Who am I? I am a/an (adjective) American. I was born (number) years ago in (geographical location). When my father first saw me he said, "(Exclamation)!" I am (number) feet tall, have (adjective) brown eyes, and a/an (adjective) complexion. My hobby is collecting (plural noun). I always speak (adverb) and I have made several (adjective) motion pictures. I am married to (person's name), the well known Hollywood (noun). I have given away thousands of (plural noun) to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my (adjective) nose and my large (noun). Who am I?
ANSWER: I am (name of person in room).
Dalene said...
Who am I? I am an embellished American. I was born B-52 years ago in The Isle of Man. When my father first saw me he said, "Ay Carumba!" I am .99234 and a half feet tall, have rambunctious brown eyes, and an over-inflated complexion. My hobby is collecting arch nemeses. I always speak unwittingly and I have made several infectious motion pictures. I am married to Zelda, the well known Hollywood encyclopedia. I have given away thousands of inkblot tests to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my ego-maniacal nose and my large phobia. Who am I?
ANSWER: I am Wiley Coyote.
Natalie said...
Who am I? I am a snotty American. I was born 98 years ago in Whoville. When my father first saw me he said, "Keep that guy away from my cocaine!" I am 234879832 feet tall, have hung upside down brown eyes, and a pie-snorfing complexion. My hobby is collecting shower-needers. I always speak coughing-stuff-uppingly and I have made several bilingual motion pictures. I am married to Ned Nederlander, the well known Hollywood bird leer. I have given away thousands of cat yaks to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my can't say "rural" without cracking up nose and my large angry elf. Who am I?
ANSWER: I am Stanky Starla.
Becky said...
Who am I? I am a buger green American. I was born 99 years ago in Jellystone National Park. When my father first saw me he said, "Mother of Pearl!!!" I am 1,000,000 feet tall, have crazy brown eyes, and a fearful complexion. My hobby is collecting trashcans. I always speak stubbornly and I have made several mind-boggling motion pictures. I am married to Frosty the Snowman, the well known Hollywood wooly mammoth. I have given away thousands of semicolons to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my potential nose and my large entourage. Who am I?
ANSWER: I am Anne Ridgecrest.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Who am I? I am a coordinationally challenged American. I was born 8,675,309 years ago in the island where the people from LOST live. When my father first saw me he said, "Holy Schneikies!" I am 815 feet tall, have headache inducing brown eyes, and a rabid complexion. My hobby is collecting empty Reeses Peanut Butter cup mini wrappers. I always speak unceremoniously and I have made several in dire need of dental floss motion pictures. I am married to Glenn Beck, the well known Hollywood Tony the Tiger of Frosted Flakes fame. I have given away thousands of two-liter bottles of 7-Up Pomegranate to charity. My most prominent physical characteristics are my unusually calm for a mother of 17 kids nose, and my large recipe box full of 17 years of collected and organized recipes that your 18 month old spilled on the floor, leaving it no longer organized. Who am I?
ANSWER: I am Princess Buttercup.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Relatives
Ending sooner this week... sorry.
This is a/an (adjective) explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably (adjective). Parents consist of one mother and one (noun). Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your (noun)," or "Stop picking your (noun)!" Brothers and sisters are called (plural noun) and they are often a pain in the (part of the body). Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' (plural noun). They will buy you (a food) when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your (noun). Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or (a holiday) to eat a big (a bird). Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
This is a bowlegged explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably emasculated. Parents consist of one mother and one Claritin addict. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your crunchy leaf on the sidewalk," or "Stop picking your snoopy janitor!" Brothers and sisters are called speculums and they are often a pain in the finger. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' giggling psychopaths. They will buy you tomato aspic when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your piece of jelly toast. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or St. Swithin's Day to eat a big macaw. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Wynne said...
This is a cheesy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably segregated. Parents consist of one mother and one burnt toast. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your dust bunny," or "Stop picking your wishful thinking!" Brothers and sisters are called toenail clippings and they are often a pain in the flappy underarm fat. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' octupi. They will buy you anchovies when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cellulite. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Pioneer Day to eat a big penguin. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Suzanne said...
This is a yummy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably delicious. Parents consist of one mother and one plate. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your fork," or "Stop picking your knife!" Brothers and sisters are called potatoes and they are often a pain in the belly. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' cranberries. They will buy you stuffing when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cup. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Christmas to eat a big Big Bird. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
This is a/an (adjective) explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably (adjective). Parents consist of one mother and one (noun). Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your (noun)," or "Stop picking your (noun)!" Brothers and sisters are called (plural noun) and they are often a pain in the (part of the body). Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' (plural noun). They will buy you (a food) when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your (noun). Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or (a holiday) to eat a big (a bird). Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
This is a bowlegged explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably emasculated. Parents consist of one mother and one Claritin addict. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your crunchy leaf on the sidewalk," or "Stop picking your snoopy janitor!" Brothers and sisters are called speculums and they are often a pain in the finger. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' giggling psychopaths. They will buy you tomato aspic when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your piece of jelly toast. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or St. Swithin's Day to eat a big macaw. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Wynne said...
This is a cheesy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably segregated. Parents consist of one mother and one burnt toast. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your dust bunny," or "Stop picking your wishful thinking!" Brothers and sisters are called toenail clippings and they are often a pain in the flappy underarm fat. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' octupi. They will buy you anchovies when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cellulite. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Pioneer Day to eat a big penguin. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Suzanne said...
This is a yummy explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably delicious. Parents consist of one mother and one plate. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your fork," or "Stop picking your knife!" Brothers and sisters are called potatoes and they are often a pain in the belly. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' cranberries. They will buy you stuffing when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your cup. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Christmas to eat a big Big Bird. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Football Broadcast
Natalie said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Tsetse Flies and the West Point Winebibbers. The center has just snapped the Barney effigy back to the Columbia star halfback, Ben Stein, who is running around his own left mascara goop. There he's tackled hard around the hard-boiled egg. Now it's West Point's ball and 1238973 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Bea Arthur, who fades back and throws a long, up too early pass which is caught by Captain Kangaroo, who is West Point's inexplicably itchy quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the flowers-sending mop for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 bottle of Windex line. He's going to penalize West Point for hog-calling.
CoconutKate said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Platypi and the West Point Songs. The center has just snapped the line back to the Columbia star halfback, Bruce Willis, who is running around his own left sticker. There he's tackled hard around the tomato pincushion. Now it's West Point's ball and 11 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Bill Nye the Science guy, who fades back and throws a long, orangy-green pass which is caught by The Rock, who is West Point's pajama clad quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the fake ID for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 half-dead plant line. He's going to penalize West Point for cavorting.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Undomesticated Equines and the West Point Disgruntled "No on Prop 8" Supporters. The center has just snapped the USPS forwarding address label back to the Columbia star halfback, Tom Cruise, who is running around his own left crusty piece of leftover birthday cake. There he's tackled hard around the unmade bed. Now it's West Point's ball and 815 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Paris Hilton, who fades back and throws a long, curious pass which is caught by Lindsay Lohan, who is West Point's uneducated quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the barrel of monkeys for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 bag of cherry sours line. He's going to penalize West Point for excavating.
Klin said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Fuzzy-wuzzy-cute Hamsters and the West Point Chorus of Yapping/Barking Dogs. The center has just snapped the about-to-take-off-while-spinning washer back to the Columbia star halfback, Brad Pitt, who is running around his own left so-saturated-it-might-flood soil. There he's tackled hard around the freaking-piles-and-piles-of-bedding. Now it's West Point's ball and 89,216 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Madonna, who fades back and throws a long, incredibly adorable pass which is caught by Drew Barrymore, who is West Point's sickeningly amazing quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the too-dirty-to-cook-in-kitchen for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 soaking wet dog line. He's going to penalize West Point for driving-and-driving.
Dalene said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Blue Wildebeests and the West Point Toenail Clippings. The center has just snapped the bright orange traffic cone back to the Columbia star halfback, Bruce Willis, who is running around his own left melty ice cream cone. There he's tackled hard around the Madonna cone. Now it's West Point's ball and 362.876 and a 1/2 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Penn, who fades back and throws a long, egomaniacal pass which is caught by Teller, who is West Point's quintessentially insignificant quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the conehead for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 frosted pinecone line. He's going to penalize West Point for headbanging.
Sketchy said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Blast-ended Screwts and the West Point Mountains upon Mountains of Dirty Laundry. The center has just snapped the lonely unmatched sock in the dryer back to the Columbia star halfback, Eeyore, who is running around his own left roly-poly bug. There he's tackled hard around the long walk home. Now it's West Point's ball and 9.2 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Morris the cat, who fades back and throws a long, red-necked, yeller-bellied, piece of dung scraped off of somebody's shoe pass which is caught by his arch enemy Garfield, who is West Point's quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the sparkling green pen for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 spam, glorious spam! line. He's going to penalize West Point for deliciously satisfying.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Tsetse Flies and the West Point Winebibbers. The center has just snapped the Barney effigy back to the Columbia star halfback, Ben Stein, who is running around his own left mascara goop. There he's tackled hard around the hard-boiled egg. Now it's West Point's ball and 1238973 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Bea Arthur, who fades back and throws a long, up too early pass which is caught by Captain Kangaroo, who is West Point's inexplicably itchy quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the flowers-sending mop for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 bottle of Windex line. He's going to penalize West Point for hog-calling.
CoconutKate said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Platypi and the West Point Songs. The center has just snapped the line back to the Columbia star halfback, Bruce Willis, who is running around his own left sticker. There he's tackled hard around the tomato pincushion. Now it's West Point's ball and 11 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Bill Nye the Science guy, who fades back and throws a long, orangy-green pass which is caught by The Rock, who is West Point's pajama clad quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the fake ID for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 half-dead plant line. He's going to penalize West Point for cavorting.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Undomesticated Equines and the West Point Disgruntled "No on Prop 8" Supporters. The center has just snapped the USPS forwarding address label back to the Columbia star halfback, Tom Cruise, who is running around his own left crusty piece of leftover birthday cake. There he's tackled hard around the unmade bed. Now it's West Point's ball and 815 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Paris Hilton, who fades back and throws a long, curious pass which is caught by Lindsay Lohan, who is West Point's uneducated quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the barrel of monkeys for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 bag of cherry sours line. He's going to penalize West Point for excavating.
Klin said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Fuzzy-wuzzy-cute Hamsters and the West Point Chorus of Yapping/Barking Dogs. The center has just snapped the about-to-take-off-while-spinning washer back to the Columbia star halfback, Brad Pitt, who is running around his own left so-saturated-it-might-flood soil. There he's tackled hard around the freaking-piles-and-piles-of-bedding. Now it's West Point's ball and 89,216 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Madonna, who fades back and throws a long, incredibly adorable pass which is caught by Drew Barrymore, who is West Point's sickeningly amazing quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the too-dirty-to-cook-in-kitchen for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 soaking wet dog line. He's going to penalize West Point for driving-and-driving.
Dalene said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Blue Wildebeests and the West Point Toenail Clippings. The center has just snapped the bright orange traffic cone back to the Columbia star halfback, Bruce Willis, who is running around his own left melty ice cream cone. There he's tackled hard around the Madonna cone. Now it's West Point's ball and 362.876 and a 1/2 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Penn, who fades back and throws a long, egomaniacal pass which is caught by Teller, who is West Point's quintessentially insignificant quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the conehead for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 frosted pinecone line. He's going to penalize West Point for headbanging.
Sketchy said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Blast-ended Screwts and the West Point Mountains upon Mountains of Dirty Laundry. The center has just snapped the lonely unmatched sock in the dryer back to the Columbia star halfback, Eeyore, who is running around his own left roly-poly bug. There he's tackled hard around the long walk home. Now it's West Point's ball and 9.2 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Morris the cat, who fades back and throws a long, red-necked, yeller-bellied, piece of dung scraped off of somebody's shoe pass which is caught by his arch enemy Garfield, who is West Point's quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the sparkling green pen for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 spam, glorious spam! line. He's going to penalize West Point for deliciously satisfying.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Samson and Delilah
(A tragic dialogue)
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those (adjective) exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my (plural noun) in shape. After all, I'm the strongest (noun) in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look (adjective). Look at the way your hair hangs down over your (noun).
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a/an (noun).
Delilah: (Derogatory exclamation)! You promised to take me to a/an (adjective) party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll (verb) my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this (noun) and I'll give you a/an (adjective) haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your (noun) is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: (Adjective).
Natalie said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hamster ball chasing exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my mouthy children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest barrel-suspenders combo in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look pill gobbling. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your piece of cheese stuck to the sink.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a ratchet.
Delilah: Don't tell me my business, boy! You promised to take me to a spazzing out party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll denounce my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this kitty nostril and I'll give you an addicted to Facebook haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your yap-yap is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Bemused.
Suzanne said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those sticky exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my queasy stomachs in shape. After all, I'm the strongest Snickers in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look sweet. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Milky Way.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
Delilah: Oh crud, I think I'm going to throw up! You promised to take me to a sour party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll barf my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Dum Dum and I'll give you a chocolatey haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your Blow Pop is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Gooey.
Mel Smell said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those full of gut froth exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my adult public fit throwers in shape. After all, I'm the strongest secret bra pocket content in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look like you respond well to pancakes. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your creep that likes to blow up skirts with his leaf blower.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a whiff of seafood restaurant dumpster.
Delilah: PU, is that smell coming from your goiter?! You promised to take me to a smells like foot stew party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll make stupid noises with my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this armpit tattoo and I'll give you a fears-farting-loudly-in-quiet-overpopulated-rooms haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your proctologist frequenter is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Like I have an itchy hiney crevice.
Dalene said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those whiney-mouthed exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my incumbent politicians in shape. After all, I'm the strongest banana peel in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look button-bustin'. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your stray cat.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a sneaky, dirty rotten, pig-stealing stray cat that lives next door.
Delilah: Jane, you ignorant slut! You promised to take me to a squishy party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snort my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this leftover halloween candy and I'll give you an insipid haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your ghost of Christmas past is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Melodramatic.
Klin said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those not-hawt looking exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my pouty-"I didn't get my own way" children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest almost full flash drive in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look purplicious. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Howie Mandel.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a stupid-box aka TV.
Delilah: Please shut your screamy face! You promised to take me to a super-silky-soft party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll chug my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this speed-demon driver and I'll give you a grumpy-self-absorbed haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your soaking tub is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Walking-off-in-a-huff.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hungry like the wolf exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my 4 kids sick off too much Halloween candy in shape. After all, I'm the strongest hanging chad in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look fake as Donald Trump's hair. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your fingernail highly in need of a manicure.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a 20 week ultrasound picture.
Delilah: You warthog-faced buffoon! You promised to take me to a completely underestimated party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snogg my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Pringles can and I'll give you a sappier than Kate and Leo in Titanic haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your realtor who won't return your calls is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Angry.
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those (adjective) exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my (plural noun) in shape. After all, I'm the strongest (noun) in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look (adjective). Look at the way your hair hangs down over your (noun).
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a/an (noun).
Delilah: (Derogatory exclamation)! You promised to take me to a/an (adjective) party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll (verb) my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this (noun) and I'll give you a/an (adjective) haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your (noun) is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: (Adjective).
Natalie said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hamster ball chasing exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my mouthy children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest barrel-suspenders combo in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look pill gobbling. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your piece of cheese stuck to the sink.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a ratchet.
Delilah: Don't tell me my business, boy! You promised to take me to a spazzing out party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll denounce my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this kitty nostril and I'll give you an addicted to Facebook haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your yap-yap is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Bemused.
Suzanne said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those sticky exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my queasy stomachs in shape. After all, I'm the strongest Snickers in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look sweet. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Milky Way.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.
Delilah: Oh crud, I think I'm going to throw up! You promised to take me to a sour party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll barf my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Dum Dum and I'll give you a chocolatey haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your Blow Pop is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Gooey.
Mel Smell said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those full of gut froth exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my adult public fit throwers in shape. After all, I'm the strongest secret bra pocket content in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look like you respond well to pancakes. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your creep that likes to blow up skirts with his leaf blower.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a whiff of seafood restaurant dumpster.
Delilah: PU, is that smell coming from your goiter?! You promised to take me to a smells like foot stew party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll make stupid noises with my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this armpit tattoo and I'll give you a fears-farting-loudly-in-quiet-overpopulated-rooms haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your proctologist frequenter is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Like I have an itchy hiney crevice.
Dalene said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those whiney-mouthed exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my incumbent politicians in shape. After all, I'm the strongest banana peel in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look button-bustin'. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your stray cat.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a sneaky, dirty rotten, pig-stealing stray cat that lives next door.
Delilah: Jane, you ignorant slut! You promised to take me to a squishy party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snort my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this leftover halloween candy and I'll give you an insipid haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your ghost of Christmas past is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Melodramatic.
Klin said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those not-hawt looking exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my pouty-"I didn't get my own way" children in shape. After all, I'm the strongest almost full flash drive in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look purplicious. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your Howie Mandel.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a stupid-box aka TV.
Delilah: Please shut your screamy face! You promised to take me to a super-silky-soft party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll chug my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this speed-demon driver and I'll give you a grumpy-self-absorbed haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your soaking tub is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Walking-off-in-a-huff.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Delilah: Sam Sampson! Will you stop doing those hungry like the wolf exercises?
Sampson: Listen, Delilah. I have to keep my 4 kids sick off too much Halloween candy in shape. After all, I'm the strongest hanging chad in the tribe.
Delilah: Well, you look fake as Donald Trump's hair. Look at the way your hair hangs down over your fingernail highly in need of a manicure.
Sampson: I've been busy. Yesterday I had to kill 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of a 20 week ultrasound picture.
Delilah: You warthog-faced buffoon! You promised to take me to a completely underestimated party tonight.
Sampson: Okay. I'll snogg my hair.
Delilah: I'll do it for you. Now sit here on this Pringles can and I'll give you a sappier than Kate and Leo in Titanic haircut.
Sampson: Okay.
Delilah: There. Your realtor who won't return your calls is nice and short. How do you feel?
Sampson: Angry.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Voting Made Easy as One, Two, Three
Here are some very (adjective) instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for (verb ending in ING) Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the (plural noun) at the registration table. You may have to show them your (noun) to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed (adverb) to an available (verb ending in ING) booth. (Be sure to close the (noun) behind you so that no one can watch you (verb).)
Step 3: How you vote varies from (noun) to (noun). In some states, you (verb) by pulling a/an (noun) with your (part of the body). In others, you must mark a ballot by placing a/an (letter of the alphabet) in a small (noun) opposite your candidate's (noun).
"(Exclamation!)" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as (type of food)!" So be sure to (verb) on Election Day, because every (noun) counts!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Here are some very haunting instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for Gazing Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the East High Wildcats at the registration table. You may have to show them your dreamy Troy Bolton to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed expeditiously to an available whining booth. (Be sure to close the baby bottle full of rancid milk behind you so that no one can watch you explode.)
Step 3: How you vote varies from dead cricket under my couch to crusty booger. In some states, you enrage by pulling a glorious can of diet coke with your uvula. In others, you must mark a ballot by placing an A in a small crowded freeway opposite your candidate's empty gas tank.
"Awwww, FIDDLESTICKS!" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as homemade carmel apple!" So be sure to sleep on Election Day, because every rubber baby buggy bumper counts!
Dalene said...
Here are some very utterly inconsequential instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for Stunning Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the fleabites at the registration table. You may have to show them your volcano to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed conspicuously to an available exacerbating booth. (Be sure to close the chickpea behind you so that no one can watch you frolic.)
Step 3: How you vote varies from anvil to nunnery. In some states, you hop by pulling a big toe with your left ventricle. In others, you must mark a ballot by placing an H in a small clavicle opposite your candidate's push-up.
"Oy vey!" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as anchovies!" So be sure to conceive on Election Day, because every buckle counts!
Klin said...
Here are some very sneaky instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for Smelling Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the splatters at the registration table. You may have to show them your Halloween to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed obnoxiously to an available puking booth. (Be sure to close the fingernail polish behind you so that no one can watch you behave.)
Step 3: How you vote varies from baby powder to bouquet. In some states, you disapprove by pulling a Malibu Barbie with your navel. In others, you must mark a ballot by placing a K in a small monkey opposite your candidate's picture.
"HOLY MOLY!" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as pizza!" So be sure to muddle on Election Day, because every bandaid counts!
Step 1: Sign in with one of the (plural noun) at the registration table. You may have to show them your (noun) to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed (adverb) to an available (verb ending in ING) booth. (Be sure to close the (noun) behind you so that no one can watch you (verb).)
Step 3: How you vote varies from (noun) to (noun). In some states, you (verb) by pulling a/an (noun) with your (part of the body). In others, you must mark a ballot by placing a/an (letter of the alphabet) in a small (noun) opposite your candidate's (noun).
"(Exclamation!)" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as (type of food)!" So be sure to (verb) on Election Day, because every (noun) counts!
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Here are some very haunting instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for Gazing Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the East High Wildcats at the registration table. You may have to show them your dreamy Troy Bolton to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed expeditiously to an available whining booth. (Be sure to close the baby bottle full of rancid milk behind you so that no one can watch you explode.)
Step 3: How you vote varies from dead cricket under my couch to crusty booger. In some states, you enrage by pulling a glorious can of diet coke with your uvula. In others, you must mark a ballot by placing an A in a small crowded freeway opposite your candidate's empty gas tank.
"Awwww, FIDDLESTICKS!" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as homemade carmel apple!" So be sure to sleep on Election Day, because every rubber baby buggy bumper counts!
Dalene said...
Here are some very utterly inconsequential instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for Stunning Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the fleabites at the registration table. You may have to show them your volcano to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed conspicuously to an available exacerbating booth. (Be sure to close the chickpea behind you so that no one can watch you frolic.)
Step 3: How you vote varies from anvil to nunnery. In some states, you hop by pulling a big toe with your left ventricle. In others, you must mark a ballot by placing an H in a small clavicle opposite your candidate's push-up.
"Oy vey!" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as anchovies!" So be sure to conceive on Election Day, because every buckle counts!
Klin said...
Here are some very sneaky instructions on how to vote, brought to you by the Citizens for Smelling Awareness:
Step 1: Sign in with one of the splatters at the registration table. You may have to show them your Halloween to prove your identity.
Step 2: Proceed obnoxiously to an available puking booth. (Be sure to close the fingernail polish behind you so that no one can watch you behave.)
Step 3: How you vote varies from baby powder to bouquet. In some states, you disapprove by pulling a Malibu Barbie with your navel. In others, you must mark a ballot by placing a K in a small monkey opposite your candidate's picture.
"HOLY MOLY!" you will cry. "Voting's as easy as pizza!" So be sure to muddle on Election Day, because every bandaid counts!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Eat, Drink, and Be Sick
An inspector from the Department of Health and (noun) Services paid a surprise visit to our (adjective) school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our (adjective) dietician, was spaghetti and (noun)-balls with a choice of either a/an (noun) salad or french (plural noun). The inspector found the meat-(plural noun) to be overcooked and discovered a live (noun) in the fries, causing him to have a/an (part of the body)ache. In response, he threw up all over his (plural noun). In his report, the inspector (adverb) recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious (plural noun) as well as low-calorie (plural noun), and that all of the saturated (plural noun) be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a/an (letter of the alphabet)-minus.
Tori:) said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Taco Shell Services paid a surprise visit to our crusty school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our flaky dietician, was spaghetti and cotton ball-balls with a choice of either a lemon wedge salad or french cocker spaniels. The inspector found the meat-zits to be overcooked and discovered a live eye booger in the fries, causing him to have an earlobe ache. In response, he threw up all over his phone books. In his report, the inspector gleefully recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious films as well as low-calorie toenails, and that all of the saturated carpet fibers be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a V-minus.
Klin said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Leaf Covered Lawn Services paid a surprise visit to our scrumpdillyuptious school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our super fast dietician, was spaghetti and rain spotted car-balls with a choice of either an 8 inches of snow salad or french piles of files. The inspector found the meat-shattered windshields to be overcooked and discovered a live very long meeting in the fries, causing him to have a dermatitis ache. In response, he threw up all over his aching feets. In his report, the inspector snuggily recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious baskets of laundry needing folded as well as low-calorie tall chairs, and that all of the saturated burning logs be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Q-minus.
Dalene said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Rotunda Services paid a surprise visit to our half-naked school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our existential dietician, was spaghetti and global economic crisis-balls with a choice of either a last can of beer on the wall salad or french bare feet. The inspector found the meat-tiny green frogs to be overcooked and discovered a live deep sigh in the fries, causing him to have a funny bone ache. In response, he threw up all over his bowls of hot fudge sauce. In his report, the inspector grotesquely recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious crisp autumn leaves as well as low-calorie half-baked ideas, and that all of the saturated sunken-faced trading-floor dropouts be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Z-minus.
CoconutKate said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Ribbon Services paid a surprise visit to our striped school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our fuzzy dietician, was spaghetti and cardboard box-balls with a choice of either a surgical tubing salad or french sand boxes. The inspector found the meat-cars to be overcooked and discovered a live insurance card in the fries, causing him to have an epidermis ache. In response, he threw up all over his cribs. In his report, the inspector calmly recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious diamond rings as well as low-calorie muskrat, and that all of the saturated knives be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a P-minus.
Tori:) said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Taco Shell Services paid a surprise visit to our crusty school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our flaky dietician, was spaghetti and cotton ball-balls with a choice of either a lemon wedge salad or french cocker spaniels. The inspector found the meat-zits to be overcooked and discovered a live eye booger in the fries, causing him to have an earlobe ache. In response, he threw up all over his phone books. In his report, the inspector gleefully recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious films as well as low-calorie toenails, and that all of the saturated carpet fibers be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a V-minus.
Klin said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Leaf Covered Lawn Services paid a surprise visit to our scrumpdillyuptious school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our super fast dietician, was spaghetti and rain spotted car-balls with a choice of either an 8 inches of snow salad or french piles of files. The inspector found the meat-shattered windshields to be overcooked and discovered a live very long meeting in the fries, causing him to have a dermatitis ache. In response, he threw up all over his aching feets. In his report, the inspector snuggily recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious baskets of laundry needing folded as well as low-calorie tall chairs, and that all of the saturated burning logs be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Q-minus.
Dalene said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Rotunda Services paid a surprise visit to our half-naked school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our existential dietician, was spaghetti and global economic crisis-balls with a choice of either a last can of beer on the wall salad or french bare feet. The inspector found the meat-tiny green frogs to be overcooked and discovered a live deep sigh in the fries, causing him to have a funny bone ache. In response, he threw up all over his bowls of hot fudge sauce. In his report, the inspector grotesquely recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious crisp autumn leaves as well as low-calorie half-baked ideas, and that all of the saturated sunken-faced trading-floor dropouts be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Z-minus.
CoconutKate said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Ribbon Services paid a surprise visit to our striped school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our fuzzy dietician, was spaghetti and cardboard box-balls with a choice of either a surgical tubing salad or french sand boxes. The inspector found the meat-cars to be overcooked and discovered a live insurance card in the fries, causing him to have an epidermis ache. In response, he threw up all over his cribs. In his report, the inspector calmly recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious diamond rings as well as low-calorie muskrat, and that all of the saturated knives be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a P-minus.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Our School
The school theme continues...
(Name of school) is one of America's (adjective, superlative) institutions of (adjective) learning.
The student body is composed of (number) males and (number) (plural noun). The (same plural noun) make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the (adjective) school cafeteria which features boiled (plural noun) and (noun) sandwiches, with all the (liquid) they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, (a famous person), is raising money to build a new (noun) laboratory and a new football (noun). Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very (adjective).
Suzanne said...
The School of Hard Knocks is one of America's stinkiest institutions of red learning.
The student body is composed of 5 males and 2 clouds. The clouds make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the yellow school cafeteria which features boiled mountains and grass sandwiches, with all the water they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, John McCain, is raising money to build a new house laboratory and a new football bush. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very blue.
Klin said...
Juliet's Beauty School is one of America's scariest institutions of ripped learning.
The student body is composed of 58 males and 129 decorations. The decorations make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the hard school cafeteria which features boiled sea shells and candle sandwiches, with all the thick, sticky molasses they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Julia Roberts, is raising money to build a new pumpkin laboratory and a new football hole. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very turquoise.
Dalene said...
Sarah Palin School for Russian Studies is one of America's most frigidest institutions of eloquent learning.
The student body is composed of 700 billion males and 3.625 vice presidential candidates. The vice presidential candidates make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the experienced school cafeteria which features boiled political pundits and national debt sandwiches, with all the Pepto Bismol they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Henry M. Paulson, is raising money to build a new golden parachute laboratory and a new football bottomed-out 401-K. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very effervescent.
See you next week!
(Name of school) is one of America's (adjective, superlative) institutions of (adjective) learning.
The student body is composed of (number) males and (number) (plural noun). The (same plural noun) make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the (adjective) school cafeteria which features boiled (plural noun) and (noun) sandwiches, with all the (liquid) they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, (a famous person), is raising money to build a new (noun) laboratory and a new football (noun). Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very (adjective).
Suzanne said...
The School of Hard Knocks is one of America's stinkiest institutions of red learning.
The student body is composed of 5 males and 2 clouds. The clouds make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the yellow school cafeteria which features boiled mountains and grass sandwiches, with all the water they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, John McCain, is raising money to build a new house laboratory and a new football bush. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very blue.
Klin said...
Juliet's Beauty School is one of America's scariest institutions of ripped learning.
The student body is composed of 58 males and 129 decorations. The decorations make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the hard school cafeteria which features boiled sea shells and candle sandwiches, with all the thick, sticky molasses they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Julia Roberts, is raising money to build a new pumpkin laboratory and a new football hole. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very turquoise.
Dalene said...
Sarah Palin School for Russian Studies is one of America's most frigidest institutions of eloquent learning.
The student body is composed of 700 billion males and 3.625 vice presidential candidates. The vice presidential candidates make the best grades. Students can eat lunch in the experienced school cafeteria which features boiled political pundits and national debt sandwiches, with all the Pepto Bismol they can drink, for only 74 cents. The principal of the school, Henry M. Paulson, is raising money to build a new golden parachute laboratory and a new football bottomed-out 401-K. Any student who goes to this school can consider himself very effervescent.
See you next week!
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