Horoscope

Those born under the planetary sign of the (noun) possess (adjective) personalities and are forever searching for new (plural noun) to conquer. This is a more or less (adjective) month for you because the planet (silly word) is directly over your (noun) and Mercury is influencing your (plural noun). This means you should avoid eating (plural noun) and stay away from anybody with (adjective) (plural noun). During the coming year you will find conditions getting (adjective) due to your (adjective) outlook on life and your (adjective) attitude toward (plural noun). You are best suited to a/an (adjective) mate with (adjective) (plural noun) and a/an (adjective) complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really (adjective) life.

Heffalump said...
Those born under the planetary sign of the cemetery possess spider-webbed personalities and are forever searching for new caskets to conquer. This is a more or less creaky month for you because the planet Sproingy is directly over your dousing rod and Mercury is influencing your mourners. This means you should avoid eating gravediggers and stay away from anybody with dust-covered skeletons. During the coming year you will find conditions getting ancient due to your mildewed outlook on life and your rotting attitude toward ghosts. You are best suited to a marbled mate with stale headstones and a dark complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really damp life.

Millie said...
Those born under the planetary sign of the projectile vomit possess petulant personalities and are forever searching for new chewy granola bars to conquer. This is a more or less jews harp-playing month for you because the planet Yark is directly over your birdwatcher (or so he says) and Mercury is influencing your hummingbirds. This means you should avoid eating lip muscle flexors and stay away from anybody with distant, angry elves. During the coming year you will find conditions getting only open on Tuesdays due to your chubberific outlook on life and your babbling incoherently attitude toward innocent bystanders. You are best suited to a pantyhose-mask-wearing mate with hovering, freakish Disney stars and a won't-apply-itself complexion, which means, of course, that you can look forward to a really squealing life.