When I was ten years old, my (adjective) ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red (noun). And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot (plural noun) and travel (number) miles an hour. When fire engines blow their (plural noun), all cars have to pull over to the side of the (noun). Fire departments have hook and (noun) wagons as well as pump trucks which carry (adjective) hoses that pump (type of liquid) into burning (plural noun). Fire fighters have to go into (adjective) buildings and fight their way through smoke and (noun) to rescue any (plural noun) who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a/an (noun).
Millie said...
When I was ten years old, my laundry-happy ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but a yellowing shrimp. If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red ruler-wielding nun with PMS. And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot polka dots and travel 12 miles an hour. When fire engines blow their unexplainable car floor crumbs, all cars have to pull over to the side of the Matchbox car. Fire departments have hook and testicular homicide wagons as well as pump trucks which carry left in its natural state hoses that pump kitten spit into burning The Price Is Right contestants. Fire fighters have to go into creamy and brown buildings and fight their way through smoke and female mustache to rescue any Necco wafers who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a Mary Engelbreit afficianado.
Klin said...
When I was ten years old, my dark and dreary ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but an attack-like stanced warm fire. If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red Grand Canyon. And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot career changes and travel 20 miles an hour. When fire engines blow their fancy-cutting scissors, all cars have to pull over to the side of the Jeep Liberty. Fire departments have hook and 4-wheel drive wagons as well as pump trucks which carry fodder type hoses that pump Vanilla Silk into burning Girl Scout cookies. Fire fighters have to go into ground in buildings and fight their way through smoke and awesome dad to rescue any piles of scrapbook crap who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a/an (noun).
Thorny Tree Lady said...
When I was ten years old, my gangly ambition in life was to be a fire fighter - but here I am, nothing but a jewel-encrusted back-stabbing frenemy. If I were a fire fighter, I'd get to wear a huge, red technologically advanced 5 year old child. And I could ride on the fire engines that carry 80-foot golfers and travel 8,675,309 miles an hour. When fire engines blow their Coldstone Creamery employees who sing off key when someone leaves a tip, all cars have to pull over to the side of the Wendy's Mandarin Chicken Salad. Fire departments have hook and Dancing WIth the Stars score paddle wagons as well as pump trucks which carry barftastic hoses that pump Downy Fabric Softener into burning bacon bits. Fire fighters have to go into so tired you put katsup on your garden salad buildings and fight their way through smoke and bottle of Advil to rescue any nursing bras who may be trapped inside. We should all be thankful that our fire fighters are on the job twenty-four hours a broken light bulb.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Little Red Riding Hood
One day, Little (color) Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of (plural noun) for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big (adjective) wolf. "(Exclamation)!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little (silly word)?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf (verb, past tense) away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big (plural noun) you have." "The better to (verb) you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big (plural noun) you have." The wolf said, "The better to (verb) you with." And then she said, "What big (plural noun) you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
One day, Little Puce Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of strawberry flavored creme wafers for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big completely ape-crap wolf. "Don't call me Shirley!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little dang-flabbit?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf partied like it was 1999 away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big bouncing and spinning lotto number balls you have." "The better to hand-quilt you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big Spring Break "Girls Gone Wild" hopefuls you have." The wolf said, "The better to rage against the machine you with." And then she said, "What big soft pretzels covered in yellow mustard you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Millie said...
One day, Little Clear Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of bratty next door neighbor children for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big on-maternity-leave wolf. "Ya JACKASS!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little Flaboobity?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf smacked with a bat away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big uneven chestages you have." "The better to wipe you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big slug antennae you have." The wolf said, "The better to stomp you with." And then she said, "What big chowchows you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Klin said...
One day, Little Fuschia Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of mounds of tennis balls for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big obnoxiously in my face wolf. "Holy Banana Cakes!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little Schumananogle?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf sweated like a pig away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big noisy cabinet installers you have." "The better to entirely exhaust you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big dishes going everywhere you have." The wolf said, "The better to laze you with." And then she said, "What big too many things you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Mrs. Organic said...
One day, Little Boot Black Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of flip-flops for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big scuzzy wolf. "Oh snap!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little googly moogly?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf barfed away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big canning jars you have." "The better to shovel you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big make-outs you have." The wolf said, "The better to hop you with." And then she said, "What big overalls you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
One day, Little Puce Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of strawberry flavored creme wafers for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big completely ape-crap wolf. "Don't call me Shirley!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little dang-flabbit?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf partied like it was 1999 away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big bouncing and spinning lotto number balls you have." "The better to hand-quilt you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big Spring Break "Girls Gone Wild" hopefuls you have." The wolf said, "The better to rage against the machine you with." And then she said, "What big soft pretzels covered in yellow mustard you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Millie said...
One day, Little Clear Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of bratty next door neighbor children for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big on-maternity-leave wolf. "Ya JACKASS!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little Flaboobity?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf smacked with a bat away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big uneven chestages you have." "The better to wipe you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big slug antennae you have." The wolf said, "The better to stomp you with." And then she said, "What big chowchows you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Klin said...
One day, Little Fuschia Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of mounds of tennis balls for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big obnoxiously in my face wolf. "Holy Banana Cakes!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little Schumananogle?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf sweated like a pig away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big noisy cabinet installers you have." "The better to entirely exhaust you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big dishes going everywhere you have." The wolf said, "The better to laze you with." And then she said, "What big too many things you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Mrs. Organic said...
One day, Little Boot Black Riding Hood was going through the forest carrying a basket of flip-flops for her grandmother. Suddenly, she met a big scuzzy wolf. "Oh snap!" said the wolf. "Where are you going, little googly moogly?" "I'm going to my grandmother's house," she said. Then the wolf barfed away. When Miss Riding Hood got to her grandmother's house, the wolf was in bed dressed like her grandmother. "My, Grandmother," she said, "what big canning jars you have." "The better to shovel you with," said the wolf. "And Grandmother," she said, "what big make-outs you have." The wolf said, "The better to hop you with." And then she said, "What big overalls you have, Grandmother." But the wolf said nothing. He had just died of indigestion from eating Grandmother.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Ireland #1
For St. Patrick's Day next week
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of (place). In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark (plural noun) who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with (adjective) Vikings and with Celts who were (plural noun) from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the (noun) crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American (plural noun).
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish (plural noun) are Smiling," "Did Your (noun) Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's (noun)."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, (place), and buy Irish linen (plural noun), and see the beautiful (plural noun) and lakes.
Klin said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Disneyland. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark amazing birthday parties who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with incredibly wonderful Vikings and with Celts who were a gazillion hamburgers from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the good friend crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American tons of chips.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Salads, Salads, and More Salads are Smiling," "Did Your 18 year old Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Upcoming Engagement."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Public Restroom 101, and buy Irish linen beautiful LDS sisters, and see the beautiful blog posts to write and lakes.
Mr. J said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Fat Boy's Pork Palace. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark oxen who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with horrific Vikings and with Celts who were cacti from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the 1965 Ford Mustang convertible crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American media.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Deer are Smiling," "Did Your Mickey Mantle Rookie Card Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Apple Pie."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Versailles, and buy Irish linen Roman soldiers, and see the beautiful Japanese geishas and lakes.
Suzanne said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of here. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark tulips who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with awesome Vikings and with Celts who were crocus from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the sun crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American lilies.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Daffodils are Smiling," "Did Your Cloud Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Sky."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, there, and buy Irish linen daisies, and see the beautiful iris and lakes.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of The LOST island. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark bags of delicious burnt popcorn who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with smarmy Vikings and with Celts who were empty containers of useless Mylicon drops from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the Duane Johnson starring as "The Rock Obama" crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American haunting 2 inch long paper wasps.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish One-eyed, One-horned, Flying Purple People Eaters are Smiling," "Did Your Young Womanhood Recognition Medallion Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's @#^&! Flat Tire."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Temple Square, and buy Irish linen empty-headed fans of "The Bachelor", and see the beautiful fart bags and lakes.
Millie said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Tight Shorts, Tahiti. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark split ends who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with guilty by association Vikings and with Celts who were light-up buttons from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the chatty husband crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American cranky nappers.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish People Who Spit When They Talk are Smiling," "Did Your Reluctant 'Get On Your Boots' Listener Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Mozzarella Cheese Stick."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Rentown USA, and buy Irish linen bologna-obsessed deli employees, and see the beautiful bratists and lakes.
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of (place). In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark (plural noun) who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with (adjective) Vikings and with Celts who were (plural noun) from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the (noun) crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American (plural noun).
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish (plural noun) are Smiling," "Did Your (noun) Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's (noun)."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, (place), and buy Irish linen (plural noun), and see the beautiful (plural noun) and lakes.
Klin said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Disneyland. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark amazing birthday parties who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with incredibly wonderful Vikings and with Celts who were a gazillion hamburgers from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the good friend crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American tons of chips.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Salads, Salads, and More Salads are Smiling," "Did Your 18 year old Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Upcoming Engagement."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Public Restroom 101, and buy Irish linen beautiful LDS sisters, and see the beautiful blog posts to write and lakes.
Mr. J said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Fat Boy's Pork Palace. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark oxen who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with horrific Vikings and with Celts who were cacti from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the 1965 Ford Mustang convertible crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American media.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Deer are Smiling," "Did Your Mickey Mantle Rookie Card Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Apple Pie."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Versailles, and buy Irish linen Roman soldiers, and see the beautiful Japanese geishas and lakes.
Suzanne said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of here. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark tulips who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with awesome Vikings and with Celts who were crocus from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the sun crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American lilies.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish Daffodils are Smiling," "Did Your Cloud Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Sky."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, there, and buy Irish linen daisies, and see the beautiful iris and lakes.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of The LOST island. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark bags of delicious burnt popcorn who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with smarmy Vikings and with Celts who were empty containers of useless Mylicon drops from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the Duane Johnson starring as "The Rock Obama" crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American haunting 2 inch long paper wasps.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish One-eyed, One-horned, Flying Purple People Eaters are Smiling," "Did Your Young Womanhood Recognition Medallion Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's @#^&! Flat Tire."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Temple Square, and buy Irish linen empty-headed fans of "The Bachelor", and see the beautiful fart bags and lakes.
Millie said...
Ireland is a beautiful, green island lying directly west of Tight Shorts, Tahiti. In 250 B.C., Ireland was inhabited by short, dark split ends who were later called "Picts." They intermarried with guilty by association Vikings and with Celts who were light-up buttons from Northern Europe. In 1846, a blight ruined the chatty husband crop in Ireland and over a million Irishmen migrated to the United States. Many of their descendants have become very important American cranky nappers.
The Irish are noted for their poetry and songs. Some of these Irish songs are: "When Irish People Who Spit When They Talk are Smiling," "Did Your Reluctant 'Get On Your Boots' Listener Come From Ireland?" and "McNamara's Mozzarella Cheese Stick."
Thousands of American tourists go to Ireland every year to visit its capital, Rentown USA, and buy Irish linen bologna-obsessed deli employees, and see the beautiful bratists and lakes.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Fable #1
Once upon a time a/an (adjective) (noun) expert named (name of person in room) felt a/an (adjective) pain. He sent for a/an (adjective) surgeon who looked at his (adjective) stomach and said, "(Exclamation)!" Then he muttered (adverb), "I see your trouble. The (noun) on your (adjective) stomach is overlapping the (noun) next to your kidney." The surgeon (adverb) took him to the (adjective) operating room of the hospital. There he made a/an (adjective) incision reaching from the patient's (noun) to his (noun). "(Exclamation)!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that (adjective) (noun)." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the (noun) out of the (noun), but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the (noun).
MORAL: A/An (noun) in time saves nine.
Klin said...
Once upon a time a super clean chocolate looking dog expert named Monkey J felt a happy pain. He sent for a beautiful dancing surgeon who looked at his half-baked stomach and said, "What the Cauliflower!" Then he muttered obstinately, "I see your trouble. The brokenhearted teen on your wishing upon stomach is overlapping the used car next to your kidney." The surgeon hawtly took him to the sweet smelling operating room of the hospital. There he made a dome tentish incision reaching from the patient's hawt husband to his pile of blankets. "How in the rotten bananas did you get that?!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that lovely warm fireplace." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the creative talent out of the Chinese food, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the painted fence.
MORAL: A rambling sentence in time saves nine.
Millie said...
Once upon a time an artificially red-haired prosti-tot expert named Norman the Doorman felt a skeevy pain. He sent for a high-voiced surgeon who looked at his dented stomach and said, "Holy poop, what a dream I was having!" Then he muttered weasel-stompingly, "I see your trouble. The beef bouillon cube on your crotchedy stomach is overlapping the phone hole next to your kidney." The surgeon appreciatively took him to the tongue-rolling operating room of the hospital. There he made a stiff incision reaching from the patient's mad duck on a string to his Target lingerie employee. "Rough!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that Jello-slapping butt cheek." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the boy raised by bees out of the Primary substitute teacher, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the flicked earlobe.
MORAL: A hospital bed crank in time saves nine.
MORAL: A/An (noun) in time saves nine.
Klin said...
Once upon a time a super clean chocolate looking dog expert named Monkey J felt a happy pain. He sent for a beautiful dancing surgeon who looked at his half-baked stomach and said, "What the Cauliflower!" Then he muttered obstinately, "I see your trouble. The brokenhearted teen on your wishing upon stomach is overlapping the used car next to your kidney." The surgeon hawtly took him to the sweet smelling operating room of the hospital. There he made a dome tentish incision reaching from the patient's hawt husband to his pile of blankets. "How in the rotten bananas did you get that?!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that lovely warm fireplace." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the creative talent out of the Chinese food, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the painted fence.
MORAL: A rambling sentence in time saves nine.
Millie said...
Once upon a time an artificially red-haired prosti-tot expert named Norman the Doorman felt a skeevy pain. He sent for a high-voiced surgeon who looked at his dented stomach and said, "Holy poop, what a dream I was having!" Then he muttered weasel-stompingly, "I see your trouble. The beef bouillon cube on your crotchedy stomach is overlapping the phone hole next to your kidney." The surgeon appreciatively took him to the tongue-rolling operating room of the hospital. There he made a stiff incision reaching from the patient's mad duck on a string to his Target lingerie employee. "Rough!" said the surgeon. "That takes care of that Jello-slapping butt cheek." With that, he began sewing up the incision. However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the boy raised by bees out of the Primary substitute teacher, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the flicked earlobe.
MORAL: A hospital bed crank in time saves nine.
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