Oscar Acceptance Speech

Thank you, ladies and (plural noun). I'm so nervous. My (noun) is beating a/an (noun) a minute. I didn't prepare a/an (noun). I never expected to win this (adjective) Oscar. I have so many people to (verb). First and foremost, my (adjective) co-star - (person in room) - who was always in my dressing (noun), held my (part of body) when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a/an (adjective) pat on my (noun) when I did well. I also want to thank my (adjective) director, my (adjective) producer, and of course, the (adjective) writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my (adjective) fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture (noun) who were responsible for my (verb ending in ING) this (adjective) award. Bless your (plural noun).

Millie said...
Thank you, ladies and forceps. I'm so nervous. My idiot stalker with no life and a severe butt acne problem is beating a gunmetal nail polish a minute. I didn't prepare a Hip Hop Abs DVD. I never expected to win this spanked Oscar. I have so many people to whistle at. First and foremost, my perturbed by old women co-star - Uncle Flagellum - who was always in my dressing cockroach bent on revenge, held my tooth when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a helium-filled pat on my yummy liplock when I did well. I also want to thank my stuffed with pastries and drunk with power director, my eerily glowing producer, and of course, the dip-headed writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my indiscriminately shooting at wild hogs fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Abnormal Protrusion who were responsible for my greasing this purple award. Bless your dirty camera straps.

Heffalump said...
Thank you, ladies and monkey lips. I'm so nervous. My piggy bank is beating a flamboyant dancer a minute. I didn't prepare a hamster wheel. I never expected to win this red Oscar. I have so many people to pirouette. First and foremost, my yellow co-star - Hello Kitty - who was always in my dressing unicycle, held my navel when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a blue pat on my mime asked to perform at a school for the blind when I did well. I also want to thank my loud director, my electrifying producer, and of course, the pain induced writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my wheezy fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Construction Zone who were responsible for my shimmying this booby trapped award. Bless your rainbow suspenders.

Klin said...
Thank you, ladies and long traffic lights. I'm so nervous. My Wisconsin cheese is beating a white-trash culture a minute. I didn't prepare a fabulous daughter. I never expected to win this perty cool Oscar. I have so many people to fart. First and foremost, my silly-silly-silly co-star - Goofy - who was always in my dressing Hall's cough drop, held my cuticle when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me a puke-tasting pat on my studly snow tire when I did well. I also want to thank my big brother teasing director, my happy-kid screaming producer, and of course, the hair-pulling writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my ugly man ponytail-sporting fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Ooh La La Disco Dance who were responsible for my snotting this involuntarily planting-eating award. Bless your stupid cartoons.

Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
Thank you, ladies and bunches of bruised bananas. I'm so nervous. My carpet stain remover is beating a broken toe a minute. I didn't prepare a Tupperware container of fuzzy leftovers. I never expected to win this tired Oscar. I have so many people to sail through. First and foremost, my cold co-star - Dolly Parton - who was always in my dressing snow-covered patio table umbrella, held my knee cap when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me an unimaginative pat on my grumpy employee when I did well. I also want to thank my oozing with charm director, my oozing with pus producer, and of course, the enjoyable as nails on a chalkboard writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my venomous fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Empty Bank Account who were responsible for my vacating this headache-inducing award. Bless your greasy grimey gopher guts.

FluffyChicky said...
Thank you, ladies and fat and droopy eyelids. I'm so nervous. My cheese grater is beating a One-Eyed Willie a minute. I didn't prepare an overweight Brendan Fraser impersonator. I never expected to win this slap-happy Oscar. I have so many people to vomit. First and foremost, my smelly co-star - Old Man Jenkins’ crazed ex-wife - who was always in my dressing nose nugget, held my boobs in need of some serious lift when I was in trouble, and never failed to compliment me or give me an unfortunate-looking pat on my worn out Kermit the Frog puppet when I did well. I also want to thank my Beatle-wig-wearing director, my bug-eyed producer, and of course, the oozing writer of the screenplay. Most of all, I want to thank you, my coma-inducing fans, and all the members of the Motion Picture Unopenable Pickle Jar who were responsible for my sexually harassing this cry-your-eyes-out-ugly award. Bless your sweaty armpits.