Columbus and Isabella

COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to (a place).
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious (plural noun)?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal (plural noun) again. I discovered a/an (adjective) land populated by fierce, red (plural noun), and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish (noun).
ISABELLA: (Exclamation)! This will please my husband, (a person). What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called (plural noun), your majesty. They put (a liquid) on their faces and wear (plural noun) in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a/an (adjective) voyage, Columbus, and your (noun) will go down in history!

Heffalump said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Transylvania.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious bats?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal mummies again. I discovered a gothic land populated by fierce, red blood donors, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish hunchback.
ISABELLA: I vant to suck your blood, blah! This will please my husband, Dracula. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called castles, your majesty. They put blood on their faces and wear pediatricians in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made an hypnotic voyage, Columbus, and your victim will go down in history!

Millie said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Occupy Portland.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious slipknots?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal huge belches again. I discovered an incomprehensible land populated by fierce, red onion rings, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish cherry stem tied in a knot with one's tongue.
ISABELLA: Do whatever, Dittums! This will please my husband, Grant Staten III. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called little April showers, your majesty. They put Spaghetti-o Surprise on their faces and wear Hillary hairdos in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a mortified by its mother voyage, Columbus, and your gas station attendant will go down in history!

Report by Student Protest Committee

Fellow Students of (full name of school)! We members of the Students for a/an (adjective) Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of (plural noun). He has just fired our friend, Professor (name of person in room), because he wore his (part of the body) long, and because he dressed in (article of clothing) and wore old (plural noun). Next week we are going to protest by taking over the (noun) building and kidnapping the Assistant (noun). We also will demand that all students have the right to wear (adjective) hair and (adjective) beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with (Plural noun)!"

Heffalump said...
Fellow Students of Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters)! We members of the Students for a Super Powered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Villains. He has just fired our friend, Professor Logan, because he wore his claws long, and because he dressed in spandex unitards and wore old victims. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the motorcycle building and kidnapping the Assistant Jet. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear invisible hair and psychic beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with mutants!"

Millie said...
Fellow Students of BYWho?! We members of the Students for a Dirt-Covered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Fiddlesticks. He has just fired our friend, Professor Angry Angus, because he wore his huge mole long, and because he dressed in a diaper and wore old burp rags. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the skankwad building and kidnapping the Assistant Hobo Trousers. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear fuzzy mammoth-resembling hair and lazy and unashamed beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Chocolate Masques!"

Show and Tell

Today, I would like to show the class a/an (noun) I caught when I went (verb ending in ING) with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt (adverb) taught me how to bait a hook with a/an (something alive) and then how to cast the (noun) into the (adjective) lake. I (verb) fishing!

My name is (person in room) and I would like to show the class this (adjective) (noun) from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my (something to eat). It is also useful if you are into (verb ending in ING) or if you want to slice up some (plural noun). If you want one, you can buy it at your local (noun) store for only (number) dollars.

Heffalump said...
Today, I would like to show the class a disintegrator ray I caught when I went boogeying with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt stealthily taught me how to bait a hook with a velociraptor and then how to cast the pillow sham into the adroit lake. I dance fishing!

My name is Benjamin Franklin and I would like to show the class this condescending tiger shark from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my bean burrito. It is also useful if you are into frying or if you want to slice up some galoshes. If you want one, you can buy it at your local vitamin fortified cereal store for only 7.5 dollars.

Millie said...
Today, I would like to show the class a drip pan I caught when I went booing with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt cup-tippingly taught me how to bait a hook with toenail fungus and then how to cast the unwanted hair into the funky lake. I froth at the mouth fishing!

My name is The Neighborhood Mime and I would like to show the class this emerald green clone of Selma Bouvier from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my bacon-wrapped Snickers bars. It is also useful if you are into mugging or if you want to slice up some uncomfortable pauses. If you want one, you can buy it at your local snot-nosed kid store for only 2736 dollars.

Great Excuses For Being Late

Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse my son/daughter from missing (adjective) class yesterday. When (person in room) awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was (adjective). He/She also complained of (part of the body) aches and having a sore (noun), and I took him/her to the family (noun). The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the (number)-hour flu and suggested he/she take two (plural noun) with a glass of (liquid) and go to bed (adverb).

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse (person in room) for being late for your (adjective) class. It's my fault. I feel (adjective). (person in room) was up until the (adjective) hours of the morning completing his/her (adjective) project. Just as he/she was going out the (adjective) door, I noticed that his/her only pair of (plural noun) had a/an (noun) in them. It took me an hour to find my (plural noun) so I could see to (verb) the needle, enabling me to sew his/her (plural noun) back together.

Millie said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse my son from missing blobby class yesterday. When Armitage awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was chewed until unrecognizable. He also complained of stray hair aches and having a sore superfluous throw pillow, and I took him to the family old boyfriend. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 2773-hour flu and suggested he take two toe rings with a glass of squash ooze and go to bed half-heartedly.

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Hedwig for being late for your reconstituted class. It's my fault. I feel kitty-obsessed. Hedwig was up until the leatherlike hours of the morning completing her pink and fluffy project. Just as she was going out the rancid door, I noticed that her only pair of dinner menus had a ponytail in them. It took me an hour to find my bladder weaknesses so I could see to mince the needle, enabling me to sew her leering old men back together.

Eat, Drink, and Be Sick

An inspector from the Department of Health and (noun) Services paid a surprise visit to our (adjective) school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our (adjective) dietician, was spaghetti and (noun)-balls with a choice of either a/an (noun) salad or french (plural noun). The inspector found the meat-(plural noun) to be overcooked and discovered a live (noun) in the fries, causing him to have a/an (part of the body)ache. In response, he threw up all over his (plural noun). In his report, the inspector (adverb) recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious (plural noun) as well as low-calorie (plural noun), and that all of the saturated (plural noun) be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a/an (letter of the alphabet)-minus.

Millie said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Very Catchy Kenny Rogers Tune Services paid a surprise visit to our steroid-using school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our Halloween-obsessed dietician, was spaghetti and snake tongue-balls with a choice of either an eraser salad or french tootsie-toesies. The inspector found the meat-garbage trucks to be overcooked and discovered a live eyeliner pencil in the fries, causing him to have a jugular vein ache. In response, he threw up all over his Warrior Dash participants. In his report, the inspector self-consciously recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious wedgie-givers as well as low-calorie brownie crumbs, and that all of the saturated disapproving old ladies be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a Q-minus.

Heffalump said...
An inspector from the Department of Health and Capillary Services paid a surprise visit to our deep fried school cafeteria. The lunch special, prepared by our menacing dietician, was spaghetti and rosebud-balls with a choice of either a nose hair salad or french otter pops. The inspector found the meat-weekend bingers to be overcooked and discovered a live corn fritter in the fries, causing him to have an ear cartilege ache. In response, he threw up all over his dance clubs. In his report, the inspector adroitly recommended that the school cafeteria serve only nutritious disco balls as well as low-calorie DVDs, and that all of the saturated vintage lunch boxes be eliminated. He rated the cafeteria a P-minus.

Alice's Upside-Down World

Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its (adjective) sequel, Through the Looking (noun), have enchanted both the young and the old (plural noun) for the last (number) years. Alice's (adjective) adventures begin when she (verb ending in S) down a/an (adjective) hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy (noun). There she discovers she can become a tall (noun) or a small (noun) simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic (noun). In her travels through Wonderland, Alice (verb ending in S) such remarkable characters as the White (noun), the (adjective) Hatter, the Cheshire (noun), and even the Queen of (plural noun). Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to a/an (adjective) end when Alice awakens from her (noun).

Millie said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its exacting sequel, Through the Looking Nose/Finger Magnet, have enchanted both the young and the old finger cymbals for the last 183 years. Alice's monstrous adventures begin when she rips down a suffering-from-allergies hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy six-shooter. There she discovers she can become a tall little deuce coupe or a small angry crocodile simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic OMSI frequenter. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice toots such remarkable characters as the White Taskmaster, the Yellow with a Questionable Substance Hatter, the Cheshire Wheel of Fish, and even the Queen of Family Crest Tattoos. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to an unsure end when Alice awakens from her umbilical cord necklace.

Heffalump said...
Lewis Carroll's classic, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, as well as its didactic sequel, Through the Looking Twine, have enchanted both the young and the old flip flops for the last 17 years. Alice's creative adventures begin when she grimaces down a splendorous hole and lands in a strange and topsy-turvy chair lashed during a boy scout campout. There she discovers she can become a tall jet engine or a small sock monkey simply by nibbling on alternate sides of a magic shoe box. In her travels through Wonderland, Alice sprays such remarkable characters as the White Glue Stick, the Smelly Hatter, the Cheshire Ladder, and even the Queen of Tartans. Unfortunately, Alice's adventures come to an avocado green end when Alice awakens from her crayon.

Little Red Riding Hood

One day, Little (color) Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of (plural noun) for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big (adjective) wolf. "(Exclamation)!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little (silly word)?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf (verb, past tense) away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "What big (plural noun) you have." "The better to (verb) you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big (plural noun) you have." And then she said, "What big (plural noun) you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Millie said...
One day, Little Mustard Yellow Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of insubordinates for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big carmelized wolf. "Well slurp me sideways!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little dropopple?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf ricocheted away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "What big flashdancers you have." "The better to delouse you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big man boobs you have." And then she said, "What big dog attack suits you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.

Heffalump said...
One day, Little Tangerine Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of pirated DVDs for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big perfunctory wolf. "Chicken Butt!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little wigwam?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf tortured away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "What big varicose veins you have." "The better to shake you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big artificial sweeteners you have." And then she said, "What big flesh-eating zombies you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.