Paul Revere

Paul Revere was born in Boston, (a state) in 1735. His father taught him to work with metals, and he soon became a/an (adjective) (noun). He was a soldier in the French and (a nationality) War and was at the famous Boston (noun) Party when Americans dressed as Indians dumped tons of (a liquid) into the ocean. On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere waited in (a place) for a signal light from a church tower. The signal was to be one if by (noun), two if by (noun).

When he got the message, he mounted his faithful (noun) and rode off (adverb). On the way he kept yelling, "The (plural noun) are coming! The (same plural noun) are coming!" This was the beginning of the American War for Independence from King (a celebrity).

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Paul Revere was born in Boston, Wyoming in 1735. His father taught him to work with metals, and he soon became a naked as a jaybird Val Kilmer. He was a soldier in the French and Vulcan War and was at the famous Boston dull pencil with a half-eaten eraser Party when Americans dressed as Indians dumped tons of Coke Zero into the ocean. On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere waited in Sea World for a signal light from a church tower. The signal was to be one if by sleeping baby, two if by picture of Weird Al kissing Spongebob.

When he got the message, he mounted his faithful pillow that's beckoning me to lay my head upon it and rode off swimmingly. On the way he kept yelling, "The losers who don't check the spare tire before going on vacation are coming! The losers who don't check the spare tire before going on vacation are coming!" This was the beginning of the American War for Independence from King Barack Obama.

Klin said...
Paul Revere was born in Boston, Georgia in 1735. His father taught him to work with metals, and he soon became a too loud for my ears tower. He was a soldier in the French and Croatian War and was at the famous Boston Mustang Party when Americans dressed as Indians dumped tons of black strap molasses into the ocean. On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere waited at the beach for a signal light from a church tower. The signal was to be one if by cruise, two if by town.

When he got the message, he mounted his faithful rain and rode off twiddly. On the way he kept yelling, "The shoes are coming! The shoes are coming!" This was the beginning of the American War for Independence from King Patrick Swayze.

Millie said...
Paul Revere was born in Boston, Complete Dippiness in 1735. His father taught him to work with metals, and he soon became a petrified headphone cord. He was a soldier in the French and Botswanian War and was at the famous Boston "Dueling Banjos" participant Party when Americans dressed as Indians dumped tons of dog dribble into the ocean. On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere waited in Radio City Music Hall for a signal light from a church tower. The signal was to be one if by miscreant, two if by lowlife scum.

When he got the message, he mounted his faithful cop with a bad attitude and rode off loquaciously. On the way he kept yelling, "The suspenders too stretched out to do any good are coming! The suspenders too stretched out to do any good are coming!" This was the beginning of the American War for Independence from King Captain Crunch.

Easter #1

Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the (plural noun) get (number) weeks off. The (adjective) teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the (noun). Others get outside and play (a game), while more ambitious students spend their time studying their (adjective) books so they will grow up to become (plural noun). Little kids also color (adjective) eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of (adjective) dye in a bowl full of (liquid). Then dip the (noun) in the bowl and rinse it off with (liquid). Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a/an (adjective) egg!"

Millie said...
Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the earwig pinchers get 832 weeks off. The slapped teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the halitosis victim. Others get outside and play Twister, while more ambitious students spend their time studying their leaf-sprouting books so they will grow up to become geeks with terrible complexions. Little kids also color one-wheeled eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of black and unidentifiable dye in a bowl full of slop. Then dip the ketchup bottle that won't give it up in the bowl and rinse it off with slurp. Then after it dries, you can paint on it with a brush. Then you show it to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a sproingy egg!"

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Easter vacations usually fall around Easter time. The schools are closed and all the Ming vases get 815 weeks off. The overgrown teachers also get a vacation. There are a lot of things to do on Easter vacation. Some kids loaf around and watch the hyper-toothed smiling Relief Society President. Others get outside and play Spin-the-Bottle, while more ambitious students spend their time studying their quiet as a church mouse books so they will grow up to become Dilly-Bars. Little kids also color happy as a geek in a comic book shop eggs.

Here's how you color an egg: First mix a package of sedentary dye in a bowl full of Coke Zero. Then dip Joel McHale in the bowl and rinse him off with Tide with Bleach Alternative. Then after he dries, you can paint on him with a brush. Then you show him to your friends who will say, "Boy, what a baco-licious egg!"

The Space Shuttle

Commemorating the first space shuttle mission, April 12-14, 1981.

In 1981, the U.S. launched the first real Space (noun). It was called a/an (noun) Shuttle because it not only went up into (adjective) space, it also came back. It was named the "Columbia" and was piloted by two brave (plural noun). They had practiced (verb ending in ING) for two years and were expert (plural noun). The Columbia took off from (a city) using its powerful first stage (plural noun). At an altitude of (number) feet, it went into orbit around the (something round). After (number) orbits, the Shuttle landed (adverb) at (a place). It was a/an (adjective) day for the U.S. Space Program.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
In 1981, the U.S. launched the first real Space Freda's boss. It was called a Gail Stanwyck's towel Shuttle because it not only went up into extremely sudden space, it also came back. It was named the "Columbia" and was piloted by two brave elephant books. They had practiced dressing up as Little Bo Peep for two years and were expert Underhills. The Columbia took off from Provo using its powerful first stage wet married women. At an altitude of 1 foot, it went into orbit around Fat Sam's belly. After two orbits, the Shuttle landed Fletchily at The California Racquet Club. It was a Scotch-Romanian day for the U.S. Space Program.

Millie said...
In 1981, the U.S. launched the first real Space sweaty gym sock. It was called a Nasally Voice Shuttle because it not only went up into dippy space, it also came back. It was named the "Columbia" and was piloted by two brave Charles Nelson Reilley fans. They had practiced chomping for two years and were expert pink hangers. The Columbia took off from We're All Related, Alabama using its powerful first stage armpit whiskers. At an altitude of 2349 feet, it went into orbit around Caillou's big fat puddin' head. After 77 orbits, the Shuttle landed gesticulatingly at Burgerville. It was a slippery day for the U.S. Space Program.

Klin said...
In 1981, the U.S. launched the first real Space rockin' rockstar. It was called a hyper dog Shuttle because it not only went up into so-annoying-I'm-gonna-bop-ya-on-the-head space, it also came back. It was named the "Columbia" and was piloted by two brave piles of scrapbooks. They had practiced pounding for two years and were expert boxes of tile. The Columbia took off from Narnia using its powerful first stage mounds of fun. At an altitude of 7 feet, it went into orbit around the cul-de-sac. After 11 orbits, the Shuttle landed floppily at Disneyland. It was a cool and icy day for the U.S. Space Program.

Fire Fighters

When I was ten years old, my (adjective) ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red (noun). And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot (plural noun) and travel (number) miles an hour. When fire engines blow their (plural noun), all cars have to pull over to the side of the (noun). Fire departments have hook and (noun) wagons as well as pump trucks which carry (adjective) hoses that pump (type of liquid) into burning (plural noun). Fire fighters have to go into (adjective) buildings and fight their way through smoke and (noun) to rescue any (plural noun) who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a/an (noun).

Millie said...
When I was ten years old, my laundry-happy ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but a yellowing shrimp. If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red ruler-wielding nun with PMS. And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot polka dots and travel 12 miles an hour. When fire engines blow their unexplainable car floor crumbs, all cars have to pull over to the side of the Matchbox car. Fire departments have hook and testicular homicide wagons as well as pump trucks which carry left in its natural state hoses that pump kitten spit into burning The Price Is Right contestants. Fire fighters have to go into creamy and brown buildings and fight their way through smoke and female mustache to rescue any Necco wafers who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a Mary Engelbreit afficianado.

Klin said...
When I was ten years old, my dark and dreary ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but an attack-like stanced warm fire. If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red Grand Canyon. And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot career changes and travel 20 miles an hour. When fire engines blow their fancy-cutting scissors, all cars have to pull over to the side of the Jeep Liberty. Fire departments have hook and 4-wheel drive wagons as well as pump trucks which carry fodder type hoses that pump Vanilla Silk into burning Girl Scout cookies. Fire fighters have to go into ground in buildings and fight their way through smoke and awesome dad to rescue any piles of scrapbook crap who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a/an (noun).

Thorny Tree Lady said...
When I was ten years old, my gangly ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but a jewel-encrusted back-stabbing frenemy. If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red technologically advanced 5 year old child. And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot golfers and travel 8,675,309 miles an hour. When fire engines blow their Coldstone Creamery employees who sing off key when someone leaves a tip, all cars have to pull over to the side of the Wendy's Mandarin Chicken Salad. Fire departments have hook and Dancing WIth the Stars score paddle wagons as well as pump trucks which carry barftastic hoses that pump Downy Fabric Softener into burning bacon bits. Fire fighters have to go into so tired you put katsup on your garden salad buildings and fight their way through smoke and bottle of Advil to rescue any nursing bras who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a broken light bulb.

Little Red Riding Hood

One day, Little (color) Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of (plural noun) for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big (adjective) wolf. "(Exclamation)!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little (silly word)?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf (verb, past tense) away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big (plural noun) you have." "The better to (verb) you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big (plural noun) you have." The wolf said, "The better to (verb) you with." And then she said, "What big (plural noun) you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
One day, Little Puce Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of strawberry flavored creme wafers for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big completely ape-crap wolf. "Don't call me Shirley!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little dang-flabbit?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf partied like it was 1999 away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big bouncing and spinning lotto number balls you have." "The better to hand-quilt you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big Spring Break "Girls Gone Wild" hopefuls you have." The wolf said, "The better to rage against the machine you with." And then she said, "What big soft pretzels covered in yellow mustard you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Millie said...
One day, Little Clear Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of bratty next door neighbor children for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big on-maternity-leave wolf. "Ya JACKASS!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little Flaboobity?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf smacked with a bat away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big uneven chestages you have." "The better to wipe you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big slug antennae you have." The wolf said, "The better to stomp you with." And then she said, "What big chowchows you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Klin said...
One day, Little Fuschia Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of mounds of tennis balls for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big obnoxiously in my face wolf. "Holy Banana Cakes!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little Schumananogle?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf sweated like a pig away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big noisy cabinet installers you have." "The better to entirely exhaust you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big dishes going everywhere you have." The wolf said, "The better to laze you with." And then she said, "What big too many things you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Mrs. Organic said...
One day, Little Boot Black Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of flip-flops for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big scuzzy wolf. "Oh snap!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little googly moogly?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf barfed away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big canning jars you have." "The better to shovel you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big make-outs you have." The wolf said, "The better to hop you with." And then she said, "What big overalls you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Ireland #1

For St. Patrick's Day next week

Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of (place). In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark (plural noun) who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with (adjective) Vikings and with Celts who were (plural noun) from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the (noun) crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American (plural noun).

The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish (plural noun) are Smiling," "Did Your (noun) Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's (noun)."

Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, (place), and buy Irish linen (plural noun), and see the beautiful (plural noun) and lakes.

Klin said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Disneyland. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark amazing birthday parties who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with incredibly wonderful Vikings and with Celts who were a gazillion hamburgers from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the good friend crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American tons of chips.

The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Salads, Salads, and More Salads are Smiling," "Did Your 18 year old Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Upcoming Engagement."

Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Public Restroom 101, and buy Irish linen beautiful LDS sisters, and see the beautiful blog posts to write and lakes.

Mr. J said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Fat Boy's Pork Palace. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark oxen who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with horrific Vikings and with Celts who were cacti from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the 1965 Ford Mustang convertible crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American media.

The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Deer are Smiling," "Did Your Mickey Mantle Rookie Card Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Apple Pie."

Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Versailles, and buy Irish linen Roman soldiers, and see the beautiful Japanese geishas and lakes.

Suzanne said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of here. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark tulips who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with awesome Vikings and with Celts who were crocus from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the sun crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American lilies.

The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Daffodils are Smiling," "Did Your Cloud Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Sky."

Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, there, and buy Irish linen daisies, and see the beautiful iris and lakes.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of The LOST island. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark bags of delicious burnt popcorn who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with smarmy Vikings and with Celts who were empty containers of useless Mylicon drops from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the Duane Johnson starring as "The Rock Obama" crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American haunting 2 inch long paper wasps.

The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish One-eyed, One-horned, Flying Purple People Eaters are Smiling," "Did Your Young Womanhood Recognition Medallion Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's @#^&! Flat Tire."

Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Temple Square, and buy Irish linen empty-headed fans of "The Bachelor", and see the beautiful fart bags and lakes.

Millie said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Tight Shorts, Tahiti. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark split ends who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with guilty by association Vikings and with Celts who were light-up buttons from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the chatty husband crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American cranky nappers.

The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish People Who Spit When They Talk are Smiling," "Did Your Reluctant 'Get On Your Boots' Listener Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Mozzarella Cheese Stick."

Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Rentown USA, and buy Irish linen bologna-obsessed deli employees, and see the beautiful bratists and lakes.

Fable #1

Once upon a time a/an (adjective) (noun) expert named (name of person in room) felt a/an (adjective) pain. He sent for a/an (adjective) surgeon who looked at his (adjective) stomach and said, "(Exclamation)!" Then he muttered (adverb), "I see your trouble. The (noun) on your (adjective) stomach is overlapping the (noun) next to your kidney." The surgeon (adverb) took him to the (adjective) operating room of the hospital. There he made a/an (adjective) incision reaching from the patient's (noun) to his (noun). "(Exclamation)!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that (adjective) (noun)." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the (noun) out of the (noun), but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the (noun).
MORAL: A/An (noun) in time saves nine.

Klin said...
Once upon a time a super clean chocolate looking dog expert named Monkey J felt a happy pain. He sent for a beautiful dancing surgeon who looked at his half-baked stomach and said, "What the Cauliflower!" Then he muttered obstinately, "I see your trouble. The brokenhearted teen on your wishing upon stomach is overlapping the used car next to your kidney." The surgeon hawtly took him to the sweet smelling operating room of the hospital. There he made a dome tentish incision reaching from the patient's hawt husband to his pile of blankets. "How in the rotten bananas did you get that?!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that lovely warm fireplace." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the creative talent out of the Chinese food, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the painted fence.
MORAL: A rambling sentence in time saves nine.

Millie said...
Once upon a time an artificially red-haired prosti-tot expert named Norman the Doorman felt a skeevy pain. He sent for a high-voiced surgeon who looked at his dented stomach and said, "Holy poop, what a dream I was having!" Then he muttered weasel-stompingly, "I see your trouble. The beef bouillon cube on your crotchedy stomach is overlapping the phone hole next to your kidney." The surgeon appreciatively took him to the tongue-rolling operating room of the hospital. There he made a stiff incision reaching from the patient's mad duck on a string to his Target lingerie employee. "Rough!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that Jello-slapping butt cheek." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the boy raised by bees out of the Primary substitute teacher, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the flicked earlobe.
MORAL: A hospital bed crank in time saves nine.