More Great School Excuses

Dear Principal,
I am sorry to have to tell you that my (adjective) son/daughter, (name of person in room), will be unable to attend your (adjective) school this week as he/she has caught a case of the (animal) pox. The (adjective) doctor says that it will be (number) weeks before he/she is healthy and back on his/her (part of body, plural) again.

Dear Math Teacher,
I was driving (name of person in room) to school when the (plural noun) failed and my car crashed into a/an (noun). By the time the tow (noun) finally arrived and the (adjective) mechanic (verb, past tense) the (noun) and recharged the (noun), we had missed your (adjective) class.

Millie said...
Dear Principal,
I am sorry to have to tell you that my frequently swooning daughter, Huge Hips Hannah, will be unable to attend your swan-down-covered school this week as she has caught a case of the penguin pox. The "comfortable farting in front of the new girlfriend" doctor says that it will be 2387 weeks before she is healthy and back on her eyelash goobs again.

Dear Math Teacher,
I was driving Peeping Tom to school when the hosed-down protesters failed and my car crashed into a psych ward. By the time the tow thifty nickel finally arrived and the maniacal mechanic footsied the outraged kitty and recharged the ring-and-runner, we had missed your orange with puce stripes class.

Heffalump said...
Dear Principal,
I am sorry to have to tell you that my smart son, Tweedle Dee, will be unable to attend your brand spankin' new school this week as he has caught a case of the rooster pox. The hawt doctor says that it will be 3.7 weeks before he is healthy and back on his phalanges again.

Dear Math Teacher,
I was driving Tweedle Dum to school when the squids failed and my car crashed into jelly. By the time the tow fondue pot finally arrived and the clever mechanic exploded the poker and recharged the fire cracker, we had missed your monkey-like class.

Klin said...
Dear Principal,
I am sorry to have to tell you that my slow going daughter, Shakira, will be unable to attend your disastrous school this week as she has caught a case of the raccoon pox. The orange doctor says that it will be 789 weeks before she is healthy and back on her kidneys again.

Dear Math Teacher,
I was driving Dave to school when the newspapers failed and my car crashed into a window grate. By the time the tow front door finally arrived and the wet mechanic chillaxed the fast car and recharged the old dude, we had missed your glorious class.