All Hail Girls Camp!

Millie's taking the week off! See you next Monday! :)

Waitress and Customer

Customer: Oh waitress! Would you please bring me a (noun), I want to see what today's special is.
Waitress: Today's special is (an animal) sauteed in cream of (noun) soup. Does that sound good?
Customer: No, I'll have the roast prime (plural noun) of beef with the (adjective) pudding.
Waitress: We're out of that. How about a sizzling sirloin (noun) and a/an (adjective) salad?
Customer: No thanks, I'd rather have the (adjective) fried chicken.
Waitress: Sorry, but we're out of that too. How about fried (noun)?
Customer: No thanks. Do you have any roast Long Island (noun)?
Waitress: No, but why don't you try our (adjective) goulash with homemade (noun) sauce?
Customer: Oh, never mind. Just bring me a/an (adjective) egg sandwich and a cup of black (liquid)!

Heffalump said...
Customer: Oh waitress! Would you please bring me a genealogy, I want to see what today's special is.
Waitress: Today's special is bunny sauteed in cream of Babybel Cheese soup. Does that sound good?
Customer: No, I'll have the roast prime Mad Libs of beef with the awesome pudding.
Waitress: We're out of that. How about a sizzling sirloin Birkenstock and an intelligent salad?
Customer: No thanks, I'd rather have the funny fried chicken.
Waitress: Sorry, but we're out of that too. How about fried daisy?
Customer: No thanks. Do you have any roast Long Island playlist?
Waitress: No, but why don't you try our wonderful goulash with homemade bandana sauce?
Customer: Oh, never mind. Just bring me a sometimes inappropriate egg sandwich and a cup of black emergency water!

Millie said...
Customer: Oh waitress! Would you please bring me a day camp T-shirt, I want to see what today's special is.
Waitress: Today's special is blue jay sauteed in cream of gimp soup. Does that sound good?
Customer: No, I'll have the roast prime fat, yelling Cub Scout leaders of beef with the rotten pudding.
Waitress: We're out of that. How about a sizzling sirloin Saturn model and a covered in poison oak salad?
Customer: No thanks, I'd rather have the disobedient fried chicken.
Waitress: Sorry, but we're out of that too. How about fried farting slime toy?
Customer: No thanks. Do you have any roast Long Island forgotten lunch?
Waitress: No, but why don't you try our drizzling goulash with homemade annoying staffer sauce?
Customer: Oh, never mind. Just bring me a Valium-swilling egg sandwich and a cup of black egg whites!

A Card From Camp

Dear Folks,

Camp is great! I love all the (plural noun) in my tent. I have become as close as two (plural noun) in a pod with (person in room - full name), who has a/an (adjective) personality and is never without a/an (noun). He/She tells really (adjective) stories which make all of us (verb) out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long (noun), but this morning I washed my shirts and (article of clothing - plural) and put them out to dry on the clothes (noun), and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and (plural noun). I better get off my (noun) and get my (plural noun) off the (noun) line before I run out of (adjective) underwear. I promise to write a letter full of (plural noun) before my (part of the body) hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.

Your loving (noun),
(Another person in room)

Millie said...
Dear Folks,

Camp is great! I love all the mammograms in my tent. I have become as close as two Crayola Twistables in a pod with Split Lip Linda, who has a kinked up personality and is never without a hammer dropped on a toe. She tells really scrub-needing stories which make all of us spaz out, out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long bowling ball, but this morning I washed my shirts and codpieces and put them out to dry on the clothes Christmas crowbar, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and potato eyes. I better get off my chubby little man and get my blueberry daiquiris off the bowline knot line before I run out of superfluous underwear. I promise to write a letter full of Bermuda shorts before my nose balls hit the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.

Your loving cactus needle,
Sammy Davis, Sr.

Heffalump said...
Dear Folks,

Camp is great! I love all the rutabagas in my tent. I have become as close as two tractors in a pod with Farmer Inna Dell, who has a squash-like personality and is never without a hoedown. She tells really John Deere green stories which make all of us spin out loud. I have to stop writing now. I know I promised a long barn raising, but this morning I washed my shirts and overalls and put them out to dry on the clothes spade, and it looks like it's getting ready to rain cats and scarecrows. I better get off my mule and get my fenceposts off the hen house line before I run out of underwear. I promise to write a letter full of seeds before my bunion hits the pillow tonight... or tomorrow... or maybe I'll write Tuesday.

Your loving prize winning pig,
Martha

Letters Parents Hope Get Lost in the Mail

Dear Folks,

I'm in L.A. It is (adverb) awesome. Yesterday, I met the greatest (noun). He plays (noun) with a (adjective) band. He has (color) hair and wears a (noun) in his (part of body). I can't wait for you to meet (name of man), the (noun) of my dreams.

Your (adjective) daughter,
(Name of woman)

Dear Folks,

Please send money as (adverb) as possible. I found a really great surf (noun) for only 150 (Plural noun). I borrowed the money from my (adjective) girlfriend, who is a life (noun) at the beach and is teaching me to surf nine-(part of body) waves. Although she is (number) years older than I am, I know she's the right (noun) for me.

Your (adjective) son,
(name of man) (known to my beach friends as The (animal))

Dear Folks,

For your information, I broke my (part of body) surfing, so I returned the surfboard.
P.S. I used the money to get a tattoo on my (part of body). You'll (verb) it!

Signed, The (same animal)

Millie said...
Dear Folks,

I'm in L.A. It is oppressively awesome. Yesterday, I met the greatest annoying soup slurp. He plays bored six-year-old with a hairy band. He has purple hair and wears a pair of Hanes briefs in his saliva gland. I can't wait for you to meet I. Lean Sideways, the Nervous Nellie of my dreams.

Your fat daughter,
Marcia

Dear Folks,

Please send money as while shrink-wrapped as possible. I found a really great surf craisin for only 150 slap-worthy whiners. I borrowed the money from my pasty girlfriend, who is a life-Charlie Brown hairdo at the beach and is teaching me to surf nine-pancreas waves. Although she is 38 years older than I am, I know she's the right pig snout for me.

Your dimpled son,
Roger U. Roundly (known to my beach friends as The Jabiru)

Dear Folks,

For your information, I broke my eyelid surfing, so I returned the surfboard.
P.S. I used the money to get a tattoo on my scalp. You'll pontificate it!

Signed, The Jabiru

Heffalump said...
Dear Folks,

I'm in L.A. It is obtusely awesome. Yesterday, I met the greatest root canal. He plays popcorn hull with an afflicted with halitosis band. He has yellow hair and wears a drill in his wisdom tooth. I can't wait for you to meet Steve, the molar of my dreams.

Your sparkling daughter,
Hilda

Dear Folks,

Please send money as firmly as possible. I found a really great surf mouthwash for only 150 dollars. I borrowed the money from my foamy girlfriend, who is a life retainer at the beach and is teaching me to surf nine-tongue waves. Although she is 807 years older than I am, I know she's the right floss for me.

Your tingly son,
Brian (known to my beach friends as The Saber Tooth Tiger)

Dear Folks,

For your information, I broke my jaw surfing, so I returned the surfboard.
P.S. I used the money to get a tattoo on my gumline. You'll scrape it!

Signed, The Saber Tooth Tiger

Father Goose Rhymes

Old Mother Hubbard went to the (noun)
To get her (adjective) (noun) a bone.
When she got there, the (noun) was (adjective),
And so her (adjective) dog had none.

Jack and Jill went up the (noun)
To fetch a/an (container) of water.
Jack fell down and broke his (noun)
And Jill came tumbling after.

There was a little girl and she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her (noun).
When she was (adjective), she was very, very (adjective),
And when she was bad, she was (adjective).

There was a/an (adjective) woman
Who (verb, past tense) in a shoe.
She had so many (plural noun)
She didn't know what to do.

Darn It Janet said...
Old Mother Hubbard went to the snot drip
To get her sick of peanut butter but won't eat anything else, persistent nagging cough a bone.
When she got there, the empty candy wrapper was gaggy,
And so her paper-thin dog had none.

Jack and Jill went up the platypus
To fetch a farty ketchup bottle of water.
Jack fell down and broke his giant vat
And Jill came tumbling after.

There was a little girl and she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her closet Marxist.
When she was horse-laughing, she was very, very splotchy,
And when she was bad, she was omnipotent.

There was a wavering in her resolve woman
Who seethed in a shoe.
She had so many rabid mutts
She didn't know what to do.