A (Secret) Letter From an Admirer

Dear Miss (name of woman in room),

You may not recall my (noun), but I met you at the (adjective) cocktail party given by our (adjective) friend, (name of person in room). We had a/an (adjective) talk about (adjective) (plural noun), and I was impressed by your (adjective) conversation and your grasp of the (adjective) situation. Also, I was very much attracted by your (adjective) eyes, your (adjective) little chin, and your (adjective) teeth. If you'll pardon me for seeming (adjective), I was fascinated by your (adjective) walk and by your (adjective) figure.

I hope I made a/an (adjective) impression, and that we can get together for a nice (noun) next week.

(adverb) yours,
(Name of man in room)

Klin said...
Dear Miss Katie Couric,

You may not recall my desk, but I met you at the sloppy cocktail party given by our mad friend, His Royal Highness. We had a chunky talk about gorgeous persons, and I was impressed by your blue conversation and your grasp of the orange situation. Also, I was very much attracted by your cut-up eyes, your new little chin, and your musty teeth. If you'll pardon me for seeming painted, I was fascinated by your freakin' walk and by your tired figure.

I hope I made a down impression, and that we can get together for a nice chair next week.

Stunningly yours,
Brad Pitt

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Miss Angelina Jolie,

You may not recall my Wii Fit Balance Board, but I met you at the innoucuous cocktail party given by our preppy friend, my third grade teacher, Mrs. McCallup. We had a celebratory talk about gelatinous unpopped popcorn kernels at the bottom of a microwave popcorn bag, and I was impressed by your mushy conversation and your grasp of the overactive situation. Also, I was very much attracted by your imaginary eyes, your hallucinatory little chin, and your hideous teeth. If you'll pardon me for seeming all-American, I was fascinated by your Comcastic walk and by your infantile figure.

I hope I made a banjo-rific impression, and that we can get together for a nice broken breast pump next week.

Mind-numbingly yours,
George Lucas

Natalie said...
Dear Miss Martha Vandella,

You may not recall my cherry tomato, but I met you at the loco in the cabesa cocktail party given by our fishnet stockings-wearing friend, Heaven Lee Shades. We had a pantsed regularly talk about green and frondlike annoying low-battery cell phone noises, and I was impressed by your totally tripped out conversation and your grasp of the Dora-hating situation. Also, I was very much attracted by your bird-mocking eyes, your skeevy little chin, and your accidentally ate a napkin teeth. If you'll pardon me for seeming smacked purple, I was fascinated by your booger-examining walk and by your retching figure.

I hope I made a yellow impression, and that we can get together for a nice disgruntled postal worker next week.

Pompously yours,
Ricky Retardo

Wynne said...
Dear Miss Betty Boop,

You may not recall my cheese whiz, but I met you at the purplish-black cocktail party given by our brackish friend, Jasper. We had a chunky talk about rigid lice, and I was impressed by your sparkly conversation and your grasp of the furry situation. Also, I was very much attracted by your hard eyes, your transparent little chin, and your rancid teeth. If you'll pardon me for seeming sour, I was fascinated by your discordant walk and by your explosive figure.

I hope I made a flatulent impression, and that we can get together for a nice canned corn next week.

Like-an-Egyptian yours,
Pecka the Imaginary Man