Friday, March 4, 2011

Beauty Advice

If your skin is (adjective) or (adjective), you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your (noun), massage it gently with a (noun) that has been soaked overnight in a (container) full of warm (liquid). Then mix together some (food) and some (food) until the mixture becomes (adjective). Pat this onto your (adjective) complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a (noun), and wash your face with (adjective) water. Do not omit this (adjective) step or your skin will become (adjective). Do this (adverb) every day and you will soon be as (adjective) as (name of person).

Millie said...
If your skin is trapped in a wind tunnel or excommunicated, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your Captain's Mess, massage it gently with a runaway hog that has been soaked overnight in a candy jar full of warm lettuce juice. Then mix together some tapenade and some fruit smoothie until the mixture becomes jolly like Santa. Pat this onto your dusty-smelling complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a pennyroyal blossom, and wash your face with sick of rain water. Do not omit this tire-slashing step or your skin will become oboe reed-flavored. Do this Gozer-worshippingly every day and you will soon be as jounced until unrecognizable as Frightened Fred.

Heffalump said...
If your skin is stiff or smelly, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your Subaru, massage it gently with a submarine that has been soaked overnight in a Salad Spinner full of warm Soft soap. Then mix together some spinach and some sprouts until the mixture becomes shiny. Pat this onto your stupid complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a subway, and wash your face with strong water. Do not omit this suggestive step or your skin will become sizable. Do this stealthily every day and you will soon be as smooth as Sampson.

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