Dear (name of man),
I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).
Signed: (name of man)
Annie said...
Dear Michael,
I am in love with your malignant daughter Angela and I would like to ask for her Dwight in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Pam. She is the only Creed I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my paper products. At present I am employed as an assistant Dunder Mifflin and I make a projectile salary of 16 dollars a week. I have a split-level Jim picked out in Scranton that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her ordinary and to be a compulsary Phyllis.
Signed: Ryan the Temp
Mel Smell said...
Dear Filthy Phil,
I am in love with your loves to scare everyone daughter Double D Debbie and I would like to ask for her butt on the chine in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect giant posterior bulge. She is the only perverted snowman accessory I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky horse farts. At present I am employed as an assistant inappropriate cockatiel tattoo-er and I make a laughs like a vacuum salary of 5.7 dollars a week. I have a split-level hyena STD picked out in Djibuti, Africa that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her free of politeness and to be a polywarted monkey knocker restrictor.
Signed: Afro-armpit Arnold
thorny tree lady said...
Dear John,
I am in love with your green daughter Sherrie and I would like to ask for her giraffe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect phone. She is the only acorn I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flowers. At present I am employed as an assistant aardvark and I make a square salary of 89 dollars a week. I have a split-level DVD picked out in Fresno, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her angry and to be a thin apple.
Signed: Steve
elasticwaistbandlady said...
Dear Hubert,
I am in love with your stanky daughter Runaround Sue and I would like to ask for her alpaca farmer in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect whoopie cushion. She is the only used merkin I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hairy burritos. At present I am employed as an assistant No Tell Motel and I make a swaying to the music of The Circle Jerks salary of 411 dollars a week. I have a split-level petrified gall stone picked out in Timbuktu that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her finger-lickin and to be an amorous one-handled pogo stick.
Signed: Diamond Dave
glittersmama said...
Dear Peter,
I am in love with your wavy daughter Mary and I would like to ask for her drum in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect dog. She is the only light bulb I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my trucks. At present I am employed as an assistant mountain and I make a smoky salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level bump picked out in the Grand Canyon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her scratchy and to be an orange bucket.
Signed: Leroy
Johnna said...
Dear Harold the Hairless Hottentot,
I am in love with your superfluous daughter Augusta and I would like to ask for her eyedropper in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect spark plug. She is the only umbrella I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my sunflower seeds. At present I am employed as an assistant exam and I make an aromatic salary of 5 dollars a week. I have a split-level rake picked out in Topeka that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her bowlegged and to be a yellow constellation.
Signed: Bert
Kayelyn said...
Dear Bob,
I am in love with your hawt daughter Amy and I would like to ask for her purse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bed. She is the only clarinet I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my bags. At present I am employed as an assistant boy and I make a stinky salary of 277 dollars a week. I have a split-level Hostess cupcake picked out in Disneyland that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her orange and to be a yellow leaf.
Signed: Bryan Russell
Jean Knee said...
Dear Adam,
I am in love with your bendy daughter Eve and I would like to ask for her tongs in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect clock. She is the only beanbag I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my beans. At present I am employed as an assistant cage and I make a quiet salary of 3 dollars a week. I have a split-level dirtbag picked out in Vegas, baby! that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her broken hearted and to be a scary frog.
Signed: Bill
Tracy M said...
Dear David,
I am in love with your wiggly daughter Tracy and I would like to ask for her playground in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect tree. She is the only moon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my swings. At present I am employed as an assistant dinner and I make a candlelit salary of 11 dollars a week. I have a split-level twinkly lights picked out in Austria that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her beautiful and to be a hilly stray cat strut.
Signed: Hognose Snake Harry
Heffalump said...
Dear Wally,
I am in love with your muscular daughter Daisy and I would like to ask for her dog in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cat. She is the only chicken I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my baby chicks. At present I am employed as an assistant horse and I make a delightful salary of 7 dollars a week. I have a split-level gravy picked out in Luxembourg that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her insane and to be a death-defying gerbil.
Signed: Al
No Cool Story said...
Dear Pat,
I am in love with your banana-y daughter Chris and I would like to ask for her pterodactyl in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect corn dog. She is the only cheese I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my chocolate moles. At present I am employed as an assistant chocolate rain and I make a transformationary salary of 1345.42 dollars a week. I have a split-level kiss picked out in Boring, Oregon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pompous and to be a humongous tub of lard.
Signed: Manly Man
Physcokity said...
Dear Anthony,
I am in love with your rock hard daughter Bernice and I would like to ask for her toe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect shoulder. She is the only monster truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ears. At present I am employed as an assistant red ryder bb gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time, and I make a ice cold salary of a bazillion dollars a week. I have a split-level cathedral picked out on Broadway that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soft like a baby's bottom and to be a silky smooth butterfly.
Signed: Cliff
Melissa said...
Dear George,
I am in love with your flexible daughter Barbara and I would like to ask for her candle in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect trampoline. She is the only hanger I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my boxes. At present I am employed as an assistant street light and I make a round salary of 30 dollars a week. I have a split-level boogie board picked out on Oceanside, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her salty and to be a noisy beehive.
Signed: Harold
Tori said...
Dear Humberto,
I am in love with your skanky daughter Luka and I would like to ask for her calculator in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect raisin. She is the only spam I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my pebbles. At present I am employed as an assistant hoe and I make a ho salary of 69 dude!! dollars a week. I have a split-level basketball picked out on San Dimus that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slimy and to be a crusty stripper pole.
Signed: Guillermo
Wendy said...
Dear Herbert,
I am in love with your hairy daughter Miss Piggy and I would like to ask for her shoe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bike. She is the only nose I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my socks. At present I am employed as an assistant plate and I make a round salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level sand picked out on Waikiki that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy hard drive.
Signed: Lester
Suzanne said...
Dear Bill,
I am in love with your hairy daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her mountain in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cheese. She is the only slinky black dress I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky cheeses. At present I am employed as an assistant umbrella and I make a forceful salary of 54 dollars a week. I have a split-level kung-fu fighting picked out on the moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her snotty and to be a happy race car.
Signed: Prince Charles
Tonya said...
Dear Tim,
I am in love with your beautiful daughter Tonya and I would like to ask for her chair in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect keyboard. She is the only water bottle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my clocks. At present I am employed as an assistant phone and I make a black salary of 8 dollars a week. I have a split-level medicine picked out in Myrtle Beach that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her stinky and to be a cold paperclip.
Signed: Phil
Sketchy said...
Dear MC Diggy-dog,
I am in love with your lower intestine-esque daughter Natashkalashka and I would like to ask for her poochy buns in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect smelly old locker room. She is the only little pink wagon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my raspberry barrettes. At present I am employed as an assistant cheeselips and I make an unfortunately pinkish salary of 27.075 dollars a week. I have a split-level 60-40 Ninja picked out in Kissamee, Florida that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her basically vile and to be a prepubescent inconvenient truth.
Signed: Norbert Norsquaskalie
Pezlady said...
Dear Freddy,
I am in love with your zippy daughter Bertha and I would like to ask for her armpit in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect pair of skanky jeans. She is the only baby slobber I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my smelly socks. At present I am employed as an assistant birthday card and I make a sensational salary of 427,986,513 dollars a week. I have a split-level poop picked out in Castleford, Idaho that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hairy and to be an insane vomit.
Signed: Newton
Methodical Wormer said...
Dear Judis,
I am in love with your fabricated daughter Millie and I would like to ask for her phone in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect back massager. She is the only glow stick I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Festivus poles. At present I am employed as an assistant whip and I make a skanky salary of 52 dollars a week. I have a split-level card picked out in Gobi Desert that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy chain.
Signed: Frasier
Compulsive Writer said...
Dear Scotty,
I am in love with your horny daughter Suzy and I would like to ask for her settee in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect TV. She is the only banshee I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my manatees. At present I am employed as an assistant birdie and I make a corny salary of sixty dollars a week. I have a split-level BVD picked out in Tennessee that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sexy and to be a squishy pear tree.
Signed: Stevie
Carronin said...
Dear Benny,
I am in love with your lacy daughter Penny and I would like to ask for her king size bed in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect underwear. She is the only local pawn shop I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my cookies. At present I am employed as an assistant fuzzy dice and I make a punchy salary of 6 dollars a week. I have a split-level mall picked out in Las Vegas, baby that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her brownish and to be a delicious Elvis impersonator.
Signed: Wayne Newton
b. said...
Dear Hoss,
I am in love with your tall daughter Chlamydia and I would like to ask for her boots in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hat. She is the only truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my horses. At present I am employed as an assistant saddle and I make a cold salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level elk picked out in Book Cliffs that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her excited and to be a stiff pair of chaps.
Signed: Chism! John Chism!
Amanda said...
Dear Jack,
I am in love with your lost daughter Kate and I would like to ask for her hatch in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect computer. She is the only button I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my others. At present I am employed as an assistant raft and I make a pregnant salary of 815 dollars a week. I have a split-level jungle picked out on the island that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a sweaty survivor.
Signed: Sawyer
Dawnyel said...
Dear Spongebob,
I am in love with your squishy daughter Fiona and I would like to ask for her binder in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect laundry basket. She is the only brick wall I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flip flops. At present I am employed as an assistant alley and I make a humongous salary of 7,000 dollars a week. I have a split-level nostril picked out on the Equator that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her fluffy and to be a scratchy toenail.
Signed: Geraldo
Rebecca said...
Dear Fabio,
I am in love with your hungry daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her pot in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cooling rack. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my back stairs. At present I am employed as an assistant cat and I make a slimy salary of 5 million dollars a week. I have a split-level fire picked out on the Nile River that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soothing and to be a scary elephant.
Signed: King Henry VIII
Fluffychicky said...
Dear Rodorigo,
I am in love with your tasty daughter Myrtle and I would like to ask for her computer virus in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect poodle. She is the only tutu I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Weird Al Yankovic Albums. At present I am employed as an assistant supervisor and I make a flirty salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level cow picked out in the North West Territories that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her nerdy and to be a springy banana rocking chair.
Signed: Joe Jr.
