Beauty Advice #1

If your skin is (adjective) or (adjective), you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your (noun), massage it gently with a/an (noun) that has been soaked overnight in a/an (container) full of warm (liquid). Then mix together some (a food) and some (a food) until the mixture becomes (adjective). Pat this onto your (adjective) complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a/an (noun), and wash your face with (adjective) water. Do not omit this (adjective) step or your skin will become (adjective). Do this (adverb) every day and you will soon be as (adjective) as (name of person in room).

Klin said...
If your skin is exhausted or busy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your sled, massage it gently with snow that has been soaked overnight in a 2 quart pitcher full of warm grandma's famous fruit slush. Then mix together some veggie pizza and some Chex Muddy Buddies until the mixture becomes loud. Pat this onto your enjoying complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using Edward, and wash your face with abundant water. Do not omit this excited step or your skin will become bored. Do this forlornly every day and you will soon be as going-by-too-fast as Emmett.

Natalie said...
If your skin is slot machine-frequenting or covered with burlap, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your random people slapper, massage it gently with a mustache waxer that has been soaked overnight in a Mini Crockpot full of warm guacamole. Then mix together some egg flower soup and some hamster chow until the mixture becomes really bratty. Pat this onto your muzzle-needing complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a mean child, and wash your face with Pez dispensing water. Do not omit this rude step or your skin will become emotionally unavailable. Do this hypnotically every day and you will soon be as vitriolic as Baby LaTacos.

Suzanne said...
If your skin is crispy or mushy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your radio, massage it gently with a TV that has been soaked overnight in a cookie jar full of warm expired egg nog. Then mix together some cereal and some toast until the mixture becomes stinky. Pat this onto your aromatic complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a computer, and wash your face with lush water. Do not omit this sparse step or your skin will become chilly. Do this slyly every day and you will soon be as steaming as Dancing hula lady.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
If your skin is lime green or excruciating, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your half-eaten snowman's nose, massage it gently with a stinky dish towel that has been soaked overnight in a toothpaste tube full of warm Dr Pepper. Then mix together some tater tot casserole and some chicken cordon bleu until the mixture becomes spotted. Pat this onto your orange complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a stolen car, and wash your face with shrunken water. Do not omit this mushy step or your skin will become downhearted. Do this passionately every day and you will soon be as oval as Oprah.