Happy Thanksgiving!

You get the week off. Gobble, gobble, gobble!

Chinese Dinner

I recently had dinner at a new Chinese restaurant. The cooking is (adjective) and the service is (adjective). The owner of the restaurant, (celebrity), suggested that for my first course I have sweet and (adjective) spare ribs, which is a specialty of the (noun). They were (adjective). For the next course, I was served a/an (adjective) (noun) soup. The main course consisted of Egg Foo (noun), lobster in (food) sauce, and pressed (food). For dessert, I ordered those famous Chinese (noun) cookies with sliced (food). But whenever I eat Chinese food, an hour later I feel (adjective) again.

Heffalump said...
I recently had dinner at a new Chinese restaurant. The cooking is fluffy and the service is ubiquitous. The owner of the restaurant, Hugh Jackman, suggested that for my first course I have sweet and self-centered spare ribs, which is a specialty of the Wii remote. They were charred. For the next course, I was served a feeble sideburns soup. The main course consisted of Egg Foo Corvette, lobster in egg salad sandwich sauce, and pressed creme brulee. For dessert, I ordered those famous Chinese school uniform cookies with sliced strained pears. But whenever I eat Chinese food, an hour later I feel flouncy again.

Millie said...
I recently had dinner at a new Chinese restaurant. The cooking is superior and loving it and the service is shower-needing. The owner of the restaurant, Gary Coleman, suggested that for my first course I have sweet and Snuggie-wearing spare ribs, which is a specialty of the saucy lass. They were ruffled like a 70s tux. For the next course, I was served an anxious about getting skirt caught in pantyhose ball of twine soup. The main course consisted of Egg Foo Band Geek, lobster in London broil sauce, and pressed peanut butter. For dessert, I ordered those famous Chinese three-footed cane cookies with sliced Funyuns. But whenever I eat Chinese food, an hour later I feel dropped as a baby again.

Cave Exploring

If you like to go spatting in googly-eyed caves that are 157 feet underground, you should go to the constantly scratching Mammoth Caves located in Boogalagrium, Russia. Thousands of booger art display admiring kitty kutlets go there every summer. Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.” And it is really a hair-lipped sport. But always go with a never wears pants that fit guide so you won’t get lost. Once in the cave, you will see beautiful spanked face red and pumpkin orange rocks and crystals. Huge bad advice giving things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalagtites.” Huge lingering bad smell providing things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.” Caves are home for millions of wart picking bats. Bats can fly and look like can’t quit snorting rats. Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with spied on snowman builders on them and a hat with a battery-powered wooden leg named Smith. (by my sister)

Heffalump said...
If you like to go jogging in penultimate caves that are 67 feet underground, you should go to the Springy Mammoth Caves located in Petaluma. Thousands of towering Clown College graduates go there every summer. Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.” And it is really an orange glazed sport. But always go with a sock-like guide so you won’t get lost. Once in the cave, you will see beautiful mauve and chartreuse rocks and crystals. Huge meandering things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalagtites.” Huge spiky things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.” Caves are home for millions of Broadway-themed bats. Bats can fly and look like chocolate-covered rats. Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with Rubik's Cubes on them and a hat with a battery-powered cheesecake.

Klin said...
If you like to go swearing in obnoxious caves that are 7 feet underground, you should go to the Lazy Mammoth Caves located at BYU. Thousands of adorable baby toys go there every summer. Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.” And it is really a hungry sport. But always go with a clean guide so you won’t get lost. Once in the cave, you will see beautiful yellow and orange rocks and crystals. Huge loud things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalagtites.” Huge happy things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.” Caves are home for millions of frustrated bats. Bats can fly and look like super smart rats. Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with dog toys on them and a hat with a battery-powered fireplace.

Millie said...
If you like to go making fun in stopped up and bubbling caves that are 327 feet underground, you should go to the Ignorant of Platypuses Mammoth Caves located in Poison Spider, Wyoming. Thousands of Phineas and Ferb-obsessed beef tenderloins go there every summer. Crawling about in caves is called “spelunking.” And it is really a compulsive houseplant watering sport. But always go with a zombiefied guide so you won’t get lost. Once in the cave, you will see beautiful purple and neon blue rocks and crystals. Huge floating in midair things hang from the ceiling and are called “stalagtites.” Huge blackened things jut up from the floor and are called “stalagmites.” Caves are home for millions of stiff and stinky bats. Bats can fly and look like pink rats. Spelunking is dangerous, so be sure to wear special shoes with Christmas bonbons on them and a hat with battery-powered roadkill.

Political Speech

Ladies and gentlemen, on this (adjective) occasion it is a privilege to address such a (adjective)-looking group of (plural noun). I can tell from your smiling (plural noun) that you will support my (adjective) program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there wil be a (noun) in every (noun) and two (plural noun) in every garage. I want to warn you against my (adjective) opponent, Mr. (name of person). This man is nothing but a (adjective) (noun). He has a (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.

Millie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this toner-swilling occasion it is a privilege to address such a threaded the wrong way-looking group of piggy banks. I can tell from your smiling tamales that you will support my itchy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a nudist who wears a tie to church in every sock monkey and two mismatched socks in every garage. I want to warn you against my s'more-eating opponent, Mr. Staunch Stench. This man is nothing but a slapped purple drunk. He has a tattling character and is working can of fruit cocktail in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the 5-year-old binky enthusiasts off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their maggots in the public till. I promise you crunchified government, ape-like taxes, and shocked-by-jumper-cables schools.

Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this serendipitous occasion it is a privilege to address such a swell-looking group of garbanzo beans. I can tell from your smiling blackeyed peas that you will support my six foot long program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a soup in every stew and two chickpeas in every garage. I want to warn you against my denture wearing opponent, Mr. Jack. This man is nothing but a spellbound bisque. He has a felicitous character and is working chowder in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the kidney beans off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their lentils in the public till. I promise you smarmy government, envelope licking taxes, and swine sniffing schools.

The High School Monster 2011

NARRATOR: Our scene is in a/an (adjective) high school in (name of town). The students are (adjective) with fear. Listen as our heroine, (girl in room), speaks to (boy in room).
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young (plural noun) and boiled the (noun) teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, (pet name). I think the monster is really just a (noun).
GIRL: But (a person) saw it. It has (a number) arms and long (adjective) hair and (a color) teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like (someone in room).
GIRL: When I go out I walk very (adverb).
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the (adjective) bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look (adjective)? Get some other (noun).

Heffalump said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a dilapidated high school in Eerie, Indiana. The students are gothic with fear. Listen as our heroine, Mina, speaks to Vlad.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young fangs and boiled the blood donor teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, dearheart. I think the monster is really just a castle.
GIRL: But Jonathan Harker saw it. It has 27 arms and long musty hair and red teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Kirsten Dunst.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very garlic-wearingly.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the black bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look corpse-like? Get some other bat.

Millie said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a gum-smacking high school in the Lower East Side. The students are cocky with fear. Listen as our heroine, Izzy the Nose, speaks to Roman Carpiti.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young choir boys and boiled the shelf paper teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Doll. I think the monster is really just a price tag gun.
GIRL: But Mary Margaret Catherine Dineen saw it. It has 25 arms and long robotic hair and flaming red teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Danny Vermin.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very dangerously.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the impressive bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look sweater-knitting? Get some other 88 Magnum.

Description of a Horror TV Show

Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me (an animal) pimples! It starred (a person) as a mad (an occupation) who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by (a person), who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a/an (noun). So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up (a place). The army tries to stop them by spraying them with (a liquid) but that doesn't bother those (adjective) bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom (noun) on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the (adjective) scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a/an (noun) for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful (noun), who is played by (a person), and they live (adverb) ever after.

Heffalump said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me aardvark pimples! It starred Larry as a mad Secret Shopper who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Curly, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a public restroom. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Red Robin. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with melted Mud Pie but that doesn't bother those despair inducing bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom china cabinet on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the checkered scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a velvet smoking jacket for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful bunny slipper, who is played by Moe, and they live destructively ever after.

Millie said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me locust pimples! It starred Fred Gibbs as a mad crabber who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Catnip Jones, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with an ironing board. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up the indoors. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with slug slime but that doesn't bother those blue and protruding bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom chip-wanting child on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the crappily homeschooled scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a constant complainer for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful lumberjack, who is played by Shirley U. Jest, and they live hip-bumpingly ever after.

Columbus and Isabella

COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to (a place).
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious (plural noun)?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal (plural noun) again. I discovered a/an (adjective) land populated by fierce, red (plural noun), and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish (noun).
ISABELLA: (Exclamation)! This will please my husband, (a person). What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called (plural noun), your majesty. They put (a liquid) on their faces and wear (plural noun) in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a/an (adjective) voyage, Columbus, and your (noun) will go down in history!

Heffalump said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Transylvania.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious bats?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal mummies again. I discovered a gothic land populated by fierce, red blood donors, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish hunchback.
ISABELLA: I vant to suck your blood, blah! This will please my husband, Dracula. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called castles, your majesty. They put blood on their faces and wear pediatricians in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made an hypnotic voyage, Columbus, and your victim will go down in history!

Millie said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Occupy Portland.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious slipknots?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal huge belches again. I discovered an incomprehensible land populated by fierce, red onion rings, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish cherry stem tied in a knot with one's tongue.
ISABELLA: Do whatever, Dittums! This will please my husband, Grant Staten III. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called little April showers, your majesty. They put Spaghetti-o Surprise on their faces and wear Hillary hairdos in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a mortified by its mother voyage, Columbus, and your gas station attendant will go down in history!