NARRATOR: Our scene is in a/an (adjective) high school in (name of town). The students are (adjective) with fear. Listen as our heroine, (girl in room), speaks to (boy in room).
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young (plural noun) and boiled the (noun) teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, (pet name). I think the monster is really just a (noun).
GIRL: But (a person) saw it. It has (a number) arms and long (adjective) hair and (a color) teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like (someone in room).
GIRL: When I go out I walk very (adverb).
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the (adjective) bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look (adjective)? Get some other (noun).
Heffalump said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a dilapidated high school in Eerie, Indiana. The students are gothic with fear. Listen as our heroine, Mina, speaks to Vlad.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young fangs and boiled the blood donor teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, dearheart. I think the monster is really just a castle.
GIRL: But Jonathan Harker saw it. It has 27 arms and long musty hair and red teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Kirsten Dunst.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very garlic-wearingly.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the black bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look corpse-like? Get some other bat.
Millie said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a gum-smacking high school in the Lower East Side. The students are cocky with fear. Listen as our heroine, Izzy the Nose, speaks to Roman Carpiti.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young choir boys and boiled the shelf paper teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Doll. I think the monster is really just a price tag gun.
GIRL: But Mary Margaret Catherine Dineen saw it. It has 25 arms and long robotic hair and flaming red teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Danny Vermin.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very dangerously.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the impressive bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look sweater-knitting? Get some other 88 Magnum.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Description of a Horror TV Show
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me (an animal) pimples! It starred (a person) as a mad (an occupation) who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by (a person), who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a/an (noun). So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up (a place). The army tries to stop them by spraying them with (a liquid) but that doesn't bother those (adjective) bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom (noun) on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the (adjective) scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a/an (noun) for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful (noun), who is played by (a person), and they live (adverb) ever after.
Heffalump said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me aardvark pimples! It starred Larry as a mad Secret Shopper who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Curly, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a public restroom. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Red Robin. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with melted Mud Pie but that doesn't bother those despair inducing bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom china cabinet on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the checkered scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a velvet smoking jacket for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful bunny slipper, who is played by Moe, and they live destructively ever after.
Millie said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me locust pimples! It starred Fred Gibbs as a mad crabber who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Catnip Jones, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with an ironing board. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up the indoors. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with slug slime but that doesn't bother those blue and protruding bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom chip-wanting child on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the crappily homeschooled scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a constant complainer for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful lumberjack, who is played by Shirley U. Jest, and they live hip-bumpingly ever after.
Heffalump said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me aardvark pimples! It starred Larry as a mad Secret Shopper who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Curly, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a public restroom. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Red Robin. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with melted Mud Pie but that doesn't bother those despair inducing bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom china cabinet on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the checkered scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a velvet smoking jacket for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful bunny slipper, who is played by Moe, and they live destructively ever after.
Millie said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me locust pimples! It starred Fred Gibbs as a mad crabber who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Catnip Jones, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with an ironing board. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up the indoors. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with slug slime but that doesn't bother those blue and protruding bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom chip-wanting child on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the crappily homeschooled scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a constant complainer for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful lumberjack, who is played by Shirley U. Jest, and they live hip-bumpingly ever after.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Columbus and Isabella
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to (a place).
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious (plural noun)?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal (plural noun) again. I discovered a/an (adjective) land populated by fierce, red (plural noun), and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish (noun).
ISABELLA: (Exclamation)! This will please my husband, (a person). What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called (plural noun), your majesty. They put (a liquid) on their faces and wear (plural noun) in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a/an (adjective) voyage, Columbus, and your (noun) will go down in history!
Heffalump said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Transylvania.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious bats?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal mummies again. I discovered a gothic land populated by fierce, red blood donors, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish hunchback.
ISABELLA: I vant to suck your blood, blah! This will please my husband, Dracula. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called castles, your majesty. They put blood on their faces and wear pediatricians in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made an hypnotic voyage, Columbus, and your victim will go down in history!
Millie said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Occupy Portland.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious slipknots?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal huge belches again. I discovered an incomprehensible land populated by fierce, red onion rings, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish cherry stem tied in a knot with one's tongue.
ISABELLA: Do whatever, Dittums! This will please my husband, Grant Staten III. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called little April showers, your majesty. They put Spaghetti-o Surprise on their faces and wear Hillary hairdos in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a mortified by its mother voyage, Columbus, and your gas station attendant will go down in history!
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious (plural noun)?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal (plural noun) again. I discovered a/an (adjective) land populated by fierce, red (plural noun), and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish (noun).
ISABELLA: (Exclamation)! This will please my husband, (a person). What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called (plural noun), your majesty. They put (a liquid) on their faces and wear (plural noun) in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a/an (adjective) voyage, Columbus, and your (noun) will go down in history!
Heffalump said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Transylvania.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious bats?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal mummies again. I discovered a gothic land populated by fierce, red blood donors, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish hunchback.
ISABELLA: I vant to suck your blood, blah! This will please my husband, Dracula. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called castles, your majesty. They put blood on their faces and wear pediatricians in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made an hypnotic voyage, Columbus, and your victim will go down in history!
Millie said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Occupy Portland.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious slipknots?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal huge belches again. I discovered an incomprehensible land populated by fierce, red onion rings, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish cherry stem tied in a knot with one's tongue.
ISABELLA: Do whatever, Dittums! This will please my husband, Grant Staten III. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called little April showers, your majesty. They put Spaghetti-o Surprise on their faces and wear Hillary hairdos in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a mortified by its mother voyage, Columbus, and your gas station attendant will go down in history!
Friday, October 7, 2011
Report by Student Protest Committee
Fellow Students of (full name of school)! We members of the Students for a/an (adjective) Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of (plural noun). He has just fired our friend, Professor (name of person in room), because he wore his (part of the body) long, and because he dressed in (article of clothing) and wore old (plural noun). Next week we are going to protest by taking over the (noun) building and kidnapping the Assistant (noun). We also will demand that all students have the right to wear (adjective) hair and (adjective) beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with (Plural noun)!"
Heffalump said...
Fellow Students of Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters)! We members of the Students for a Super Powered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Villains. He has just fired our friend, Professor Logan, because he wore his claws long, and because he dressed in spandex unitards and wore old victims. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the motorcycle building and kidnapping the Assistant Jet. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear invisible hair and psychic beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with mutants!"
Millie said...
Fellow Students of BYWho?! We members of the Students for a Dirt-Covered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Fiddlesticks. He has just fired our friend, Professor Angry Angus, because he wore his huge mole long, and because he dressed in a diaper and wore old burp rags. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the skankwad building and kidnapping the Assistant Hobo Trousers. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear fuzzy mammoth-resembling hair and lazy and unashamed beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Chocolate Masques!"
Heffalump said...
Fellow Students of Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters)! We members of the Students for a Super Powered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Villains. He has just fired our friend, Professor Logan, because he wore his claws long, and because he dressed in spandex unitards and wore old victims. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the motorcycle building and kidnapping the Assistant Jet. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear invisible hair and psychic beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with mutants!"
Millie said...
Fellow Students of BYWho?! We members of the Students for a Dirt-Covered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Fiddlesticks. He has just fired our friend, Professor Angry Angus, because he wore his huge mole long, and because he dressed in a diaper and wore old burp rags. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the skankwad building and kidnapping the Assistant Hobo Trousers. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear fuzzy mammoth-resembling hair and lazy and unashamed beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Chocolate Masques!"
Friday, September 30, 2011
Show and Tell
Today, I would like to show the class a/an (noun) I caught when I went (verb ending in ING) with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt (adverb) taught me how to bait a hook with a/an (something alive) and then how to cast the (noun) into the (adjective) lake. I (verb) fishing!
My name is (person in room) and I would like to show the class this (adjective) (noun) from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my (something to eat). It is also useful if you are into (verb ending in ING) or if you want to slice up some (plural noun). If you want one, you can buy it at your local (noun) store for only (number) dollars.
Heffalump said...
Today, I would like to show the class a disintegrator ray I caught when I went boogeying with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt stealthily taught me how to bait a hook with a velociraptor and then how to cast the pillow sham into the adroit lake. I dance fishing!
My name is Benjamin Franklin and I would like to show the class this condescending tiger shark from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my bean burrito. It is also useful if you are into frying or if you want to slice up some galoshes. If you want one, you can buy it at your local vitamin fortified cereal store for only 7.5 dollars.
Millie said...
Today, I would like to show the class a drip pan I caught when I went booing with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt cup-tippingly taught me how to bait a hook with toenail fungus and then how to cast the unwanted hair into the funky lake. I froth at the mouth fishing!
My name is The Neighborhood Mime and I would like to show the class this emerald green clone of Selma Bouvier from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my bacon-wrapped Snickers bars. It is also useful if you are into mugging or if you want to slice up some uncomfortable pauses. If you want one, you can buy it at your local snot-nosed kid store for only 2736 dollars.
My name is (person in room) and I would like to show the class this (adjective) (noun) from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my (something to eat). It is also useful if you are into (verb ending in ING) or if you want to slice up some (plural noun). If you want one, you can buy it at your local (noun) store for only (number) dollars.
Heffalump said...
Today, I would like to show the class a disintegrator ray I caught when I went boogeying with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt stealthily taught me how to bait a hook with a velociraptor and then how to cast the pillow sham into the adroit lake. I dance fishing!
My name is Benjamin Franklin and I would like to show the class this condescending tiger shark from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my bean burrito. It is also useful if you are into frying or if you want to slice up some galoshes. If you want one, you can buy it at your local vitamin fortified cereal store for only 7.5 dollars.
Millie said...
Today, I would like to show the class a drip pan I caught when I went booing with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt cup-tippingly taught me how to bait a hook with toenail fungus and then how to cast the unwanted hair into the funky lake. I froth at the mouth fishing!
My name is The Neighborhood Mime and I would like to show the class this emerald green clone of Selma Bouvier from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my bacon-wrapped Snickers bars. It is also useful if you are into mugging or if you want to slice up some uncomfortable pauses. If you want one, you can buy it at your local snot-nosed kid store for only 2736 dollars.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Great Excuses For Being Late
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse my son/daughter from missing (adjective) class yesterday. When (person in room) awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was (adjective). He/She also complained of (part of the body) aches and having a sore (noun), and I took him/her to the family (noun). The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the (number)-hour flu and suggested he/she take two (plural noun) with a glass of (liquid) and go to bed (adverb).
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse (person in room) for being late for your (adjective) class. It's my fault. I feel (adjective). (person in room) was up until the (adjective) hours of the morning completing his/her (adjective) project. Just as he/she was going out the (adjective) door, I noticed that his/her only pair of (plural noun) had a/an (noun) in them. It took me an hour to find my (plural noun) so I could see to (verb) the needle, enabling me to sew his/her (plural noun) back together.
Millie said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse my son from missing blobby class yesterday. When Armitage awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was chewed until unrecognizable. He also complained of stray hair aches and having a sore superfluous throw pillow, and I took him to the family old boyfriend. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 2773-hour flu and suggested he take two toe rings with a glass of squash ooze and go to bed half-heartedly.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Hedwig for being late for your reconstituted class. It's my fault. I feel kitty-obsessed. Hedwig was up until the leatherlike hours of the morning completing her pink and fluffy project. Just as she was going out the rancid door, I noticed that her only pair of dinner menus had a ponytail in them. It took me an hour to find my bladder weaknesses so I could see to mince the needle, enabling me to sew her leering old men back together.
Please excuse my son/daughter from missing (adjective) class yesterday. When (person in room) awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was (adjective). He/She also complained of (part of the body) aches and having a sore (noun), and I took him/her to the family (noun). The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the (number)-hour flu and suggested he/she take two (plural noun) with a glass of (liquid) and go to bed (adverb).
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse (person in room) for being late for your (adjective) class. It's my fault. I feel (adjective). (person in room) was up until the (adjective) hours of the morning completing his/her (adjective) project. Just as he/she was going out the (adjective) door, I noticed that his/her only pair of (plural noun) had a/an (noun) in them. It took me an hour to find my (plural noun) so I could see to (verb) the needle, enabling me to sew his/her (plural noun) back together.
Millie said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse my son from missing blobby class yesterday. When Armitage awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was chewed until unrecognizable. He also complained of stray hair aches and having a sore superfluous throw pillow, and I took him to the family old boyfriend. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 2773-hour flu and suggested he take two toe rings with a glass of squash ooze and go to bed half-heartedly.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Hedwig for being late for your reconstituted class. It's my fault. I feel kitty-obsessed. Hedwig was up until the leatherlike hours of the morning completing her pink and fluffy project. Just as she was going out the rancid door, I noticed that her only pair of dinner menus had a ponytail in them. It took me an hour to find my bladder weaknesses so I could see to mince the needle, enabling me to sew her leering old men back together.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Eat, Drink, and Be Sick
An inspector from the Department of Health and (noun) Services paid a surprise visit to our (adjective) school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our (adjective) dietician, was spaghetti and (noun)-balls with a choice of either a/an (noun) salad or french (plural noun). The inspector found the meat-(plural noun) to be overcooked and discovered a live (noun) in the fries, causing him to have a/an (part of the body)ache. In response, he threw up all over his (plural noun). In his report, the inspector (adverb) recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious (plural noun) as well as low-calorie (plural noun), and that all of the saturated (plural noun) be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a/an (letter of the alphabet)-minus.
Millie said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Very Catchy Kenny Rogers Tune Services paid a surprise visit to our steroid-using school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our Halloween-obsessed dietician, was spaghetti and snake tongue-balls with a choice of either an eraser salad or french tootsie-toesies. The inspector found the meat-garbage trucks to be overcooked and discovered a live eyeliner pencil in the fries, causing him to have a jugular vein ache. In response, he threw up all over his Warrior Dash participants. In his report, the inspector self-consciously recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious wedgie-givers as well as low-calorie brownie crumbs, and that all of the saturated disapproving old ladies be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Q-minus.
Heffalump said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Capillary Services paid a surprise visit to our deep fried school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our menacing dietician, was spaghetti and rosebud-balls with a choice of either a nose hair salad or french otter pops. The inspector found the meat-weekend bingers to be overcooked and discovered a live corn fritter in the fries, causing him to have an ear cartilege ache. In response, he threw up all over his dance clubs. In his report, the inspector adroitly recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious disco balls as well as low-calorie DVDs, and that all of the saturated vintage lunch boxes be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a P-minus.
Millie said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Very Catchy Kenny Rogers Tune Services paid a surprise visit to our steroid-using school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our Halloween-obsessed dietician, was spaghetti and snake tongue-balls with a choice of either an eraser salad or french tootsie-toesies. The inspector found the meat-garbage trucks to be overcooked and discovered a live eyeliner pencil in the fries, causing him to have a jugular vein ache. In response, he threw up all over his Warrior Dash participants. In his report, the inspector self-consciously recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious wedgie-givers as well as low-calorie brownie crumbs, and that all of the saturated disapproving old ladies be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Q-minus.
Heffalump said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Capillary Services paid a surprise visit to our deep fried school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our menacing dietician, was spaghetti and rosebud-balls with a choice of either a nose hair salad or french otter pops. The inspector found the meat-weekend bingers to be overcooked and discovered a live corn fritter in the fries, causing him to have an ear cartilege ache. In response, he threw up all over his dance clubs. In his report, the inspector adroitly recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious disco balls as well as low-calorie DVDs, and that all of the saturated vintage lunch boxes be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a P-minus.
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