Dear (name of man),

I am in love with your (adjective) daughter (first name of woman) and I would like to ask for her (noun) in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect (noun). She is the only (noun) I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my (plural noun). At present I am employed as an assistant (noun) and I make a (adjective) salary of (number) dollars a week. I have a split-level (noun) picked out in (geographical location) that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her (adjective) and to be a (adjective) (noun).

Signed: (name of man)

Annie said...
Dear Michael,

I am in love with your malignant daughter Angela and I would like to ask for her Dwight in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect Pam. She is the only Creed I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my paper products. At present I am employed as an assistant Dunder Mifflin and I make a projectile salary of 16 dollars a week. I have a split-level Jim picked out in Scranton that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her ordinary and to be a compulsary Phyllis.

Signed: Ryan the Temp

Mel Smell said...
Dear Filthy Phil,

I am in love with your loves to scare everyone daughter Double D Debbie and I would like to ask for her butt on the chine in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect giant posterior bulge. She is the only perverted snowman accessory I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky horse farts. At present I am employed as an assistant inappropriate cockatiel tattoo-er and I make a laughs like a vacuum salary of 5.7 dollars a week. I have a split-level hyena STD picked out in Djibuti, Africa that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her free of politeness and to be a polywarted monkey knocker restrictor.

Signed: Afro-armpit Arnold

thorny tree lady said...
Dear John,

I am in love with your green daughter Sherrie and I would like to ask for her giraffe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect phone. She is the only acorn I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flowers. At present I am employed as an assistant aardvark and I make a square salary of 89 dollars a week. I have a split-level DVD picked out in Fresno, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her angry and to be a thin apple.

Signed: Steve

elasticwaistbandlady said...
Dear Hubert,

I am in love with your stanky daughter Runaround Sue and I would like to ask for her alpaca farmer in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect whoopie cushion. She is the only used merkin I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my hairy burritos. At present I am employed as an assistant No Tell Motel and I make a swaying to the music of The Circle Jerks salary of 411 dollars a week. I have a split-level petrified gall stone picked out in Timbuktu that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her finger-lickin and to be an amorous one-handled pogo stick.

Signed: Diamond Dave

glittersmama said...
Dear Peter,

I am in love with your wavy daughter Mary and I would like to ask for her drum in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect dog. She is the only light bulb I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my trucks. At present I am employed as an assistant mountain and I make a smoky salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level bump picked out in the Grand Canyon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her scratchy and to be an orange bucket.

Signed: Leroy

Johnna said...
Dear Harold the Hairless Hottentot,

I am in love with your superfluous daughter Augusta and I would like to ask for her eyedropper in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect spark plug. She is the only umbrella I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my sunflower seeds. At present I am employed as an assistant exam and I make an aromatic salary of 5 dollars a week. I have a split-level rake picked out in Topeka that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her bowlegged and to be a yellow constellation.

Signed: Bert

Kayelyn said...
Dear Bob,

I am in love with your hawt daughter Amy and I would like to ask for her purse in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bed. She is the only clarinet I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my bags. At present I am employed as an assistant boy and I make a stinky salary of 277 dollars a week. I have a split-level Hostess cupcake picked out in Disneyland that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her orange and to be a yellow leaf.

Signed: Bryan Russell

Jean Knee said...
Dear Adam,

I am in love with your bendy daughter Eve and I would like to ask for her tongs in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect clock. She is the only beanbag I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my beans. At present I am employed as an assistant cage and I make a quiet salary of 3 dollars a week. I have a split-level dirtbag picked out in Vegas, baby! that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her broken hearted and to be a scary frog.

Signed: Bill

Tracy M said...
Dear David,

I am in love with your wiggly daughter Tracy and I would like to ask for her playground in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect tree. She is the only moon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my swings. At present I am employed as an assistant dinner and I make a candlelit salary of 11 dollars a week. I have a split-level twinkly lights picked out in Austria that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her beautiful and to be a hilly stray cat strut.

Signed: Hognose Snake Harry

Heffalump said...
Dear Wally,

I am in love with your muscular daughter Daisy and I would like to ask for her dog in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cat. She is the only chicken I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my baby chicks. At present I am employed as an assistant horse and I make a delightful salary of 7 dollars a week. I have a split-level gravy picked out in Luxembourg that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her insane and to be a death-defying gerbil.

Signed: Al

No Cool Story said...
Dear Pat,

I am in love with your banana-y daughter Chris and I would like to ask for her pterodactyl in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect corn dog. She is the only cheese I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my chocolate moles. At present I am employed as an assistant chocolate rain and I make a transformationary salary of 1345.42 dollars a week. I have a split-level kiss picked out in Boring, Oregon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her pompous and to be a humongous tub of lard.

Signed: Manly Man

Physcokity said...
Dear Anthony,

I am in love with your rock hard daughter Bernice and I would like to ask for her toe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect shoulder. She is the only monster truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my ears. At present I am employed as an assistant red ryder bb gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time, and I make a ice cold salary of a bazillion dollars a week. I have a split-level cathedral picked out on Broadway that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soft like a baby's bottom and to be a silky smooth butterfly.

Signed: Cliff

Melissa said...
Dear George,

I am in love with your flexible daughter Barbara and I would like to ask for her candle in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect trampoline. She is the only hanger I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my boxes. At present I am employed as an assistant street light and I make a round salary of 30 dollars a week. I have a split-level boogie board picked out on Oceanside, California that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her salty and to be a noisy beehive.

Signed: Harold

Tori said...
Dear Humberto,

I am in love with your skanky daughter Luka and I would like to ask for her calculator in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect raisin. She is the only spam I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my pebbles. At present I am employed as an assistant hoe and I make a ho salary of 69 dude!! dollars a week. I have a split-level basketball picked out on San Dimus that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her slimy and to be a crusty stripper pole.

Signed: Guillermo

Wendy said...
Dear Herbert,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Miss Piggy and I would like to ask for her shoe in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect bike. She is the only nose I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my socks. At present I am employed as an assistant plate and I make a round salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level sand picked out on Waikiki that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy hard drive.

Signed: Lester

Suzanne said...
Dear Bill,

I am in love with your hairy daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her mountain in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cheese. She is the only slinky black dress I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my stinky cheeses. At present I am employed as an assistant umbrella and I make a forceful salary of 54 dollars a week. I have a split-level kung-fu fighting picked out on the moon that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her snotty and to be a happy race car.

Signed: Prince Charles

Tonya said...
Dear Tim,

I am in love with your beautiful daughter Tonya and I would like to ask for her chair in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect keyboard. She is the only water bottle I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my clocks. At present I am employed as an assistant phone and I make a black salary of 8 dollars a week. I have a split-level medicine picked out in Myrtle Beach that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her stinky and to be a cold paperclip.

Signed: Phil

Sketchy said...
Dear MC Diggy-dog,

I am in love with your lower intestine-esque daughter Natashkalashka and I would like to ask for her poochy buns in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect smelly old locker room. She is the only little pink wagon I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my raspberry barrettes. At present I am employed as an assistant cheeselips and I make an unfortunately pinkish salary of 27.075 dollars a week. I have a split-level 60-40 Ninja picked out in Kissamee, Florida that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her basically vile and to be a prepubescent inconvenient truth.

Signed: Norbert Norsquaskalie

Pezlady said...
Dear Freddy,

I am in love with your zippy daughter Bertha and I would like to ask for her armpit in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect pair of skanky jeans. She is the only baby slobber I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my smelly socks. At present I am employed as an assistant birthday card and I make a sensational salary of 427,986,513 dollars a week. I have a split-level poop picked out in Castleford, Idaho that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hairy and to be an insane vomit.

Signed: Newton

Methodical Wormer said...
Dear Judis,

I am in love with your fabricated daughter Millie and I would like to ask for her phone in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect back massager. She is the only glow stick I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Festivus poles. At present I am employed as an assistant whip and I make a skanky salary of 52 dollars a week. I have a split-level card picked out in Gobi Desert that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a steamy chain.

Signed: Frasier

Compulsive Writer said...
Dear Scotty,

I am in love with your horny daughter Suzy and I would like to ask for her settee in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect TV. She is the only banshee I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my manatees. At present I am employed as an assistant birdie and I make a corny salary of sixty dollars a week. I have a split-level BVD picked out in Tennessee that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her sexy and to be a squishy pear tree.

Signed: Stevie

Carronin said...
Dear Benny,

I am in love with your lacy daughter Penny and I would like to ask for her king size bed in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect underwear. She is the only local pawn shop I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my cookies. At present I am employed as an assistant fuzzy dice and I make a punchy salary of 6 dollars a week. I have a split-level mall picked out in Las Vegas, baby that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her brownish and to be a delicious Elvis impersonator.

Signed: Wayne Newton

b. said...
Dear Hoss,

I am in love with your tall daughter Chlamydia and I would like to ask for her boots in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect hat. She is the only truck I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my horses. At present I am employed as an assistant saddle and I make a cold salary of 4 dollars a week. I have a split-level elk picked out in Book Cliffs that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her excited and to be a stiff pair of chaps.

Signed: Chism! John Chism!

Amanda said...
Dear Jack,

I am in love with your lost daughter Kate and I would like to ask for her hatch in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect computer. She is the only button I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my others. At present I am employed as an assistant raft and I make a pregnant salary of 815 dollars a week. I have a split-level jungle picked out on the island that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her hot and to be a sweaty survivor.

Signed: Sawyer

Dawnyel said...
Dear Spongebob,

I am in love with your squishy daughter Fiona and I would like to ask for her binder in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect laundry basket. She is the only brick wall I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my flip flops. At present I am employed as an assistant alley and I make a humongous salary of 7,000 dollars a week. I have a split-level nostril picked out on the Equator that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her fluffy and to be a scratchy toenail.

Signed: Geraldo

Rebecca said...
Dear Fabio,

I am in love with your hungry daughter Hillary and I would like to ask for her pot in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect cooling rack. She is the only hat I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my back stairs. At present I am employed as an assistant cat and I make a slimy salary of 5 million dollars a week. I have a split-level fire picked out on the Nile River that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her soothing and to be a scary elephant.

Signed: King Henry VIII

Fluffychicky said...
Dear Rodorigo,

I am in love with your tasty daughter Myrtle and I would like to ask for her computer virus in marriage. She is my idea of a perfect poodle. She is the only tutu I have ever loved and I want her to be the mother of my Weird Al Yankovic Albums. At present I am employed as an assistant supervisor and I make a flirty salary of 27 dollars a week. I have a split-level cow picked out in the North West Territories that we can live in. If you give your permission, I promise to make her nerdy and to be a springy banana rocking chair.

Signed: Joe Jr.

I Don't Own a Car

"Ferris Bueller, you're my hero."

I believe in at least one -ism, so I hope he can forgive me. Here's his famous shower speech.

I do have a test today - that wasn't bull[doodoo]. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in the Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Here's how yours turned out.

No Cool Story said...
I do have buns today - that wasn't silly. It's on Hawtlander Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Hawtlander. I don't plan on being a Hawtlander. So who gives a plume if they're Socialists? They could be reactionary clowns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a lunar rover.

Not that I condone reactionism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not blazing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his noun. I quote Millie the Chicken: "I don't believe in the Unos, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the Nessie. I could be the Nessie. I'd still have to bum cucarachas off of people.

glittersmama said...
I do have a pencil today - that wasn't booga booga. It's on Haitian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Haitian. I don't plan on being Haitian. So who gives a shoe if they're Socialists? They could be slimy demons - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Pacer.

Not that I condone slimyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not strong. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his vapor. I quote Dwight Schrute: "I don't believe in Van Halen, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the monkey. I could be the monkey. I'd still have to bum laundry baskets off of people.

Melissa said...
I do have a tree today - that wasn't gobbledeegook. It's on Ewok Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not an Ewok. I don't plan on being an Ewok. So who gives a syrup if they're Socialists? They could be sticky bombs - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a hovercraft.

Not that I condone stickyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not shimmery. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his cell phone. I quote Dame Judi Dench: "I don't believe in U2, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the meerkat. I could be the meerkat. I'd still have to bum GPS navigational systems off of people.

Tracy M said...
I do have a baseball bat today - that wasn't zoinkies. It's on Marsupial Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Marsupial. I don't plan on being Marsupial. So who gives an outhouse dweller if they're Socialists? They could be glommy clowns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a tricycle.

Not that I condone glommyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not yellowing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his globe. I quote Scarlett O'Hara: "I don't believe in Whitesnake, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the kangaroo. I could be the kangaroo. I'd still have to bum curtains off of people.

Heffalump said...
I do have a leg warmer today - that wasn't voonderbar. It's on white trash Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not white trash. I don't plan on being white trash. So who gives a kite if they're Socialists? They could be verbose teenage girls - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a VW Beetle.

Not that I condone verbose-ism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not reckless. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his dog food. I quote Elvis: "I don't believe in Violent Femmes, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the dingo. I could be the dingo. I'd still have to bum babies off of people.

Kayelyn said...
I do have a word today - that wasn't gibberish. It's on Filipino Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Filipino. I don't plan on being Filipino. So who gives a boat if they're Socialists? They could be burnt un-cats - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a truck.

Not that I condone burntism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not black. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his laundry basket. I quote Madonna: "I don't believe in the Scorpions, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the weasel. I could be the weasel. I'd still have to bum slippers off of people.

Luisa Perkins said...
I do have a rock today - that wasn't bejeebers. It's on Basque Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Basque. I don't plan on being Basque. So, who gives a plywood if they're Socialists? They could be unctuous rats - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a recumbent bicycle.

Not that I condone unctuousism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not feathered. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his globe. I quote Marilyn Monroe: "I don't believe in Loverboy, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the hyena. I could be the hyena. I'd still have to bum potatoes off of people.

Physcokity said...
I do have a drawer today - that wasn't malarky. It's on Green-Ewok Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Green-Ewok. I don't plan on being Green-Ewok. So who gives a lei if they're Socialists? They could be superfluous buns - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Kit from Knight Rider.

Not that I condone superfluousism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not gentle. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his hair. I quote Where's Waldo: "I don't believe in KISS, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the horse. I could be the horse. I'd still have to bum houses off of people.

nikko said...
I do have an enchilada today - that wasn't whippersnapper. It's on Australian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Australian. I don't plan on being Australian. So who gives a go kart if they're Socialists? They could be snippy nukes - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a minivan.

Not that I condone snippyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not pink. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his radio. I quote Bob Hope: "I don't believe in Tears for Fears, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the cheetah. I could be the cheetah. I'd still have to bum phones off of people.

Tori :) said...
I do have a box today - that wasn't fo' shizzle. It's on Samoan Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Samoan. I don't plan on being Samoan. So who gives a trunk if they're Socialists? They could be hairless meanies - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a paraglider.

Not that I condone hairlessism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not wrinkly. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his eyebrow. I quote Anthony Wiggle: "I don't believe in Def Leppard BABY!!!, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the duckbilled platypus. I could be the duckbilled platypus. I'd still have to bum photographs off of people.

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...
I do have a Twisted Sister t-shirt today - that wasn't blah blah. It's on Diego disciple Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Diego disciple. I don't plan on being a Diego disciple. So who gives a creep in the locker room if they're Socialists? They could be slapped-silly fire sprinklers that go off even if there's no fire, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Tilt-a-Whirl.

Not that I condone slapped-sillyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not completely annoying. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his man with a wheel for one leg. I quote Albert Einstein: "I don't believe in Blondie, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the naked mole rat. I could be the naked mole rat. I'd still have to bum bad-smelling bus passengers off of people.

Methodical Wormer said...
I do have a doberman pincher today - that wasn't farfegnugen. It's on Hungarian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Hungarian. I don't plan on being Hungarian. So who gives a tampon if they're Socialists? They could be hugantic nappy hos, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a clown car.

Not that I condone hugantism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not vicious. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his rabbit. I quote Richard Simmons: "I don't believe in Smashing Pumpkins, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the R.O.U.S. I could be the R.O.U.S. I'd still have to bum tools off of people.

Mel Smell said...
I do have a name judger today - that wasn't wenalewale. It's on Djibutian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Djibutian. I don't plan on being Djibutian. So who gives a kitty roca ice cream if they're Socialists? They could be talks-with-half-their-mouth mushroom fart smellers, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a flying disco shoe.

Not that I condone talks-with-half-their-mouthism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not red and throbbing. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his man with a wheel for a leg. I quote Bill Cosby: "I don't believe in Flock of Seagulls, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the intestinal e-coli. I could be the intestinal e-coli. I'd still have to bum butter cheeks off of people.

PJ said...
I do have a pumpkin today - that wasn't ralvadork. It's on Mongolian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Mongolian. I don't plan on being Mongolian. So who gives a bed if they're Socialists? They could be puffy lizards - it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a bus.

Not that I condone puffyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not weird. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his toejam. I quote Oprah: "I don't believe in Blood, Sweat & Tears, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, she was the pig. I could be the pig. I'd still have to bum taters off of people.

carronin said...
I do have a disco ball today - that wasn't honyonkers. It's on Asian American Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Asian American. I don't plan on being Asian American. So who gives a go-go boot if they're Socialists? They could be jiggy wit it gooey pooeys, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker.

Not that I condone jiggy-wit-it-ism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not big and tasty. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his rice krispies. I quote Barry White: "I don't believe in Fine Young Cannibals, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the baby bear. I could be the baby bear. I'd still have to bum the internets off of people.

Dawnyel said...
I do have bells today - that wasn't cruddy-poo-poo. It's on Neptunian Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not Neptunian. I don't plan on being Neptunian. So who gives a blanket if they're Socialists? They could be round boogers, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a unicycle.

Not that I condone roundism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not furry. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his handcuffs. I quote Tim McGraw: "I don't believe in Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the piggy. I could be the piggy. I'd still have to bum psychos off of people.

b. said...
I do have grass today - that wasn't buh-jiggity. It's on Swinger Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a swinger. I don't plan on being a swinger. So who gives a dirt if they're Socialists? They could be fat secretions, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Harley.

Not that I condone fatism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not naked. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his weed. I quote George W. Bush: "I don't believe in AC/DC, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the beaver. I could be the beaver. I'd still have to bum books off of people.

Amanda said...
I do have a thong today - that wasn't supercalifragilistic. It's on Pollock Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not a Pollock. I don't plan on being a Pollock. So who gives a bird feeder if they're Socialists? They could be frilly salivas, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a Suburban.

Not that I condone frillyism, or any -ism for that matter. -Isms in my opinion are not juicy. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in his castle. I quote Ghandi: "I don't believe in AC/DC, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the giraffe. I could be the giraffe. I'd still have to bum cylinders off of people.

Playclothes

Captain von Trapp: Now, Fraulein. I want a truthful answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my children, by any chance, been climbing trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Playclothes.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the drapes that used to hang in my bedroom.
Captain: Drapes?
Maria: They still have plenty of wear left. The children have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my children have been roaming about Salzburg dressed up in nothing but some old drapes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a marvelous time!

No Cool Story said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want an unappetizing answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my burros, by any chance, been skating amigos today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sombreros.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the quesadillas that used to hang in my mama's house.
Captain: Quesadillas?
Maria: They still have plenty of acorn left. The burros have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my burros have been roaming about the kennel dressed up in nothing but some old quesadillas?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an unhealthy time!

Compulsive Writer said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a risqué answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my umbrellas, by any chance, been waltzing BVDs today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Suspenders.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the spiders that used to hang at the county fair.
Captain: Spiders?
Maria: They still have plenty of tire iron left. The umbrellas have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my umbrellas have been roaming about Lackawanna dressed up in nothing but some old spiders?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a spicy time!

Elizabeth-W said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a putrid answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my litter boxes, by any chance, been vomiting pooper scoopers today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Scarves.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the chastity belts that used to hang in Vancouver.
Captain: Chastity belts?
Maria: They still have plenty of flatulence left. The litter boxes have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my litter boxes have been roaming about Crap Hill dressed up in nothing but some old chastity belts?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a gaggy time!

Tori :) said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a furry answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my Presidents, by any chance, been huffing calculators today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Wristbands.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the tracks that used to hang in Texas.
Captain: Tracks?
Maria: They still have plenty of spaceship left. The Presidents have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my Presidents have been roaming about the bottom of the sea dressed up in nothing but some old tracks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a pokey time!

so grateful to be Mormon said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a cozy answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my doggies, by any chance, been romping trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Handkerchiefs.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the bushes that used to hang in my heart.
Captain: Bushes?
Maria: They still have plenty of fuzz left. The doggies have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my doggies have been roaming about the sanctuary dressed up in nothing but some old bushes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a cuddly time!

omar said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a hairy answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my bottles, by any chance, been jumping keyboards today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sweatpants.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the cheese sticks that used to hang in Venice.
Captain: Cheese sticks?
Maria: They still have plenty of gum left. The bottles have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my bottles have been roaming about West Virginia dressed up in nothing but some old cheese sticks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a cute time!

kayelyn said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a fast answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my dorks, by any chance, been hiding baskets today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Shirts.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the flip-flops that used to hang in the park.
Captain: Flip-flops?
Maria: They still have plenty of bag left. The dorks have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my dorks have been roaming about the room dressed up in nothing but some old flip-flops?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a scary time!

heffalump said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a blasphemous answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my sporks, by any chance, been plucking nosehairs today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Lederhosen.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the pot bellied pigs that used to hang in the Bermuda Triangle.
Captain: Pot bellied pigs?
Maria: They still have plenty of Granny left. The sporks have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my sporks have been roaming about a deserted island dressed up in nothing but some old pot bellied pigs?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a groovy time!

b. said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a blue answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my shoes, by any chance, been running books today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Bras.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the friends that used to hang at work.
Captain: Friends?
Maria: They still have plenty of chair left. The shoes have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my shoes have been roaming about Provo dressed up in nothing but some old friends?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a suh-weet time!

glittersmama said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a black answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my flowers, by any chance, been dancing pillows today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Skirts.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the statues that used to hang at the beach.
Captain: Statues?
Maria: They still have plenty of clock left. The flowers have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my flowers have been roaming about Louisiana dressed up in nothing but some old statues?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a wet time!

ThornyTreeLady said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a green answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my bananas, by any chance, been singing flowers today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Skivvies.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the Diet Cherry Cokes that used to hang in Fresno.
Captain: Diet Cherry Cokes?
Maria: They still have plenty of orange left. The bananas have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my bananas have been roaming about a castle dressed up in nothing but some old Diet Cherry Cokes?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a angry time!

Crap Happy Mama said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a sweet answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my angels, by any chance, been skipping lollipops today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Denim jumpers.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the rainbows that used to hang in Xanadu.
Captain: Rainbows?
Maria: They still have plenty of Care Bear left. The angels have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my angels have been roaming about Our Lady of Sunshine and Rainbows Hospital dressed up in nothing but some old rainbows?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a smiling time!

Sketchy said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a yellow-bellied answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my substitute teachers, by any chance, been obnoxiously snort-laughing at trees today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Sheep sweaters.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the broken-down minivans that used to hang in the sushi bar at a local grocery store.
Captain: Broken-down minivans?
Maria: They still have plenty of snazzy Michael Jackson-esque glove left. The substitute teachers have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my substitute teachers have been roaming about Toledo dressed up in nothing but some old broken-down minivans?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an anatomically correct time!

Dawnyel said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a flat answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my soups, by any chance, been lounging hamsters today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Toe-socks.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the stars that used to hang in my bedroom.
Captain: Stars?
Maria: They still have plenty of dice left. The soups have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my soups have been roaming about the zoo dressed up in nothing but some old stars?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an blindingly-white time!

Jean Knee said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a fast answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my dogs, by any chance, been jumping fences today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Shoes.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the tiddly-winks that used to hang in the yard.
Captain: Tiddly-winks?
Maria: They still have plenty of dog left. The dogs have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my dogs have been roaming about the "not here" dressed up in nothing but some old tiddly-winks?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having an sneaky time!

Pezlady said...
Captain: Now, Fraulein. I want a loony answer from you.
Maria: Yes, Captain?
Captain: Is it possible - or could I have just imagined it - have my doors, by any chance, been running shoes today?
Maria: Yes, Captain.
Captain: I see. And where, may I ask, did they get these... ummm...
Maria: Panties.
Captain: Oh, is that what you call them?
Maria: I made them. From the houses that used to hang in Buhl, Idaho.
Captain: Houses?
Maria: They still have plenty of skittles left. The doors have been everywhere in them.
Captain: Do you mean to tell me that my doors have been roaming about the hallway at church dressed up in nothing but some old houses?
Maria: Mmm-hmmm. And having a unique time!