Christmas Poem 2009

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the (noun)
Not a creature was stirring, not even a/an (noun).
The (plural noun) were tucked, all snug in their (plural noun),
While visions of (adjective) plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the (noun) there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my (noun) to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little (adjective) belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of (plural noun).
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the (plural noun), then turned with a jerk,
And laying his (noun) aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the (noun) he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he (verb, past tense) out of sight,
(Adjective) Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Millie said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the fat bubble
Not a creature was stirring, not even an Applebee's appetizer.
The South Pole elves were tucked, all snug in their sparkly opaque tights,
While visions of sporked until unrecognizable plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the son's girlfriend's mother there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my twig to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little printer cartridge huffing belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of indecent manicures.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the low-quality chocolates, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his weird traffic look giver aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the trunk monkey he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he spanked out of sight,
"Putrescent Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Heffalump said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pushy shopper
Not a creature was stirring, not even a twinkle light.
The singing chipmunks were tucked, all snug in their appetizers,
While visions of sensational plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the caroler who sings off key there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my tofurky to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little pine scented belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of snowflakes.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the badly wrapped gifts, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his wassail aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the animatronic reindeer he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he borrowed out of sight,
"Glowing Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Thorny Tree Lady said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Honeybaked Ham
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Crayola Crayon Maker.
The snarfblats were tucked, all snug in their birthday candles,
While visions of lazy plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the gravy boat there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chocolate covered pretzel rod to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little, organized to the point of OCD belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of depressed Broncos fans.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the ballet shoes, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his clementine orange aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the ball point pen he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he freaked out of sight,
"Walking on your hands Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Dave said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lemon mango scented hand sanitizer
Not a creature was stirring, not even a half empty can of Sierra Mist.
The two photos of devilishly cute boys were tucked, all snug in their iPod earbuds,
While visions of tacky plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the slightly brown avocado there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little mechanical belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of sweet peppers.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the non-working heater vents, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his trashcan aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the overly flatulent cubicle neighbor he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he charged out of sight,
"Shamefully huge Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

FluffyChicky said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Barry White
Not a creature was stirring, not even Willie the Operatic Whale.
The busty old women were tucked, all snug in their pitifully underweight Sumo wrestler wannabes,
While visions of cry-your-eyes-out-ugly plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the headcheese sandwich there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from Queen Elizabeth’s slightly moist hanky to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little flamboyant belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of Orville Redenbacher impersonators.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the flabby upper arms, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his push-up bra that works a little too well aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the wilted poinsettia he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he passed out of sight,
"Gassy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Klin said...
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the presents 'round the tree
Not a creature was stirring, not even pumpkin spiced egg nog.
The excited children anxiously waiting were tucked, all snug in their favorite seasonal movies,
While visions of deliciously creamy plums danced in their heads.
Then up on the jolly round fella there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my dreams of a white Christmas to see what was the matter.
It was St. Nicholas with his little hung with care belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of Christmas cards yet to be mailed.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
And filled all the Christmas lights, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his family Christmas party aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the Christmas Day he rose.
And I heard him exclaim as he had been out of sight,
"Pleasantly surprised Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

A Tour of Hollywood

I'm trying something new this time... tell me if you like it.

Good morning, ladies and (plural noun), boys and (plural noun). My name is (person in room). I am your personal (noun) guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, (adjective) Hollywood, the glamour (noun) of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's (adjective) Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most (adjective) tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot (plural noun) and the (part of body) prints of the most famous movie (plural noun) ever to adorn the (adjective) screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a/an (verb) to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and (adjective). You will feast your (part of body, plural) on the million-dollar (plural noun) of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest (noun), (person in room), who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of (number) dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

Millie said...
Good morning, ladies and Sam Puckett fans, boys and bulls in china closets. My name is Spencer. I am your personal creep in the public pool restroom guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dippier than usual Hollywood, the glamour cupcake filling sucker-outer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Stark Naked and Unaware Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most tomato-flavored tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot loud-voiced gossipy old women and the digit prints of the most famous movie weekly Hometown Buffet diners ever to adorn the frequently mocked screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a bash over the head with a lamp to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fit-throwing. You will feast your phalanges on the million-dollar funny mushrooms of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest unreachable itchy spot, Freddie, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 1238 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub metatarsals with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

Rachael said... (Hey, Rach!)
Good morning, ladies and one size too small socks, boys and whiney kids. My name is Pais-ma-taiz. I am your personal Christmas wrapping paper leftovers guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, cold Hollywood, the glamour husband's deodorant wearer of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Lonely Chinese Theater, Hollywood's smallest tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot blown fuses and the nasal cavity prints of the most famous movie puppies ever to adorn the hard screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a slide to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and pink. You will feast your nose hairs on the million-dollar lilacs of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Nancy blabber mouth, Bridger bug, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 20 trillion dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyelashes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good morning, ladies and sugar cookies, boys and overworked and disgruntled elves. My name is Buddy The Elf. I am your personal candy cane guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, twinkle-y Hollywood, the glamour Christmas Goose of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Pine-scented Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most excited as a kid on Christmas morning tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot shorted-out Christmas lights and the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly prints of the most famous movie frosted windowpanes ever to adorn the naughty screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a gift wrap to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and grumpy as Scrooge. You will feast your wandering eyes on the million-dollar Clark Griswald imitators of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest tattered copy of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", Chilly, the Elf who could not love, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 25 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub fingernails with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

Klin said...
Good morning, ladies and Sassy's handmade chocolate truffles, boys and flashing Christmas lights. My name is Nadine Wimmer. I am your personal smelly gym bag guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, shiny & bright Hollywood, the glamour Santa hat of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Fully Stuffed Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most hung with care tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot ballet dancers and the hip joint prints of the most famous movie puppy kisses ever to adorn the crispy screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a shop to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and sugared. You will feast your cleavage on the million-dollar Christmas presents of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest moolah, Richard Piatt, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 900 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub (part of body, plural) with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

FluffyChicky said...
Good morning, ladies and Martin Scorsese’s eyebrow shavings, boys and skanky fishnet stockings. My name is Bowler Hat Guy. I am your personal Aunt Wanda’s wooden hand that she carved herself guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, smutty Hollywood, the glamour white mouse with a brown patch over one eye and one brown leg of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Deranged Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most superlative tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot cases of pea soup and the intestinal tract prints of the most famous movie navy beans ever to adorn the disappointing screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a schlep to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and secretive. You will feast your breast implants on the million-dollar naughty nuns of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest Ministry of Silly Walks, Prissy Kissy-Bottom-Smythe, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 7 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub ear canals filled with wax and dead flies and other nasty things with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

Dave said...
Good morning, ladies and ROUSs, boys and masks. My name is Humperdink. I am your personal Pit of Despair guide. For the next six hours, we will delight in exploring romantic, dreadful Hollywood, the glamour miracle pill of the world. Let's start off with a bang and visit Mann's Filthy Chinese Theater, Hollywood's most swamped tourist attraction. Etched in cement, you'll see the foot holocaust cloaks and the left hand prints of the most famous movie swords ever to adorn the drunk screen. Then it's only a hop, skip, and a frame to Beverly Hills, the playground of the rich and fiery. You will feast your legs on the million-dollar pirates of movie stars. You'll actually get to visit the home of today's hottest putrescence, Westly, who will sign autographs for the low, low sum of 100 dollars. And here's the Big One! For lunch, we'll be going to the studio commissary, where you can rub eyes with today's leading actors and actresses. All aboard!

Bringing Home the Good - Or Is It Bad? - News

Dear Parent,
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter of the alphabet) in English, a/an (letter of the alphabet) in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (part of body) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun) conference" is necessary to discuss (same person)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (part of body). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. (last name of another person in room)
Head (occupation)

Millie said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Scuzzlebutt's report card for the icicle-growing eighth grade. He has received an "I" in English, a "W" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Wayward Sheep. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing diphthong in Anty Pepsi Bottle Education because his broken knuckle hair prevented the taking of the final tooth grunge. This square and brown class can be made up in our summer huge Cannery can. The school believes a "parent-hungry five-year-old who won't come to the kitchen but prefers to whine instead conference" is necessary to discuss Scuzzlebutt's inexplicably barking behavior. He continues to draw writhing around the Christmas tree pictures on the bathroom Red Bull and talks squawkingly behind the teacher's upper lip fuzz. Please call the principal's crunchy washcloth left to drip dry on the tub rail for a perfunctory appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Pencilsniffer
Head Drool Wiper

Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Santa's report card for the jolly eighth grade. He has received an "H" in English, an "O" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Chimneys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing present in Ornament Education because his broken tire ring waist prevented the taking of the final stocking. This rosy class can be made up in our summer star. The school believes a "parent-cookie conference" is necessary to discuss Santa's red behavior. He continues to draw cold pictures on the bathroom eggnog and talks happily behind the teacher's flabby thighs. Please call the principal's fat pants for a fat appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Claus
Head Deliverer of Happiness

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Dancing With the Stars Season 9 Champ, Donny Osmond's, report card for the shrivelled-up eighth grade. He has received an "S" in English, an "M" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Candy Canes. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Santa's Workshop in Fine-Toothed Comb Education because his broken pinky toe prevented the taking of the final frayed toothbrush. This hard as a rock class can be made up in our summer broken Wii console with pennies in it. The school believes a "parent-ice cold water bottle conference" is necessary to discuss Donny's sparkly as Edward behavior. He continues to draw odiferous pictures on the bathroom Advent calendar and talks painstakingly behind the teacher's kneecap. Please call the principal's Katie Couric impersonator for a heartburn-inducing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Rockafeller
Head Cartoon Colorist

Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Lazy Lion's report card for the shiny & bright eighth grade. He has received an "A" in English, a "Z" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Piles of Shoveled Snow. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing snowflake in Snowball Education because his broken skin between the toes prevented the taking of the final snow shovel. This cozy fire like class can be made up in our summer snow plow. The school believes a "parent-snow coat conference" is necessary to discuss Lazy's entitled behavior. He continues to draw icy pictures on the bathroom snow boots and talks crumbily behind the teacher's broken nail. Please call the principal's snow for a freezing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Maggilicutty
Head Meteorologist

FluffyChicky said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Jerry Sizzler's report card for the slimy eighth grade. He has received a "Q" in English, a "T" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Ten Lords a-Leaping. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Little Orphan Annie in 8-track of “MacArthur Park” as recorded by the late Richard Harris Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final bootleg copy of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. This smelly class can be made up in our summer raging case of dandruff. The school believes a "parent-spastic flatulence conference" is necessary to discuss Jerry's spastic behavior. He continues to draw snide pictures on the bathroom HMS Pinafore performed entirely in Ig-Pay Atin-Lay, and talks saucily behind the teacher's unibrow. Please call the principal's reindeer droppings for a superfluous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. McCheapPants
Head IRS Auditor

Dave said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Admiral Ackbar's report card for the Jedi-like eighth grade. He has received an "F" in English, a "U" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Power Converters. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing lightsaber in Blaster Education because his broken Midi-chlorians prevented the taking of the final protocol droid. This emotionless class can be made up in our summer Jedi mind trick. The school believes a "parent-nerf-herder conference" is necessary to discuss Admiral Ackbar's droid-free behavior. He continues to draw "Empire" covered pictures on the bathroom Death Star and talks fuzzily behind the teacher's hand. Please call the principal's bounty hunter for a roguish appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Skywalker
Head Sith Lord

Advice Column

Dear (girl's first name),
My (adjective) daughter, who is only (number) years old, wants to wear a mini (noun) with a bare (noun). She claims all the other (plural noun) her age are (verb ending in ING) them. What to do?
Signed: An Anxious (noun)

Dear "Anxious,"
Take my advice and ground your daughter for (number) days.

Dear (same girl's first name),
My oldest (noun) is a/an (adjective) slob. As often as I try, I can never get him to wash his (noun), brush his (plural noun), or comb his (noun) before going to school. He also (adverb) refuses to take a bath or a/an (noun), clean up his (noun), or make up the very (noun) he sleeps in. How can I (verb)?
Signed: A/An (adjective) Mother

Dear "Mother,"
You better clean that (noun) up before he turns into a filthy ball of (noun).

Millie said...
Dear Stinkwafta,
My impregnable daughter, who is only 237 years old, wants to wear a mini Who from Whoville with a bare explosively tempting paper cut. She claims all the other Mentos her age are pie crust-ruining them. What to do?
Signed: An Anxious Hannah Montana lunchbox

Dear "Anxious,"
Take my advice and ground your daughter for 8 days.

Dear Stinkwafta,
My oldest caked Oreo on a car window is a difficult to control slob. As often as I try, I can never get him to wash his harpist, brush his hot drummers you'd become a groupie for, or comb his newborn baby smell before going to school. He also foot-stompingly refuses to take a bath or a Black Friday avoider, clean up his involuntary eyelid twitch, or make up the very hairball he sleeps in. How can I skulk?
Signed: A chocolate-smeared Mother

Dear "Mother,"
You better clean that soulless monkey-like Mafia goon up before he turns into a filthy ball of cranberry sauce drip.

Dave said...
Dear Sam,
My super daughter, who is only eighty-eight years old, wants to wear a mini timeline with a bare timecard. She claims all the other candies her age are contemplating them. What to do?
Signed: An Anxious Typewriter

Dear "Anxious,"
Take my advice and ground your daughter for eleventy days.

Dear Sam,
My oldest typeset is a soupy slob. As often as I try, I can never get him to wash his tornado, brush his carrots, or comb his torn-up tollbooth ticket before going to school. He also erroneously refuses to take a bath or a tuber, clean up his Trinidad-Tobago, or make up the very tire tube he sleeps in. How can I strain?
Signed: A supernatural Mother

Dear "Mother,"
You better clean that tired teleprompter up before he turns into a filthy ball of ticker tape.

Heffalump said...
Dear Gertrude,
My fluffy daughter, who is only 17 years old, wants to wear a mini partridge with a bare pear tree. She claims all the other drummers her age are singing them. What to do?
Signed: An Anxious turtledove

Dear "Anxious,"
Take my advice and ground your daughter for 3463 days.

Dear Gertrude,
My oldest French hen is a grotesque slob. As often as I try, I can never get him to wash his swan, brush his pipers, or comb his goose before going to school. He also vigorously refuses to take a bath or a golden ring, clean up his calling bird, or make up the very milk-maid he sleeps in. How can I give?
Signed: A mustard yellow Mother

Dear "Mother,"
You better clean that dancing lady up before he turns into a filthy ball of Leaping Lord.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Millie is taking a Thanksgiving break this week. Happy Thanksgiving to all my wonderful Mad Libs friends! See you next Monday!

Relatives

This is a/an (adjective) explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably (adjective). Parents consist of one mother and one (noun). Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your (noun)," or "Stop picking your (noun)!" Brothers and sisters are called (plural noun) and they are often a pain in the (part of the body). Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' (plural noun). They will buy you (a food) when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your (noun). Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or (a holiday) to eat a big (a bird). Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.

Millie said...

This is a visibly disturbed explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably Shrinky Dink-wearing. Parents consist of one mother and one roast guinea pig on a stick. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your voided bus ticket for behaving naughtily on a Greyhound bus," or "Stop picking your psychedelic mushroom candle!" Brothers and sisters are called two fat little boys fighting under a blanket and they are often a pain in the chin waddle. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' medical history geeks. They will buy you shoo fly pie when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your petard. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or St. Swithin's Day to eat a big yellow-bellied sap sucker. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.

Thorny Tree Lady said...

This is an intellectually superior explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably deceptively comfortable. Parents consist of one mother and one bottle of nail polish remover. Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your obsessed fan of Joel McHale," or "Stop picking your mind numbing hum from a computer!" Brothers and sisters are called cave dwellers and they are often a pain in the infected pus-filled ingrown toenail. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' prematurely displayed Christmas decorations. They will buy you escargot when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your mosquito bite. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or National Dark Chocolate Day (October 28th) to eat a big cockatoo. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.

FluffyChicky said...

This is a Teen-spirit-smelly explanation of what relatives are. If you don't know, you are probably wholeheartedly vapid. Parents consist of one mother and one William Daniels’ walking stick from the movie “1776". Mothers are always saying, "Go comb your explosive diarrhea," or "Stop picking your dandruff prevention shampoo!" Brothers and sisters are called National Talk Like a Pirate Day enthusiasts and they are often a pain in the cankle. Grandfathers and grandmothers are your parents' rejected National Talk Like a Pirate Day enthusiasts because they couldn’t properly pronounce the word “Arrrgg!”. They will buy you wiener schnitzel when mother says you can't have any. An aunt is someone who is married to your Bishop Higgins. Relatives only get together on Thanksgiving or Virgen de los Angeles Day to eat a big southern royal albatross. Do we really need relatives? I doubt it.

Elizabeth the First

Elizabeth I assumed the British throne on 17 November 1558.

Elizabeth, the Tudor (noun) of England, was probably the (adjective, superlative) ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her (noun) chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a/an (adjective) Protestant and persecuted the (adjective) Catholics (adverb). In 1588, the (nationality) Armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by (celebrity) and (another celebrity), defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and (name of person). Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the (adjective) Queen.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Elizabeth, the Tudor broken-down jalopy of England, was probably the most delicious ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her wet Tootsie-Pop covered in dirt and cat hair chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a lousy Protestant and persecuted the freak-nasty Catholics pantingly. In 1588, the Scotch/Romanian Armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by Joel McHale and Mario Lopez, defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and Massive Headwound Harry. Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the Chocolicious Queen.

Millie said...
Elizabeth, the Tudor electroshock therapy of England, was probably the frothiest ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her needlessly guilty conscience chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a "tripped on a wire, fell into fire" Protestant and persecuted the potholder-collecting Catholics passive-aggressively. In 1588, the Swedish Armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly, defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and Herman the Homeopathic Hog-Caller. Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the Twitches-on-Command Queen.

Stacey said...
Elizabeth, the Tudor bi-polar nun of England, was probably the tastiest ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her laxative-filled brownie chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a perverted Protestant and persecuted the tantrum-throwing Catholics skillfully. In 1588, the Yugoslavian Armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and Sassy Stacey. Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the Ice-cold Queen.

Heffalump said...
Elizabeth, the Tudor whoopee cushion of England, was probably the most excellent ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her Home Shopping Network salesman chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a tardy Protestant and persecuted the butterscotch flavored Catholics dramatically. In 1588, the Luxembourger Armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and Waldo. Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the Peach Fuzz Covered Queen.

Dave said...
Elizabeth, the Tudor garden tiller of England, was probably the amazing-est ruler the British ever had. Elizabeth was the daughter of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn. Later, Anne had her ham bone chopped off by Henry.

Elizabeth was born in 1533 and became queen when she was 25. She was a friendly Protestant and persecuted the mercurial Catholics dislikingly. In 1588, the Guilderian Armada attacked England. But the English fleet, commanded by Dennis Rodman and Pat Sajak, defeated them. Elizabeth ruled for 45 years, and during her reign England prospered and produced Shakespeare, Francis Bacon, and Rhonda. Elizabeth never married, which is why she is sometimes called the Dumpy Queen.

A Fan Letter

Leonardo DiCaprio's birthday is November 11, and what finer gift can we offer him than a Mad Lib in his honor? You're welcome, Leonardo.

Dear Leonardo,

A group of my (plural noun) and I were sitting around talking about movie (plural noun) and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a (noun), dared me to ask you for an autographed (noun). I suppose you get zillions of (adjective) requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing (noun) of the school and Jenny will thumb her (part of body) at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your (noun). I promise you, cross my (part of body) and hope to (verb), I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your (noun) will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my (plural noun) in the morning.

Your ever faithful (noun),
(Name of girl in room)

Millie said...
Dear Leonardo,

A group of my overpaid security employees who never catch anyone shoplifting and I were sitting around talking about movie Tipperary bonbons and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a pair of shorts, dared me to ask you for an autographed Rice Krispie. I suppose you get zillions of raunchy and festering requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing resentful understudy of the school and Jenny will thumb her tear duct at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your blue whale. I promise you, cross my kneecap hair and hope to dribble, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your Normal Norman will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my naughty cockatoos in the morning.

Your ever faithful tub,
Shirley Shivwits

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Leonardo,

A group of my mushy over-ripe bananas and I were sitting around talking about movie whining toddlers coming down from a post-Halloween sugar high and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up an apple spice candle, dared me to ask you for an autographed yellow ribbon tied to an old oak tree. I suppose you get zillions of all-encompassing requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing multiplication tables cheat sheet of the school and Jenny will thumb her uvula at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your bottle of Clorox. I promise you, cross my funny bone and hope to freak-out, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your warm & sunny spot in the window will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my chin whiskers in the morning.

Your ever faithful pomegranate,
Octomom

Dave said...
Dear Leonardo,

A group of my chipmunks and I were sitting around talking about movie thumbnails and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up an apple core, dared me to ask you for an autographed stock photo of a dog eating blueberries. I suppose you get zillions of odiferous requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing time machine of the school and Jenny will thumb her armpit at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your black belt. I promise you, cross my unibrow and hope to disengage, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your raccoon will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my pretentious Marxists in the morning.

Your ever faithful index out of range error,
Aunt Florence

Mel Smell said...
Dear Leonardo,

A group of my odd English muffin toppings and I were sitting around talking about movie infected ear squirts and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a creep in the stadium bathroom, dared me to ask you for an autographed rhino leaving. I suppose you get zillions of embarrassment enjoying requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing peek-a-boo hospital gown of the school and Jenny will thumb her knuckle flab at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your corner-of-the-lip creature. I promise you, cross my sideburn and hope to point and mock, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your kitty breast implant will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my fat-man suspenders in the morning.

Your ever faithful drooling street sleeper,
Dip-wad Daisy

Klin said...
Dear Leonardo,

A group of my crochet hooks and I were sitting around talking about movie slobber slimy tennis balls and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up a creamy potato soup, dared me to ask you for an autographed chunky beef chili. I suppose you get zillions of obnoxious requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing blue and green leg warmer of the school and Jenny will thumb her snot production tubes at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your incredibly long pink scarf. I promise you, cross my flatulence airing pipes and hope to snicker, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your scary and freaky stalker will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my two crock pots of soup in the morning.

Your ever faithful other ringing phone,
Miss Lippy

FluffyChicky said...
Dear Leonardo,

A group of my scantily clad nuns and I were sitting around talking about movie hyperactive kids who have had just a little too much Halloween candy and your name came up. My friend Jenny, who really drives me up Eric Idle, dared me to ask you for an autographed Uncle Orville’s glass eye. I suppose you get zillions of beefy requests like this, but if I don't hear from you, I'll be the laughing calendar from 1957 featuring Groucho Marx in “questionable” clothing of the school and Jenny will thumb her upper arm flab at me for sure. If you do write, and hopefully you will, please, please write something personal on your skunk. I promise you, cross my toes covered in unnaturally large corns and hope to fart, I'll hang it in my bedroom. That way your hydraulic crane in need of lubrication will be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I open my super-secret band of specially trained attack ninja squirrels in the morning.

Your ever faithful Bleeding Gums Murphy,
Melba Peachbottom

Ghost Story

Once there was a little kid who went on a/an (adjective) hike through a/an (adjective) forest in the middle of (a place). At first he had fun watching the cute little (animal, plural) go (verb ending in ING) through the trees and talking to the (plural noun) that dodged between the bushes. Then it began to get (adjective) and soon it was night and this kid whose name was (person in room) realized he was lost and he got very frightened. His (plural noun) began to chatter and he wished he were home with his daddy and (noun). Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like (plural noun), and they seemed to reach out their (plural noun) to grab him. Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing (adverb). It made a scary noise and said, "I am the spirit of the last of the (someone's last name - plural). I am lonely haunting this forest alone and I came to find some (noun) to help me." Then it went (a silly noise) and the kid said (a silly noise) and that was the last anyone ever heard of him. Boo!

Millie said...
Once there was a little kid who went on a nonplussed hike through a hadda go baffroom forest in the middle of The Gorge. At first he had fun watching the cute little meerkats go slobbering through the trees and talking to the handlebar mustache convention goers that dodged between the bushes. Then it began to get Carmex-addicted and soon it was night and this kid whose name was The Stalker realized he was lost and he got very frightened. His hand-up-armpitters began to chatter and he wished he were home with his daddy and snot rocket. Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like yowling computer-deprived 10-year-olds, and they seemed to reach out their cheese gratings to grab him. Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing scratch-and-sniffingly. It made a scary noise and said, "I am the spirit of the last of the Terwilligers. I am lonely haunting this forest alone and I came to find some Birkenstock to help me." Then it went "howeeeeeee" and the kid said "rodda rodda" and that was the last anyone ever heard of him. Boo!

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Once there was a little kid who went on a smells like Teen Spirit hike through a wrinkled like an apple that's been left in the sun for three days forest in the middle of The Land of Oz. At first he had fun watching the cute little seahorses go frying through the trees and talking to the Adam Lambert groupies that dodged between the bushes. Then it began to get snifftastic and soon it was night and this kid whose name was Sarah Palin realized he was lost and he got very frightened. His Facebook Junkies began to chatter and he wished he were home with his daddy and wooden mallard with a listening device implanted in the bottom. Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like roasted pumpkin seeds, and they seemed to reach out their diamond rings to grab him. Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing effortlessly. It made a scary noise and said, "I am the spirit of the last of the Halperts. I am lonely haunting this forest alone and I came to find some sublight engine that powers a star cruiser to help me." Then it went "Frank and Beans" and the kid said "fwatahfwatahfwatah!" and that was the last anyone ever heard of him. Boo!

Dave said... (YAY!)
Once there was a little kid who went on a resounding hike through a blackened forest in the middle of the cemetery. At first he had fun watching the cute little spiders go mystifying through the trees and talking to the shoes that dodged between the bushes. Then it began to get tipsy and soon it was night and this kid whose name was Santa realized he was lost and he got very frightened. His snowflakes began to chatter and he wished he were home with his daddy and chocolate. Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like car tires, and they seemed to reach out their pumpkins to grab him. Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing frolicly. It made a scary noise and said, "I am the spirit of the last of the Bonapartes. I am lonely haunting this forest alone and I came to find some iPod to help me." Then it went "schwoo" and the kid said "boing" and that was the last anyone ever heard of him. Boo!

Heffalump said...
Once there was a little kid who went on a sticky hike through a gravity-defying forest in the middle of Munchkinland. At first he had fun watching the cute little Tasmanian Devils go questing through the trees and talking to the baboons that dodged between the bushes. Then it began to get disco inspired and soon it was night and this kid whose name was Spectral Plane Barbie realized he was lost and he got very frightened. His milkmen began to chatter and he wished he were home with his daddy and minivan. Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like taser victims, and they seemed to reach out their mountainous regions to grab him. Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing stunningly. It made a scary noise and said, "I am the spirit of the last of the DeFazios. I am lonely haunting this forest alone and I came to find some cab driver to help me." Then it went "Tapocketapocketapocketa" and the kid said "Schwiiiiing!" and that was the last anyone ever heard of him. Boo!

Klin said...
Once there was a little kid who went on a spoiled rotten hike through a fast and furious forest in the middle of the Grand Canyon. At first he had fun watching the cute little ferrets go parachuting through the trees and talking to the too many questions that dodged between the bushes. Then it began to get greasy slimy gopher gut like and soon it was night and this kid whose name was Sassy realized he was lost and he got very frightened. His scary Halloween decorations began to chatter and he wished he were home with his daddy and fabuloso scanner. Suddenly he noticed that the huge trees began to look like freaking stacks of homework, and they seemed to reach out their pots and pots of chili to grab him. Then he saw a weird shape floating in the air and glowing forever and ever. It made a scary noise and said, "I am the spirit of the last of the Derkshires. I am lonely haunting this forest alone and I came to find some dancing skeleton to help me." Then it went "blink-blink" and the kid said "Ba-dump-ump" and that was the last anyone ever heard of him. Boo!

The High School Monster #1

NARRATOR: Our scene is in a/an (adjective) high school in (name of town). The students are (adjective) with fear. Listen as our heroine, (girl in room), speaks to (boy in room).
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young (plural noun) and boiled the (noun) teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, (pet name). I think the monster is really just a (noun).
GIRL: But (a person) saw it. It has (a number) arms and long (adjective) hair and (a color) teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like (someone in room).
GIRL: When I go out I walk very (adverb).
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the (adjective) bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look (adjective)? Get some other (noun).

Millie said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in an earwig-resembling high school in Dripville. The students are florentine with fear. Listen as our heroine, Sister Mary Robert, speaks to Father Lorenzo.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young shrimp and boiled the homely Great Dane teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Puppy Wuppy Wuver. I think the monster is really just a spatula from Spatula City.
GIRL: But Fred from Accounting saw it. It has 2376 arms and long, sticky with corn syrup hair and mauve teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like your mother.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very slip-showingly.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the cigar-smoking bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look slapped silly? Get some other great and confusing stench.

Heffalump said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a stuffed high school in Hammond. The students are dripping with butter in fear. Listen as our heroine, my imaginary friend Helga, speaks to her imaginary husband Sven.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young cranberries and boiled the turkey teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Love muffins. I think the monster is really just stuffing.
GIRL: But Betty Crocker saw it. It has 87 arms and long basted hair and orange teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like our imaginary son Bjorn.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very enthusiastically.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the mashed bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look covered in whipping cream? Get some other Thanksgiving dinner.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a freaky high school in Funk, NE. The students are funky with fear. Listen as our heroine, Kate Gosselin, speaks to Balloon Boy.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young Visiting Teachers who can't get the hint it's time to leave, and boiled the sippy cup full of rotten milk teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Schmoopie. I think the monster is really just a social media junkie.
GIRL: But The Rock Obama saw it. It has 8,675,309 arms and long spunky hair and vomit brown teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Santa Claus.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very inadverdently.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the hairy as a gorilla bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look pancakey? Get some other annoying alarm clock.

Randi said... (WELCOME!!)
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a pungent high school in Aspen. The students are nostalgic with fear. Listen as our heroine, Madonna, speaks to Spiderman.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young tackle dummies and boiled the idiot teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Sugarlips. I think the monster is really just a sack of kittens.
GIRL: But Frankie Valli saw it. It has 2 arms and long ruddy hair and magenta teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like my husband.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very unfortunately.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the white bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look spicy? Get some other mailbox.

Klin said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a freakishly frightful high school in Shelby, Nebraska. The students are decadent with fear. Listen as our heroine, Raja, speaks to L'il Red Monkey.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young gravy covered biscuits and boiled the keeping me toasty warm jacket teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, My Monkey Man! I think the monster is really just a laundry wielding boy.
GIRL: But the Weather Man saw it. It has 8765 arms and long dork like hair and cobalt blue teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Jaguar.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very ferociously.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the bouncy little bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look sharp & swift like? Get some other ballet dancer.

Dave said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a happy high school in Awesome City. The students are smoky with fear. Listen as our heroine, Beyonce, speaks to Glenn Beck.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young Anti-Gore-Obama-ites and boiled the turnip teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Monkey. I think the monster is really just jet-engine exhaust.
GIRL: But the toilet-bowl-freshener restocker saw it. It has eleventy arms and long ginormous hair and light green teeth with gentle magenta swirls.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Ludwig von Beethoven.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very lazily.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the frilly bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look second-best? Get some other opium pipe.

Stacey said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a curved high school in Springfield. The students are delightful with fear. Listen as our heroine, Tabitha, speaks to Oswald.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young monkeys and boiled the table teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Snugglebutt. I think the monster is really just a Dallas Cowboy.
GIRL: But Steve Carell saw it. It has 30 arms and long magnificent hair and electric blue teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like the teacher.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very boldly.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the purple bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look itchy? Get some other swing.

Romantic Movie Blockbusters

~ Gone With the Wind, set during the (adjective) War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, (adjective)-willed woman. She uses her feminine (plural noun) to win back her (noun), but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only (noun) she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a/an (noun)."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for (plural noun) from war-torn (place). Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her (noun) escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "(Verb) it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two (noun) League students. They go through the trials and (plural nouns) experienced by all young (plural noun). Unfortunately, the ending will bring (plural noun) to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're (adjective)."

Heffalump said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Red and Green War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, Christmasy-willed woman. She uses her feminine reindeer to win back her Santa, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only Christmas tree glowing with lights she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a belly that shook like a bowl full of jelly."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for snowmen from the war-torn North Pole. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her plate of cookies escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Fly it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Christmas Stocking League students. They go through the trials and candy canes experienced by all young gifts. Unfortunately, the ending will bring elves to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're soot-covered."

Millie said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Wet and Mud-covered War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, leaf-fluttering-willed woman. She uses her feminine angry nuns on the rampage to win back her meat cleaver, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only flagrant foul she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an eyeballer."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for plum splats from war-torn Leavitt's Furniture Store. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her pushbroom escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Mangle it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Grandma-smeller League students. They go through the trials and chives experienced by all young drool drips. Unfortunately, the ending will bring abdominal muscles to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're cranky and skanky."

Klin said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Swine Flu Sick Like War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, bank robbing rich-willed woman. She uses her feminine faraway friends to win back her gallon of gasoline, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only mile of road she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a packed luggage."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for Nauvoo must see sites from war-torn Davenport, Iowa. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her Nobody escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Pack it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Bubsmoe League students. They go through the trials and yummy travel snacks experienced by all young snoring kids. Unfortunately, the ending will bring lonely kitty cats to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're too excited to speak."

Fluffychicky said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the June Cleaver-ish War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, playfully plucky-willed woman. She uses her feminine fearless vampire killers to win back Rip Torn’s crusty looking mug shot, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only tasty buffalo jerky she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an Old Man Jenkins – Winner of the Caribou County Longest Nose Hair Contest."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for rusty sporks from war-torn Her Royal Highness’s private privy. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and The Ministry of Silly Walks escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Schlep it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Captain Underpants the Waistband Warrior and his lesser known brother – Bobby Braless League students. They go through the trials and slap-happy nuns who love their rulers more than is “natural” experienced by all young die-hard roller derby fans. Unfortunately, the ending will bring members of “The Society of Hannibal Lecter Impersonators (except for that whole eating other people thing, because that is just sick and wrong)” to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're feet-stinky."

Thorny Tree Lady said...
~ Gone With the Wind, set during the Southern Fried War, is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a young, completely immersed-willed woman. She uses her feminine pieces of pizza to win back her sweet nectar of life that is Dr Pepper, but in the process loses Rhett Butler, the only cold sore she ever loved. Most memorable line of dialogue: "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give an origami swan."
~ Rick's Cafe in Casablanca is the meeting place for hot rollers from war-torn Alternate Universe Al Gore lives in where he is King of teh Internets and melting ice caps. Rick sacrifices his love for Ilse when he helps her and her ear infection escape the Nazis. Most memorable line: "Bake it again, Sam."
~ Love Story is about two Prematurely Moldy Jack-o-lantern League students. They go through the trials and Hershey's Kisses experienced by all young screams of delight. Unfortunately, the ending will bring postal workers to your eyes. Most memorable line: "Love means never having to say you're uncanny."

Recipe for an Upside-Down Cake

Here is a/an (adjective) recipe for an Upside-Down (noun). First, you preheat your (noun) to (number) degrees. Then take a stick of (noun) and melt it in a ten-inch (adjective) skillet over a very (adjective) flame. In a/an (adjective) bowl, (verb) granulated (noun) and flour, stirring the mixture (adverb). Add milk and (plural noun) and beat rapidly with an electric (noun). Bake until your (noun) is ready. After the cake cools, (verb) it from the (noun) and turn it upside-(adjective). Serve the cake warm with (verb, past tense) cream or small spoonfuls of (noun) on top.

Heffalump said...
Here is a pansy-faced recipe for an Upside-Down Gymnast. First, you preheat your cowboy to 17 degrees. Then take a stick of astronaut and melt it in a ten-inch yellow-bellied skillet over a very tight-wearing flame. In a pink polka-dotted bowl, swim upstream with granulated garbage truck driver and flour, stirring the mixture adroitly. Add milk and juggling balls and beat rapidly with an electric K-9 handler. Bake until your master of mediocrity is ready. After the cake cools, spawn it from the tall drink of water and turn it upside-neon. Serve the cake warm with sparkled cream or small spoonfuls of bicycle built for two on top.

Millie said...
Here is a slapped purple recipe for an Upside-Down Fronch Fry. First, you preheat your dippy anchorwoman to 73 degrees. Then take a stick of snake collector and melt it in a ten-inch fly-waving skillet over a very dead and crunchy flame. In an interestingly-shaped bowl, cavort with granulated two-yolk egg and flour, stirring the mixture spasmodically. Add milk and parade enthusiasts and beat rapidly with an electric katydid. Bake until your cow slurp is ready. After the cake cools, droop it from the coconut truffle and turn it upside-rotund and LOVING IT!. Serve the cake warm with cringed cream or small spoonfuls of armpit whisker on top.

Klin said...
Here is a purple recipe for an Upside-Down Coffee Table. First, you preheat your blankie to 987 degrees. Then take a stick of Iowa and melt it in a ten-inch angry skillet over a very funny flame. In a grumpy bowl, sweat granulated Illinois and flour, stirring the mixture adoringly. Add milk and dancers and beat rapidly with an electric purple people eater. Bake until your tracing paper is ready. After the cake cools, work it from the mmmm grapes and turn it upside-man-in-the-kitchen-cooking hot. Serve the cake warm with pushed cream or small spoonfuls of car on top.

Show and Tell

Today, I would like to show the class a/an (noun) I caught when I went (verb ending in ING) with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt (adverb) taught me how to bait a hook with a/an (something alive) and then how to cast the (noun) into the (adjective) lake. I (verb) fishing!

My name is (person in room) and I would like to show the class this (adjective) (noun) from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my (something to eat). It is also useful if you are into (verb ending in ING) or if you want to slice up some (plural noun). If you want one, you can buy it at your local (noun) store for only (number) dollars.

Millie said...
Today, I would like to show the class some taco grease dripping down my arm I caught when I went concertina-playing with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt resentfully taught me how to bait a hook with lichen and then how to cast the cranky and politically incorrect old geezer into the vengeful lake. I enchant fishing!

My name is The Head Honcho and I would like to show the class this pink and sparkly rat whisker crumb from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my crockpot pizza. It is also useful if you are into smacking or if you want to slice up some inflatable bra pillows. If you want one, you can buy it at your local zealous environmentalist store for only 238 dollars.

Klin said...
Today, I would like to show the class a hubba hubba hunk I caught when I went internet surfing with my aunt. I had never fished before, but my aunt stoically taught me how to bait a hook with the redwood forest and then how to cast the super hot bath water into the burning hot lake. I flatulate fishing!

My name is The Snoring Dog and I would like to show the class this traced fabuloso massage therapist from my mother's kitchen. My mother uses it every morning to fix my Alaskan King Crab legs. It is also useful if you are into peee uuuuuu dog farting or if you want to slice up some recipe books. If you want one, you can buy it at your local adorable BFF store for only 1 dollar.

Great School Excuses

Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse (name of person in room) from missing (adjective) class yesterday. When (person in room) awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was (adjective). He/She also complained of (part of body) aches and having a sore (noun), and I took him/her to the family (noun). The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the (number)-hour flu and suggested he/she take two (plural noun) with a glass of (type of liquid) and go to bed (adverb).

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse (name of person in room) for being late for your (adjective) science class. It's my fault. I feel (adjective). (same person) was up until the (adjective) hours of the morning completing his/her (adjective) project. Just as he/she was going out the (adjective) door, I noticed that his/her only pair of (plural noun) had a/an (noun) in them. It took me an hour to find my (plural noun) so I could see to (verb) the needle, enabling me to sew his/her (plural noun) back together.

Millie said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Paul of the Jungle from missing squirty class yesterday. When Paul awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was gorilla-suit-wearing. He also complained of toe knuckle aches and having a sore drip, and I took him to the family crusty towel. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 128723-hour flu and suggested he take two tent dwellers with a glass of cow slurp and go to bed gesticulatingly.

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Stan Sitwell for being late for your awkward and unfortunate-looking science class. It's my fault. I feel like I drank from the fire hose. Stan was up until the unidentifiable hours of the morning completing his sharp project. Just as he was going out the stuck to itself with Krazy Glue door, I noticed that his only pair of gasps of surprise had an infected butt piercing in them. It took me an hour to find my eyelash crusties so I could see to explode the needle, enabling me to sew his Queen Elizabeth worshippers back together.

Heffalump said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Ryan from missing glistening class yesterday. When Ryan awakened yesterday, I could see that his nose was unpleasantly aromatic. He also complained of arm flab aches and having a sore crescent moon, and I took him to the family cow. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 7.769-hour flu and suggested he take two Solid Gold dancers with a glass of grapefruit juice and go to bed unflinchingly.

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Sharpay for being late for your hair growing science class. It's my fault. I feel covered in disco lights. Sharpay was up until the edgy hours of the morning completing her quivering like a bowl of jello in an earthquake project. Just as she was going out the raw in the middle door, I noticed that her only pair of baked potatoes had a castle moat in them. It took me an hour to find my cheese varieties so I could see to boogie the needle, enabling me to sew her planets back together.

Klin said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Sassy from missing hell-bound class yesterday. When Sassy awakened yesterday, I could see that her nose was daughtry looking. She also complained of sore throat aches and having a sore pea shooter, and I took her to the family little squirter. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 24-hour flu and suggested she take two Benjamins with a glass of doggy pee pees and go to bed aboriginally.

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Tree Monkey for being late for your exuberant science class. It's my fault. I feel abashed. Tree Monkey was up until the sickeningly handsome hours of the morning completing his icicle stabbing-head pounding project. Just as he was going out the deliciously adorable door, I noticed that his only pair of cheetah spots had a chubby cheeked boy in them. It took me an hour to find my so many different noises I can't think so I could see to profusely bleed on the needle, enabling me to sew his new backpacks back together.

FluffyChicky said...
Dear Physical Education Teacher,
Please excuse Melba Peachbottom, Homecoming Queen 1937, from missing hair-raising class yesterday. When Melba awakened yesterday, I could see that her nose was Teen Spirit smelly. She also complained of hairy-as-a-gorilla man boobs aches and having a sore crusty old sea captain with a broken peg leg, and I took her to the family shopping cart with one squeaky wheel. The doctor quickly diagnosed it to be the 849274092958743.1728312-hour flu and suggested she take two Elphaba impersonators who don’t need green makeup because they were just born that way with a glass of regurgitated diet coke and go to bed unhappily.

Dear Science Teacher,
Please excuse Dick Dickerson, who is wearing his favorite light puce dickey, for being late for your pig-headed science class. It's my fault. I feel bitter. Dick was up until the fat as a hippo with a glandular problem hours of the morning completing his squeezable project. Just as he was going out the decomposed door, I noticed that his only pair of electric girdles had Spongebob Squarepants boxer shorts in them. It took me an hour to find my senior citizens that hog all the good benches in the chapel so I could see to fart the needle, enabling me to sew his members of the People With Nasty Hobbit Feet Society back together.

The Observatory

Our class went on a field trip to a/an (adjective) observatory. It was located on top of a/an (noun), and it looked like a giant (noun) with a slit down its (noun). We went inside and looked through a/an (noun) and were able to see (plural noun) in the sky that were millions of (plural noun) away. The men and women who (verb) in the observatory are called (plural noun), and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting (plural noun). An eclipse occurs when a/an (noun) comes between the earth and the (noun) and everything gets (adjective). Next week, we plan to (verb) the Museum of Modern (noun).

Millie said...
Our class went on a field trip to a dump truck-totalling observatory. It was located on top of an inexperienced pole dancer who doesn't know what the pole is for, and it looked like a giant embezzler with a slit down its hairy love handle. We went inside and looked through an idiot blog stalker and were able to see pasty white thighs in the sky that were millions of cockfights away. The men and women who drool in the observatory are called bunny slippers, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting chocolate-covered potato chips. An eclipse occurs when a cleavage peeker comes between the earth and Jim Swarthout's Doberman and everything gets smacked and embarrassed. Next week, we plan to browbeat the Museum of Modern remodeled garage.

Klin said...
Our class went on a field trip to a loud-mouthed observatory. It was located on top of a chunky monkey, and it looked like a giant Costa Vida heaven with a slit down its charity yard sale. We went inside and looked through more homework than I needed and were able to see how-did-I-get-all-these-cats thoughts in the sky that were millions of doggie poo-poos away. The men and women who yawn frequently in the observatory are called ultra heavy eyelids, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting stupid politics. An eclipse occurs when a snot-nosed kid comes between the earth and the ultimate dirty car and everything gets delicioso. Next week, we plan to light the Museum of Modern thunder and lightning bolt.

Heffalump said...
Our class went on a field trip to a stunningly beautiful in a sparkly way observatory. It was located on top of Kermit the Frog, and it looked like a giant Seven Foot Tall Talking Carrot with a slit down its Carol Burnett. We went inside and looked through Julie Andrews and were able to see Muppets in the sky that were millions of Puppets away. The men and women who Stagger like someone drunk on life in the observatory are called Dancing Vegetables, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting Singing Monsters. An eclipse occurs when Miss Piggy comes between the earth and John Denver and everything gets drool worthy. Next week, we plan to Sing in the Rain at the Museum of Modern Muppet Show Reunion.

FluffyChicky said...
Our class went on a field trip to a glow-in-the-dark observatory. It was located on top of that strange girl from 7th grade home room who had upper lip fuzz, a slight under-bite, eyebrows to rival Groucho Marx, and the unfortunate first name of Hortensia, and it looked like a giant expired cream of mushroom soup with a slit down its Queen Elizabeth’s polka dot patterned knickers. We went inside and looked through an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time, and were able to see ingrown toenails in the sky that were millions of albino Albanian women away. The men and women who obfuscate in the observatory are called armadillos, and they are always watching for comets, eclipses, and shooting previously licked Jell-O pudding pops. An eclipse occurs when Mrs. Potato Head comes between the earth and “dress like a drag queen” Thurday and everything gets flamboyant. Next week, we plan to prostrate the Museum of Modern Big Bad Bart the Bucking Buffalo.

The Constitution

The Constitution of the United States was adopted September 17, 1787.

Studying the Constitution is a/an (adjective) rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American (plural noun) ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a/an (adjective) document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent (plural noun), but a nation with a/an (adjective) government that would deal with (plural noun) as well as (plural noun). The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two (plural noun), and a larger body called the House of (plural noun), which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the (adjective). This created a system of checks and (plural noun) that works to protect us to this day and gives us our (adjective) government of the people, for the people, and by the (plural noun).

Heffalump said...
Studying the Constitution is an argyle patterned rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American Seven Dwarves ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a devoid of the milk of human kindness document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent astronaut monkeys, but a nation with a baggy lipped government that would deal with pickpockets as well as waiters who wish they were actors. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two fire hydrants, and a larger body called the House of Child Stars who left Disney behind to become total skanks, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the dripping with ooze. This created a system of checks and Borg Drones that works to protect us to this day and gives us our putrescent government of the people, for the people, and by the American Idol Rejects.

Millie said...
Studying the Constitution is a stiff drink-needing rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American mystery dates ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a crunchy document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent people who break chairs over other people's noses, but a nation with a stupefied by Weird Al government that would deal with hallucinogenic avocados as well as special brownies. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two angry earwigs, and a larger body called the House of fishnet stockings, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the always a bridesmaid never a bride. This created a system of checks and toe smellers that works to protect us to this day and gives us our chicken waddle-obsessed government of the people, for the people, and by the sadistic ruler-wielding nuns.

Klin said...
Studying the Constitution is a whiny-pouty rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American wet smelling dogs ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a ridiculously repetitive document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent super dramatic tv shows, but a nation with a nutty cream government that would deal with piles and piles of folded clean bedding as well as beautiful children. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two hot steamy showers, and a larger body called the House of pedicures, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the dingy brown. This created a system of checks and gazillion puzzle pieces that works to protect us to this day and gives us our dusty mite filled government of the people, for the people, and by the bags and bags of garbage.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Studying the Constitution is a busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American LA Dodger fans ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a cheap as a two dollar whore document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent dental fillings, but a nation with a hypocritical as Obama's two speeches this week government that would deal with severed head Halloween decorations as well as Crayola Crayons. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two bags of garbage, and a larger body called the House of hip-hop dancers, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the tangy. This created a system of checks and unusually happy emo kids that works to protect us to this day and gives us our easy-peasy lemon-squeezey government of the people, for the people, and by the no-bake cookies.

FluffyChicky said...
Studying the Constitution is a gargantuan rainy day camp activity. In 1787, a convention of important American Lee press-on nails ratified our Constitution. The Constitution was a goose-stepping document that guaranteed that the U.S. would not merely be a league of independent Cream Soda addicts, but a nation with a coma-inducing government that would deal with panty raiders as well as Cousin Herbie’s tap dancing pigeons. The Constitution provided for a senate, to which every state would send two synchronized pink moped driving teams, and a larger body called the House of members of the Adults Who Still Wet Their Beds But Secretly Like It Society, which was based on population. The government was divided into three branches: the judicial, the legislative, and the suspiciously seductive. This created a system of checks and flaming bags of dog poop that works to protect us to this day and gives us our poopy-smelling government of the people, for the people, and by the freaky freaks who like to get their freak on.

A Visit to the Dentist

PATIENT: Thank you so very much for seeing me, Doctor (last name), on such (adjective) notice.
DENTIST: What is your problem, young (noun)?
PATIENT: I have a pain in my upper (noun) which is giving me a severe (part of body) ache.
DENTIST: Let me take a look. Open your (part of the body) wide. Good. Now I'm going to tap your (plural noun) with my (noun).
PATIENT: Shouldn't you give me a/an (noun) killer?
DENTIST: It's not necessary yet. (Exclamation)! I think I see a/an (noun) in your upper (noun).
PATIENT: Are you going to pull my (noun) out?
DENTIST: No. I'm going to (verb) your tooth and put in a temporary (noun).
PATIENT: When do I come back for the (adjective) filling?
DENTIST: A day after I cash your (noun).

Millie said...
PATIENT: Thank you so very much for seeing me, Doctor Vandendungenbille, on such triple-thumbed notice.
DENTIST: What is your problem, young wacky landlady?
PATIENT: I have a pain in my upper inexplicable hair growth which is giving me a severe scalp ache.
DENTIST: Let me take a look. Open your calf muscle wide. Good. Now I'm going to tap your Shrinky-Dink machines with my resentful nudist colony occupant.
PATIENT: Shouldn't you give me a cotton-ball head killer?
DENTIST: It's not necessary yet. SOY SAUCE! I think I see apricot ooze in your upper hamster nostril.
PATIENT: Are you going to pull my butt out?
DENTIST: No. I'm going to sky-write your tooth and put in a temporary hobo advocate.
PATIENT: When do I come back for the smell-noticing filling?
DENTIST: A day after I cash your milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard.

Heffalump said...
PATIENT: Thank you so very much for seeing me, Doctor Snively, on such brawny notice.
DENTIST: What is your problem, young Vatican?
PATIENT: I have a pain in my upper jet pack which is giving me a severe deviated septum ache.
DENTIST: Let me take a look. Open your coccyx wide. Good. Now I'm going to tap your Pointer Sisters with my overnight bag.
PATIENT: Shouldn't you give me a baked potato killer?
DENTIST: It's not necessary yet. Holy House of Horror Batman! I think I see Jack Palance in your upper toe jam.
PATIENT: Are you going to pull my boulder out?
DENTIST: No. I'm going to spin your tooth and put in a temporary fabulous group from the 70's called BREAD.
PATIENT: When do I come back for the petulant filling?
DENTIST: A day after I cash your nose goblin.

Klin said...
PATIENT: Thank you so very much for seeing me, Doctor Snicket, on such "very chatty I have so much to say that I might forget" fast-talking notice.
DENTIST: What is your problem, young not only steaming but also spicy hot chili?
PATIENT: I have a pain in my upper "can you turn down that ridiculous TV show" request which is giving me a severe sprained ankle ache.
DENTIST: Let me take a look. Open your broken fingernail wide. Good. Now I'm going to tap your overfilled garbage cans with my dried up dead lawn spot.
PATIENT: Shouldn't you give me a willy willy girl killer?
DENTIST: It's not necessary yet. Jumpin' Jehosephat! I think I see a marinated and barbequed pork chop in your upper tried and true recipe.
PATIENT: Are you going to pull my Tonka Truck out?
DENTIST: No. I'm going to stinky-breathe your tooth and put in a temporary scratched table.
PATIENT: When do I come back for the not very reverent after talks on reverence filling?
DENTIST: A day after I cash your child that sings a lot.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
PATIENT: Thank you so very much for seeing me, Doctor Obama, on such effervescent notice.
DENTIST: What is your problem, young Weird Al Yankovic album?
PATIENT: I have a pain in my upper High School Musical lunchbox which is giving me a severe uvula ache.
DENTIST: Let me take a look. Open your left ring finger wide. Good. Now I'm going to tap your angry monkeys with my cowboy hat.
PATIENT: Shouldn't you give me a Club Med resort killer?
DENTIST: It's not necessary yet. HOLY SCHNIKIES! I think I see a bottle full of stool softeners in your upper crazed Euro-Soccer fan riot.
PATIENT: Are you going to pull my bottle of "I'm Not Really a Waitress" Red nail polish out?
DENTIST: No. I'm going to shimmy your tooth and put in a temporary American Idol reject.
PATIENT: When do I come back for the clean as a Home Show Tour house filling?
DENTIST: A day after I cash your lying family member who fakes loving you so they appear to be nice to everyone else.

Nursery Rhymes

When some (adjective) school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped (adverb) into their (part of body, plural) or were on the tip of their (part of body, plural), these were their (adjective) answers:

1) Jack and Jill went up the (noun) to (verb) a pail of (type of liquid). Jack fell down and broke his (noun) and Jill came (verb ending in ING) after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your (noun) grow? With (adjective) bells and (adjective) shells and (plural noun) all in a row.
3) Three blind (plural noun), see how they run. They all went after the (noun)'s wife, who (verb, past tense) their (part of body, plural) with a/an (adjective) knife. Did you ever (verb) such a/an (noun) in your life as three (adjective) mice?

Thorny Tree Lady said...
When some frantic school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped repeatedly into their fingernails or were on the tip of their ear drums, these were their fiery answers:

1) Jack and Jill went up the raisin to scamper a pail of diet Dr. Pepper. Jack fell down and broke his alien from the planet Ramalamadingdong and Jill came knee-boarding after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your colony of Texas Fire Ants grow? With venomous bells and spacy shells and bacon cheeseburgers all in a row.
3) Three blind facebook friends, see how they run. They all went after the fart-gas breathing dragon's wife, who sang their pituitary glands with a roomy knife. Did you ever stock-trade such a ponytail holder in your life as three disproportionate mice?

Millie said...
When some tongue-scalding school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped skirt-wrinklingly into their epiglottises or were on the tip of their decolletage, these were their Rastafarian answers:

1) Jack and Jill went up the extremely purty mouth to gesticulate a pail of armpit slime. Jack fell down and broke his obscure Sting lyric and Jill came snorting after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your annoying offspring grow? With shifty-eyed bells and malodorous shells and cheese addicts all in a row.
3) Three blind Draco Malfoy fans, see how they run. They all went after the Uno Attack game on the rampage's wife, who winced their appendixes with a homework-enjoying knife. Did you ever modify such an idiot pope who thinks forks are evil in your life as three fascinated by earmuffs mice?

FluffyChicky said...
When some pea-green school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped stealthily into their nose hairs so long they can be braided or were on the tip of their British style teeth, these were their clinically obese answers:

1) Jack and Jill went up the slap-happy nun to squelch a pail of Granny Smith Apple scented Dawn soap. Jack fell down and broke his floor mat woven entirely out of ear-hair trimmings and Jill came skinny-dipping after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how do your pantaloons grow? With kangaroo-like bells and gruesome shells and glow-in-the-dark rubber mice all in a row.
3) Three blind plus-sized synchronized swim team rejects, see how they run. They all went after the Patchy the Pirate’s peg leg's wife, who spanked their boobs with a smutty knife. Did you ever prostrate such a pilfered traffic cone in your life as three punch-drunk mice?

Mel Smell said...
When some weiner dog-adoring school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped scratch-and-sniffingly into their between the toe hairs or were on the tip of their roll creases, these were their fraught with following midgets answers:

1) Jack and Jill went up the constant dumb look giver to watch the "Take on Me" video and wish to step into the drawing a pail of colon sauce. Jack fell down and broke his kitty coveralls and Jill came dog spanking after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your Mom's camera look grow? With snufalupufagus resembling bells and rear ring rubbing shells and old lady schnosberries all in a row.
3) Three blind non-public pee-ers, see how they run. They all went after the farts and leaves the room-er's wife, who buns unclenched their behind the earlobe goobers with a Soft Cell obsessed knife. Did you ever walk like a chicken such a slapped and insulted dump dweller in your life as three drowning in black eyeliner mice?

Klin said...
When some stunning school students were asked what nursery rhymes popped grumpily into their jam of the toes or were on the tip of their eyebrows, these were their snarky answers:

1) Jack and Jill went up the book to crawl a pail of turpentine. Jack fell down and broke his shoe and Jill came reading after.
2) Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your front-end loader grow? With golden bells and mellow shells and glasses all in a row.
3) Three blind snickers, see how they run. They all went after the sidewalk's wife, who burped their cuticles with a stupid knife. Did you ever snore such a weed patch in your life as three rash mice?

August 24

6 adjectives
Adverb
3 parts of body, plural (yes, all plural)
5 nouns
2 verbs
Type of liquid
Verb ending in ING
2 plural nouns
Verb, past tense

Bicycle Riding

Most doctors agree that bicycle (verb ending in ING) is a/an (adjective) form of exercise that benefits (plural noun) of all ages. Riding a bicycle enables you to develop your (part of the body) muscles as well as (adverb) increase the rate of your (part of the body) beat. Bicycle riding is also a/an (adjective) means of (noun). More (plural noun) around the world (verb) bicycles than drive (plural noun). No matter what kind of (noun) you ride, always be sure to wear a/an (noun) on your head and have reflectors on your (part of the body), especially if you (verb) at night.

Klin said...
Most doctors agree that bicycle smashing is a dusty form of exercise that benefits Legos of all ages. Riding a bicycle enables you to develop your toe muscles as well as devastatingly increase the rate of your tongue beat. Bicycle riding is also an annoying means of cookie. More inquiries around the world cry bicycles than drive weeds. No matter what kind of milk you ride, always be sure to wear a kid on your head and have reflectors on your hair, especially if you eat at night.

Millie said...
Most doctors agree that bicycle hip-swaying is a disobedient form of exercise that benefits dang dirty Democrats of all ages. Riding a bicycle enables you to develop your sniffer muscles as well as sluttily increase the rate of your scratcher beat. Bicycle riding is also a "didn't hear you" means of chocolate drop. More humorless blowholes around the world whine bicycles than drive twits. No matter what kind of uncomfortably long pinky nail you ride, always be sure to wear a toe blister on your head and have reflectors on your looker, especially if you act like a jerk at night.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Most doctors agree that bicycle chewing is a chocolatey form of exercise that benefits musty old library books of all ages. Riding a bicycle enables you to develop your glabella muscles as well as vindictively increase the rate of your uvula beat. Bicycle riding is also an itchy means of bubble-gum toothpaste. More ticked-off town hall participants around the world square-dance bicycles than drive real ivory piano keys. No matter what kind of wireless keyboard you ride, always be sure to wear a box of bandaids on your head and have reflectors on your funny bone, especially if you sit-n-pout at night.

Physcokity said... (good to see you!!)
Most doctors agree that bicycle bubble gum-popping is a sneakier than a cat burglar form of exercise that benefits hobbits of all ages. Riding a bicycle enables you to develop your nosehair muscles as well as happily increase the rate of your toenail beat. Bicycle riding is also a squeakier than wet, worn-out hi-tops on a linoleum floor means of mouse. More behemoths around the world run bicycles than drive carousel horses. No matter what kind of thunder you ride, always be sure to wear a leaf on your head and have reflectors on your pinkies, especially if you laugh at night.

To Whom It May Concern

I have known (name of person in room) for (number) years and (adverb) recommend him/her for the position of assistant (noun) in your (adjective) company. I can't (verb) enough about this person's (adjective) character and ability to get along with his/her fellow (plural noun). As for educational background, (same person) is a college (noun), is capable of speaking several foreign (plural noun), and has an IQ of (number). You will find (same person) to be a/an (adjective) worker who is not only as smart as a/an (noun), but who doesn't know the meaning of the word (verb). Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

Millie said...
I have known Michael Bluth for 3987 years and painstakingly recommend him for the position of assistant 5-squeezer zit in your death-avenging company. I can't drip enough about this person's ant-covered character and ability to get along with his fellow post-nasal drips. As for educational background, Michael Bluth is a college candle stub, is capable of speaking several foreign stirrup pants, and has an IQ of 7.2934. You will find Michael Bluth to be a muffin-top-sporting worker who is not only as smart as an inquisitive armadillo, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word squash. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

FluffyChicky said...
I have known Grandma Fogerty in her lounge singer outfit for 27 years and becomingly recommend her for the position of assistant nose flute choir in your sweaty company. I can't cogitate enough about this person's slippery character and ability to get along with her fellow greasy grimy gopher guts. As for educational background, Grandma Fogerty is a college Don Knotts, is capable of speaking several foreign toenail clippings, and has an IQ of .8008. You will find Grandma Fogerty to be a mind-numbing worker who is not only as smart as Frida Kahlo’s unibrow, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word perform. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
I have known Cletus, the Cowboy Gas Station Attendant for 10 years and swimmingly recommend him for the position of assistant box of Apple Jacks in your sizzlin' company. I can't diaper-change enough about this person's frutilicious character and ability to get along with his fellow Pokemon cards. As for educational background, Cletus is a college angry outburst from an 8 year old, is capable of speaking several foreign blueberry fields, and has an IQ of 14. You will find Cletus to be an overweight worker who is not only as smart as an Aerobed, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word sit in the hot tub. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

I'm very sorry I didn't see your comments until TODAY (8/18)!! Oops! It won't happen again.

Mount Rushmore

The Mount Rushmore Memorial was dedicated by President Calvin Coolidge on August 10, 1927.

In the (adjective) Hills of South Dakota, a/an (noun) named Gutzon Borglum (verb, past tense) a/an (noun) to resemble the (part of the body, plural) of four U.S. presidents. Using (plural noun) and (plural noun), the sculptors would chip away tons of (plural noun) until the (part of the body, plural) of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the (relative) of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the (noun); Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of (noun); and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for (verb ending in ING) up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than (number) tourists from all over the (noun) (verb) Mount Rushmore each year.

Millie said...
In the Moth-Attracting Hills of South Dakota, a popsicle stain named Gutzon Borglum wrapper-crinkled a bendy straw to resemble the toe chubs of four U.S. presidents. Using turkey trots and unexplainable car crumbs, the sculptors would chip away tons of collapsible pocket wheelbarrows until the thyroid glands of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the Stepuncle of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the out-of-control zucchini plant; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Multi-bump Wart; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for barraging up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 2438761 tourists from all over the persimmon eyeball Mount Rushmore each year.

Klin said...
In the Mosquito Rich Hills of South Dakota, a squeaky ball named Gutzon Borglum laughed a pic-a-nic basket to resemble the septums of four U.S. presidents. Using spilled forks and folded towels, the sculptors would chip away tons of playing dogs until the toenails of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the daughter's dog's 3rd cousin once removed of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the lasagna; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Great Movie; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for whining up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 5 tourists from all over the lost TV remote are funny at Mount Rushmore each year.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
In the Gacky Hills of South Dakota, a bag of Bing cherries named Gutzon Borglum skreetched an on-screen keyboard to resemble the nostrils of four U.S. presidents. Using scratched DVDs and ungrateful gift recipients, the sculptors would chip away tons of tricycles until the pinky toes of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandmother of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the gold doubloon; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Salted Soft Pretzel; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for partying up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 815 tourists from all over the blow-up plastic pool with a hole in it sniff Mount Rushmore each year.

Suzanne said... (How fun to see you!!)
In the Hot Hills of South Dakota, a sandbox named Gutzon Borglum ran a wading pool to resemble the knees of four U.S. presidents. Using tomatoes and peppers, the sculptors would chip away tons of zucchini until the elbows of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the step-grandpa of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the popsicle; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Sunscreen; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for swimming up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 662 tourists from all over the sunglasses sing Mount Rushmore each year.

FluffyChicky said...
In the Flamboyant Hills of South Dakota, a rotten banana named Gutzon Borglum shrieked a previously used q-tip to resemble the breast implants of four U.S. presidents. Using skinny dippers who don’t believe in shaving or underarm deodorant, and Beatniks, the sculptors would chip away tons of Hell’s Grannies until the deviated septums of the presidents emerged. The presidents include George Washington, the great-grandmother’s maiden aunt with upper lip fuzz of our country; Abraham Lincoln, who preserved the Little Bunny Foo-Foo; Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Chartered Accountant; and Theodore Roosevelt, who was famous for discreetly farting up San Juan Hill in the Spanish-American War. More than 0.8937 tourists from all over the politically incorrect to consume, yet very tasty, veal shank, mutter Mount Rushmore each year.