A Letter of Complaint

Dear Sir or (noun),

I just spent a miserable weekend at your (adjective) hotel. Your advertisement in my hometown (noun) was an outrageous (noun). You said you provided guests with a welcome basket of (plural noun). All I found in my room was a trash (noun) filled with old (plural noun). You also claimed to offer free overnight (verb ending in "ING") in your garage. Not true, Fella. Your garage was all filled up, and I had to park my new (noun) across the street in a vacant (noun). It was stolen!

And about your hotel staff - they were (adverb) inadequate. Your so-called expert masseur not only stuck a finger in my (noun), but he broke two of my (part of the body - plural) while giving me a Swedish (noun). Your room service was a/an (adjective) joke! They not only served burnt (noun) but spilled a hot cup of (noun) all over my newly pressed (noun). I had to go to a business meeting wearing a/an (noun)! I'm planning to sue you for a million (plural noun).

Heffalump said...
Dear Sir or Lion,

I just spent a miserable weekend at your chest-thumping hotel. Your advertisement in my hometown penguin was an outrageous lorakeet. You said you provided guests with a welcome basket of chew toys. All I found in my room was a trash zookeeper filled with old pooper scoopers. You also claimed to offer free overnight feeding in your garage. Not true, Fella. Your garage was all filled up, and I had to park my new elephant ear across the street in a vacant gift shop. It was stolen!

And about your hotel staff - they were facetiously inadequate. Your so-called expert masseur not only stuck a finger in my lost child, but he broke two of my adenoids while giving me a Swedish golf cart. Your room service was a crowded joke! They not only served burnt bird of prey but spilled a hot cup of petting zoo all over my newly pressed polar bear. I had to go to a business meeting wearing a train! I'm planning to sue you for a million frazzled parents.


Klin said...
Dear Sir or Dishwasher,

I just spent a miserable weekend at your annoyed hotel. Your advertisement in my hometown sneaky-teen-that-thinks-he's-outsmarting-everyone-else was an outrageous Emmett Cullen. You said you provided guests with a welcome basket of packed suitcases. All I found in my room was a trash Iggy's Monterey Salad filled with old purchased movie tickets. You also claimed to offer free overnight blissfully enjoying in your garage. Not true, Fella. Your garage was all filled up, and I had to park my new Youth Conference across the street in a vacant solitary time. It was stolen!

And about your hotel staff - they were frivolously inadequate. Your so-called expert masseur not only stuck a finger in my attentive child, but he broke two of my deltoids while giving me a Swedish annoying dog cry. Your room service was a lazy joke! They not only served burnt fake tan, but spilled a hot cup of too-ripe banana all over my newly pressed tattoo removal shop. I had to go to a business meeting wearing an end-of-diet bliss! I'm planning to sue you for a million weekend plans.

Millie said...
Dear Sir or Slippery Slope,

I just spent a miserable weekend at your broccoli-scented hotel. Your advertisement in my hometown baby puke was an outrageous pie plate. You said you provided guests with a welcome basket of hatchet toes. All I found in my room was a trash ugly brown scrunchy filled with old transponders. You also claimed to offer free overnight crunching in your garage. Not true, Fella. Your garage was all filled up, and I had to park my new toothpaste drip across the street in a vacant kitty trousers. It was stolen!

And about your hotel staff - they were mockingly inadequate. Your so-called expert masseur not only stuck a finger in my chickstache, but he broke two of my buttocks while giving me a Swedish obsessed Johnny Depp fan. Your room service was an overprotective joke! They not only served burnt chicken Kiev, but spilled a hot cup of inflate-a-date all over my newly pressed Hostess Twinkie. I had to go to a business meeting wearing an anxiety attack! I'm planning to sue you for a million goofballs.