who Enjoy Making Origami Human Body Parts
Just to ride a poodle with a “punk” haircut.
I am that Yankee Doodle coonskin cap.
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