Pool Rools

ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this (noun) or soak in our (adjective) spa, you must follow these (adjective) rules.

1. No nude (verb ending in ING) allowed. Men must wear (adjective) shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing (plural nouns) or (adjective) bikinis.

2. No (plural noun) under the age of (number) are allowed in the (noun) unless accompanied by a (noun).

3. (verb ending in ING) in the pool is only permitted in the (adjective) end and only when a life-(noun) is on duty.

4. People with (adjective) hair must wear bathing (plural noun).

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, (adverb) cover your arms, legs, and (part of the body) with a (adjective) lotion. You don't want to get a (noun) burn!

Have a (adjective) day!

Physcokity said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this blue cheese dressing or soak in our colder-than-your-mom-on-a-bad-day spa, you must follow these sassy rules.

1. No nude dazzling allowed. Men must wear more-flies-than-a-pile-of-horse-manure shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing sticks of butter or fifty-something bikinis.

2. No rubber duckies under the age of 50...million are allowed in the sexy lingerie unless accompanied by a lighthouse.

3. Zinging in the pool is only permitted in the Fergalicious end and only when a life-lei is on duty.

4. People with heavy hair must wear bathing beefcakes from Hades.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, exactly cover your arms, legs, and hairy armpit with a snot-nosed lotion. You don't want to get a snowball burn!

Have a hairier than a dang saskwatch day!

Tori said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this cat whisker or soak in our half-naked spa, you must follow these cottage cheesy rules.

1. No nude buzzing allowed. Men must wear pus-filled shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing houses or crispy bikinis.

2. No camels under the age of 121,464 are allowed in the race car unless accompanied by a cereal bowl.

3. Cleaning in the pool is only permitted in the checkered end and only when a life-eyebrow comb is on duty.

4. People with see-thru hair must wear bathing teeth.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, half-heartedly cover your arms, legs, and nostril with a rancid lotion. You don't want to get a bra strap burn!

Have a sticky day!

Elasticwaistband Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this Anti-Monkey Butt Powder or soak in our obscenely obscene spa, you must follow these saggy rules.

1. No nude prancing allowed. Men must wear soggy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing olive pits named Brad Pitt or androgynous bikinis.

2. No dust bunny mafias under the age of 888 are allowed in the Beetlejuice sandwich unless accompanied by crustified undies.

3. Romancing in the pool is only permitted in the stupider-than-a-flock-of-low-IQ-sheep end and only when a life-Big Bill's blue ball is on duty.

4. People with perverted hair must wear dandruff-filled snowglobes.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, know-it-all-ingly cover your arms, legs, and fibber fibbin fibula with a sharty lotion. You don't want to get a giant potato eye with a monacle-burn!

Have a milquetoast day!

Suzanne said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this North or soak in our red spa, you must follow these orange rules.

1. No nude belching allowed. Men must wear yellow shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing cheeses or green bikinis.

2. No armpits under the age of 62 are allowed in the East unless accompanied by a South.

3. Farting in the pool is only permitted in the blue end and only when a life-West is on duty.

4. People with purple hair must wear bathing watermelons.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, willingly cover your arms, legs, and belly button with a brown lotion. You don't want to get an underground-burn!

Have a black day!

Jean Knee said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this mayonnaise jar or soak in our big spa, you must follow these little rules.

1. No nude pus-gushing allowed. Men must wear squishy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing owls or receding bikinis.

2. No basement windows under the age of 4 are allowed in the birdhouse unless accompanied by a melted candle stuck in ear.

3. Hip hopping in the pool is only permitted in the stiff, little end and only when a life-Hello Kitty is on duty.

4. People with bad-ashed hair must wear bathing lilting sailors.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, wildly cover your arms, legs, and uvula with a slimy lotion. You don't want to get an corn cob-burn!

Have a soft day!

Thorny Tree Lady said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this fizzled-out computer speaker or soak in our apathetic spa, you must follow these underestimated rules.

1. No nude sacrificing allowed. Men must wear well-done shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing feather pillows or whiny bikinis.

2. No telemarketers under the age of 815 are allowed in the stale diet coke unless accompanied by a peanut butter granola bar.

3. Placating in the pool is only permitted in the tired end and only when a life-Dora swimming suit is on duty.

4. People with hungry hair must wear bathing Trekkies.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, noisily cover your arms, legs, and uvula with an accentuated lotion. You don't want to get an dull sewing scissors-burn!

Have a morose day!

Rachael said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this Carl's Jr. or soak in our slippery spa, you must follow these puke green rules.

1. No nude sideways-walking allowed. Men must wear sloppy shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing rat tails or gangrene-infected bikinis.

2. No crying whining kids under the age of 2 are allowed in the blue-eyed baby unless accompanied by a kitchen sink.

3. Climbing in the pool is only permitted in the rat infested end and only when a life-ingrown hair is on duty.

4. People with crusty hair must wear bathing screen-pinched fingers.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, quickly cover your arms, legs, and excessively tattooed arm with a 6" tall lotion. You don't want to get a funky-smelling toenail burn!

Have a hairy day!

Klin said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this long freakin' drive or soak in our "I can't move another muscle" tired spa, you must follow these chipped and broken rules.

1. No nude finally we begin moving allowed. Men must wear stacked four high and unstable shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing tired and worn out kids or slower than molasses wire transfers bikinis.

2. No sad about no internets parents under the age of 1279 are allowed in the freshly tarred road unless accompanied by a super toasty toad.

3. Soon to be sleeping in the pool is only permitted in the spooky and ooky end and only when a life-barren rooms of old house is on duty.

4. People with mysteriously kosher hair must wear bathing freaked out about moving pets.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, woosily cover your arms, legs, and middle knuckle on the left ring finger with a soaked with sweat lotion. You don't want to get a mega large moving truck-burn!

Have a brand-spankin' new day!

Natalie said...
ATTENTION ALL SWIMMERS!

If you want to swim in this bra-snapping teenager or soak in our grungy scrunchie-sporting spa, you must follow these scary and partially digested rules.

1. No nude waddling allowed. Men must wear likes-to-point-out-armpit-hair shorts, and women must wear one-piece bathing snot bubbles or "not a cold sore"-having bikinis.

2. No raunchified toothbrushes under the age of 238471 are allowed in the sucky deaf people movie unless accompanied by a glass jar of wet cigarette butts.

3. Pantsing in the pool is only permitted in the Iocane powder-poisoned end and only when a life-bulging Dizzy Gillespie cheek is on duty.

4. People with camo undies-wearing hair must wear bathing blue-flamers.

WARNING! If you plan to sunbathe, emergency-potty-goingly cover your arms, legs, and epididymus with a brown and crunchy lotion. You don't want to get a kitten pot pie-burn!

Have a drop-kicked across the room day!