Bringing Home the Good - Or Is It Bad? - News

Dear Parent,
Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter of the alphabet) in English, a/an (letter of the alphabet) in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (part of body) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun) conference" is necessary to discuss (same person)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (part of body). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. (last name of another person in room)
Head (occupation)

Millie said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Scuzzlebutt's report card for the icicle-growing eighth grade. He has received an "I" in English, a "W" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Wayward Sheep. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing diphthong in Anty Pepsi Bottle Education because his broken knuckle hair prevented the taking of the final tooth grunge. This square and brown class can be made up in our summer huge Cannery can. The school believes a "parent-hungry five-year-old who won't come to the kitchen but prefers to whine instead conference" is necessary to discuss Scuzzlebutt's inexplicably barking behavior. He continues to draw writhing around the Christmas tree pictures on the bathroom Red Bull and talks squawkingly behind the teacher's upper lip fuzz. Please call the principal's crunchy washcloth left to drip dry on the tub rail for a perfunctory appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Pencilsniffer
Head Drool Wiper

Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Santa's report card for the jolly eighth grade. He has received an "H" in English, an "O" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Chimneys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing present in Ornament Education because his broken tire ring waist prevented the taking of the final stocking. This rosy class can be made up in our summer star. The school believes a "parent-cookie conference" is necessary to discuss Santa's red behavior. He continues to draw cold pictures on the bathroom eggnog and talks happily behind the teacher's flabby thighs. Please call the principal's fat pants for a fat appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Claus
Head Deliverer of Happiness

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Dancing With the Stars Season 9 Champ, Donny Osmond's, report card for the shrivelled-up eighth grade. He has received an "S" in English, an "M" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Candy Canes. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Santa's Workshop in Fine-Toothed Comb Education because his broken pinky toe prevented the taking of the final frayed toothbrush. This hard as a rock class can be made up in our summer broken Wii console with pennies in it. The school believes a "parent-ice cold water bottle conference" is necessary to discuss Donny's sparkly as Edward behavior. He continues to draw odiferous pictures on the bathroom Advent calendar and talks painstakingly behind the teacher's kneecap. Please call the principal's Katie Couric impersonator for a heartburn-inducing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Rockafeller
Head Cartoon Colorist

Klin said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Lazy Lion's report card for the shiny & bright eighth grade. He has received an "A" in English, a "Z" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Piles of Shoveled Snow. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing snowflake in Snowball Education because his broken skin between the toes prevented the taking of the final snow shovel. This cozy fire like class can be made up in our summer snow plow. The school believes a "parent-snow coat conference" is necessary to discuss Lazy's entitled behavior. He continues to draw icy pictures on the bathroom snow boots and talks crumbily behind the teacher's broken nail. Please call the principal's snow for a freezing appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Maggilicutty
Head Meteorologist

FluffyChicky said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Jerry Sizzler's report card for the slimy eighth grade. He has received a "Q" in English, a "T" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Ten Lords a-Leaping. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Little Orphan Annie in 8-track of “MacArthur Park” as recorded by the late Richard Harris Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final bootleg copy of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. This smelly class can be made up in our summer raging case of dandruff. The school believes a "parent-spastic flatulence conference" is necessary to discuss Jerry's spastic behavior. He continues to draw snide pictures on the bathroom HMS Pinafore performed entirely in Ig-Pay Atin-Lay, and talks saucily behind the teacher's unibrow. Please call the principal's reindeer droppings for a superfluous appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. McCheapPants
Head IRS Auditor

Dave said...
Dear Parent,
Here is Admiral Ackbar's report card for the Jedi-like eighth grade. He has received an "F" in English, a "U" in Mathematics, and an "A" in Social Power Converters. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing lightsaber in Blaster Education because his broken Midi-chlorians prevented the taking of the final protocol droid. This emotionless class can be made up in our summer Jedi mind trick. The school believes a "parent-nerf-herder conference" is necessary to discuss Admiral Ackbar's droid-free behavior. He continues to draw "Empire" covered pictures on the bathroom Death Star and talks fuzzily behind the teacher's hand. Please call the principal's bounty hunter for a roguish appointment immediately.
Sincerely,
Ms. Skywalker
Head Sith Lord