To Whom It May Concern

I have known (name of person in room) for (number) years and (adverb) recommend him/her for the position of assistant (noun) in your (adjective) company. I can't (verb) enough about this person's (adjective) character and ability to get along with his/her fellow (plural noun). As for educational background, (same person) is a college (noun), is capable of speaking several foreign (plural noun), and has an IQ of (number). You will find (same person) to be a/an (adjective) worker who is not only as smart as a/an (noun), but who doesn't know the meaning of the word (verb). Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

Millie said...
I have known Michael Bluth for 3987 years and painstakingly recommend him for the position of assistant 5-squeezer zit in your death-avenging company. I can't drip enough about this person's ant-covered character and ability to get along with his fellow post-nasal drips. As for educational background, Michael Bluth is a college candle stub, is capable of speaking several foreign stirrup pants, and has an IQ of 7.2934. You will find Michael Bluth to be a muffin-top-sporting worker who is not only as smart as an inquisitive armadillo, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word squash. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

FluffyChicky said...
I have known Grandma Fogerty in her lounge singer outfit for 27 years and becomingly recommend her for the position of assistant nose flute choir in your sweaty company. I can't cogitate enough about this person's slippery character and ability to get along with her fellow greasy grimy gopher guts. As for educational background, Grandma Fogerty is a college Don Knotts, is capable of speaking several foreign toenail clippings, and has an IQ of .8008. You will find Grandma Fogerty to be a mind-numbing worker who is not only as smart as Frida Kahlo’s unibrow, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word perform. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
I have known Cletus, the Cowboy Gas Station Attendant for 10 years and swimmingly recommend him for the position of assistant box of Apple Jacks in your sizzlin' company. I can't diaper-change enough about this person's frutilicious character and ability to get along with his fellow Pokemon cards. As for educational background, Cletus is a college angry outburst from an 8 year old, is capable of speaking several foreign blueberry fields, and has an IQ of 14. You will find Cletus to be an overweight worker who is not only as smart as an Aerobed, but who doesn't know the meaning of the word sit in the hot tub. Unfortunately, this is one of many words this person doesn't know the meaning of.

I'm very sorry I didn't see your comments until TODAY (8/18)!! Oops! It won't happen again.