Alexander the Great

In 356 BC, Phillip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing baby (noun) named Alexander. Alexander's teacher was Aristotle, the famous (noun). When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by (celebrity), after which he became (noun) of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated (celebrity) at the battle of (a place). Later, at Arbela, he won his most important victory over Darius the Third. This made him (noun) (silly word) over all Persians. Then he marched to India, and many of his (plural noun) died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much (liquid), and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the (part of the body). His last words are reported to have been, "There are no more (plural noun) to conquer."

Millie said...
In 356 BC, Phillip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing baby lady who gets mad if you tell her her slip is showing named Alexander. Alexander's teacher was Aristotle, the famous unidentified moldy object. When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by Dylan McKay, after which he became shrimp cocktail of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated Brandon Walsh at the battle of Sordidville, CA. Later, at Arbela, he won his most important victory over Darius the Third. This made him flagellum a gooey gooey gooey over all Persians. Then he marched to India, and many of his seamed stockings died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much mysterious goo, and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the toe. His last words are reported to have been, "There are no more strawberry tarts to conquer."

Heffalump said...
In 356 BC, Phillip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing baby hummus named Alexander. Alexander's teacher was Aristotle, the famous guest star on Martha Stewart. When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by Mike the Headless Chicken, after which he became Pillsbury dough boy of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated Pauly Shore at the battle of Fruita. Later, at Arbela, he won his most important victory over Darius the Third. This made him half-eaten sandwich farfegnugen over all Persians. Then he marched to India, and many of his sea monkeys died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much beaten egg, and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the thumb knuckle. His last words are reported to have been, "There are no more family trees to conquer."

Klin said...
In 356 BC, Phillip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing baby nose picking 3rd grader named Alexander. Alexander's teacher was Aristotle, the famous trail mix. When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by Avril Lavigne, after which he became stuffed hippopotamus of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated Taylor Lautner at the battle of Campus Dorm. Later, at Arbela, he won his most important victory over Darius the Third. This made him smelly old gym bag sexified over all Persians. Then he marched to India, and many of his partay supplies died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much Dreft detergent, and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the cuticle. His last words are reported to have been, "There are no more school fees to conquer."

Sorry

Millie's on vacation again this week! Enjoy the time off... read your thesaurus!

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Fluffychicky said...
Seeking a new career? Be a scabby elbow or just look like one! In just 27 sessions, we can have you wafting, spanking and gouging like a top-paying gouty left leg. Opportunities in this flatulent field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert studmuffins will analyze your "special" brownies and determine your potential for success in this giddy as a schoolboy field. Use your natural Madmartigan to earn hen-pecked money and have time to masticate your dreams too. Just ask Helga, who came to us looking like a partially dissected fetal pig out of John Cleese's mustache trimmings, and in just ten days we improved her sewer system 100%. We even corrected her slightly used Q-tip. It was just in the nick of time because the Flibbertigibbet Squad was ready to ban her from the sociopathic yoga instructor. Don't wait another day. Time is running out.

Millie said...
Seeking a new career? Be a live toad or just look like one! In just 372 sessions, we can have you slipping, sassing and discussing like a top-paying split pea soup disaster. Opportunities in this resentfully submissive field are limitless. There is no fee! Just come in for a free consultation. Our expert jumbo shrimp will analyze your eye muscle spasm and determine your potential for success in this red and chapped field. Use your natural fit-throwing clinic patient to earn brain-destroying money and have time to expostulate your dreams too. Just ask Slapped Silly Sally, who came to us looking like a toy poodle out of Benadryl addict, and in just ten days we improved her shopping bag snob 100%. We even corrected her poisonous mushroom. It was just in the nick of time because the Gobby-Gobby Squad was ready to ban her from the toe. Don't wait another day. Time is running out.

Stacy's Bridal Shower

I wrote this for my cousin's kitchen-themed shower. :)

Welcome, (adjective) family and friends, to Stacy's wedding shower. We all wish her and Michael a very (adjective) marriage with many happy (plural noun) to come. One thing you might not know about Stacy is that her favorite food is (a food), especially if it has (an animal) in it. She first tasted it at a/an (adjective) Smith family reunion held in (a location) and hasn't stopped eating it since. Usually she eats it with a (color) (adjective) salad and some (adverb) (verb, past tense) bread. Yes, it's a/an (adjective) family tradition. It's prepared by (verb ending in ING) the juice of a (a fruit) and mixing it in a (noun) full of mashed (food). Then it's baked in a (number)-degree oven for (number) minutes. It's made by using several important utensils, such as the (kitchen utensil), the (kitchen utensil) and a/an (adjective) (noun). You can substitute a (noun) in a pinch, but this is not recommended as things might get a little too (adjective). At any rate, we wish Stacy many (adjective) adventures in her (room of the house) and great times in her kitchen! We love you Stace!

Klin said...
Welcome, stormy family and friends, to Stacy's wedding shower. We all wish her and Michael a very zesty marriage with many happy days to come. One thing you might not know about Stacy is that her favorite food is Rice Krispie treats, especially if it has crab in it. She first tasted it at a pixie-like Smith family reunion held at San Diego Zoo and hasn't stopped eating it since. Usually she eats it with an orange hard-as-nails salad and some utterly shocked bread. Yes, it's a crazed family tradition. It's prepared by playing the juice of a banana and mixing it in a dog crate full of mashed peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Then it's baked in a 36-degree oven for 29 minutes. It's made by using several important utensils, such as the whisk, the cutting knife and an orange umbrella. You can substitute a pen in a pinch, but this is not recommended as things might get a little too hyper. At any rate, we wish Stacy many obnoxious adventures in her master closet and great times in her kitchen! We love you Stace!

Millie said...
Welcome, bongo-playing family and friends, to Stacy's wedding shower. We all wish her and Michael a very shrimpish marriage with many happy toenail clippers to come. One thing you might not know about Stacy is that her favorite food is Cheerios, especially if it has a mud wasp in it. She first tasted it at a twisted and evil Smith family reunion held in the backyard and hasn't stopped eating it since. Usually she eats it with a sky blue wibble-wobbling salad and some coercingly swatted bread. Yes, it's a sarcastically laughing family tradition. It's prepared by gesturing to the juice of a kumquat and mixing it in a Nintendo DS full of mashed mandarin oranges. Then it's baked in a 273-degree oven for pi minutes. It's made by using several important utensils, such as the melon baller, the paper towel holder and a drippy-pitted questionable cottage cheese. You can substitute a Yahtzee game in a pinch, but this is not recommended as things might get a little too regular and happy about it. At any rate, we wish Stacy many chartreuse adventures in her broom closet and great times in her kitchen! We love you Stace!

Heffalump said...
Welcome, gyrating family and friends, to Stacy's wedding shower. We all wish her and Michael a very sympathetic marriage with many happy stilettos to come. One thing you might not know about Stacy is that her favorite food is mini quiche, especially if it has bengal tiger in it. She first tasted it at a green with envy Smith family reunion held in Calvin and Hobbes' treehouse and hasn't stopped eating it since. Usually she eats it with a fuschia spade-like salad and some despairingly pranced bread. Yes, it's a maximized family tradition. It's prepared by leaping over the juice of a kumquat and mixing it in a gorilla glue full of mashed escargot. Then it's baked in a .173-degree oven for 7568 minutes. It's made by using several important utensils, such as the corn cob holder, the egg slicer and a nimble pony. You can substitute a strawberry shortcake in a pinch, but this is not recommended as things might get a little too over the top. At any rate, we wish Stacy many demonstrative adventures in her secret lab and great times in her kitchen! We love you Stace!