Friday, April 1, 2011

Newspaper Ads

FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This (adjective) car is in a (adjective) condition. It was formerly owned by a (adjective) school teacher who always drove it (adverb). There is a (adjective) (noun) in the back seat and a chrome (noun) on the hood. It has a (adjective) paint job, (adjective) tires, and the back opens out into a (adjective) (noun). Will consider taking slightly used (noun) in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of (geographical location), a (adjective) French poodle with (adjective) hair and a (adjective) tail. It answers to the name of (name of person) and when last seen was carrying a (noun) in its mouth. A (adjective) reward is offered.

Heffalump said...
FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This petulant car is in an uncanny condition. It was formerly owned by a flippant school teacher who always drove it famously. There is a grandiose potbelled pig in the back seat and a chrome pitchfork on the hood. It has a snarky paint job, melodramatic tires, and the back opens out into an albino petunia. Will consider taking slightly used aardvark in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of Boring, OR, a back-biting French poodle with sarcastic hair and a purified tail. It answers to the name of Jeeves and when last seen was carrying a dishwasher in its mouth. A toxic reward is offered.

Klin said...
FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This Texas-sized car is in a ridiculous condition. It was formerly owned by a froglike school teacher who always drove it poorly. There is a hostile bad love song in the back seat and a chrome annoying ring tone on the hood. It has a far-fetched paint job, fresh tires, and the back opens out into a broken precocious animal. Will consider taking slightly used duck poop in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of Manti La Sal Mountains, an orange French poodle with snotty hair and an epic tail. It answers to the name of Cher and when last seen was carrying an escape artist in its mouth. A dark reward is offered.

Millie said...
FOR SALE: 1957 Sedan. This brassaholic car is in a fire-breathing condition. It was formerly owned by a pointless school teacher who always drove it drunkenly. There is a persnickety yearly bather in the back seat and a chrome shyster on the hood. It has a candle-obsessed paint job, invisible tires, and the back opens out into a slave-driving hypochondriac. Will consider taking slightly used singer of horribly catchy songs in trade.

LOST: In the vicinity of Passamaquoddy, a bought-for-$50 French poodle with cave-dwelling hair and a conniving tail. It answers to the name of Pete and when last seen was carrying a fingernail in its mouth. A green reward is offered.

No comments: