Fellow Students of (school)! We the members of the Students for a (adjective) Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of (plural noun). He has just fired our friend, Professor (name of man), because he wore his (part of body) long, and because he dressed in a (article of clothing) and wore old (plural noun). Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the (noun) building and kidnapping the Assistant (noun). We also will demand that all students have the right to wear (adjective) hair and (adjective) beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with (plural noun)!"

physcokity said...
Fellow Students of School of Hard Knox for the Criminally Inane! We the members of the Students for a Homey Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Homies. He has just fired our friend, Professor Carlton, because he wore his nosehairs long, and because he dressed in space hooker emo crocs and wore old tazers. Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the Goober building and kidnapping the Assistant Raisinet. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear fergalicious hair and smokin' hot beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with copper rivets!"

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Fellow Students of School of Rock! We the members of the Students for an Annoying Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Sleeping Pills. He has just fired our friend, Professor Chilly, The Elf Who Could Not Love, because he wore his uvula long, and because he dressed in skid-marked skivvies of a 6-year-old boy and wore old half-eaten vanilla Tootsie Rolls spewed out into the garbage. Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the Harry Potter Fan building and kidnapping the Assistant Drunken Sailor. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear tired hair and unenthusiastic beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Molly Mormons!"

Mrs. Monkey said...
Fellow Students of High School! We the members of the Students for a So, Like, Gnarly Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Totally Hot Babes. He has just fired our friend, Professor Nicholas Cage, because he wore his ankle long, and because he dressed in a rain coat and wore old hot, sweaty hands. Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the Chair building and kidnapping the Assistant Snowy Road. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear slickery hair and very beautiful beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Mounds of Laundry!"

Leonardo DiCapitated said...
Fellow Students of Auntie Gertrude's Home for Unwed Mothers! We the members of the Students for a Hits-People-With-Tube-Socks Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Bacon Holiday Tree Ornaments. He has just fired our friend, Professor Dog-Diapering Dave, because he wore his knee pit hair long, and because he dressed in Mork suspenders and wore old underwater basket weavers. Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the Denture Needer building and kidnapping the Assistant Blithering Idiot. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear high on Quaaludes hair and certainly stupid beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Egg Burps!"

Mad Lib Monday: Beauty Advice

If your skin is (adjective) or (adjective), you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your (noun), massage it gently with a (noun) that has been soaked overnight in a (container) full of warm (liquid). Then mix together some (food) and some (food) until the mixture becomes (adjective). Pat this onto your (adjective) complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a (noun), and wash your face with (adjective) water. Do not omit this (adjective) step or your skin will become (adjective). Do this (adverb) every day and you will soon be as (adjective) as (name of person).

Glittersmama said...
If your skin is sweaty or stinky, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your helmet, massage it gently with a shoulder pad that has been soaked overnight in a water cooler full of warm Gatorade. Then mix together a hot dog and some popcorn until the mixture becomes overweight. Pat this onto your overpaid complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a cleat, and wash your face with athletic water. Do not omit this glittery step or your skin will become shiny. Do this deftly every day and you will soon be as greasy as Terrell Owens.

Kayelyn said...
If your skin is short or loud, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your house, massage it gently with a car that has been soaked overnight in a juice pitcher full of warm furniture polish. Then mix together some pomegranate and some cheese spread until the mixture becomes smooth. Pat this onto your creamy complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a fridge, and wash your face with dirty water. Do not omit this old step or your skin will become copper-colored. Do this lightly every day and you will soon be as chilled as Mr. Roboto.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
If your skin is gamey or prudish, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your bowl full of garlic mashed potatoes, massage it gently with a Squanto that has been soaked overnight in a prescription bottle full of warm carmel apple cider. Then mix together some Hawaiian Haystacks and some gelato until the mixture becomes rancid-smelling. Pat this onto your cheetalicious complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a Nicole Kidman, and wash your face with raunchy water. Do not omit this grateful step or your skin will become tired. Do this longingly every day and you will soon be as frightening as Dwight Schrute.

Azul said...
If your skin is smelly or wrinkled, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your balloon whisk, massage it gently with a fireman that has been soaked overnight in a mug full of warm coffee. Then mix together some escargot and a tamale until the mixture becomes rosy. Pat this onto your skeletal complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a nurse, and wash your face with rigid water. Do not omit this golden step or your skin will become sparkly. Do this quickly every day and you will soon be as tired as Nina.

compulsive writer said...
If your skin is vindictive or mildly objectionable, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your cave-dweller, massage it gently with a moss-covered toadstool that has been soaked overnight in a dumpster full of warm Uncle Pete's vintage moonshine. Then mix together some Beluga Malossol Caviar and some perfectly aged Camembert until the mixture becomes scurrilous. Pat this onto your beyond unbearable complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a big-toe hair, and wash your face with presumptuous water. Do not omit this perfectly predictable step or your skin will become sub-human. Do this exquisitely efficiently every day and you will soon be as unprecedented as Peter Pettigrew.

physcokity said...
If your skin is greasy or grimy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your cottage cheese, massage it gently with a bleu cheese crumble that has been soaked overnight in a toxic waste barrel full of warm ooze that turned them into teenage mutant ninja turtles. Then mix together some lime and some coconut until the mixture becomes shatastic. Pat this onto your fergalicious complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a toboggan, and wash your face with silky water. Do not omit this shiny step or your skin will become smooth. Do this freely every day and you will soon be as hotter than a washed up stripper in a g-string as Calvin Coolidge.

Jean Knee said...
If your skin is slovenly porcine or odiferous, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your drunken uncle Steve, massage him gently with an inert gas that has been soaked overnight in a burping plastic bowl thing full of warm old man drool. Then mix together some honey wheat sticks and some pickled beets until the mixture becomes funny like an enema. Pat this onto your creepy like an old lady's neck complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a brand new car, and wash your face with wants a spanking water. Do not omit this benign step or your skin will become rip roaring. Do this refreshingly differently every day and you will soon be as snot-covered as Cher.

Mel Smell said...
If your skin is full of wise cracks or uni-testicled, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your snowy butt crack, massage it gently with a lip fur that has been soaked overnight in a sputum basin full of warm eye socket sauce. Then mix together some groundhog and an egg until the mixture becomes floating away with the clouds. Pat this onto your 80's cliche complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a renegade hiney hair clipping, and wash your face with obsessed with Vicki the robot girl from "Small Wonder" water. Do not omit this dirty food on the floor-eating step or your skin will become full of worms. Do this fart-waftingly every day and you will soon be as Elvira-looking as Green Granny-panties Gretchen.

lia said...
If your skin is fly-bitten or milk-liered, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your mammal, massage it gently with an amphibian that has been soaked overnight in a crockpot full of warm spoiled milk. Then mix together a Snickers bar and some Diet Coke until the mixture becomes ratty. Pat this onto your spoingy complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a paunch, and wash your face with lumpy water. Do not omit this knotted step or your skin will become torn. Do this decisively every day and you will soon be as limp as Hannah Montana.

fluffychicky said...
If your skin is feeble or sultry, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your mutilated monkey meat, massage it gently with a super slinky hot pants that has been soaked overnight in a previously used coffin (with bits of the previous tenant left behind) full of warm Jack Daniels Old Tennessee Whiskey No. 5. Then mix together some open faced roast beef sandwiches and some stale French toast sticks until the mixture becomes soggy-bottomed. Pat this onto your grotesquely flatulent complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using greasy grimy gopher guts, and wash your face with lip-smacking good water. Do not omit this unrighteous step or your skin will become crusty like old people. Do this huskily every day and you will soon be as Botox-using as Jack Skellington.

Dawnyel said...
If your skin is creepy or stinky, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your eyeball, massage it gently with an Dixie cup that has been soaked overnight in a Tupperware tumbler full of warm slime. Then mix together a burrito and some Cheetos until the mixture becomes slimy. Pat this onto your flat complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a mouse, and wash your face with warm water. Do not omit this red step or your skin will become icy. Do this wearily every day and you will soon be as hard as Hiro Nakamura.

Sketchy said...
If your skin is son of a pig or blast-ended, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your big black nothing, massage it gently with a snot-nosed neighbor child that has been soaked overnight in a take-out Chinese food box full of warm sludge. Then mix together some cucumber puree and some carrot jello until the mixture becomes cunuckiness. Pat this onto your mexically complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using the new mole on top of my head, and wash your face with acutely worrisome water. Do not omit this phonemically aware step or your skin will become blue-bellied. Do this slip-side-and-awayily every day and you will soon be as faithfully relaxed as Natalie Norsqwaskali.

How To Serve Wine

You didn't know you were such great wine experts, did you? You big Word of Wisdom-breakers.

A good wine, served (adverb), can make any meal a truly (adjective) occasion. The red wines have a (adjective) flavor that blends with boiled (plural noun) or smoked (noun). White wines range in flavor from (adjective) to (adjective). The best wines are made by peasants in (geographical location) from the juice of ripe (plural noun) by putting them in vats and squashing them with their (adjective) feet. This is what gives wine its (adjective) aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a (adjective) glass at (noun) temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried (plural noun). 3) Wines should always be drunk (adverb) or you're liable to end up with a (adjective) stomach.

Heffalump said...
A good wine, served craftily, can make any meal a truly superior occasion. The red wines have a green flavor that blends with boiled egg salad sandwiches or smoked rabbit. White wines range in flavor from superfast to whipped cream-like. The best wines are made by peasants in Mt. Hood from the juice of ripe mashed potatoes by putting them in vats and squashing them with their crispy feet. This is what gives wine its scorched aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a tantalizing glass at drumstick temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried cymbals. 3) Wines should always be drunk crashingly or you're liable to end up with a loud stomach.

Kayelyn said...
A good wine, served stunningly, can make any meal a truly fiery occasion. The red wines have a loud flavor that blends with boiled cheering frozen snowmen or smoked ice cold pop cooler. White wines range in flavor from big massive empty to dirty. The best wines are made by peasants in Provo's Rock Canyon from the juice of ripe socks by putting them in vats and squashing them with their grotesque feet. This is what gives wine its red aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a bright glass at buried-in-leaves backyard temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried very tall trees. 3) Wines should always be drunk annoyingly or you're liable to end up with a chilled stomach.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
A good wine, served daintily, can make any meal a truly ruby red occasion. The red wines have a Miss Clairol #33 red flavor that blends with boiled Disney Princesses or smoked Ariel's purple conch shell bra. White wines range in flavor from dizzyingly stupid to sickeningly sweet. The best wines are made by peasants in Cinderella's castle at Disneyland Paris from the juice of ripe Jasmine's egg-shaped gold earrings by putting them in vats and squashing them with their commercially sponsored feet. This is what gives wine its pseudo-sultry aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a smart as a whip glass at Belle's Library temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried Seven Dwarfs. 3) Wines should always be drunk happily or you're liable to end up with a squeaky as Snow White's voice stomach.

Rebecca said...
A good wine, served nastily, can make any meal a truly green occasion. The red wines have a lick-worthy flavor that blends with boiled rubber duckies or smoked gas stove. White wines range in flavor from whirling dervishly to puffy sweater-like. The best wines are made by peasants in Mount Wannahockaloogie from the juice of ripe crocheted cornucopias by putting them in vats and squashing them with their sticky feet. This is what gives wine its bat-like aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a hairy glass at Yeti temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried pea pods. 3) Wines should always be drunk lovingly or you're liable to end up with a nosehairish stomach.

(Hey Millie, I keep forgetting to ask you which variation of list you prefer to work with--one that keeps the description of the words (adverb, noun, etc) or madlib words only.)
(I prefer just the Mad Lib words. Thanks for asking! You're so sweet.)

Physcokity said...
A good wine, served creepily, can make any meal a truly devoid occasion. The red wines have an eerie flavor that blends with boiled super fluffy lab rats or smoked corn. White wines range in flavor from dark to dank. The best wines are made by peasants in King Tut's Tomb from the juice of ripe sarcophagi by putting them in vats and squashing them with their itsy bitsy feet. This is what gives wine its teenie weenie aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a yellow glass at polka-dot bikini temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried sand crabs. 3) Wines should always be drunk miserly or you're liable to end up with a slap happy stomach.

liz said...
A good wine, served childishly, can make any meal a truly blonde occasion. The red wines have a small flavor that blends with boiled slippers or smoked glove. White wines range in flavor from darling to impatient. The best wines are made by peasants in Utah from the juice of ripe dishes by putting them in vats and squashing them with their cute feet. This is what gives wine its tiny aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a funny glass at finger temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried trains. 3) Wines should always be drunk annoyingly or you're liable to end up with a green stomach.

Mel Smell said...
A good wine, served loogie-hockingly, can make any meal a truly walks like an ape occasion. The red wines have a talks like a goat flavor that blends with boiled uniboob-having aerobics queens or smoked briny butt nectar. White wines range in flavor from asking for it to furry-cheeked. The best wines are made by peasants in MySisterIsMyGrandma, Alabama from the juice of ripe people who fart on every step of the stairs by putting them in vats and squashing them with their slapped-with-a-toilet-water-soaked-tampon feet. This is what gives wine its penny-pooping aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a swings like old lady waddle glass at foot fat piercing temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried prosthetic dog leg wheels. 3) Wines should always be drunk dirty diaper-slingingly or you're liable to end up with a brown teeth-having stomach.

Tori :) said...
A good wine, served disgustingly, can make any meal a truly slippery occasion. The red wines have an empty flavor that blends with boiled fuzzy socks or smoked popsicle. White wines range in flavor from urine-yellow to poo-brown. The best wines are made by peasants in Cybertron from the juice of ripe hairs by putting them in vats and squashing them with their pokey feet. This is what gives wine its limp aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in an upside-down glass at cat tail temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried sandpaper. 3) Wines should always be drunk roughly or you're liable to end up with a sparkly stomach.

Carrie said...
A good wine, served sneakily, can make any meal a truly adorable occasion. The red wines have a purple flavor that blends with boiled bunnies or smoked bulldozer. White wines range in flavor from loud to redneck. The best wines are made by peasants in Paris from the juice of ripe slippers by putting them in vats and squashing them with their fuzzy feet. This is what gives wine its obnoxious aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a harmonious glass at bell temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried farmers. 3) Wines should always be drunk quickly or you're liable to end up with a harmful stomach.

FluffyChicky said...
A good wine, served hatefully, can make any meal a truly old lady hair blue occasion. The red wines have a smells like Teen Spirit flavor that blends with boiled raging pack of intoxicated baboons or smoked shady parole officer. White wines range in flavor from baby butt smooth to smarmy. The best wines are made by peasants in the overly used restroom at Brian's Burrito Palace from the juice of ripe lady of the evening high heels by putting them in vats and squashing them with their swarthy feet. This is what gives wine its week-old-diaper-stinky aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in crusty glass at termite-infested peg leg temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried leather bondage outfits. 3) Wines should always be drunk sloppily or you're liable to end up with a crispy like bacon stomach.

elasticwaistbandlady said...
A good wine, served saddlebag-clenchingly, can make any meal a truly blue like Blue Velvet occasion. The red wines have a white and nerdy flavor that blends with boiled dollar store guillotines or smoked coconut shrimp balls. White wines range in flavor from turbo-charged farting to size XXX Daisy Duke-wearing. The best wines are made by peasants in John Malkovich's head from the juice of ripe creepy angel head ornaments by putting them in vats and squashing them with their monacle-peeping feet. This is what gives wine its cootie-headed aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a candy-corn-colored vomit-covered glass at curdled milk mustache temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried red-eyed zombie anteaters. 3) Wines should always be drunk lollygaggingly or you're liable to end up with a ladybug-infested stomach.

Dawnyel said...
A good wine, served happily, can make any meal a truly flat occasion. The red wines have a perky flavor that blends with boiled toes or smoked lid. White wines range in flavor from googly to burgundy. The best wines are made by peasants in the Pacific Ocean from the juice of ripe suits by putting them in vats and squashing them with their dark feet. This is what gives wine its smelly aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a bland glass at cleavage temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried restaurants. 3) Wines should always be drunk weakly or you're liable to end up with a round stomach.

glittersmama said...
A good wine, served slyly, can make any meal a truly grainy occasion. The red wines have a brown flavor that blends with boiled seat backs or smoked seat belt. White wines range in flavor from matted to dry. The best wines are made by peasants in Las Vegas from the juice of ripe tray tables by putting them in vats and squashing them with their smooth feet. This is what gives wine its silky aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a shiny glass at tarmac temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried terminals. 3) Wines should always be drunk smoothly or you're liable to end up with a ratted stomach.

b. said...
A good wine, served heavily, can make any meal a truly brisk occasion. The red wines have a savory flavor that blends with boiled cheeks or smoked pen. White wines range in flavor from crispy to flaky. The best wines are made by peasants in Cornpone, Alabama from the juice of ripe teeth by putting them in vats and squashing them with their missing feet. This is what gives wine its drunk aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a chipper glass at chunk temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried fingertips. 3) Wines should always be drunk suddenly or you're liable to end up with a ruffled stomach.

Thanks for playing, everyone! :) I have a cold and I'm going back to bed.

Mad Lib Monday: How To Serve Wine

You didn't know you were such great wine experts, did you? You big Word of Wisdom-breakers.

A good wine, served (adverb), can make any meal a truly (adjective) occasion. The red wines have a (adjective) flavor that blends with boiled (plural noun) or smoked (noun). White wines range in flavor from (adjective) to (adjective). The best wines are made by peasants in (geographical location) from the juice of ripe (plural noun) by putting them in vats and squashing them with their (adjective) feet. This is what gives wine its (adjective) aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a (adjective) glass at (noun) temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried (plural noun). 3) Wines should always be drunk (adverb) or you're liable to end up with a (adjective) stomach.

Heffalump said...
A good wine, served craftily, can make any meal a truly superior occasion. The red wines have a green flavor that blends with boiled egg salad sandwiches or smoked rabbit. White wines range in flavor from superfast to whipped cream-like. The best wines are made by peasants in Mt. Hood from the juice of ripe mashed potatoes by putting them in vats and squashing them with their crispy feet. This is what gives wine its scorched aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a tantalizing glass at drumstick temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried cymbals. 3) Wines should always be drunk crashingly or you're liable to end up with a loud stomach.

Kayelyn said...
A good wine, served stunningly, can make any meal a truly fiery occasion. The red wines have a loud flavor that blends with boiled cheering frozen snowmen or smoked ice cold pop cooler. White wines range in flavor from big massive empty to dirty. The best wines are made by peasants in Provo's Rock Canyon from the juice of ripe socks by putting them in vats and squashing them with their grotesque feet. This is what gives wine its red aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a bright glass at buried-in-leaves backyard temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried very tall trees. 3) Wines should always be drunk annoyingly or you're liable to end up with a chilled stomach.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
A good wine, served daintily, can make any meal a truly ruby red occasion. The red wines have a Miss Clairol #33 red flavor that blends with boiled Disney Princesses or smoked Ariel's purple conch shell bra. White wines range in flavor from dizzyingly stupid to sickeningly sweet. The best wines are made by peasants in Cinderella's castle at Disneyland Paris from the juice of ripe Jasmine's egg-shaped gold earrings by putting them in vats and squashing them with their commercially sponsored feet. This is what gives wine its pseudo-sultry aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a smart as a whip glass at Belle's Library temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried Seven Dwarfs. 3) Wines should always be drunk happily or you're liable to end up with a squeaky as Snow White's voice stomach.

Rebecca said...
A good wine, served nastily, can make any meal a truly green occasion. The red wines have a lick-worthy flavor that blends with boiled rubber duckies or smoked gas stove. White wines range in flavor from whirling dervishly to puffy sweater-like. The best wines are made by peasants in Mount Wannahockaloogie from the juice of ripe crocheted cornucopias by putting them in vats and squashing them with their sticky feet. This is what gives wine its bat-like aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a hairy glass at Yeti temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried pea pods. 3) Wines should always be drunk lovingly or you're liable to end up with a nosehairish stomach.

(Hey Millie, I keep forgetting to ask you which variation of list you prefer to work with--one that keeps the description of the words (adverb, noun, etc) or madlib words only.)
(I prefer just the Mad Lib words. Thanks for asking! You're so sweet.)

Physcokity said...
A good wine, served creepily, can make any meal a truly devoid occasion. The red wines have an eerie flavor that blends with boiled super fluffy lab rats or smoked corn. White wines range in flavor from dark to dank. The best wines are made by peasants in King Tut's Tomb from the juice of ripe sarcophagi by putting them in vats and squashing them with their itsy bitsy feet. This is what gives wine its teenie weenie aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a yellow glass at polka-dot bikini temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried sand crabs. 3) Wines should always be drunk miserly or you're liable to end up with a slap happy stomach.

liz said...
A good wine, served childishly, can make any meal a truly blonde occasion. The red wines have a small flavor that blends with boiled slippers or smoked glove. White wines range in flavor from darling to impatient. The best wines are made by peasants in Utah from the juice of ripe dishes by putting them in vats and squashing them with their cute feet. This is what gives wine its tiny aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a funny glass at finger temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried trains. 3) Wines should always be drunk annoyingly or you're liable to end up with a green stomach.

Mel Smell said...
A good wine, served loogie-hockingly, can make any meal a truly walks like an ape occasion. The red wines have a talks like a goat flavor that blends with boiled uniboob-having aerobics queens or smoked briny butt nectar. White wines range in flavor from asking for it to furry-cheeked. The best wines are made by peasants in MySisterIsMyGrandma, Alabama from the juice of ripe people who fart on every step of the stairs by putting them in vats and squashing them with their slapped-with-a-toilet-water-soaked-tampon feet. This is what gives wine its penny-pooping aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a swings like old lady waddle glass at foot fat piercing temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried prosthetic dog leg wheels. 3) Wines should always be drunk dirty diaper-slingingly or you're liable to end up with a brown teeth-having stomach.

Tori :) said...
A good wine, served disgustingly, can make any meal a truly slippery occasion. The red wines have an empty flavor that blends with boiled fuzzy socks or smoked popsicle. White wines range in flavor from urine-yellow to poo-brown. The best wines are made by peasants in Cybertron from the juice of ripe hairs by putting them in vats and squashing them with their pokey feet. This is what gives wine its limp aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in an upside-down glass at cat tail temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried sandpaper. 3) Wines should always be drunk roughly or you're liable to end up with a sparkly stomach.

Carrie said...
A good wine, served sneakily, can make any meal a truly adorable occasion. The red wines have a purple flavor that blends with boiled bunnies or smoked bulldozer. White wines range in flavor from loud to redneck. The best wines are made by peasants in Paris from the juice of ripe slippers by putting them in vats and squashing them with their fuzzy feet. This is what gives wine its obnoxious aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a harmonious glass at bell temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried farmers. 3) Wines should always be drunk quickly or you're liable to end up with a harmful stomach.

FluffyChicky said...
A good wine, served hatefully, can make any meal a truly old lady hair blue occasion. The red wines have a smells like Teen Spirit flavor that blends with boiled raging pack of intoxicated baboons or smoked shady parole officer. White wines range in flavor from baby butt smooth to smarmy. The best wines are made by peasants in the overly used restroom at Brian's Burrito Palace from the juice of ripe lady of the evening high heels by putting them in vats and squashing them with their swarthy feet. This is what gives wine its week-old-diaper-stinky aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in crusty glass at termite-infested peg leg temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried leather bondage outfits. 3) Wines should always be drunk sloppily or you're liable to end up with a crispy like bacon stomach.

elasticwaistbandlady said...
A good wine, served saddlebag-clenchingly, can make any meal a truly blue like Blue Velvet occasion. The red wines have a white and nerdy flavor that blends with boiled dollar store guillotines or smoked coconut shrimp balls. White wines range in flavor from turbo-charged farting to size XXX Daisy Duke-wearing. The best wines are made by peasants in John Malkovich's head from the juice of ripe creepy angel head ornaments by putting them in vats and squashing them with their monacle-peeping feet. This is what gives wine its cootie-headed aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a candy-corn-colored vomit-covered glass at curdled milk mustache temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried red-eyed zombie anteaters. 3) Wines should always be drunk lollygaggingly or you're liable to end up with a ladybug-infested stomach.

Dawnyel said...
A good wine, served happily, can make any meal a truly flat occasion. The red wines have a perky flavor that blends with boiled toes or smoked lid. White wines range in flavor from googly to burgundy. The best wines are made by peasants in the Pacific Ocean from the juice of ripe suits by putting them in vats and squashing them with their dark feet. This is what gives wine its smelly aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a bland glass at cleavage temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried restaurants. 3) Wines should always be drunk weakly or you're liable to end up with a round stomach.

glittersmama said...
A good wine, served slyly, can make any meal a truly grainy occasion. The red wines have a brown flavor that blends with boiled seat backs or smoked seat belt. White wines range in flavor from matted to dry. The best wines are made by peasants in Las Vegas from the juice of ripe tray tables by putting them in vats and squashing them with their smooth feet. This is what gives wine its silky aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a shiny glass at tarmac temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried terminals. 3) Wines should always be drunk smoothly or you're liable to end up with a ratted stomach.

b. said...
A good wine, served heavily, can make any meal a truly brisk occasion. The red wines have a savory flavor that blends with boiled cheeks or smoked pen. White wines range in flavor from crispy to flaky. The best wines are made by peasants in Cornpone, Alabama from the juice of ripe teeth by putting them in vats and squashing them with their missing feet. This is what gives wine its drunk aroma.

Here are a few rules: 1) Always serve white wine in a chipper glass at chunk temperature. 2) Never serve burgundy with fried fingertips. 3) Wines should always be drunk suddenly or you're liable to end up with a ruffled stomach.

Thanks for playing, everyone! :) I have a cold and I'm going back to bed.

Vacation Dialogue

GIRL: Hello. My name is (girl's name).
BOY: Hi. My name is (male celebrity). I came here with my mother and father and my little (noun).
GIRL: I am here with my best girl (noun). We are staying at the (name of boy) Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great (noun) there. How is the food?
GIRL: (Adjective)! But the room only costs (number) dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a/an (noun) for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go (verb ending in ING).
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised (female celebrity) I'd go (verb ending in ING) with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a/an (adjective) Dance at the Hotel (verb ending in ING) Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a/an (adjective) dress and your (kind of shoe - plural). I am going to wear my (plural noun).

Glittersmama said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Barb.
BOY: Hi. My name is Rainn Wilson. I came here with my mother and father and my little phone.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl scissors. We are staying at the Josh Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great watch there. How is the food?
GIRL: Tiny! But the room only costs 59 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an ear for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go washing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Reese Witherspoon I'd go meditating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Blue Dance at the Hotel Rolling Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a soapy dress and your jelly shoes. I am going to wear my magnets.

Luisa Perkins said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Pollyanna.
BOY: Hi. My name is Wayne Newton. I came here with my mother and father and my little skateboard.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl toilet. We are staying at the Bobby Joe Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great weed there. How is the food?
GIRL: Gnarly! But the room only costs 3.14 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a crinoline for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go barking.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Sinead O'Connor I'd go sneezing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Droopy Dance at the Hotel Snoring Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a puerile dress and your penny loafers. I am going to wear my coins.

Rebecca said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Meg.
BOY: Hi. My name is Snoopy. I came here with my mother and father and my little fluffy Easter bunny.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl very ripe broccoli. We are staying at the Sam Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great videotape there. How is the food?
GIRL: Molten! But the room only costs 789,021 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a ghastly white gorilla for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go sparking.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Diane Sawyer I'd go hurling with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Glowing Dance at the Hotel Flying Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a glittery dress and your oversized purple tap shoes. I am going to wear my tickets.

Kayelyn said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Hilda.
BOY: Hi. My name is Zac Efron. I came here with my mother and father and my little grass.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl toilet. We are staying at the Max Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great fan there. How is the food?
GIRL: Rancid! But the room only costs 9 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a bubble gum for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go squatting.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Julia Roberts I'd go sweating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Stellar Dance at the Hotel Burning Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a breakable dress and your light pink ballet shoes. I am going to wear my dishes.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Grizelda.
BOY: Hi. My name is Yul Brynner. I came here with my mother and father and my little pineapple.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl bouncy ball. We are staying at the Herman Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great gyroscope there. How is the food?
GIRL: Articulate! But the room only costs 815 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a mold for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go picking.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Lambchop I'd go nursing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Fiery Dance at the Hotel Cooking Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a whining dress and your galoshes. I am going to wear my whirling dervishes.

Physcokity said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Anna Bell Andrews.
BOY: Hi. My name is Henry Winkler. I came here with my mother and father and my little tin shovel.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl half-a-paperback. We are staying at the Borris Harris mmm mmm what a fox Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great broken water ski there. How is the food?
GIRL: Feminist! But the room only costs 53 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a bicycle pump for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go jumping up & down.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Jodie Foster I'd go hopping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Circa 1970s Dance at the Hotel Sliding in Bubbles Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a freaky dress and your platform wedges. I am going to wear my rum raisin banana splits.

Heffalump said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Petunia.
BOY: Hi. My name is David Hasselhoff. I came here with my mother and father and my little lunchbox.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl tube sock. We are staying at the Bruno Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great clown wig there. How is the food?
GIRL: Pessimistic! But the room only costs 783 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a guppy for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go crocheting.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Miss Piggy I'd go strutting with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Serene Dance at the Hotel Karate Chopping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sweet dress and your go go boots. I am going to wear my pinky toes.

Methodical wormer said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Shirley Q Liquor, honey.
BOY: Hi. My name is Denzel Washington. I came here with my mother and father and my little greasy greasy chicken.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl malt liquor from a jar. We are staying at the Lemonjello Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great homeopathic koolaid there. How is the food?
GIRL: Big ole'! But the room only costs 2 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an Egg McMuffin for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go chasin'.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Whitney Houston I'd go durin' with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Ignunt Dance at the Hotel Boirlin' Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a not yet paid fo' dress and your Vera Wangs. I am going to wear my oxygen maxs.

Josi said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Pat.
BOY: Hi. My name is Dustin Hoffman. I came here with my mother and father and my little rock.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl scissors. We are staying at the Timmy Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great pasta maker there. How is the food?
GIRL: Green! But the room only costs 89 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a computer for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go laughing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Brooke Shields I'd go coughing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Tall Dance at the Hotel Pushing Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a gorgeous dress and your clogs. I am going to wear my papers.

MommyJ said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Mary.
BOY: Hi. My name is George Clooney. I came here with my mother and father and my little foot.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl lamp. We are staying at the Samuel Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have great pants there. How is the food?
GIRL: Silly! But the room only costs 7 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a phone for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go running.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Nicole Kidman I'd go singing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Musical Dance at the Hotel Jumping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear an obnoxious dress and your crocs. I am going to wear my speakers.

Dawnyel said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Suzy Snowflake.
BOY: Hi. My name is Mel Gibson. I came here with my mother and father and my little frosting.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl potty chair. We are staying at the Bond, James Bond Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great table there. How is the food?
GIRL: Round! But the room only costs 1/2 dollar a day.
BOY: I rented a sippy cup for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go lurking.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Madonna I'd go prancing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Shiny Dance at the Hotel Slurping Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a red-hot dress and your slippers. I am going to wear my socks.

b. said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Julia.
BOY: Hi. My name is Justin Timberlake. I came here with my mother and father and my little chicken.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl egg. We are staying at the Tyler Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great friend there. How is the food?
GIRL: Good! But the room only costs 4 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a bottle for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go singing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Carol Burnett I'd go yodeling with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Funny Dance at the Hotel Laughing Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a cheery dress and your boots. I am going to wear my houses.

parry's said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Hannah.
BOY: Hi. My name is Brad Pitt. I came here with my mother and father and my little Utah.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl shovel. We are staying at the Reed Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great girl there. How is the food?
GIRL: Jumping! But the room only costs 26 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an apple for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go jumping.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Denise Richards I'd go singing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Red Dance at the Hotel Having Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a rough dress and your Adidas. I am going to wear my shelves.

Amanda said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Veronica.
BOY: Hi. My name is Sponge Bob. I came here with my mother and father and my little minivan.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl airplane. We are staying at the Jake Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great mountain there. How is the food?
GIRL: Clueless! But the room only costs 12 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a harmonica for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go chewing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Barbie I'd go barking with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Hairy Dance at the Hotel Hugging Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a sticky dress and your pumps. I am going to wear my aliens.

Fluffy Chicky said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Hilda.
BOY: Hi. My name is Johnny Depp. I came here with my mother and father and my little plant.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl pancreas. We are staying at the Alfred Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great goat there. How is the food?
GIRL: Hideous! But the room only costs 27 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a spatula for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go smacking.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Emma Thompson I'd go barfing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Toasted Dance at the Hotel Streaking Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear an intricate dress and your Skechers. I am going to wear my poodles.

Jean Knee said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Selma May.
BOY: Hi. My name is Drew Carey. I came here with my mother and father and my little thundering mouse.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl cottage cheese thighs. We are staying at the Carl Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great huge debt there. How is the food?
GIRL: Suddenly deflated! But the room only costs 45 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a big bang theory for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go hacking.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Meg Ryan I'd go heaving with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is an Unparalelled Dance at the Hotel Repelling Slowly Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a bitter, dried up dress and your flip flops. I am going to wear my big, stupid cavemen.

Tori :) said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Deb.
BOY: Hi. My name is Harrison Ford. I came here with my mother and father and my little hat.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl Tylenol. We are staying at the Wally Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great scissors there. How is the food?
GIRL: Silvery! But the room only costs 64 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented an eyeball for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go rolling.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Reese Witherspoon I'd go humping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Shiny Dance at the Hotel Scratching Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a smiley dress and your snow boots. I am going to wear my wires.

Summer said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Michelle.
BOY: Hi. My name is Shia Labeouf. I came here with my mother and father and my little ice cream cone.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl sparkler. We are staying at the Spencer Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great glitter there. How is the food?
GIRL: Shiny! But the room only costs 17 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a catapult for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go jumping.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Nicole Kidman I'd go splashing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Slippery Dance at the Hotel Falling Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a cranky dress and your slippers. I am going to wear my peanuts.

compulsive writer said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Matilda Jane.
BOY: Hi. My name is Dr. Phil. I came here with my mother and father and my little jackhammer.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl sky-blue eye shadow. We are staying at the Barnaby Joe Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great rock-hard fruitcake there. How is the food?
GIRL: Discombobulated! But the room only costs 3,948,587,993 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a sushi bar for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go fetching.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Dame Edna I'd go regurgitating with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Flippant Dance at the Hotel Prognosticating Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a facetious dress and your Birkenstocks. I am going to wear my monkeys.

Carronin said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Carrie.
BOY: Hi. My name is Val Kilmer. I came here with my mother and father and my little I-phone.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl yoga mat. We are staying at the Jim Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great gym there. How is the food?
GIRL: Sweaty! But the room only costs 98 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a laptop for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go emailing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Elizabeth Taylor I'd go primping with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Bumpy Dance at the Hotel Smelling Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a hungry dress and your clogs. I am going to wear my CDs.

Elasticwaistbandlady said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Poke Salad Annie.
BOY: Hi. My name is Ronald McDonald. I came here with my mother and father and my little chicken-plucked eyebrows.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl fake dandruff. We are staying at the Boy George Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great tampon dispenser there. How is the food?
GIRL: Radiating! But the room only costs 411 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a stale Twinkie Twin Pack for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go sashaying.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Gloria Gaynor I'd go booty-shaking with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Dorky Dance at the Hotel Clutching Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a hoochie-like dress and your pink checkered Vans. I am going to wear my aliens.

Mel Smell said...
GIRL: Hello. My name is Fat Lip Fran.
BOY: Hi. My name is Jon Lovitz. I came here with my mother and father and my little quad cane.
GIRL: I am here with my best girl diarrhea of the mouth. We are staying at the Rosy Rump Ralph Hilton Hotel.
BOY: I hear they have a great chronic pig nose haver there. How is the food?
GIRL: Can't not strike a pose! But the room only costs 547.60 dollars a day.
BOY: I rented a finger in the fan for this afternoon. Maybe you and I could go booby squeezing.
GIRL: I'd love to but I promised Marcy from Peanuts I'd go armpit huffing with her.
BOY: Well, tonight there is a Uncontrolled, One-Fingered Nasoblowing Dance at the Hotel Childish Window Yelling Room.
GIRL: I'd love to go to that. Is it formal?
BOY: Yes, be sure and wear a mocking, daily dress and your kitten mittens. I am going to wear my beautiful turtle dress up outfits.

Bears

If you go to some (adjective) place like Yellowstone National (noun), you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and (plural noun). The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the (adjective) bear and the (adjective) bear. Bears spend most of their time (verb ending in ING) and (verb ending in ING). They look very (adjective), but if you make them (adjective), they may bite your (noun). Bears will come up to your car and beg for (food plural). They will stand on their hind legs and clap their (plural noun) together and pretend to be (adjective). But do not get out of your (vehicle) or offer the bears (food plural) or (food plural). This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as (something alive plural) and (something alive plural). Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation (adverb) and not get eaten by a (noun).

glittersmama said...
If you go to some cool place like Yellowstone National Fox, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and buckets. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the fluffy bear and the greasy bear. Bears spend most of their time mowing and jumping. They look very itchy, but if you make them smelly, they may bite your flower. Bears will come up to your car and beg for ice cream sandwiches. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their penguins together and pretend to be long. But do not get out of your purple Geo Tracker or offer the bears tortillas or french fries. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as monkeys and worms. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation softly and not get eaten by a pipe.

Stacey said...
If you go to some awesome place like Yellowstone National Nun, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and books. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the sweet bear and the brilliant bear. Bears spend most of their time running and skipping. They look very stylish, but if you make them nasty, they may bite your moose. Bears will come up to your car and beg for eggs. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their dogs together and pretend to be scary. But do not get out of your black Camaro or offer the bears pancakes or crackers. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as gorillas and horses. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation quickly and not get eaten by a priest.

Carrot Jello said...
If you go to some round place like Yellowstone National Policeman, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and chickens. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the slick bear and the wet bear. Bears spend most of their time running and pacing. They look very tall, but if you make them scaly, they may bite your capitol. Bears will come up to your car and beg for oranges. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their forks together and pretend to be shiny. But do not get out of your bike or offer the bears apples or hot dogs. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as venus fly traps and snakes. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation quickly and not get eaten by a house.

Luisa Perkins said...
If you go to some greasy place like Yellowstone National Envelope, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and stars. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the unholy bear and the skeevy bear. Bears spend most of their time joking and whipping. They look very scrumptious, but if you make them disgusting, they may bite your slip. Bears will come up to your car and beg for casseroles. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their toes together and pretend to be sweet. But do not get out of your golf cart or offer the bears pies or chalupas. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as grasshoppers and bacteria. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation woodenly and not get eaten by a ponytail.

thorny tree lady said...
If you go to some crazy place like Yellowstone National Frenchman, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and poodles. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the tired bear and the sick bear. Bears spend most of their time rowing and waiting. They look very frustrated, but if you make them angry, they may bite your bunny. Bears will come up to your car and beg for slices of roast beef. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their political activists together and pretend to be grungy. But do not get out of your Weinermobile or offer the bears ears of corn or licorice bits. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as tropical fish and firemen. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation lovingly and not get eaten by the Rocky Mountains.

Sketchy said...
If you go to some Scarlett O'Hara-ish place like Yellowstone National Moon Cheese, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and funky tasting mystery meat. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the quite contrary bear and the Molly Mormon bear. Bears spend most of their time You-tube worthy dancing and creatively cluttering. They look very mushroom smoking, but if you make them prepubescent, they may bite your pollen-sniffer. Bears will come up to your car and beg for fruit fly-buzzed bananas. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their indiscreet monkeys together and pretend to be shaken, not stirred. But do not get out of your red, racing striped, big wheel or offer the bears Uh-oh, Spaghettios or simple syrup. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as lichens and vile attack-wasps. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation yeah, verily and not get eaten by a banana clip-visor.

Jean Knee said...
If you go to some fresh place like Yellowstone National Moon O-ring, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and hammers. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the hard as a rock bear and the soft as a baby's bum bear. Bears spend most of their time whining and blathering. They look very sticky, but if you make them sultry, they may bite your pig ear. Bears will come up to your car and beg for pork chops. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their cry babies together and pretend to be stupid. But do not get out of your mystery machine or offer the bears potato crisps or fried pies. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as fungi and fleas. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation fast and not get eaten by a pair of hip huggers.

(Amen on Jason Bateman)

Dawnyel said...
If you go to some spiky place like Yellowstone National Tooth, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and blankets. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the rotund bear and the billowy bear. Bears spend most of their time shocking and typing. They look very smooth, but if you make them wet, they may bite your pig. Bears will come up to your car and beg for sushi. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their toenails together and pretend to be flighty. But do not get out of your Winnebago or offer the bears french fries or sammies. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as fish and germs. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation lovingly and not get eaten by a snot.

Kayelyn said...
If you go to some cold place like Yellowstone National Crate, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and smarties. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the sweet bear and the sour bear. Bears spend most of their time sleeping and running. They look very wet, but if you make them reflective, they may bite your punk. Bears will come up to your car and beg for pretzels. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their chairs together and pretend to be airy. But do not get out of your Jeep or offer the bears rolls or cucumbers. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as trees and animals. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation snottily and not get eaten by a fire.

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
If you go to some covered with shower hair place like Yellowstone National Sniffer, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and lampshade-wearing old women. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the trollopish bear and the barnstorming bear. Bears spend most of their time creeping out the neighbors and playing with hamsters before eating them. They look very zippered underwear-wearing, but if you make them standing too close to a cactus, they may bite your belching birthday pig. Bears will come up to your car and beg for sides of beef. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their outhouses too far away to use together and pretend to be nerdy and homely. But do not get out of your large tricycle or offer the bears fried barf cakes or shredded cabbage. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as grass and Rudy Guilani. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation Michael Bluth-dreamingly and not get eaten by a hobo on the side of the road.

Suzanne said...
If you go to some dirty place like Yellowstone National Shoe, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and socks. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the voluptuous bear and the smelly bear. Bears spend most of their time smiling and pooping. They look very quiet, but if you make them boisterous, they may bite your pinata. Bears will come up to your car and beg for chimichangas. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their burritos together and pretend to be red. But do not get out of your Corvette or offer the bears Tostitos or jelly beans. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as cooties and fire ants. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation wickedly and not get eaten by Barney the purple dinosaur.

physcokity said...
If you go to some happy place like Yellowstone National Caboose, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and hooooot pockets. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the boiling lava hot bear and the ice cold bear. Bears spend most of their time smoking and whipping. They look very soft, but if you make them smooth, they may bite your butter. Bears will come up to your car and beg for pancakes. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their exploding wigs of death together and pretend to be cheeky. But do not get out of your segway or offer the bears sugar babies or vanilla flavored tootsie rolls. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as Cousin Itts and bats. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation expeditiously and not get eaten by an outerspace.

Methodical Wormer said...
If you go to some pie faced place like Yellowstone National Oompa Loompa, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and Wangdoodles. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the rotten bear and the rubbish bear. Bears spend most of their time gobbling and spitting. They look very big, but if you make them small, they may bite your Vermicious Knid. Bears will come up to your car and beg for snozberries. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their Wangdoodles together and pretend to be real. But do not get out of your Wonkamobile or offer the bears a lifetime supply of chocolate or gum that tastes like a meal. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as golden geese and rabbits. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation quickly and not get eaten by a garbage chute.

Rebecca said...
If you go to some stinky sweating place like Yellowstone National Robot, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and giblets. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the hot diggity bear and the purple-spiked bear. Bears spend most of their time hurling and heaving. They look very monstrous, but if you make them egg splattered, they may bite your rotorooter. Bears will come up to your car and beg for Cheese Whiz. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their warthogs together and pretend to be screaming. But do not get out of your hot air balloon or offer the bears potato latkes or raspberry tarts. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as alfalfa sprouts and swarms of mosquitoes. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation raucously and not get eaten by a gondola.

Kelli in the Mirror said...
If you go to some lovely place like Yellowstone National Hamburger, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and giraffes. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the velvety bear and the slimy bear. Bears spend most of their time picking and flicking. They look very brown, but if you make them nasty, they may bite your tree. Bears will come up to your car and beg for drumsticks. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their laptops together and pretend to be lukewarm. But do not get out of your Pinto or offer the bears peas or Cheez-its. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as seahorses and otters. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation quickly and not get eaten by a booger.

Melissa said...
If you go to some straight place like Yellowstone National Wallet, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and notecards. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the square bear and the funky bear. Bears spend most of their time scrubbing and hitting. They look very stringy, but if you make them red, they may bite your credit card. Bears will come up to your car and beg for pork rinds. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their bills together and pretend to be nasty. But do not get out of your dune buggy or offer the bears twinkies or M&M's. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as cats and horses. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation quietly and not get eaten by a thread.

Tori said...
If you go to some slimy place like Yellowstone National Crack, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and ears. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the dry bear and the curvy bear. Bears spend most of their time punting and panting. They look very bloody, but if you make them bumpy, they may bite your werewolf. Bears will come up to your car and beg for raisinettes. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their hats together and pretend to be insane. But do not get out of your jet ski or offer the bears carrots or pork rinds. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as Frankenstein and bumblebees. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation heavily and not get eaten by a toilet.

Mel Smell said...
If you go to some flying with your giant armflab place like Yellowstone National Court jester you didn't ask for, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and people who always talk like they're a newscaster. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the snausage-flavored bear and the "immediately after announcing that what they're eating is a good laxative, runs out of the room holding their butt" bear. Bears spend most of their time goosing old ladies and running to the bathroom laughing and peeing. They look very accidentally peeing on hand while wiping, but if you make them irregularly irregular, they may bite your pirate squirrel. Bears will come up to your car and beg for sphincter exploding taquitos. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their diaper freckles together and pretend to be frequently dripping. But do not get out of your big chicken or offer the bears cow pimple tacos or turtle winker brulee. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as under-the-bridge bums and llama rear mites. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation hot-pantsingly and not get eaten by a perverted kitty tail accessory.

Heffalump said...
If you go to some impregnable place like Yellowstone National Doghouse, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and biscuits. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the sanguine bear and the grotesque bear. Bears spend most of their time hatching and broiling. They look very over-zealous, but if you make them zany, they may bite your mother-in-law. Bears will come up to your car and beg for onion rings. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their test tubes together and pretend to be miniature. But do not get out of your Go-Kart or offer the bears clam strips or shrimp kabobs. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as brain eating amoebas and talking parrots. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation grossly and not get eaten by a cashmere sweater.

compulsive writer said...
If you go to some &@%$#*!@ place like Yellowstone National Paint, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and rollers. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the stupid bear and the inept bear. Bears spend most of their time stinking and sanding. They look very painting, but if you make them frustrating, they may bite your ceiling. Bears will come up to your car and beg for spaghetti noodles. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their pieces of sandpaper together and pretend to be tired. But do not get out of your paint truck or offer the bears martinis or marijuana brownies. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as molds and mildews. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation depressingly and not get eaten by Death.

Fluffychicky said...
If you go to some lovely place like Yellowstone National Accordion, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and slippers. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the lugubrious bear and the smarmy bear. Bears spend most of their time jumping and sleeping. They look very enticing, but if you make them wicked, they may bite your eyebrow. Bears will come up to your car and beg for jellybean and pickle sandwiches. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their poodles together and pretend to be funny. But do not get out of your Volvo or offer the bears muffins or M&M's. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as tapeworms and alpacas. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation quietly and not get eaten by a shopping cart.

Dear (name of man),

I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).

Signed: (name of man)

Annie said...
Dear Michael,

I am in love with your malignant daughter Angela and I would like to ask for her Dwight in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Pam. She is the only Creed I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my paper products. At present I am employed as an assistant Dunder Mifflin and I make a projectile salary of 16 dollars a week. I have a split-level Jim picked out in Scranton that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her ordinary and to be a compulsary Phyllis.

Signed: Ryan the Temp

Mel Smell said...
Dear Filthy Phil,

I am in love with your loves to scare everyone daughter Double D Debbie and I would like to ask for her butt on the chine in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect giant posterior bulge. She is the only perverted snowman accessory I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky horse farts. At present I am employed as an assistant inappropriate cockatiel tattoo-er and I make a laughs like a vacuum salary of 5.7 dollars a week. I have a split-level hyena STD picked out in Djibuti, Africa that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her free of politeness and to be a polywarted monkey knocker restrictor.

Signed: Afro-armpit Arnold

thorny tree lady said...
Dear John,

I am in love with your green daughter Sherrie and I would like to ask for her giraffe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect phone. She is the only acorn I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flowers. At present I am employed as an assistant aardvark and I make a square salary of 89 dollars a week. I have a split-level DVD picked out in Fresno, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her angry and to be a thin apple.

Signed: Steve

elasticwaistbandlady said...
Dear Hubert,

I am in love with your stanky daughter Runaround Sue and I would like to ask for her alpaca farmer in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect whoopie cushion. She is the only used merkin I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hairy burritos. At present I am employed as an assistant No Tell Motel and I make a swaying to the music of The Circle Jerks salary of 411 dollars a week. I have a split-level petrified gall stone picked out in Timbuktu that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her finger-lickin and to be an amorous one-handled pogo stick.

Signed: Diamond Dave

glittersmama said...
Dear Peter,

I am in love with your wavy daughter Mary and I would like to ask for her drum in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect dog. She is the only light bulb I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my trucks. At present I am employed as an assistant mountain and I make a smoky salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level bump picked out in the Grand Canyon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her scratchy and to be an orange bucket.

Signed: Leroy

Johnna said...
Dear Harold the Hairless Hottentot,

I am in love with your superfluous daughter Augusta and I would like to ask for her eyedropper in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect spark plug. She is the only umbrella I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my sunflower seeds. At present I am employed as an assistant exam and I make an aromatic salary of 5 dollars a week. I have a split-level rake picked out in Topeka that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her bowlegged and to be a yellow constellation.

Signed: Bert

Kayelyn said...
Dear Bob,

I am in love with your hawt daughter Amy and I would like to ask for her purse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bed. She is the only clarinet I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my bags. At present I am employed as an assistant boy and I make a stinky salary of 277 dollars a week. I have a split-level Hostess cupcake picked out in Disneyland that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her orange and to be a yellow leaf.

Signed: Bryan Russell

Jean Knee said...
Dear Adam,

I am in love with your bendy daughter Eve and I would like to ask for her tongs in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect clock. She is the only beanbag I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my beans. At present I am employed as an assistant cage and I make a quiet salary of 3 dollars a week. I have a split-level dirtbag picked out in Vegas, baby! that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her broken hearted and to be a scary frog.

Signed: Bill

Tracy M said...
Dear David,

I am in love with your wiggly daughter Tracy and I would like to ask for her playground in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect tree. She is the only moon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my swings. At present I am employed as an assistant dinner and I make a candlelit salary of 11 dollars a week. I have a split-level twinkly lights picked out in Austria that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her beautiful and to be a hilly stray cat strut.

Signed: Hognose Snake Harry

Heffalump said...
Dear Wally,

I am in love with your muscular daughter Daisy and I would like to ask for her dog in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cat. She is the only chicken I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my baby chicks. At present I am employed as an assistant horse and I make a delightful salary of 7 dollars a week. I have a split-level gravy picked out in Luxembourg that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her insane and to be a death-defying gerbil.

Signed: Al

No Cool Story said...
Dear Pat,

I am in love with your banana-y daughter Chris and I would like to ask for her pterodactyl in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect corn dog. She is the only cheese I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my chocolate moles. At present I am employed as an assistant chocolate rain and I make a transformationary salary of 1345.42 dollars a week. I have a split-level kiss picked out in Boring, Oregon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pompous and to be a humongous tub of lard.

Signed: Manly Man

Physcokity said...
Dear Anthony,

I am in love with your rock hard daughter Bernice and I would like to ask for her toe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect shoulder. She is the only monster truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ears. At present I am employed as an assistant red ryder bb gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time, and I make a ice cold salary of a bazillion dollars a week. I have a split-level cathedral picked out on Broadway that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soft like a baby's bottom and to be a silky smooth butterfly.

Signed: Cliff

Melissa said...
Dear George,

I am in love with your flexible daughter Barbara and I would like to ask for her candle in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect trampoline. She is the only hanger I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my boxes. At present I am employed as an assistant street light and I make a round salary of 30 dollars a week. I have a split-level boogie board picked out on Oceanside, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her salty and to be a noisy beehive.

Signed: Harold

Tori said...
Dear Humberto,

I am in love with your skanky daughter Luka and I would like to ask for her calculator in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect raisin. She is the only spam I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my pebbles. At present I am employed as an assistant hoe and I make a ho salary of 69 dude!! dollars a week. I have a split-level basketball picked out on San Dimus that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slimy and to be a crusty stripper pole.

Signed: Guillermo

Wendy said...
Dear Herbert,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Miss Piggy and I would like to ask for her shoe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bike. She is the only nose I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my socks. At present I am employed as an assistant plate and I make a round salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level sand picked out on Waikiki that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy hard drive.

Signed: Lester

Suzanne said...
Dear Bill,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her mountain in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cheese. She is the only slinky black dress I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky cheeses. At present I am employed as an assistant umbrella and I make a forceful salary of 54 dollars a week. I have a split-level kung-fu fighting picked out on the moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her snotty and to be a happy race car.

Signed: Prince Charles

Tonya said...
Dear Tim,

I am in love with your beautiful daughter Tonya and I would like to ask for her chair in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect keyboard. She is the only water bottle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my clocks. At present I am employed as an assistant phone and I make a black salary of 8 dollars a week. I have a split-level medicine picked out in Myrtle Beach that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her stinky and to be a cold paperclip.

Signed: Phil

Sketchy said...
Dear MC Diggy-dog,

I am in love with your lower intestine-esque daughter Natashkalashka and I would like to ask for her poochy buns in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect smelly old locker room. She is the only little pink wagon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my raspberry barrettes. At present I am employed as an assistant cheeselips and I make an unfortunately pinkish salary of 27.075 dollars a week. I have a split-level 60-40 Ninja picked out in Kissamee, Florida that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her basically vile and to be a prepubescent inconvenient truth.

Signed: Norbert Norsquaskalie

Pezlady said...
Dear Freddy,

I am in love with your zippy daughter Bertha and I would like to ask for her armpit in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect pair of skanky jeans. She is the only baby slobber I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my smelly socks. At present I am employed as an assistant birthday card and I make a sensational salary of 427,986,513 dollars a week. I have a split-level poop picked out in Castleford, Idaho that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hairy and to be an insane vomit.

Signed: Newton

Methodical Wormer said...
Dear Judis,

I am in love with your fabricated daughter Millie and I would like to ask for her phone in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect back massager. She is the only glow stick I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Festivus poles. At present I am employed as an assistant whip and I make a skanky salary of 52 dollars a week. I have a split-level card picked out in Gobi Desert that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy chain.

Signed: Frasier

Compulsive Writer said...
Dear Scotty,

I am in love with your horny daughter Suzy and I would like to ask for her settee in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect TV. She is the only banshee I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my manatees. At present I am employed as an assistant birdie and I make a corny salary of sixty dollars a week. I have a split-level BVD picked out in Tennessee that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sexy and to be a squishy pear tree.

Signed: Stevie

Carronin said...
Dear Benny,

I am in love with your lacy daughter Penny and I would like to ask for her king size bed in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect underwear. She is the only local pawn shop I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my cookies. At present I am employed as an assistant fuzzy dice and I make a punchy salary of 6 dollars a week. I have a split-level mall picked out in Las Vegas, baby that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her brownish and to be a delicious Elvis impersonator.

Signed: Wayne Newton

b. said...
Dear Hoss,

I am in love with your tall daughter Chlamydia and I would like to ask for her boots in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hat. She is the only truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my horses. At present I am employed as an assistant saddle and I make a cold salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level elk picked out in Book Cliffs that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her excited and to be a stiff pair of chaps.

Signed: Chism! John Chism!

Amanda said...
Dear Jack,

I am in love with your lost daughter Kate and I would like to ask for her hatch in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect computer. She is the only button I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my others. At present I am employed as an assistant raft and I make a pregnant salary of 815 dollars a week. I have a split-level jungle picked out on the island that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a sweaty survivor.

Signed: Sawyer

Dawnyel said...
Dear Spongebob,

I am in love with your squishy daughter Fiona and I would like to ask for her binder in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect laundry basket. She is the only brick wall I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flip flops. At present I am employed as an assistant alley and I make a humongous salary of 7,000 dollars a week. I have a split-level nostril picked out on the Equator that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her fluffy and to be a scratchy toenail.

Signed: Geraldo

Rebecca said...
Dear Fabio,

I am in love with your hungry daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her pot in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cooling rack. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my back stairs. At present I am employed as an assistant cat and I make a slimy salary of 5 million dollars a week. I have a split-level fire picked out on the Nile River that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soothing and to be a scary elephant.

Signed: King Henry VIII

Fluffychicky said...
Dear Rodorigo,

I am in love with your tasty daughter Myrtle and I would like to ask for her computer virus in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect poodle. She is the only tutu I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Weird Al Yankovic Albums. At present I am employed as an assistant supervisor and I make a flirty salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level cow picked out in the North West Territories that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her nerdy and to be a springy banana rocking chair.

Signed: Joe Jr.

I Don't Own a Car

"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero."

I believe in at least one -ism, so I hope he can forgive me. Here's his famous shower speech.

I do have a test today - that wasn't bull[doodoo]. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in the Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Here's how yours turned out.

No Cool Story said...
I do have buns today - that wasn't silly. It's on Hawtlander Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Hawtlander. I don't plan on being a Hawtlander. So who gives a plume if they're Socialists? They could be reactionary clowns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a lunar rover.

Not that I condone reactionism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not blazing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his noun. I quote Millie the Chicken: "I don't believe in the Unos, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the Nessie. I could be the Nessie. I'd still have to bum cucarachas off of people.

glittersmama said...
I do have a pencil today - that wasn't booga booga. It's on Haitian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Haitian. I don't plan on being Haitian. So who gives a shoe if they're Socialists? They could be slimy demons - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Pacer.

Not that I condone slimyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not strong. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his vapor. I quote Dwight Schrute: "I don't believe in Van Halen, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the monkey. I could be the monkey. I'd still have to bum laundry baskets off of people.

Melissa said...
I do have a tree today - that wasn't gobbledeegook. It's on Ewok Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not an Ewok. I don't plan on being an Ewok. So who gives a syrup if they're Socialists? They could be sticky bombs - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a hovercraft.

Not that I condone stickyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not shimmery. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his cell phone. I quote Dame Judi Dench: "I don't believe in U2, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the meerkat. I could be the meerkat. I'd still have to bum GPS navigational systems off of people.

Tracy M said...
I do have a baseball bat today - that wasn't zoinkies. It's on Marsupial Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Marsupial. I don't plan on being Marsupial. So who gives an outhouse dweller if they're Socialists? They could be glommy clowns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a tricycle.

Not that I condone glommyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not yellowing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his globe. I quote Scarlett O'Hara: "I don't believe in Whitesnake, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the kangaroo. I could be the kangaroo. I'd still have to bum curtains off of people.

Heffalump said...
I do have a leg warmer today - that wasn't voonderbar. It's on white trash Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not white trash. I don't plan on being white trash. So who gives a kite if they're Socialists? They could be verbose teenage girls - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a VW Beetle.

Not that I condone verbose-ism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not reckless. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his dog food. I quote Elvis: "I don't believe in Violent Femmes, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the dingo. I could be the dingo. I'd still have to bum babies off of people.

Kayelyn said...
I do have a word today - that wasn't gibberish. It's on Filipino Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Filipino. I don't plan on being Filipino. So who gives a boat if they're Socialists? They could be burnt un-cats - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a truck.

Not that I condone burntism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not black. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his laundry basket. I quote Madonna: "I don't believe in the Scorpions, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the weasel. I could be the weasel. I'd still have to bum slippers off of people.

Luisa Perkins said...
I do have a rock today - that wasn't bejeebers. It's on Basque Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Basque. I don't plan on being Basque. So, who gives a plywood if they're Socialists? They could be unctuous rats - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a recumbent bicycle.

Not that I condone unctuousism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not feathered. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his globe. I quote Marilyn Monroe: "I don't believe in Loverboy, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the hyena. I could be the hyena. I'd still have to bum potatoes off of people.

Physcokity said...
I do have a drawer today - that wasn't malarky. It's on Green-Ewok Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Green-Ewok. I don't plan on being Green-Ewok. So who gives a lei if they're Socialists? They could be superfluous buns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Kit from Knight Rider.

Not that I condone superfluousism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not gentle. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his hair. I quote Where's Waldo: "I don't believe in KISS, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the horse. I could be the horse. I'd still have to bum houses off of people.

nikko said...
I do have an enchilada today - that wasn't whippersnapper. It's on Australian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Australian. I don't plan on being Australian. So who gives a go kart if they're Socialists? They could be snippy nukes - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a minivan.

Not that I condone snippyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not pink. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his radio. I quote Bob Hope: "I don't believe in Tears for Fears, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the cheetah. I could be the cheetah. I'd still have to bum phones off of people.

Tori :) said...
I do have a box today - that wasn't fo' shizzle. It's on Samoan Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Samoan. I don't plan on being Samoan. So who gives a trunk if they're Socialists? They could be hairless meanies - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a paraglider.

Not that I condone hairlessism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not wrinkly. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his eyebrow. I quote Anthony Wiggle: "I don't believe in Def Leppard BABY!!!, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the duckbilled platypus. I could be the duckbilled platypus. I'd still have to bum photographs off of people.

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
I do have a Twisted Sister t-shirt today - that wasn't blah blah. It's on Diego disciple Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Diego disciple. I don't plan on being a Diego disciple. So who gives a creep in the locker room if they're Socialists? They could be slapped-silly fire sprinklers that go off even if there's no fire, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Tilt-a-Whirl.

Not that I condone slapped-sillyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not completely annoying. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his man with a wheel for one leg. I quote Albert Einstein: "I don't believe in Blondie, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the naked mole rat. I could be the naked mole rat. I'd still have to bum bad-smelling bus passengers off of people.

Methodical Wormer said...
I do have a doberman pincher today - that wasn't farfegnugen. It's on Hungarian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Hungarian. I don't plan on being Hungarian. So who gives a tampon if they're Socialists? They could be hugantic nappy hos, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a clown car.

Not that I condone hugantism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not vicious. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his rabbit. I quote Richard Simmons: "I don't believe in Smashing Pumpkins, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the R.O.U.S. I could be the R.O.U.S. I'd still have to bum tools off of people.

Mel Smell said...
I do have a name judger today - that wasn't wenalewale. It's on Djibutian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Djibutian. I don't plan on being Djibutian. So who gives a kitty roca ice cream if they're Socialists? They could be talks-with-half-their-mouth mushroom fart smellers, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a flying disco shoe.

Not that I condone talks-with-half-their-mouthism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not red and throbbing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his man with a wheel for a leg. I quote Bill Cosby: "I don't believe in Flock of Seagulls, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the intestinal e-coli. I could be the intestinal e-coli. I'd still have to bum butter cheeks off of people.

PJ said...
I do have a pumpkin today - that wasn't ralvadork. It's on Mongolian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Mongolian. I don't plan on being Mongolian. So who gives a bed if they're Socialists? They could be puffy lizards - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a bus.

Not that I condone puffyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not weird. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his toejam. I quote Oprah: "I don't believe in Blood, Sweat & Tears, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the pig. I could be the pig. I'd still have to bum taters off of people.

carronin said...
I do have a disco ball today - that wasn't honyonkers. It's on Asian American Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Asian American. I don't plan on being Asian American. So who gives a go-go boot if they're Socialists? They could be jiggy wit it gooey pooeys, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker.

Not that I condone jiggy-wit-it-ism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not big and tasty. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his rice krispies. I quote Barry White: "I don't believe in Fine Young Cannibals, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the baby bear. I could be the baby bear. I'd still have to bum the internets off of people.

Dawnyel said...
I do have bells today - that wasn't cruddy-poo-poo. It's on Neptunian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Neptunian. I don't plan on being Neptunian. So who gives a blanket if they're Socialists? They could be round boogers, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a unicycle.

Not that I condone roundism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not furry. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his handcuffs. I quote Tim McGraw: "I don't believe in Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the piggy. I could be the piggy. I'd still have to bum psychos off of people.

b. said...
I do have grass today - that wasn't buh-jiggity. It's on Swinger Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a swinger. I don't plan on being a swinger. So who gives a dirt if they're Socialists? They could be fat secretions, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Harley.

Not that I condone fatism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not naked. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his weed. I quote George W. Bush: "I don't believe in AC/DC, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the beaver. I could be the beaver. I'd still have to bum books off of people.

Amanda said...
I do have a thong today - that wasn't supercalifragilistic. It's on Pollock Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Pollock. I don't plan on being a Pollock. So who gives a bird feeder if they're Socialists? They could be frilly salivas, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Suburban.

Not that I condone frillyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not juicy. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his castle. I quote Ghandi: "I don't believe in AC/DC, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the giraffe. I could be the giraffe. I'd still have to bum cylinders off of people.