Calling all cars… calling all cars! Be on the lookout for (name of man in room). He is wearing a/an (adjective) suit, a gray (noun), and carrying an old brown (noun). He was last seen in the vicinity of (a place) waving a loaded (noun). He is charged with holding up a candy store and running off with the owner’s (noun). He is also accused of stealing a 1955 (noun) and a/an (adjective) (noun). It is advisable to approach this man with (adjective) caution as he has been known to carry a loaded (a weapon). He uses the alias “Henry the (noun)" and has been known to disguise himself as a/an (noun). Watch out for this (adjective) criminal. That is all.
Klin said...
Calling all cars… calling all cars! Be on the lookout for Griselda Broomhandle. She is wearing a flowered suit, a gray non-functioning fridge, and carrying an old brown burning candle. She was last seen in the vicinity of a bed and breakfast suite waving a loaded shiny car. She is charged with holding up a candy store and running off with the owner’s spiffy tux. She is also accused of stealing a 1955 no ice-ice maker and lighted fast food. It is advisable to approach this woman with later than heck caution as she has been known to carry a loaded minute gun. She uses the alias “Henry the Fishy Smell" and has been known to disguise herself as a PB&J. Watch out for this broken criminal. That is all.
Millie said...
Calling all cars… calling all cars! Be on the lookout for Oliver Clothesoff. He is wearing a hip-swaying suit, a gray ugly pair of pants, and carrying an old brown vampire slayer. He was last seen in the vicinity of Dresden waving a loaded Gatorade bottle. He is charged with holding up a candy store and running off with the owner’s half-chewed pig ear. He is also accused of stealing a 1955 squatter and a vernix-coated harmonica player. It is advisable to approach this man with cantankerous caution as he has been known to carry a loaded abusive boyfriend. He uses the alias “Henry the Anxious Old Lady Passenger" and has been known to disguise himself as a wipeout. Watch out for this slippy criminal. That is all.
Heffalump said...
Calling all cars… calling all cars! Be on the lookout for Pedro. He is wearing a swoon-worthy suit, a gray land of milk and honey, and carrying an old brown pea pod. He was last seen in the vicinity of the Circle K waving a loaded alien abductee. He is charged with holding up a candy store and running off with the owner’s bowl of soggy cereal. He is also accused of stealing a 1955 yippy dog and a myopic old spice. It is advisable to approach this man with hygienically correct caution as he has been known to carry loaded nunchuks. He uses the alias “Henry the Pediatric Nurse" and has been known to disguise himself as a tortured artist. Watch out for this metaphoric criminal. That is all.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Description of a Horror TV Show
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me (an animal) pimples! It starred (a person) as a mad (an occupation) who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by (a person), who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a/an (noun). So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up (a place). The army tries to stop them by spraying them with (a liquid) but that doesn't bother those (adjective) bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom (noun) on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the (adjective) scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a/an (noun) for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful (noun), who is played by (a person), and they live (adverb) ever after.
Millie said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me kiwi pimples! It starred Frank N. Furter as a mad chimney sweep who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Sitch U. Ation, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a paste-eater. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Xanadu. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with Kool-Aid but that doesn't bother those perplexed by Riverdance bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom fossilized booger on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the chocolate-dipped scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a battle axe for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful disapproving glance, who is played by Daisy Jane, and they live prancingly ever after.
Heffalump said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me albino ape pimples! It starred Larry as a mad veterinary dentist who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Curly, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with hot apple cider. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Farmer Bill's Corn Maze. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with squid ink but that doesn't bother those squishy bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom donut hole on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the filled to bloating scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a Pygmie bunny for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful Ewok, who is played by Moe, and they live flatulently ever after.
Gina said... (Welcome!)
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me elephant pimples! It starred Madonna as a mad teacher who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Matthew McConaughey, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a dumbbell. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Disneyland. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with milk but that doesn't bother those freakin’ bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom purse on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the goofy scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a satellite for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful mouse, who is played by Michael Jackson and they live controversially ever after.
Millie said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me kiwi pimples! It starred Frank N. Furter as a mad chimney sweep who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Sitch U. Ation, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a paste-eater. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Xanadu. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with Kool-Aid but that doesn't bother those perplexed by Riverdance bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom fossilized booger on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the chocolate-dipped scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a battle axe for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful disapproving glance, who is played by Daisy Jane, and they live prancingly ever after.
Heffalump said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me albino ape pimples! It starred Larry as a mad veterinary dentist who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Curly, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with hot apple cider. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Farmer Bill's Corn Maze. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with squid ink but that doesn't bother those squishy bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom donut hole on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the filled to bloating scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a Pygmie bunny for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful Ewok, who is played by Moe, and they live flatulently ever after.
Gina said... (Welcome!)
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me elephant pimples! It starred Madonna as a mad teacher who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Matthew McConaughey, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a dumbbell. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Disneyland. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with milk but that doesn't bother those freakin’ bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom purse on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the goofy scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a satellite for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful mouse, who is played by Michael Jackson and they live controversially ever after.
Friday, October 1, 2010
My Dream Girl
The girl of my dreams has (adjective) blonde hair scented like (plural noun). Her eyes are like two (adjective) pools of (liquid). And her lips remind me of (adjective) (plural noun). Her skin is as smooth and lovely as a/an (adjective) (noun), and she has a figure like (name of person in room). When she enters a room, people always stare at her and say, “(Exclamation)! What a/an (adjective) woman!” Her sense of humor is always (adjective), and people marvel at her (adjective) vocabulary. In my dreams I see her wearing a/an (adjective) dress and a diamond (noun) in her hair. I would gladly give up all my (plural noun) for one evening with this (adjective) female. Her name is (name of person in room).
Millie said...
The girl of my dreams has stuffed with olives blonde hair scented like toes. Her eyes are like two yellowing pools of mango juice. And her lips remind me of spasmodic obscene T-shirts. Her skin is as smooth and lovely as a drippy with unknown ooze loud bang, and she has a figure like Midge. When she enters a room, people always stare at her and say, “Mercy me! What a purple-flowered woman!” Her sense of humor is always wistful, and people marvel at her angelic vocabulary. In my dreams I see her wearing a drooling with anticipation dress and a diamond pencil nub in her hair. I would gladly give up all my masquerade balls for one evening with this ketchup-smeared female. Her name is Maude.
Millie said...
The girl of my dreams has stuffed with olives blonde hair scented like toes. Her eyes are like two yellowing pools of mango juice. And her lips remind me of spasmodic obscene T-shirts. Her skin is as smooth and lovely as a drippy with unknown ooze loud bang, and she has a figure like Midge. When she enters a room, people always stare at her and say, “Mercy me! What a purple-flowered woman!” Her sense of humor is always wistful, and people marvel at her angelic vocabulary. In my dreams I see her wearing a drooling with anticipation dress and a diamond pencil nub in her hair. I would gladly give up all my masquerade balls for one evening with this ketchup-smeared female. Her name is Maude.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Horoscope
Those born under the planetary sign of the (noun) possess (adjective) personalities and are forever searching for new (plural noun) to conquer. This is a more or less (adjective) month for you because the planet (silly word) is directly over your (noun) and Mercury is influencing your (plural noun). This means you should avoid eating (plural noun) and stay away from anybody with (adjective) (plural noun). During the coming year you will find conditions getting (adjective) due to your (adjective) outlook on life and your (adjective) attitude toward (plural noun). You are best suited to a/an (adjective) mate with (adjective) (plural noun) and a/an (adjective) complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really (adjective) life.
Heffalump said...
Those born under the planetary sign of the cemetery possess spider-webbed personalities and are forever searching for new caskets to conquer. This is a more or less creaky month for you because the planet Sproingy is directly over your dousing rod and Mercury is influencing your mourners. This means you should avoid eating gravediggers and stay away from anybody with dust-covered skeletons. During the coming year you will find conditions getting ancient due to your mildewed outlook on life and your rotting attitude toward ghosts. You are best suited to a marbled mate with stale headstones and a dark complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really damp life.
Millie said...
Those born under the planetary sign of the projectile vomit possess petulant personalities and are forever searching for new chewy granola bars to conquer. This is a more or less jews harp-playing month for you because the planet Yark is directly over your birdwatcher (or so he says) and Mercury is influencing your hummingbirds. This means you should avoid eating lip muscle flexors and stay away from anybody with distant, angry elves. During the coming year you will find conditions getting only open on Tuesdays due to your chubberific outlook on life and your babbling incoherently attitude toward innocent bystanders. You are best suited to a pantyhose-mask-wearing mate with hovering, freakish Disney stars and a won't-apply-itself complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really squealing life.
Heffalump said...
Those born under the planetary sign of the cemetery possess spider-webbed personalities and are forever searching for new caskets to conquer. This is a more or less creaky month for you because the planet Sproingy is directly over your dousing rod and Mercury is influencing your mourners. This means you should avoid eating gravediggers and stay away from anybody with dust-covered skeletons. During the coming year you will find conditions getting ancient due to your mildewed outlook on life and your rotting attitude toward ghosts. You are best suited to a marbled mate with stale headstones and a dark complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really damp life.
Millie said...
Those born under the planetary sign of the projectile vomit possess petulant personalities and are forever searching for new chewy granola bars to conquer. This is a more or less jews harp-playing month for you because the planet Yark is directly over your birdwatcher (or so he says) and Mercury is influencing your hummingbirds. This means you should avoid eating lip muscle flexors and stay away from anybody with distant, angry elves. During the coming year you will find conditions getting only open on Tuesdays due to your chubberific outlook on life and your babbling incoherently attitude toward innocent bystanders. You are best suited to a pantyhose-mask-wearing mate with hovering, freakish Disney stars and a won't-apply-itself complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really squealing life.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Club Meeting
It’s a pleasure to see so many (adjective) members of our (noun) Club here this evening. I would like to thank (name of host or hostess) for allowing us to meet here in this (adjective) home. At our last meeting, you will remember, (name of woman in room) spoke to us about her experiences among the (plural noun) of Central Mexico. This evening (name of man in room) has promised to play a few selections on his (noun). And (a celebrity) will show us how he converted an old (noun) into a beautiful (noun). Later, (name of woman in room) will show us her new (noun) and tell us where we can get the materials to make one. Afterwards we will retire to the (adjective) (noun) for some (adjective) refreshments.
Millie said...
It’s a pleasure to see so many distracted-by-dust-motes members of our Annoying Soup Slurp Club here this evening. I would like to thank the Commander for allowing us to meet here in this ingenious home. At our last meeting, you will remember, Madge spoke to us about her experiences among the rancid pork chops of Central Mexico. This evening Angry Elf has promised to play a few selections on his runaway hog. And Craig Slist will show us how he converted an old cookie-crammer into a beautiful pew. Later, Consuelo will show us her new fishnet stocking and tell us where we can get the materials to make one. Afterwards we will retire to the threaded-through-belt-loops special brownie for some carrot-eating refreshments.
Heffalump said...
It’s a pleasure to see so many perspiring members of our Roulette Wheel Club here this evening. I would like to thank Mildred for allowing us to meet here in this conspiring home. At our last meeting, you will remember, Veronica spoke to us about her experiences among the Korean glass noodles of Central Mexico. This evening Clyde has promised to play a few selections on his beachfront property. And Jillian from the Biggest Loser will show us how she converted an old ballistic missile into a beautiful army engineer. Later, Patsy will show us her new spanking machine and tell us where we can get the materials to make one. Afterwards we will retire to the retiring peach cobbler for some inflexible refreshments.
Millie said...
It’s a pleasure to see so many distracted-by-dust-motes members of our Annoying Soup Slurp Club here this evening. I would like to thank the Commander for allowing us to meet here in this ingenious home. At our last meeting, you will remember, Madge spoke to us about her experiences among the rancid pork chops of Central Mexico. This evening Angry Elf has promised to play a few selections on his runaway hog. And Craig Slist will show us how he converted an old cookie-crammer into a beautiful pew. Later, Consuelo will show us her new fishnet stocking and tell us where we can get the materials to make one. Afterwards we will retire to the threaded-through-belt-loops special brownie for some carrot-eating refreshments.
Heffalump said...
It’s a pleasure to see so many perspiring members of our Roulette Wheel Club here this evening. I would like to thank Mildred for allowing us to meet here in this conspiring home. At our last meeting, you will remember, Veronica spoke to us about her experiences among the Korean glass noodles of Central Mexico. This evening Clyde has promised to play a few selections on his beachfront property. And Jillian from the Biggest Loser will show us how she converted an old ballistic missile into a beautiful army engineer. Later, Patsy will show us her new spanking machine and tell us where we can get the materials to make one. Afterwards we will retire to the retiring peach cobbler for some inflexible refreshments.
Friday, September 10, 2010
School Days
In honor of school starting this week...
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn't have any (plural noun) to do our math for us. We would add columns of (plural noun) to other columns of (plural noun) to master addition. We had to sit (adverb) when the teacher lectured to us about American (noun) and English (noun). Every day at lunch we would eat a/an (an animal) sandwich, a (noun) and a glass of (liquid).
In Science lab, we dissected a/an (noun) and saw its (noun) and (noun). Some people got sick and (verb, past tense) when we did this. Sometimes we would have a (noun) show. Some of the students would (verb) to (noun) music, while others recited (plural noun). The best was when three boys juggled (plural noun) while turning (plural noun) and standing on their (part of body, plural).
Millie said...
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn't have any pencil-neck geeks to do our math for us. We would add columns of Andrews Sisters to other columns of Queen fans to master addition. We had to sit outrageously when the teacher lectured to us about American bend and snap and English history major. Every day at lunch we would eat a gecko sandwich, a diphead and a glass of nostril sauce.
In Science lab, we dissected an obscene bumper sticker and saw its skylark and annoying lip twitch. Some people got sick and smirked when we did this. Sometimes we would have a coffee table crasher show. Some of the students would trip over nothing to halo wearer music, while others recited lightning rods. The best was when three boys juggled weird artists who smear themselves with chocolate onstage while turning kitty eyes and standing on their arm waddle.
Heffalump said...
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn't have any mops to do our math for us. We would add columns of brooms to other columns of latex gloves to master addition. We had to sit with attention to detail when the teacher lectured to us about American duster and English lemon Pledge. Every day at lunch we would eat a guinea pig sandwich, a rag and a glass of glass cleaner.
In Science lab, we dissected Lysol and saw its bleach and squeegee. Some people got sick and scrubbed when we did this. Sometimes we would have a spray bottle show. Some of the students would polish to gum scraper music, while others recited detergents. The best was when three boys juggled janitors while turning trash cans and standing on their fingernails.
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn't have any (plural noun) to do our math for us. We would add columns of (plural noun) to other columns of (plural noun) to master addition. We had to sit (adverb) when the teacher lectured to us about American (noun) and English (noun). Every day at lunch we would eat a/an (an animal) sandwich, a (noun) and a glass of (liquid).
In Science lab, we dissected a/an (noun) and saw its (noun) and (noun). Some people got sick and (verb, past tense) when we did this. Sometimes we would have a (noun) show. Some of the students would (verb) to (noun) music, while others recited (plural noun). The best was when three boys juggled (plural noun) while turning (plural noun) and standing on their (part of body, plural).
Millie said...
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn't have any pencil-neck geeks to do our math for us. We would add columns of Andrews Sisters to other columns of Queen fans to master addition. We had to sit outrageously when the teacher lectured to us about American bend and snap and English history major. Every day at lunch we would eat a gecko sandwich, a diphead and a glass of nostril sauce.
In Science lab, we dissected an obscene bumper sticker and saw its skylark and annoying lip twitch. Some people got sick and smirked when we did this. Sometimes we would have a coffee table crasher show. Some of the students would trip over nothing to halo wearer music, while others recited lightning rods. The best was when three boys juggled weird artists who smear themselves with chocolate onstage while turning kitty eyes and standing on their arm waddle.
Heffalump said...
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn't have any mops to do our math for us. We would add columns of brooms to other columns of latex gloves to master addition. We had to sit with attention to detail when the teacher lectured to us about American duster and English lemon Pledge. Every day at lunch we would eat a guinea pig sandwich, a rag and a glass of glass cleaner.
In Science lab, we dissected Lysol and saw its bleach and squeegee. Some people got sick and scrubbed when we did this. Sometimes we would have a spray bottle show. Some of the students would polish to gum scraper music, while others recited detergents. The best was when three boys juggled janitors while turning trash cans and standing on their fingernails.
Friday, September 3, 2010
How To Do That New Dance, the Monstrosity
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot (adverb) to the side. Now stamp your right foot (number) times and put your hands on your partner's (plural noun). Next, you both (verb) slowly to the right and bend your (part of the body) backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you (verb) (adverb) to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your (plural noun) and slap your (plural noun) together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your (plural noun) together and shout, "(nonsense word)!" Now (verb) backward and repeat the whole thing (number) times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always (verb) the next one out.
Millie's son and daughter said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot tissue-pullingly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 23 times and put your hands on your partner's "Ugh" shouters. Next, you both barf slowly to the right and bend your elbow-pinchie backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you put fingers in a moving fan cat-lickingly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your annoying bells and slap your potato chips together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your butt slappers together and shout, "Shmeowzow!" Now lick an exhaust pipe backward and repeat the whole thing 57 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always cow-tip the next one out.
Heffalump said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot painstakingly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 77 times and put your hands on your partner's wildfires. Next, you both jiggle slowly to the right and bend your sacrum backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you spank shockingly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your jello-filled pools and slap your mannequins together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your prawns together and shout, "Sploink!" Now dance the electric slide backward and repeat the whole thing 6.2 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always irritate the next one out.
Millie's son and daughter said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot tissue-pullingly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 23 times and put your hands on your partner's "Ugh" shouters. Next, you both barf slowly to the right and bend your elbow-pinchie backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you put fingers in a moving fan cat-lickingly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your annoying bells and slap your potato chips together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your butt slappers together and shout, "Shmeowzow!" Now lick an exhaust pipe backward and repeat the whole thing 57 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always cow-tip the next one out.
Heffalump said...
Here's how you do the Monstrosity. First, stand with your feet together. Now move your left foot painstakingly to the side. Now stamp your right foot 77 times and put your hands on your partner's wildfires. Next, you both jiggle slowly to the right and bend your sacrum backward. Now for the next eight counts, both of you spank shockingly to the left. Next, you and your partner stand back to back and wiggle your jello-filled pools and slap your mannequins together. Don't forget to keep stamping your right foot. Now face your partner again, put your prawns together and shout, "Sploink!" Now dance the electric slide backward and repeat the whole thing 6.2 times. If you feel that you can't learn this dance, you can always irritate the next one out.
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