Dear Pinkeye Paula,
I’m sure you’ve heard of our organization, “The Society for the Prevention of smells so bad you yell at it snot-nosed punks.” We are currently having a drive to raise 49 dollars to build an up-to-date riffraff for underprivileged prosthetic leg accessories. I know that as one of the leading people who spit when they talk of your community you will want to contribute to this burned eyeball-having cause. Our president Pee-Wee Herman and our treasurer Urethra Franklin have been connected with many gorilla-walking charities. They urge you to reach down into your man walking a one-eyed three-legged dog and give. Even if it’s only a crusty Maalox mustache. The money will finance our shrimply out-patient clinic where anyone who thinks he has liquid tooth crust in his bird looks can come and have our drooling while sleeping doctors x-ray his soggy pillow. Eventually we hope to stamp out people who hide in the closet altogether.
(Signed) Bad Perfume Bertha
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