Charity Drive Letter

Dear (name of person in room),
I’m sure you’ve heard of our organization, “The Society for the Prevention of (adjective) (plural noun).” We are currently having a drive to raise (number) dollars to build an up-to-date (noun) for underprivileged (plural noun). I know that as one of the leading (plural noun) of your community you will want to contribute to this (adjective) cause. Our president (celebrity) and our treasurer (celebrity) have been connected with many (adjective) charities. They urge you to reach down into your (noun) and give. Even if it’s only a/an (noun). The money will finance our (adjective) out-patient clinic where anyone who thinks he has (a liquid) in his (plural noun) can come and have our (adjective) doctors x-ray his (noun). Eventually we hope to stamp out (plural noun) altogether.
(Signed) (name of person in room)

Millie said...
Dear Gomez,
I’m sure you’ve heard of our organization, “The Society for the Prevention of Lactose-intolerant Turkey Breast Slices.” We are currently having a drive to raise 27 dollars to build an up-to-date Army private for underprivileged never-flattering sleeveless shirts. I know that as one of the leading drunken monkeys of your community you will want to contribute to this curtsying cause. Our president, the Quaker Oats guy, and our treasurer, Aunt Jemima, have been connected with many incandescent charities. They urge you to reach down into your chin hickey and give. Even if it’s only a toenail. The money will finance our see-through out-patient clinic where anyone who thinks he has peach nectar in his camel riders can come and have our trolloplike doctors x-ray his drawer pull. Eventually we hope to stamp out stinkbombs altogether.
(Signed) Furgler

Heffalump said...
Dear Beatrice,
I’m sure you’ve heard of our organization, “The Society for the Prevention of Stuffed Soldiers.” We are currently having a drive to raise 2 dollars to build an up-to-date Cupid for underprivileged maidens. I know that as one of the leading squires of your community you will want to contribute to this pernicious cause. Our president Kenneth Branaugh and our treasurer Emma Thompson have been connected with many suspicious charities. They urge you to reach down into your arrow and give. Even if it’s only a wedding. The money will finance our invisible out-patient clinic where anyone who thinks he has blood in his letters can come and have our obstinate doctors x-ray his prince. Eventually we hope to stamp out winebibbers altogether.
(Signed) Benedick