Fellow Students of (full name of school)! We members of the Students for a/an (adjective) Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of (plural noun). He has just fired our friend, Professor (name of person in room), because he wore his (part of the body) long, and because he dressed in (article of clothing) and wore old (plural noun). Next week we are going to protest by taking over the (noun) building and kidnapping the Assistant (noun). We also will demand that all students have the right to wear (adjective) hair and (adjective) beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with (Plural noun)!"
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Fellow Students of The Culinary Institute of America! We members of the Students for a Dreary Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Dirty Diapers. He has just fired our friend, Professor Sarah Palin, because she wore her nasal cavity long, and because she dressed in a bra with no elastic held together by safety pins and wore old BYU Football Fans. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the Greedy Real Estate Agent building and kidnapping the Assistant Potty-Training DVD. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear dreadful hair and abhorrent beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with unruly nose hairs!"
Natalie said...
Fellow Students of Lizzie Borden's Chop Shop Academy! We members of the Students for a Making Annoying Noises and About to be Slapped Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Drool Bibs. He has just fired our friend, Professor Tipsy Giggling Gert, because she wore her booger vault long, and because she dressed in fingerless hobo gloves and wore old goldfish crackers with menacing expressions. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the Hot Dog Bra building and kidnapping the Assistant Creep in the Lingerie Aisle. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear Zoboomafoo-worshipping hair and fate-tempting beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with the chickens next door!"
Klin said...
Fellow Students of Lakeview Elementary! We members of the Students for a Screaming Loud and Head Pounding Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Piles of Needing to be Shredded Files. He has just fired our friend, Professor Fabulous Franco, because he wore his ear wax storage cavity long, and because he dressed in Happy Bunny socks and wore old overwhelming details of the new job. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the Upset with Daddy Child building and kidnapping the Assistant Hard Working Hubby. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear shouting above the television volume hair and whining about homework beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with silly puzzle doing teens!"
Dalene said...
Fellow Students of Amy Winehouse's Finishing School for Girls! We members of the Students for a Manic Depressive Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Coconut Bras. He has just fired our friend, Professor Rowley, because he wore his little fleshy part between one's big and second toes long, and because he dressed in sand-washed bvds and wore old organ grinders. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the All-Day Sucker building and kidnapping the Assistant Dunce Cap. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear slightly used hair and low-budget beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with fleabites!"
Wynne said...
Fellow Students of The Sir Fartswell Academy of Macrame Weaving! We members of the Students for a Blunt Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Squids. He has just fired our friend, Professor Good Fairy Lucinda, because she wore her spleen long, and because she dressed in a garter and wore old Chef Boyardees. Next week we are going to protest by taking over the Emu building and kidnapping the Assistant Granite. We also will demand that all students have the right to wear swank hair and bloated beards. Remember our slogan: "Down with stump-grinding factories!"
Friday, September 26, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Tarzan
One of the most (adjective) characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the (plural noun)." Tarzan was raised by a/an (noun) and lives in a/an (adjective) jungle in the heart of darkest (a place). He spends most of his time eating (plural noun) and swinging from tree to (noun). Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "(A funny noise)!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in (adjective) shorts made from the skin of a/an (noun), and his best friend is a/an (adjective) chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and (plural noun). In the movies, Tarzan is played by (a person).
Dalene said...
One of the most perky characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the Backyardigans." Tarzan was raised by a mousetrap and lives in a swanky jungle in the heart of darkest Freakin' Neverland. He spends most of his time eating spelunkers and swinging from tree to wet blanket. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Ribbet!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in spunky shorts made from the skin of a snuffleupagus, and his best friend is a pert chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and French hens. In the movies, Tarzan is played by O.J. Simpson.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
One of the most portly characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the Tina Fey supporters." Tarzan was raised by a not-yet-ripe banana and lives in a disengenuine jungle in the heart of darkest Betty Ford Clinic. He spends most of his time eating "out too early in the year" Christmas Decorations for sale and swinging from tree to long-awaited paycheck. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "chung-chung!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in unequivocal shorts made from the skin of a pound of marshmallow candy pumpkins, and his best friend is a ripped like Michael Phelps chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and ticked-off Sitemeter users. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Michael Scott.
Natalie said...
One of the most drank all the rum and now wants more characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the diaper pails." Tarzan was raised by a cracker-crushing 4-year-old and lives in a passed out on someone's couch jungle in the heart of darkest Rentown, USA. He spends most of his time eating jukebox heroes and swinging from tree to fly wing puller-offer. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Yuh! Yuh!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in head for business, bod for sin shorts made from the skin of a toilet wand being used as a guitar, and his best friend is a makes children cry chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and bald Chinese ladies with no pants on. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Pee-Wee Herman.
Sketchy said...
One of the most readily available characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the dusty diet books." Tarzan was raised by a rusty old hammer and lives in a chill like vegetable jungle in the heart of darkest root cellar. He spends most of his time eating footprints on the ceiling and swinging from tree to Grandpa's world famous chili recipe. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Kersfuffle!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in smack-happy shorts made from the skin of a vat of homemade rootbeer, and his best friend is a potato-face chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and slurpy spaghetti noodles. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Bob Dole's Aunt Maddie Sue.
CoconutKate said...
One of the most dull characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the trees." Tarzan was raised by a pocket and lives in a sleepy jungle in the heart of darkest Just around the riverbend. He spends most of his time eating Spongebob golf balls and swinging from tree to melted crayon. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "AAArrrooooouuugah!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in gnarly shorts made from the skin of a iFish, and his best friend is a funkalicious chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and used but not discarded straws. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Weird Al's hair stylist.
Klin said...
One of the most extreme characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the super cool fellow bloggers." Tarzan was raised by a long, beautiful drive and lives in a hotter than Provo UT jungle in the heart of darkest Cheesecake Factory. He spends most of his time eating wedding gifts and swinging from tree to Mesa AZ. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Perrrrrp!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in superbly delicious shorts made from the skin of a Days Inn hotel, and his best friend is a grateful for air conditioning chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and miles and miles of trees. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Hannah Montana.
Tarzan always dresses in (adjective) shorts made from the skin of a/an (noun), and his best friend is a/an (adjective) chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and (plural noun). In the movies, Tarzan is played by (a person).
Dalene said...
One of the most perky characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the Backyardigans." Tarzan was raised by a mousetrap and lives in a swanky jungle in the heart of darkest Freakin' Neverland. He spends most of his time eating spelunkers and swinging from tree to wet blanket. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Ribbet!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in spunky shorts made from the skin of a snuffleupagus, and his best friend is a pert chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and French hens. In the movies, Tarzan is played by O.J. Simpson.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
One of the most portly characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the Tina Fey supporters." Tarzan was raised by a not-yet-ripe banana and lives in a disengenuine jungle in the heart of darkest Betty Ford Clinic. He spends most of his time eating "out too early in the year" Christmas Decorations for sale and swinging from tree to long-awaited paycheck. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "chung-chung!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in unequivocal shorts made from the skin of a pound of marshmallow candy pumpkins, and his best friend is a ripped like Michael Phelps chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and ticked-off Sitemeter users. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Michael Scott.
Natalie said...
One of the most drank all the rum and now wants more characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the diaper pails." Tarzan was raised by a cracker-crushing 4-year-old and lives in a passed out on someone's couch jungle in the heart of darkest Rentown, USA. He spends most of his time eating jukebox heroes and swinging from tree to fly wing puller-offer. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Yuh! Yuh!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in head for business, bod for sin shorts made from the skin of a toilet wand being used as a guitar, and his best friend is a makes children cry chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and bald Chinese ladies with no pants on. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Pee-Wee Herman.
Sketchy said...
One of the most readily available characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the dusty diet books." Tarzan was raised by a rusty old hammer and lives in a chill like vegetable jungle in the heart of darkest root cellar. He spends most of his time eating footprints on the ceiling and swinging from tree to Grandpa's world famous chili recipe. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Kersfuffle!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in smack-happy shorts made from the skin of a vat of homemade rootbeer, and his best friend is a potato-face chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and slurpy spaghetti noodles. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Bob Dole's Aunt Maddie Sue.
CoconutKate said...
One of the most dull characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the trees." Tarzan was raised by a pocket and lives in a sleepy jungle in the heart of darkest Just around the riverbend. He spends most of his time eating Spongebob golf balls and swinging from tree to melted crayon. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "AAArrrooooouuugah!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in gnarly shorts made from the skin of a iFish, and his best friend is a funkalicious chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and used but not discarded straws. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Weird Al's hair stylist.
Klin said...
One of the most extreme characters in fiction is called "Tarzan of the super cool fellow bloggers." Tarzan was raised by a long, beautiful drive and lives in a hotter than Provo UT jungle in the heart of darkest Cheesecake Factory. He spends most of his time eating wedding gifts and swinging from tree to Mesa AZ. Whenever he gets angry, he beats on his chest and says, "Perrrrrp!" This is his war cry.
Tarzan always dresses in superbly delicious shorts made from the skin of a Days Inn hotel, and his best friend is a grateful for air conditioning chimpanzee named Cheetah. He is supposed to be able to speak to elephants and miles and miles of trees. In the movies, Tarzan is played by Hannah Montana.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Political Speech #1
Ladies and gentlemen, on this (adjective) occasion it is a privilege to address such a/an (adjective)-looking group of (plural noun). I can tell from your smiling (plural noun) that you will support my (adjective) program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a/an (noun) in every (noun) and two (plural noun) in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. (name of person in room). This man is nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). He has a/an (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.
Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this red occasion it is a privilege to address such a yellow-looking group of monkeys. I can tell from your smiling carrots that you will support my blue program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a toejam in every rubber baby buggy bumper and two waterfalls in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Harvey the Wonder Hamster. This man is nothing but a smelly twister. He has a chagrined character and is working Baby B in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the flashlights off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Pygmies in the public till. I promise you plump government, whiny taxes, and complicated schools.
Coconut Kate said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this leafy occasion it is a privilege to address such a sparkling-looking group of coolers. I can tell from your smiling clocks that you will support my round program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a squirrel in every paper and two leftovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Miss Fabulous. This woman is nothing but a translucent giraffe. She has a winding character and is working tunnel in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the slinkys off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their men in the public till. I promise you flowery government, green taxes, and oversized schools.
Suzanne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this scorching occasion it is a privilege to address such a hot-looking group of pencils. I can tell from your smiling pens that you will support my sizzling program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an apple in every pencil box and two books in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Santa Claus. This man is nothing but a lukewarm eraser. He has a tepid character and is working desk in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the bags off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their teachers in the public till. I promise you chilly government, cold taxes, and freezing schools.
Klin said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this sweaty occasion it is a privilege to address such a piled high-looking group of slimy toads. I can tell from your smiling cracked feet that you will support my fancy dancy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a dog in every baby and two sweltery days in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Tree Monkey. This man is nothing but a muddy purse. He has a floral character and is working internet in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the smelly lumber piles off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their folded blankets in the public till. I promise you fast government, slimy taxes, and caked schools.
Dalene said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this flamboyant occasion it is a privilege to address such a discomboobulated-looking group of trophy wives. I can tell from your smiling elastic waistbands that you will support my pernicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a flat iron in every encyclopedia and two remote control disco lights in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Wiley Coyote. This man is nothing but a fluffy speaker phone. He has a squishy character and is working widget in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the sponge baths off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their doorknob hangers in the public till. I promise you prepubescent government, flat taxes, and floopy schools.
Natalie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this brawling like hooligans occasion it is a privilege to address such an LDS tattoo-obsessed-looking group of naughty cockatoos. I can tell from your smiling completely inept football players that you will support my strung-out-on-stale-Twinkies program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a guy who yells "Yowza!" in every not-quite-big-enough girdle and two oatmeal scotchies in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. "Needs New Nylons" Newton. This man is nothing but a skin tag-sporting paranoid squirrel. He has a Pina Colada deodorant-enjoying character and is working Kip Dynamite impersonator in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the tubes of crinkly wrapping paper off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their town drunks in the public till. I promise you doesn't-wear-suits-to-the-office government, impressed-by-nudists taxes, and spiked punch-eschewing schools.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this reluctantly related occasion it is a privilege to address such a perpetually confused-looking group of America's Got Talent Hopefulls who got their dreams shattered on National Television. I can tell from your smiling delicious cupcakes with no calories that you will support my over-the-top program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a Harry Henderson's Hometown Haberdashery in every Giant Twinkie Man dressed as a Cowboy and two Sci-Fi convention goers who only speak to each other in Klingon in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Dora the Explorer. This man is nothing but a bewitched Homework Packet for a 2nd Grader filled with math worksheets a Kindergartener could do. He has a bothered character and is working blank-minded Mad Libs Monday participant who can't think of anything clever today in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the people who talk on their cell phones while driving off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their evil Legos that bite the bottoms of your feet as you cross the room in the middle of the night in the public till. I promise you bewildered government, fancy-schmancy taxes, and snobberish schools.
Wynne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this frightening occasion it is a privilege to address such a spiny-looking group of fairies. I can tell from your smiling crocodiles that you will support my delicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be chow mein in every toilet and two hostels in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Jasper the Cat. This man is nothing but an as-seen-on-TV Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. He has a glittery character and is working used kleenex in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Smurfs off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Arabic numerals in the public till. I promise you sludgilicious government, sulphurous taxes, and eardrum-shattering schools.
Rachael said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this wet occasion it is a privilege to address such a sticky-looking group of sticks. I can tell from your smiling earwigs that you will support my pungent program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an "I dream of Genie" autographed poster in every Tom Hanks sweater and two over obsessive Oprah lovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Unibrow Sal. This man is nothing but a grotesque "Missed a spot" Dot. He has a mini character and is working camera lens in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Book club fanatics off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their aimless internet surfers in the public till. I promise you flatulent government, scalloped taxes, and round, fudge-filled schools.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. (name of person in room). This man is nothing but a/an (adjective) (noun). He has a/an (adjective) character and is working (noun) in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the (plural noun) off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their (plural noun) in the public till. I promise you (adjective) government, (adjective) taxes, and (adjective) schools.
Heffalump said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this red occasion it is a privilege to address such a yellow-looking group of monkeys. I can tell from your smiling carrots that you will support my blue program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a toejam in every rubber baby buggy bumper and two waterfalls in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Harvey the Wonder Hamster. This man is nothing but a smelly twister. He has a chagrined character and is working Baby B in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the flashlights off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Pygmies in the public till. I promise you plump government, whiny taxes, and complicated schools.
Coconut Kate said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this leafy occasion it is a privilege to address such a sparkling-looking group of coolers. I can tell from your smiling clocks that you will support my round program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a squirrel in every paper and two leftovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Miss Fabulous. This woman is nothing but a translucent giraffe. She has a winding character and is working tunnel in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the slinkys off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their men in the public till. I promise you flowery government, green taxes, and oversized schools.
Suzanne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this scorching occasion it is a privilege to address such a hot-looking group of pencils. I can tell from your smiling pens that you will support my sizzling program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an apple in every pencil box and two books in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Santa Claus. This man is nothing but a lukewarm eraser. He has a tepid character and is working desk in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the bags off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their teachers in the public till. I promise you chilly government, cold taxes, and freezing schools.
Klin said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this sweaty occasion it is a privilege to address such a piled high-looking group of slimy toads. I can tell from your smiling cracked feet that you will support my fancy dancy program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a dog in every baby and two sweltery days in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Tree Monkey. This man is nothing but a muddy purse. He has a floral character and is working internet in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the smelly lumber piles off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their folded blankets in the public till. I promise you fast government, slimy taxes, and caked schools.
Dalene said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this flamboyant occasion it is a privilege to address such a discomboobulated-looking group of trophy wives. I can tell from your smiling elastic waistbands that you will support my pernicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a flat iron in every encyclopedia and two remote control disco lights in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Wiley Coyote. This man is nothing but a fluffy speaker phone. He has a squishy character and is working widget in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the sponge baths off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their doorknob hangers in the public till. I promise you prepubescent government, flat taxes, and floopy schools.
Natalie said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this brawling like hooligans occasion it is a privilege to address such an LDS tattoo-obsessed-looking group of naughty cockatoos. I can tell from your smiling completely inept football players that you will support my strung-out-on-stale-Twinkies program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a guy who yells "Yowza!" in every not-quite-big-enough girdle and two oatmeal scotchies in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. "Needs New Nylons" Newton. This man is nothing but a skin tag-sporting paranoid squirrel. He has a Pina Colada deodorant-enjoying character and is working Kip Dynamite impersonator in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the tubes of crinkly wrapping paper off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their town drunks in the public till. I promise you doesn't-wear-suits-to-the-office government, impressed-by-nudists taxes, and spiked punch-eschewing schools.
Thorny Tree Lady said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this reluctantly related occasion it is a privilege to address such a perpetually confused-looking group of America's Got Talent Hopefulls who got their dreams shattered on National Television. I can tell from your smiling delicious cupcakes with no calories that you will support my over-the-top program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be a Harry Henderson's Hometown Haberdashery in every Giant Twinkie Man dressed as a Cowboy and two Sci-Fi convention goers who only speak to each other in Klingon in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Dora the Explorer. This man is nothing but a bewitched Homework Packet for a 2nd Grader filled with math worksheets a Kindergartener could do. He has a bothered character and is working blank-minded Mad Libs Monday participant who can't think of anything clever today in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the people who talk on their cell phones while driving off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their evil Legos that bite the bottoms of your feet as you cross the room in the middle of the night in the public till. I promise you bewildered government, fancy-schmancy taxes, and snobberish schools.
Wynne said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this frightening occasion it is a privilege to address such a spiny-looking group of fairies. I can tell from your smiling crocodiles that you will support my delicious program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be chow mein in every toilet and two hostels in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Jasper the Cat. This man is nothing but an as-seen-on-TV Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man. He has a glittery character and is working used kleenex in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Smurfs off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their Arabic numerals in the public till. I promise you sludgilicious government, sulphurous taxes, and eardrum-shattering schools.
Rachael said...
Ladies and gentlemen, on this wet occasion it is a privilege to address such a sticky-looking group of sticks. I can tell from your smiling earwigs that you will support my pungent program in the coming election. I promise that, if elected, there will be an "I dream of Genie" autographed poster in every Tom Hanks sweater and two over obsessive Oprah lovers in every garage.
I want to warn you against my opponent, Mr. Unibrow Sal. This man is nothing but a grotesque "Missed a spot" Dot. He has a mini character and is working camera lens in glove with the criminal element. If elected, I promise to eliminate vice. I will keep the Book club fanatics off the city's streets. I will keep crooks from dipping their aimless internet surfers in the public till. I promise you flatulent government, scalloped taxes, and round, fudge-filled schools.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Dramatic Scene Entitled "The Happy Moment"
In honor of Thorny Tree Lady's great news
WOMAN: Darling, I have something (adjective) to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the (noun) again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little (noun).
MAN: (Loud exclamation)! Sweetheart, that's (adjective) news. Here, sit down on this (noun). You must take the weight off your (plural noun).
WOMAN: He said I was in (adjective) health. He measured my (noun) and took a sample of my (a liquid).
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a/an (noun).
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a/an (noun). Then we can name it after your (noun).
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in (a number) months I'll be a/an (noun).
Thorny Tree Lady said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something delicious to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the standing fan again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little rainy day.
MAN: Sha-ZAAAAMMMM! Sweetheart, that's serpentine news. Here, sit down on this questioning 4-year-old. You must take the weight off your washed-up rock stars trying to revive their careers by participating on reality programs on obscure cable channels.
WOMAN: He said I was in articulate health. He measured my aggavating hangnail and took a sample of my baby formula.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a houseguest who's overstayed her welcome.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a 15 month old baby who's amazed at her own reflection in the mirror. Then we can name it after your mini-Cooper that drives through the neighborhood 10 miles over the speed limit.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 8,675,309 months I'll be an unsupportive bra with no elastic.
Klin said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something ratted-hair to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the melt-in-your-mouth-meatloaf again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little Ginormous-hundred-acre wood.
MAN: SI-LENCE! Sweetheart, that's ginormous news. Here, sit down on this ratted-hair-that-looks-like-a-football-helmet. You must take the weight off your super-smelly-cleats.
WOMAN: He said I was in creamy health. He measured my pouring rain and took a sample of my melted ice cream.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a very loud stereo.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a vacuum. Then we can name it after your muddy puddle.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1279 months I'll be a screaming kid in the car wash.
Suzanne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something red to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the head again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little shoulder.
MAN: Holy Heck! Sweetheart, that's yellow news. Here, sit down on this knee. You must take the weight off your fancy cheeses.
WOMAN: He said I was in blue health. He measured my toes and took a sample of my Koolaid.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an eye.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be an ear. Then we can name it after your mouth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 34 months I'll be a nose.
Tori:) said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something spiky to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the arm hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little toaster.
MAN: CRAP!!!! Sweetheart, that's spunky news. Here, sit down on this magnet. You must take the weight off your dandruff flakes.
WOMAN: He said I was in spazzy health. He measured my $2 bill and took a sample of my Diet Dr. Pepper.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an apron.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a swing set. Then we can name it after your contact lens.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 9 months I'll be a snake skin.
Natalie said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something completely irritating to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the earlobe hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little freak of nature.
MAN: Why can't you hold still a minute! Sweetheart, that's black cherry-scented news. Here, sit down on this fan blade. You must take the weight off your scalp dents.
WOMAN: He said I was in crying because I can't sleep on the floor health. He measured my Hannah Montana protester and took a sample of my drool.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or chocolate milk residue.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a buttock dimple. Then we can name it after your cow about to give birth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 129847 months I'll be a snot bubble.
Wynne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something clumpy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the armadillo again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little garbage truck.
MAN: By the power of Grayskull! Sweetheart, that's marvelous news. Here, sit down on this toe jam. You must take the weight off your worms.
WOMAN: He said I was in fish-like health. He measured my fire station and took a sample of my pickle juice.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a split end.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be Gay Pride. Then we can name it after your Zion.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1/4 months I'll be a Macarena.
Dalene said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something greasy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the monkey wrench again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little carbuncle.
MAN: Oy vey! Sweetheart, that's cheesy news. Here, sit down on this dust bunny. You must take the weight off your pick-up sticks.
WOMAN: He said I was in sketchy health. He measured my snood and took a sample of my molten lava.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a hanging chad.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a Sprite bottle. Then we can name it after your rain gutter.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 3.652 months I'll be a sea urchin.
WOMAN: Darling, I have something (adjective) to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the (noun) again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little (noun).
MAN: (Loud exclamation)! Sweetheart, that's (adjective) news. Here, sit down on this (noun). You must take the weight off your (plural noun).
WOMAN: He said I was in (adjective) health. He measured my (noun) and took a sample of my (a liquid).
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a/an (noun).
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a/an (noun). Then we can name it after your (noun).
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in (a number) months I'll be a/an (noun).
Thorny Tree Lady said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something delicious to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the standing fan again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little rainy day.
MAN: Sha-ZAAAAMMMM! Sweetheart, that's serpentine news. Here, sit down on this questioning 4-year-old. You must take the weight off your washed-up rock stars trying to revive their careers by participating on reality programs on obscure cable channels.
WOMAN: He said I was in articulate health. He measured my aggavating hangnail and took a sample of my baby formula.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a houseguest who's overstayed her welcome.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a 15 month old baby who's amazed at her own reflection in the mirror. Then we can name it after your mini-Cooper that drives through the neighborhood 10 miles over the speed limit.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 8,675,309 months I'll be an unsupportive bra with no elastic.
Klin said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something ratted-hair to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the melt-in-your-mouth-meatloaf again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little Ginormous-hundred-acre wood.
MAN: SI-LENCE! Sweetheart, that's ginormous news. Here, sit down on this ratted-hair-that-looks-like-a-football-helmet. You must take the weight off your super-smelly-cleats.
WOMAN: He said I was in creamy health. He measured my pouring rain and took a sample of my melted ice cream.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a very loud stereo.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a vacuum. Then we can name it after your muddy puddle.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1279 months I'll be a screaming kid in the car wash.
Suzanne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something red to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the head again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little shoulder.
MAN: Holy Heck! Sweetheart, that's yellow news. Here, sit down on this knee. You must take the weight off your fancy cheeses.
WOMAN: He said I was in blue health. He measured my toes and took a sample of my Koolaid.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an eye.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be an ear. Then we can name it after your mouth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 34 months I'll be a nose.
Tori:) said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something spiky to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the arm hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little toaster.
MAN: CRAP!!!! Sweetheart, that's spunky news. Here, sit down on this magnet. You must take the weight off your dandruff flakes.
WOMAN: He said I was in spazzy health. He measured my $2 bill and took a sample of my Diet Dr. Pepper.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or an apron.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a swing set. Then we can name it after your contact lens.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 9 months I'll be a snake skin.
Natalie said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something completely irritating to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the earlobe hair again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little freak of nature.
MAN: Why can't you hold still a minute! Sweetheart, that's black cherry-scented news. Here, sit down on this fan blade. You must take the weight off your scalp dents.
WOMAN: He said I was in crying because I can't sleep on the floor health. He measured my Hannah Montana protester and took a sample of my drool.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or chocolate milk residue.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a buttock dimple. Then we can name it after your cow about to give birth.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 129847 months I'll be a snot bubble.
Wynne said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something clumpy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the armadillo again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little garbage truck.
MAN: By the power of Grayskull! Sweetheart, that's marvelous news. Here, sit down on this toe jam. You must take the weight off your worms.
WOMAN: He said I was in fish-like health. He measured my fire station and took a sample of my pickle juice.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a split end.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be Gay Pride. Then we can name it after your Zion.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 1/4 months I'll be a Macarena.
Dalene said...
WOMAN: Darling, I have something greasy to tell you.
MAN: Did you wreck the monkey wrench again?
WOMAN: No. I went to the doctor's. He says I am going to have a little carbuncle.
MAN: Oy vey! Sweetheart, that's cheesy news. Here, sit down on this dust bunny. You must take the weight off your pick-up sticks.
WOMAN: He said I was in sketchy health. He measured my snood and took a sample of my molten lava.
MAN: Gee, I wonder if it'll be a boy or a hanging chad.
WOMAN: Personally, I hope it'll be a Sprite bottle. Then we can name it after your rain gutter.
MAN: I can hardly believe it. Just think, in 3.652 months I'll be a sea urchin.
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