Football Broadcast

Natalie said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Tsetse Flies and the West Point Winebibbers. The center has just snapped the Barney effigy back to the Columbia star halfback, Ben Stein, who is running around his own left mascara goop. There he's tackled hard around the hard-boiled egg. Now it's West Point's ball and 1238973 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Bea Arthur, who fades back and throws a long, up too early pass which is caught by Captain Kangaroo, who is West Point's inexplicably itchy quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the flowers-sending mop for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 bottle of Windex line. He's going to penalize West Point for hog-calling.

CoconutKate said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Platypi and the West Point Songs. The center has just snapped the line back to the Columbia star halfback, Bruce Willis, who is running around his own left sticker. There he's tackled hard around the tomato pincushion. Now it's West Point's ball and 11 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Bill Nye the Science guy, who fades back and throws a long, orangy-green pass which is caught by The Rock, who is West Point's pajama clad quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the fake ID for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 half-dead plant line. He's going to penalize West Point for cavorting.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Undomesticated Equines and the West Point Disgruntled "No on Prop 8" Supporters. The center has just snapped the USPS forwarding address label back to the Columbia star halfback, Tom Cruise, who is running around his own left crusty piece of leftover birthday cake. There he's tackled hard around the unmade bed. Now it's West Point's ball and 815 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Paris Hilton, who fades back and throws a long, curious pass which is caught by Lindsay Lohan, who is West Point's uneducated quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the barrel of monkeys for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 bag of cherry sours line. He's going to penalize West Point for excavating.

Klin said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Fuzzy-wuzzy-cute Hamsters and the West Point Chorus of Yapping/Barking Dogs. The center has just snapped the about-to-take-off-while-spinning washer back to the Columbia star halfback, Brad Pitt, who is running around his own left so-saturated-it-might-flood soil. There he's tackled hard around the freaking-piles-and-piles-of-bedding. Now it's West Point's ball and 89,216 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Madonna, who fades back and throws a long, incredibly adorable pass which is caught by Drew Barrymore, who is West Point's sickeningly amazing quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the too-dirty-to-cook-in-kitchen for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 soaking wet dog line. He's going to penalize West Point for driving-and-driving.

Dalene said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Blue Wildebeests and the West Point Toenail Clippings. The center has just snapped the bright orange traffic cone back to the Columbia star halfback, Bruce Willis, who is running around his own left melty ice cream cone. There he's tackled hard around the Madonna cone. Now it's West Point's ball and 362.876 and a 1/2 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Penn, who fades back and throws a long, egomaniacal pass which is caught by Teller, who is West Point's quintessentially insignificant quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the conehead for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 frosted pinecone line. He's going to penalize West Point for headbanging.

Sketchy said...
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is your favorite sportscaster bringing you the big football game between the Columbia University Blast-ended Screwts and the West Point Mountains upon Mountains of Dirty Laundry. The center has just snapped the lonely unmatched sock in the dryer back to the Columbia star halfback, Eeyore, who is running around his own left roly-poly bug. There he's tackled hard around the long walk home. Now it's West Point's ball and 9.2 to go. They're coming out of the huddle. The ball is snapped back to Morris the cat, who fades back and throws a long, red-necked, yeller-bellied, piece of dung scraped off of somebody's shoe pass which is caught by his arch enemy Garfield, who is West Point's quarterback. He's in the clear and he races over the sparkling green pen for a touchdown! No, no, wait! The referee is calling the play back to the 35 spam, glorious spam! line. He's going to penalize West Point for deliciously satisfying.