The High School Monster 2011

NARRATOR: Our scene is in a/an (adjective) high school in (name of town). The students are (adjective) with fear. Listen as our heroine, (girl in room), speaks to (boy in room).
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young (plural noun) and boiled the (noun) teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, (pet name). I think the monster is really just a (noun).
GIRL: But (a person) saw it. It has (a number) arms and long (adjective) hair and (a color) teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like (someone in room).
GIRL: When I go out I walk very (adverb).
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the (adjective) bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look (adjective)? Get some other (noun).

Heffalump said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a dilapidated high school in Eerie, Indiana. The students are gothic with fear. Listen as our heroine, Mina, speaks to Vlad.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young fangs and boiled the blood donor teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, dearheart. I think the monster is really just a castle.
GIRL: But Jonathan Harker saw it. It has 27 arms and long musty hair and red teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Kirsten Dunst.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very garlic-wearingly.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the black bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look corpse-like? Get some other bat.

Millie said...
NARRATOR: Our scene is in a gum-smacking high school in the Lower East Side. The students are cocky with fear. Listen as our heroine, Izzy the Nose, speaks to Roman Carpiti.
GIRL: The High School Monster has eaten three more pretty young choir boys and boiled the shelf paper teacher.
BOY: Don't be afraid, Doll. I think the monster is really just a price tag gun.
GIRL: But Mary Margaret Catherine Dineen saw it. It has 25 arms and long robotic hair and flaming red teeth.
BOY: Hmm. That sounds like Danny Vermin.
GIRL: When I go out I walk very dangerously.
BOY: I am going to set a trap for this so-called monster. And you must be the impressive bait.
GIRL: Oh no! Do I look sweater-knitting? Get some other 88 Magnum.

Description of a Horror TV Show

Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me (an animal) pimples! It starred (a person) as a mad (an occupation) who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by (a person), who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a/an (noun). So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up (a place). The army tries to stop them by spraying them with (a liquid) but that doesn't bother those (adjective) bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom (noun) on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the (adjective) scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a/an (noun) for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful (noun), who is played by (a person), and they live (adverb) ever after.

Heffalump said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me aardvark pimples! It starred Larry as a mad Secret Shopper who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Curly, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with a public restroom. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up Red Robin. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with melted Mud Pie but that doesn't bother those despair inducing bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom china cabinet on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the checkered scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a velvet smoking jacket for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful bunny slipper, who is played by Moe, and they live destructively ever after.

Millie said...
Last week, I saw a television show that really gave me locust pimples! It starred Fred Gibbs as a mad crabber who discovers a way to make bedbugs fourteen feet high! The scientist has a goofy assistant, played by Catnip Jones, who gets mad because the scientist keeps hitting him on the head with an ironing board. So he lets the bedbugs loose. Right away they start to eat up the indoors. The army tries to stop them by spraying them with slug slime but that doesn't bother those blue and protruding bedbugs. They go right on and eat up Chicago. Then the army drops an atom chip-wanting child on them and this kills all of them except one super bedbug who grabs the crappily homeschooled scientist and jumps into a volcano. And then the goofy assistant takes off his disguise and says, "I was only a constant complainer for the F.B.I.," and he marries the scientist's beautiful lumberjack, who is played by Shirley U. Jest, and they live hip-bumpingly ever after.

Columbus and Isabella

COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to (a place).
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious (plural noun)?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal (plural noun) again. I discovered a/an (adjective) land populated by fierce, red (plural noun), and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish (noun).
ISABELLA: (Exclamation)! This will please my husband, (a person). What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called (plural noun), your majesty. They put (a liquid) on their faces and wear (plural noun) in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a/an (adjective) voyage, Columbus, and your (noun) will go down in history!

Heffalump said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Transylvania.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious bats?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal mummies again. I discovered a gothic land populated by fierce, red blood donors, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish hunchback.
ISABELLA: I vant to suck your blood, blah! This will please my husband, Dracula. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called castles, your majesty. They put blood on their faces and wear pediatricians in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made an hypnotic voyage, Columbus, and your victim will go down in history!

Millie said...
COLUMBUS: Queen Isabella, it is I, Christopher Columbus. I have returned after discovering a new route to Occupy Portland.
ISABELLA: That's news, Columbus. Did you bring back lots of silver and precious slipknots?
COLUMBUS: No, your majesty. But you'll never have to pawn the royal huge belches again. I discovered an incomprehensible land populated by fierce, red onion rings, and I claimed them all in the name of the Spanish cherry stem tied in a knot with one's tongue.
ISABELLA: Do whatever, Dittums! This will please my husband, Grant Staten III. What are these natives called?
COLUMBUS: They are called little April showers, your majesty. They put Spaghetti-o Surprise on their faces and wear Hillary hairdos in their hair.
ISABELLA: You have made a mortified by its mother voyage, Columbus, and your gas station attendant will go down in history!

Report by Student Protest Committee

Fellow Students of (full name of school)! We members of the Students for a/an (adjective) Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of (plural noun). He has just fired our friend, Professor (name of person in room), because he wore his (part of the body) long, and because he dressed in (article of clothing) and wore old (plural noun). Next week we are going to protest by taking over the (noun) building and kidnapping the Assistant (noun). We also will demand that all students have the right to wear (adjective) hair and (adjective) beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with (Plural noun)!"

Heffalump said...
Fellow Students of Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters)! We members of the Students for a Super Powered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Villains. He has just fired our friend, Professor Logan, because he wore his claws long, and because he dressed in spandex unitards and wore old victims. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the motorcycle building and kidnapping the Assistant Jet. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear invisible hair and psychic beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with mutants!"

Millie said...
Fellow Students of BYWho?! We members of the Students for a Dirt-Covered Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Fiddlesticks. He has just fired our friend, Professor Angry Angus, because he wore his huge mole long, and because he dressed in a diaper and wore old burp rags. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the skankwad building and kidnapping the Assistant Hobo Trousers. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear fuzzy mammoth-resembling hair and lazy and unashamed beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with Chocolate Masques!"