Mad Lib Monday: Beauty Advice

If your skin is (adjective) or (adjective), you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your (noun), massage it gently with a (noun) that has been soaked overnight in a (container) full of warm (liquid). Then mix together some (food) and some (food) until the mixture becomes (adjective). Pat this onto your (adjective) complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a (noun), and wash your face with (adjective) water. Do not omit this (adjective) step or your skin will become (adjective). Do this (adverb) every day and you will soon be as (adjective) as (name of person).

Glittersmama said...
If your skin is sweaty or stinky, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your helmet, massage it gently with a shoulder pad that has been soaked overnight in a water cooler full of warm Gatorade. Then mix together a hot dog and some popcorn until the mixture becomes overweight. Pat this onto your overpaid complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a cleat, and wash your face with athletic water. Do not omit this glittery step or your skin will become shiny. Do this deftly every day and you will soon be as greasy as Terrell Owens.

Kayelyn said...
If your skin is short or loud, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your house, massage it gently with a car that has been soaked overnight in a juice pitcher full of warm furniture polish. Then mix together some pomegranate and some cheese spread until the mixture becomes smooth. Pat this onto your creamy complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a fridge, and wash your face with dirty water. Do not omit this old step or your skin will become copper-colored. Do this lightly every day and you will soon be as chilled as Mr. Roboto.

Thorny Tree Lady said...
If your skin is gamey or prudish, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your bowl full of garlic mashed potatoes, massage it gently with a Squanto that has been soaked overnight in a prescription bottle full of warm carmel apple cider. Then mix together some Hawaiian Haystacks and some gelato until the mixture becomes rancid-smelling. Pat this onto your cheetalicious complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a Nicole Kidman, and wash your face with raunchy water. Do not omit this grateful step or your skin will become tired. Do this longingly every day and you will soon be as frightening as Dwight Schrute.

Azul said...
If your skin is smelly or wrinkled, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your balloon whisk, massage it gently with a fireman that has been soaked overnight in a mug full of warm coffee. Then mix together some escargot and a tamale until the mixture becomes rosy. Pat this onto your skeletal complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a nurse, and wash your face with rigid water. Do not omit this golden step or your skin will become sparkly. Do this quickly every day and you will soon be as tired as Nina.

compulsive writer said...
If your skin is vindictive or mildly objectionable, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your cave-dweller, massage it gently with a moss-covered toadstool that has been soaked overnight in a dumpster full of warm Uncle Pete's vintage moonshine. Then mix together some Beluga Malossol Caviar and some perfectly aged Camembert until the mixture becomes scurrilous. Pat this onto your beyond unbearable complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a big-toe hair, and wash your face with presumptuous water. Do not omit this perfectly predictable step or your skin will become sub-human. Do this exquisitely efficiently every day and you will soon be as unprecedented as Peter Pettigrew.

physcokity said...
If your skin is greasy or grimy, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your cottage cheese, massage it gently with a bleu cheese crumble that has been soaked overnight in a toxic waste barrel full of warm ooze that turned them into teenage mutant ninja turtles. Then mix together some lime and some coconut until the mixture becomes shatastic. Pat this onto your fergalicious complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a toboggan, and wash your face with silky water. Do not omit this shiny step or your skin will become smooth. Do this freely every day and you will soon be as hotter than a washed up stripper in a g-string as Calvin Coolidge.

Jean Knee said...
If your skin is slovenly porcine or odiferous, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your drunken uncle Steve, massage him gently with an inert gas that has been soaked overnight in a burping plastic bowl thing full of warm old man drool. Then mix together some honey wheat sticks and some pickled beets until the mixture becomes funny like an enema. Pat this onto your creepy like an old lady's neck complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a brand new car, and wash your face with wants a spanking water. Do not omit this benign step or your skin will become rip roaring. Do this refreshingly differently every day and you will soon be as snot-covered as Cher.

Mel Smell said...
If your skin is full of wise cracks or uni-testicled, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your snowy butt crack, massage it gently with a lip fur that has been soaked overnight in a sputum basin full of warm eye socket sauce. Then mix together some groundhog and an egg until the mixture becomes floating away with the clouds. Pat this onto your 80's cliche complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a renegade hiney hair clipping, and wash your face with obsessed with Vicki the robot girl from "Small Wonder" water. Do not omit this dirty food on the floor-eating step or your skin will become full of worms. Do this fart-waftingly every day and you will soon be as Elvira-looking as Green Granny-panties Gretchen.

lia said...
If your skin is fly-bitten or milk-liered, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your mammal, massage it gently with an amphibian that has been soaked overnight in a crockpot full of warm spoiled milk. Then mix together a Snickers bar and some Diet Coke until the mixture becomes ratty. Pat this onto your spoingy complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a paunch, and wash your face with lumpy water. Do not omit this knotted step or your skin will become torn. Do this decisively every day and you will soon be as limp as Hannah Montana.

fluffychicky said...
If your skin is feeble or sultry, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your mutilated monkey meat, massage it gently with a super slinky hot pants that has been soaked overnight in a previously used coffin (with bits of the previous tenant left behind) full of warm Jack Daniels Old Tennessee Whiskey No. 5. Then mix together some open faced roast beef sandwiches and some stale French toast sticks until the mixture becomes soggy-bottomed. Pat this onto your grotesquely flatulent complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using greasy grimy gopher guts, and wash your face with lip-smacking good water. Do not omit this unrighteous step or your skin will become crusty like old people. Do this huskily every day and you will soon be as Botox-using as Jack Skellington.

Dawnyel said...
If your skin is creepy or stinky, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your eyeball, massage it gently with an Dixie cup that has been soaked overnight in a Tupperware tumbler full of warm slime. Then mix together a burrito and some Cheetos until the mixture becomes slimy. Pat this onto your flat complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using a mouse, and wash your face with warm water. Do not omit this red step or your skin will become icy. Do this wearily every day and you will soon be as hard as Hiro Nakamura.

Sketchy said...
If your skin is son of a pig or blast-ended, you can cure this condition with the following care. Every morning, before washing your big black nothing, massage it gently with a snot-nosed neighbor child that has been soaked overnight in a take-out Chinese food box full of warm sludge. Then mix together some cucumber puree and some carrot jello until the mixture becomes cunuckiness. Pat this onto your mexically complexion for five minutes. Then remove, using the new mole on top of my head, and wash your face with acutely worrisome water. Do not omit this phonemically aware step or your skin will become blue-bellied. Do this slip-side-and-awayily every day and you will soon be as faithfully relaxed as Natalie Norsqwaskali.