Tex (last name of man in room), the marshal of Dodge City, rode into town. He sat (adverb) in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his (adjective) enemy, (first name of man in room) the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex’s horse, (first name of woman in room).
Suddenly the Kid came out of the (adjective) Nugget Saloon. “Draw, Tex!” he yelled (adverb).
Tex reached for his (noun), but before he could get it out of his (noun), the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the (noun) and the (noun). As Tex fell, he pulled his own (noun) and shot the Kid (number) times in the (noun). The Kid dropped in a pool of (liquid).
“(Exclamation)!” Tex said. “I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the (noun).”
Acacia said...
Tex Rockafeller, the marshal of Dodge City, rode into town. He sat devastatingly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his axiomatic enemy, Massive Headwound Harry the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex’s horse, She-Ra.
Suddenly the Kid came out of the Putrid Nugget Saloon. “Draw, Tex!” he yelled quietly.
Tex reached for his aromatic candle, but before he could get it out of his roll of toilet paper, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the Christmas music CD and the Icy Hot Patch. As Tex fell, he pulled his own rusty nail and shot the Kid 815 times in the UPS delivery truck. The Kid dropped in a pool of Diet Coke.
“ShaZOWIE!” Tex said. “I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the chocolate chip cookie.”
Heffalump said...
Tex McGillicutty, the marshal of Dodge City, rode into town. He sat salaciously in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his perspiring enemy, Patrick the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex’s horse, Dora.
Suddenly the Kid came out of the Strutting like a Peacock Nugget Saloon. “Draw, Tex!” he yelled ingratiatingly.
Tex reached for his over easy egg, but before he could get it out of his salad shooter, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the cheese and the 1 lb chub of spicy sausage. As Tex fell, he pulled his own George Foreman indoor grill and shot the Kid 1.7 times in the pepper. The Kid dropped in a pool of lighter fluid.
“Holy pink tutued flamingos, Batman!” Tex said. “I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of Johnny's All purpose seasoning salt that makes everything taste better.”
Millie said...
Tex Raunchbreath, the marshal of Dodge City, rode into town. He sat gesticulatingly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his noodle-loving enemy, Trench the Kid, was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex’s horse, Blanche.
Suddenly the Kid came out of the Spastic Nugget Saloon. “Draw, Tex!” he yelled sushi-eatingly.
Tex reached for his stank, but before he could get it out of his enormous blackhead, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the water feature and the flashing red button that makes no sense. As Tex fell, he pulled his own milk mustache and shot the Kid 2387 times in the pencil shaving. The Kid dropped in a pool of sheep lip ooze.
“Ria-ria-moonacah!” Tex said. “I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the pig drip.”
Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
How to Go to Sleep
If you have trouble falling asleep, you probably have a/an (adjective) mind. You must learn to relax so you will have a/an (adjective) mind.
First, drink a cup of hot (liquid) and stretch out on a/an (adjective) bed in a/an (adjective) position. Then, breathe (adverb) and think about something beautiful such as (adjective) (plural noun). Do not think about your (adjective) enemies. Concentrate on someone restful, such as (female's name), who will make your mind more (adjective). Or count imaginary (plural noun) jumping over a/an (noun).
Follow these rules and you will fall into a/an (adjective) sleep the minute your (noun) hits the pillow.
Millie said...
If you have trouble falling asleep, you probably have a licked like an ice cream cone mind. You must learn to relax so you will have a frozen in time mind.
First, drink a cup of hot calf slobber and stretch out on an anxiously fly-swatting bed in an afraid of catching a nasty virus and lives in a house of Kleenex position. Then, breathe gutterball-rollingly and think about something beautiful such as constantly-poking-others rolling pins. Do not think about your flipped upside down enemies. Concentrate on someone restful, such as Tiger Lily, who will make your mind more IHOP-frequenting. Or count imaginary, annoyingly long guitar solos jumping over a high school flame.
Follow these rules and you will fall into a hollow-legged sleep the minute your dried drool flake hits the pillow.
Heffalump said...
If you have trouble falling asleep, you probably have a smarmy mind. You must learn to relax so you will have a swarthy mind.
First, drink a cup of hot lemon-scented dish soap and stretch out on a warty bed in a sordid position. Then, breathe shiftily and think about something beautiful such as blank bubbles. Do not think about your svelte enemies. Concentrate on someone restful, such as Madge, who will make your mind more smelly. Or count imaginary dishpan hands jumping over a scrubby sponge.
Follow these rules and you will fall into a robust sleep the minute your SOS pad hits the pillow.
First, drink a cup of hot (liquid) and stretch out on a/an (adjective) bed in a/an (adjective) position. Then, breathe (adverb) and think about something beautiful such as (adjective) (plural noun). Do not think about your (adjective) enemies. Concentrate on someone restful, such as (female's name), who will make your mind more (adjective). Or count imaginary (plural noun) jumping over a/an (noun).
Follow these rules and you will fall into a/an (adjective) sleep the minute your (noun) hits the pillow.
Millie said...
If you have trouble falling asleep, you probably have a licked like an ice cream cone mind. You must learn to relax so you will have a frozen in time mind.
First, drink a cup of hot calf slobber and stretch out on an anxiously fly-swatting bed in an afraid of catching a nasty virus and lives in a house of Kleenex position. Then, breathe gutterball-rollingly and think about something beautiful such as constantly-poking-others rolling pins. Do not think about your flipped upside down enemies. Concentrate on someone restful, such as Tiger Lily, who will make your mind more IHOP-frequenting. Or count imaginary, annoyingly long guitar solos jumping over a high school flame.
Follow these rules and you will fall into a hollow-legged sleep the minute your dried drool flake hits the pillow.
Heffalump said...
If you have trouble falling asleep, you probably have a smarmy mind. You must learn to relax so you will have a swarthy mind.
First, drink a cup of hot lemon-scented dish soap and stretch out on a warty bed in a sordid position. Then, breathe shiftily and think about something beautiful such as blank bubbles. Do not think about your svelte enemies. Concentrate on someone restful, such as Madge, who will make your mind more smelly. Or count imaginary dishpan hands jumping over a scrubby sponge.
Follow these rules and you will fall into a robust sleep the minute your SOS pad hits the pillow.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Fable
Once upon a time a/an (adjective) (noun) expert named (name of person in room) felt a/an (adjective) pain. He sent for a/an (adjective) surgeon who looked at his (adjective) stomach and said, "(Exclamation)!" Then he muttered (adverb), "I see your trouble. The (noun) on your (adjective) stomach is overlapping the (noun) next to your kidney." The surgeon (adverb) took him to the (adjective) operating room of the hospital. There he made a/an (adjective) incision reaching from the patient's (noun) to his (noun). "(Exclamation)!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that (adjective) (noun)." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the (noun) out of the (noun), but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the (noun).
MORAL: A/An (noun) in time saves nine.
Millie said...
Once upon a time a goose-pimply meth mouth expert named Willard Undertaker felt a bejeweled pain. He sent for an out of walnuts surgeon who looked at his trampy-looking stomach and said, "It's my wedding day - why do I look so annoyed?!" Then he muttered bug zappingly, "I see your trouble. The coconut milk on your in love with Swiper stomach is overlapping the newly-bereft-of-stuff-and-really-cranky hoarder next to your kidney." The surgeon seductively took him to the dead-eyed operating room of the hospital. There he made a stacked incision reaching from the patient's weed to his child-injuring Tonka truck. "Holy Frijole!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that Fronch crusty TV remote." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the ceiling cobweb out of the chandelier pendant, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the clown shoe.
MORAL: A thing caught between your teeth in time saves nine.
Heffalump said...
Once upon a time a mangy lemonade expert named Captain Underpants felt a stick-to-your-ribs-good pain. He sent for a vomit-inducing surgeon who looked at his smelly stomach and said, "SOY SAUCE!" Then he muttered willingly, "I see your trouble. The fountain on your rose-petalled stomach is overlapping the glass eye next to your kidney." The surgeon unobtrusively took him to the endlessly churning operating room of the hospital. There he made a Solid Gold dancing incision reaching from the patient's dog named Pete to his monkey's paw. "I should've had a V-8!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that handmade Owl Creek Bridge." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the Raven out of the Cask of Amontillado, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the Tell-Tale Heart.
MORAL: A Masquerade in time saves nine.
Klin said...
Once upon a time a depressed baby diaper expert named Martin Bradshaw felt a baby blue pain. He sent for a partied out surgeon who looked at his snotty stomach and said, "Holy Batman!" Then he muttered stunningly, "I see your trouble. The dog pound on your fluffy stomach is overlapping the place we call work next to your kidney." The surgeon flatly took him to the squarishly round operating room of the hospital. There he made an intoxicated incision reaching from the patient's cute little dog called Squirt to his Forks, Washington. "What the Cabbage!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that quiet high school." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the Jeep out of the banana, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the ice cream.
MORAL: A hospital in time saves nine.
MORAL: A/An (noun) in time saves nine.
Millie said...
Once upon a time a goose-pimply meth mouth expert named Willard Undertaker felt a bejeweled pain. He sent for an out of walnuts surgeon who looked at his trampy-looking stomach and said, "It's my wedding day - why do I look so annoyed?!" Then he muttered bug zappingly, "I see your trouble. The coconut milk on your in love with Swiper stomach is overlapping the newly-bereft-of-stuff-and-really-cranky hoarder next to your kidney." The surgeon seductively took him to the dead-eyed operating room of the hospital. There he made a stacked incision reaching from the patient's weed to his child-injuring Tonka truck. "Holy Frijole!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that Fronch crusty TV remote." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the ceiling cobweb out of the chandelier pendant, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the clown shoe.
MORAL: A thing caught between your teeth in time saves nine.
Heffalump said...
Once upon a time a mangy lemonade expert named Captain Underpants felt a stick-to-your-ribs-good pain. He sent for a vomit-inducing surgeon who looked at his smelly stomach and said, "SOY SAUCE!" Then he muttered willingly, "I see your trouble. The fountain on your rose-petalled stomach is overlapping the glass eye next to your kidney." The surgeon unobtrusively took him to the endlessly churning operating room of the hospital. There he made a Solid Gold dancing incision reaching from the patient's dog named Pete to his monkey's paw. "I should've had a V-8!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that handmade Owl Creek Bridge." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the Raven out of the Cask of Amontillado, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the Tell-Tale Heart.
MORAL: A Masquerade in time saves nine.
Klin said...
Once upon a time a depressed baby diaper expert named Martin Bradshaw felt a baby blue pain. He sent for a partied out surgeon who looked at his snotty stomach and said, "Holy Batman!" Then he muttered stunningly, "I see your trouble. The dog pound on your fluffy stomach is overlapping the place we call work next to your kidney." The surgeon flatly took him to the squarishly round operating room of the hospital. There he made an intoxicated incision reaching from the patient's cute little dog called Squirt to his Forks, Washington. "What the Cabbage!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that quiet high school." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the Jeep out of the banana, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the ice cream.
MORAL: A hospital in time saves nine.
Friday, May 7, 2010
A Letter to a Resort Hotel
To the Manager of (last name)'s HOTEL, 344 (person's name) Street, (a location), California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or (noun),
I would like to reserve a/an (noun) at your (adjective) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two (plural noun). We would like a double (noun) with a view of the (plural noun). I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a/an (adjective) French roll and (a food) preserves and a pot of hot (liquid). I would also like to reserve a side trip to (a place) and to the (last name) Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest (noun) with his (adjective) brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply (adjective) time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing (adverb) in your luxurious (noun).
Millie said...
To the Manager of Schwendimann's HOTEL, 344 Fred Gibbs Street, Hell's Kitchen, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or shrimp bait,
I would like to reserve a fountain of sludge at your fresh (and not in a good way) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two prunes. We would like a double wedding ring indentation with a view of the slug trails. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a dipstick-resembling French roll and hummus preserves and a pot of hot sneeze juice. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the Titanic and to the Toothloser Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest new car smell with his coffee-flavored brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply profusely sweating time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing sneakily in your luxurious sippy cup.
Heffalump said...
To the Manager of Brynjulfsen's HOTEL, 344 Harry Butts Street, The Twilight zone, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or Studebaker,
I would like to reserve a Vespa at your psychadelic hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two acrobatic monkeys. We would like a double quilt made by your great Aunt Nan that is made from mismatched baby clothes that never even belonged to you with a view of the participants in a Zumba class. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a reminiscent of a disco ball French roll and chocolate-covered ants preserves and a pot of hot sweat of my brow. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the trunk of a mafia member's car and to the Fairchild Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest adult tricycle coveted by Millie with his plural brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply in need of decoding time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing increasingly in your luxurious shade-loving hosta plants.
Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
To the Manager of Aniston's HOTEL, 344 Angelina Street, Nice, France, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or portable fan,
I would like to reserve a wii remote at your undulating hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two Prom goers. We would like a double itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini with a view of the garden destroying gophers. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of an undulating French roll and fresh pineapple preserves and a pot of hot grenadine. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the backseat of Jackie's car and to the Pitt Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Hoff's hair with his economically depressed brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply frazzled time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing friviolously in your luxurious angelic nectar that is Dr Pepper.
FluffyChicky said...
To the Manager of Finklestein's HOTEL, 344 Melba Peachbottom Street, The Pit of Despair, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or wet t-shirt contest for the “Over 70” crowd,
I would like to reserve a cheese grater at your hot-headed hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two electric griddles. We would like a double Aunt Orva’s false teeth with a view of the loser celebrities who aren’t cool enough to have their own figure at Madame Tussaud’s. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a full-figured French roll and 3 week old Chinese leftovers wedged into the back corner of the refrigerator preserves and a pot of hot pimple secretions. I would also like to reserve a side trip to under the living room couch with the killer dust bunnies and to the Stanky Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Wankle rotary engine with his underwhelming brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply slap-happy time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing snottily in your luxurious swimming pool full of rabid naked mole rats.
Dear, Sir, Madam or (noun),
I would like to reserve a/an (noun) at your (adjective) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two (plural noun). We would like a double (noun) with a view of the (plural noun). I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a/an (adjective) French roll and (a food) preserves and a pot of hot (liquid). I would also like to reserve a side trip to (a place) and to the (last name) Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest (noun) with his (adjective) brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply (adjective) time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing (adverb) in your luxurious (noun).
Millie said...
To the Manager of Schwendimann's HOTEL, 344 Fred Gibbs Street, Hell's Kitchen, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or shrimp bait,
I would like to reserve a fountain of sludge at your fresh (and not in a good way) hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two prunes. We would like a double wedding ring indentation with a view of the slug trails. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a dipstick-resembling French roll and hummus preserves and a pot of hot sneeze juice. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the Titanic and to the Toothloser Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest new car smell with his coffee-flavored brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply profusely sweating time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing sneakily in your luxurious sippy cup.
Heffalump said...
To the Manager of Brynjulfsen's HOTEL, 344 Harry Butts Street, The Twilight zone, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or Studebaker,
I would like to reserve a Vespa at your psychadelic hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two acrobatic monkeys. We would like a double quilt made by your great Aunt Nan that is made from mismatched baby clothes that never even belonged to you with a view of the participants in a Zumba class. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a reminiscent of a disco ball French roll and chocolate-covered ants preserves and a pot of hot sweat of my brow. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the trunk of a mafia member's car and to the Fairchild Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest adult tricycle coveted by Millie with his plural brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply in need of decoding time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing increasingly in your luxurious shade-loving hosta plants.
Lt Col Samantha Carter said...
To the Manager of Aniston's HOTEL, 344 Angelina Street, Nice, France, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or portable fan,
I would like to reserve a wii remote at your undulating hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two Prom goers. We would like a double itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini with a view of the garden destroying gophers. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of an undulating French roll and fresh pineapple preserves and a pot of hot grenadine. I would also like to reserve a side trip to the backseat of Jackie's car and to the Pitt Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Hoff's hair with his economically depressed brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply frazzled time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing friviolously in your luxurious angelic nectar that is Dr Pepper.
FluffyChicky said...
To the Manager of Finklestein's HOTEL, 344 Melba Peachbottom Street, The Pit of Despair, California.
Dear, Sir, Madam or wet t-shirt contest for the “Over 70” crowd,
I would like to reserve a cheese grater at your hot-headed hotel for two weeks in August. We will need a room for myself, my wife, and our two electric griddles. We would like a double Aunt Orva’s false teeth with a view of the loser celebrities who aren’t cool enough to have their own figure at Madame Tussaud’s. I understand that your rate includes a continental breakfast consisting of a full-figured French roll and 3 week old Chinese leftovers wedged into the back corner of the refrigerator preserves and a pot of hot pimple secretions. I would also like to reserve a side trip to under the living room couch with the killer dust bunnies and to the Stanky Canyon. My wife and I will go to the canyon alone. We will leave our smallest Wankle rotary engine with his underwhelming brother at the swimming pool. We were at your hotel last year and had a simply slap-happy time and we look forward to fourteen days of relaxing snottily in your luxurious swimming pool full of rabid naked mole rats.
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