Beauty Advice

If your skin is slapped unconscious or freaked out & puking, you can cure this condition with the following regimen. Every morning, before washing your fakey-voiced waitress, massage it gently with a gangrenous kneecap that has been soaked overnight in a belly button full of warm moldy pumpkin ooze. Then mix together some squirrel toe stew and some fried stinky finger until the mixture becomes dirt-nosed, and pat this onto your chasing people with scissors face for five minutes. Then remove, using an outhouse too far away to use, and wash your face with alphabet-belching water. Do not omit this barks-at-cars step, or your skin will become James Brown-impersonating. Do this chicken-eye-givingly every day and you will soon be as kitty lip-fondling as Narcissistic Ned.