Friday, January 7, 2011

Bears 2011

If you go to some (adjective) place like Yellowstone National (noun), you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and (plural noun). The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the (adjective) bear and the (adjective) bear. Bears spend most of their time (verb ending in ING) and (verb ending in ING). They look very (adjective), but if you make them (adjective), they may bite your (noun). Bears will come up to your car and beg for (food plural). They will stand on their hind legs and clap their (plural noun) together and pretend to be (adjective). But do not get out of your (vehicle) or offer the bears (food plural) or (food plural). This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as (something alive plural) and (something alive plural). Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation (adverb) and not get eaten by a (noun).

Millie said...
If you go to some easily offended place like Yellowstone National Ugly Christmas Sweater, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and Hot Pockets. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the chartreuse and unapologetic bear and the dipsy-doodling bear. Bears spend most of their time fooling and hip-swaying. They look very paper cut-prone, but if you make them Q tip-loving, they may bite your falsetto child. Bears will come up to your car and beg for mangoes. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their mushroom burgers together and pretend to be slickery. But do not get out of your cargo bike or offer the bears Jujubes or eel eyeballs. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as cranky old men and jellyfish. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation Oprah-watching-ly and not get eaten by a sneakily read Cosmo magazine.

Heffalump said...
If you go to some monacle-wearing place like Yellowstone National Boogeyman, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and gym socks. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the waterlogged bear and the smelly bear. Bears spend most of their time pouncing and sliding. They look very pink, but if you make them bitter, they may bite your boy scout. Bears will come up to your car and beg for cheetos. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their cheese assortments together and pretend to be central. But do not get out of your Le Car or offer the bears pizzas or melons. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as grasshoppers and monkeys. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation rapidly and not get eaten by a whitewater raft.

1 comment:

Heffalump said...

Hey Cranky Old Man...would you care for an eel eyeball?