Bringing Home the Good... Or Is It Bad? ... News

Dear Parent,

Here is (person in room)'s report card for the (adjective) eighth grade. He/she has received a/an (letter) in English, a/an (letter) in Mathematics, and an A in Social (plural noun). Unfortunately, we could not give a passing (noun) in (noun) Education because his/her broken (body part) prevented the taking of the final (noun). This (adjective) class can be made up in our summer (noun). The school believes a "parent-(noun)" conference is necessary to discuss (same person in room)'s (adjective) behavior. He/She continues to draw (adjective) pictures on the bathroom (noun) and talks (adverb) behind the teacher's (body part). Please call the principal's (noun) for a/an (adjective) appointment immediately.

Sincerely,
Mr./Ms. (another person in room)
Head (occupation)

Dalene said...
Dear Parent,

Here is Alan's report card for the perturbed eighth grade. He has received a Q in English, an A in Mathematics, and an A in Social Neuroses. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing hotbed in Flatbed Education because his broken clavicle prevented the taking of the final flatbread. This incubated class can be made up in our summer compost. The school believes a "parent-joint compound" conference is necessary to discuss Alan's overdone behavior. He continues to draw annoyingly displayed pictures on the bathroom Dutch oven and talks adoringly behind the teacher's pinkie toe. Please call the principal's dust bunny for a preposterous appointment immediately.

Sincerely,
Ms. Annie
Head Parade Pooper-Scooper

Thorny Tree Lady said...
Dear Parent,

Here is Kate Austin's report card for the salty eighth grade. She has received an S in English, an M in Mathematics, and an A in Social Ineffective Optical Mice. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing phalange in Python Education because her broken uvula prevented the taking of the final jasmine flower. This black class can be made up in our summer scratchy bra that doesn't fit right. The school believes a "parent-photo printer" conference is necessary to discuss Kate's inebriated behavior. She continues to draw labeled pictures on the bathroom Austin Powers impersonator and talks amazingly behind the teacher's hangnail. Please call the principal's David Hasselhoff for an underwhelmed appointment immediately.

Sincerely,
Mr. Jack Shepheard
Head Porta-Potty Cleaner

Klin said...
Dear Parent,

Here is Chappell's report card for the smelly moldy laundry eighth grade. He has received a Q in English, a W in Mathematics, and an A in Social Driving Me Crazy Whining Girls. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing rolled up rug in Super Happy Husband Education because his broken smooth soft elbow prevented the taking of the final out of tune guitar. This comfy warm flannel class can be made up in our summer stuffed full storage shed. The school believes a "parent-lost and broken camera" conference is necessary to discuss Chappell's sinkful of dirty behavior. He continues to draw jam-packed full pictures on the bathroom his royal highness Sir Pounce-a-Lot and talks joyfully behind the teacher's big toe toenail. Please call the principal's very empty panty for a smells like a wet dog appointment immediately.

Sincerely,
Ms. Nicole
Head Gynecologist

Suzanne said...
Dear Parent,

Here is Bonnie's report card for the hot eighth grade. She has received a Q in English, an A in Mathematics, and an A in Social Monkeys. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing Grumpy in Sleepy Education because her broken armpit prevented the taking of the final Bashful. This sticky class can be made up in our summer Doc. The school believes a "parent-Sneezy" conference is necessary to discuss Bonnie's smelly behavior. She continues to draw sweaty pictures on the bathroom Happy and talks gingerly behind the teacher's toenail. Please call the principal's Dopey for a humid appointment immediately.

Sincerely,
Mr. Clyde
Head Garbage Man

Wynne said...
Dear Parent,

Here is Siegfried's report card for the chunky eighth grade. He has received an M in English, an X in Mathematics, and an A in Social Mice. Unfortunately, we could not give a passing football in Living Room Education because his broken belly button prevented the taking of the final mother. This dilapidated class can be made up in our summer gunnysack. The school believes a "parent-pit viper" conference is necessary to discuss Siegfried's glossy behavior. He continues to draw tangy pictures on the bathroom rock and talks gloopily behind the teacher's gall bladder. Please call the principal's police officer for a gelatinous appointment immediately.

Sincerely,
Mr. Roy
Head Bus Driver

I liked that they're teaching "Social Neuroses" in the eighth grade and the "parent-pit viper" conference.